Chapter Fifty: The Usual
After moving my things into Varric's room, I find my brother and drag him over to the Herald's Rest for some dinner. I don't want to brave eating in the main hall with Vivienne right now, although I'm sure she's been informed of who I am. Just the thought of her smug expression annoys me. I could use a drink.
I open the door to the familiar smell, and I find us a table on the first floor. It feels strange not to have the usual crew here. I consider going to get Sera, but I figure Lucis probably needs a break from the people of the Inquisition. I order a couple of ales and some food for both of us, and settle in to eat with my brother.
"How was it today?" I ask.
"Tedious at first. That mage woman, Fiona, insisted on seeing my abilities first-hand. As if I need instruction on healing magic; I could do it in my sleep. Thankfully, I didn't mention much about my other specialties."
"I know, but doesn't it feel good, casting again? I know it's only rudimentary magic, but I really missed that feeling," I tell him, closing my eyes and imagining the sensation.
A sigh. "I suppose you're right. But it would be nice if they just asked me to cast one spell and let it be."
"Are you working with the surgeon, then?"
"If you can call her that. Her answer to everything seems to be leeches or amputation. I must have saved at least three limbs today that she would have severed."
"That must have been great, knowing you helped those people."
"Yeah...that part was pretty good," he admits, smiling. "I forgot what it feels like to watch flesh bond back together right in front of you."
"Told you that you'd like it here."
"I haven't made up my mind yet," he protests, but his continued grin betrays his statement.
I'm glad things went okay with him today. I worried when I was away from him for so long.
A silence stretches into awkwardness before he finally asks, "And how did you spend your day, Sister?"
I bite my lip. "Well, I arranged the plan with the Warden. Oh, and I saw Urthemiel," I tell him, running my words together out of nervousness.
He sighs. "The general the Warden saved. That's great news, Sister. But as I said before, the other will not be necessary."
I wish I had your confidence. "I hope not, but I had a pretty close scare in the Hissing Wastes. I nearly killed my team. The very sand beneath my feet melted into glass."
His brows knit together at my words. "Toth won't get out. We will be there for you," he insists.
"And I'm glad. It's so good to have you back. Your room, it's near the infirmary?"
"Yes, it's a little smoky, but warm. Yours is off the garden, right? It must be freezing up there."
"I was staying off the garden, but I've moved now…" I trail off. I probably should have told him about this earlier.
"The dwarf's quarters." He grunts in disapproval, but doesn't say anything else about it.
"Yes, I'm off a hallway in the main hall. Not far from the Trickster. Have you see him yet?"
"Briefly."
Hm. I figured Lucis would have more to say about meeting our old foe.
"Have you checked in with Tenebris or Etiam?" I ask.
"No, there has not been time."
Quick answers. Maybe he's more tense than I thought.
"Do you want me to stay in your room tonight? It's your first night here in Skyhold, after all."
He huffs, but gives me a shy smile. "Saw right through me, did you? I must be pretty obvious." There he is.
"Only to me. Let me go get my stuff and I'll meet you at your room."
Someone clears their throat, and I look up to see Sera watching me. "Does Varric know?" she says, looking between me and Lucis. I can't help it, I laugh.
"About my twin brother coming to Skyhold with me? Yes, Sera, he does."
Her mouth forms a small "O" of surprise that widens into a smile. She shrugs. "Oh, the twin, eh? Guess that's alright then. Still shoulda brought him upstairs, said hello."
"We just got in today."
"Bout that, weren't you going to the Hissing Waste or something? What happened, Varric screw it up again?"
"No, nothing like that. We did go. He's on his way back from there now."
"Wait, what? How are you here then?"
"Magic stuff; you mean you haven't heard yet? I figured the news would have made the rounds already."
"Oh that rubbish about you being gods in Tevinter? Didn't listen, obviously stupid."
"Sera...it's the truth," I say, my expression serious. She looks to Lucis, who nods. She shakes her head and laughs.
"Go on with both of you," she says, but stops when we don't respond. "No, seriously? No, there can't be both several gods and the Maker. Those two things don't fit."
Technically the Maker is one of us. I just smile. "Okay Sera. It doesn't really matter if you believe. Just stay my friend, alright?"
"Alright," she says, but looks at me with a strange expression.
"Can I buy you a drink?" I offer, gesturing toward the bench near me.
"Nah, I just came over for a bit, I've got a thing later."
"A thing...oh, you mean a thing with your friends."
"You could go if you want?" she offers. "Might be somethin' in it for you."
"Too tired, it's been a long day. I think I'm just going to turn in, to be honest."
"Go on, then," she says, and walks away.
Once she's out of earshot, my brother turns to me. "Thing with friends? Do I want to know?"
"Oh, right. Sera is Red Jenny. Well, one of them, anyway. I guess there are several...I'm still confused, honestly."
Lucis just shrugs. "She seems nice, but a little odd."
"That describes her pretty well, actually," I comment, smiling again.
The two of us finish our meal, and separate. I walk up the stairs to the main keep, he walks down the stairs to the lower level of Skyhold. Passing by Solas's chamber, I see that he is drinking something and reading a tome.
"Tea, Solas? You always hated tea," I comment.
"A taste I have still not acquired, it seems," he replies and sets down the cup. "Greetings, Ferox. Your brother was here earlier."
"Yes, he mentioned seeing you. I'm glad we're still able to maintain our truce, but I'm surprised no one has asked me about you yet, considering."
"Indeed. I heard that you revealed your identity to them. I am not certain that was wise."
I shrug. "I feel a little better telling the truth. Even if they think I'm loony. But I have to be going. I'll see you soon, Solas."
He nods. "Farewell."
I walk up the stairs, leaving him behind me, but I'm a bit surprised. I expected him to be angrier that I had outed myself, because in turn, it will throw suspicion onto him. Why hasn't it? Is he shielding himself from them too, somehow? Is that even possible? I'm not sure what to think anymore, but something doesn't feel right. Maybe I'll ask Tenebris.
I grab a change of clothes, something comfortable to sleep in, and my hairbrush, placing them in a small bag to carry with me. I look around at the familiar setting. Varric's room, no wait, our room. I lay down on the bed for a minute, and just enjoy the faint scent of him that clings to the covers. Varric always smells of something spicy that I can never quite place, like clove or cinnamon, mixed with a hint of leather and wood smoke. I miss you. Suddenly feeling lonely, I stand again, and see that my pendant is glowing.
I open it and connect the magic.
Seeing the image appear, I exclaim, "Garrett! You did it without me! It's good to see your face."
"Well, someone wanted me to check on you," he jokes and looks down to his left. I can't see Varric in the image, and I realize it's because Hawke is holding it too high. Is he doing that on purpose? I laugh, and shake my head.
"Can I see him then, Garrett, or do you think that's too much trouble?" I ask.
He grins at me, but then lowers it to what appears to be a table. I see Varric's features come into view.
"Hey Firefly," he says.
"Hello, Love. Can you see where I am?" I put my hands out indicating the room we now share.
"Yeah. I'd much rather be there with you. We ran into those varghest things today. A whole blasted nest of 'em."
"Is everyone okay?" I ask.
"Yeah, we got a few knocks and bruises, and I think Bianca might have a new scratch, but we're doing just fine. How did it go there? I assume everyone heard about what happened…" His voice drops and he looks away.
"Truly, it couldn't have gone better. I may have even made a new friend or two in the process. Thank Declan for me."
"I will. That's great news"
"I miss you, Varric."
"Aww, isn't that cute?" Hawke teases from out of view.
I laugh. "I...kind of forgot he was still there," I admit.
Varric shrugs and grins. "If only I had that luxury. I'm looking forward to getting home, too." He pauses, then says, "Seeing his goddess again, the distance between them seemed to grow wider still, surging like the seas of her birth place."
I smile a little, but sigh. "Talking to you is amazing, but I do need to go, my brother is waiting. Lucis is having trouble adjusting, so I'm going to sleep in his room tonight."
He nods. "Twin thing, right?" He looks out of view, apparently checking with Hawke.
"Yeah," Hawke responds. "Bethany would often disappear in the middle of the night, but we always knew to check in Carver's room first."
"Garrett, thank you for this," I tell him. "Please be careful. I'll see you both soon."
"Goodnight, Firefly," Varric says, and I catch a glimpse of his smile before Garrett raises the pendant to his own face.
"Bye Ferox," he comments, and the image is gone.
Smiling, I pick up my things and go to meet my brother at his room. When I knock softly on the door, he allows me to enter. His room is small, and, as he alluded before, smells of smoke. We should have someone look at his chimney. Already dressed in his sleeping clothes, he turns his back while I change into mine, and we settle down in the bed. It's barely bigger than a single bed, but the two of us are used to sharing space. Or at least we used to be, I remind myself.
This Lucis is different than the brother I had known growing up, but I'm grateful to have him back, regardless. Between the warmth of the room and holding my twin's hand, it doesn't take me long to fall asleep.
Lucis is gone when I wake up in the morning. I change quickly into the clothing I brought with me, and brush my hair into a more manageable style. I know I need to work with the mages this morning, but I have plenty of other things to do this afternoon that should keep me busy. I open the door, and see that the day is cold, but sunny.
Along with several new apprentices, I finally meet Avexis, who has been helping Fiona. From our brief discussion, she informs me that she asked to undergo the Rite of Tranquility, that it was her decision. Looking at the sunburst brand up the young woman's forehead, I want to cry. My heart breaks when I think about how she used to be able to communicate with animals and lost her abilities due to someone else's greed. But, if she was drawing demons to her, I guess I can understand her desire to escape. I wish we'd been here then; Etiam might have been able to help her.
I think about Pharamond's discovery that the Rite of Tranquility can be reversed. It was part of what had spurred the mage rebellion in the first place, after all. However, everything comes with a price, and he wished for death many times from the madness its reversal brought on. This new "cure" the mages hope for might be more like a curse. Still, when I think about it, I think I'd chose madness over Tranquility, too. At least then I might be able to seek a death of my own choosing. Severing one's connection to magic...that's a different kind of death.
Avexis chose this, but I wonder if she understood what it meant before she asked for it. "Tranquil can still be useful" is the phrase they use to defend it, but what good is being of use if you have no drive or purpose any longer? That's not peace. My own abilities give me a taste of what it must be like. When I embrace the cold, I go emotionless. Cold, logical, efficient. But no compassion, no ability to love, or even care about what happens to me. To live life forever in the cold...I shudder at the thought.
I finish the training session, and the apprentices thank me for my help. I really do enjoy working with the young ones, seeing their basic skills develop, and knowing that their form is on point, so that when they attempt more complicated magic, they'll be ready. These apprentices have a lot of potential. The others, the ones I had been working with before leaving for the empress's party, have come a long way. They're as battle-ready as I can get them. I sigh, thinking about it, knowing that some of them won't make it through the coming conflict.
After leaving the training area I grab the chessboard and pack a small lunch before making my way to Cullen's office. I balance the load, manage to get the door open, holding it with my foot as I enter to keep it from closing. He's alone, looking over some report or another, but he glances up as I walk in.
"Ferox?" he asks, then turns his head to look at the window. "I guess the time got away from me again today," he says with a small shake of his head.
"I figured. It's too cold to really sit outside today anyway, so I brought us some lunch," I say cheerfully, holding up the small package of food.
"You really are a goddess," he says appreciatively. He chuckles and walks over to take the chessboard from me, along with the small pouch of pieces.
Lunch with Cullen is spent in pleasant conversation, and we play a couple of quick games of chess. Quick because I win both, of course.
"You've improved," he comments with a small huff of frustration.
"I told you I'd be good once I remembered the game a bit. I promise to let you win next time."
"Don't you dare…at least show me that last strategy you used."
I chuckle, and explain the moves I had made. Afterwards, I stand.
"I should let you get back to work."
"Yes, there is always so much to do. Allow me to try again tomorrow?"
"I'll bring lunch," I say, nodding in agreement.
I leave the chessboard with Cullen, go back to my new room, and head immediately for the desk. It's kept neat, but I can see Varric's influence all over it. I run my hands over the smooth surface, imagining the countless words Varric has given life to here. I know exactly what I need, and take a piece of parchment. I want to keep my word to Frederic and Cinder, even though I can't be with them right now. I create more of the Draconic primer, and outline how to pronounce each of the syllables.
It doesn't take me long to figure out a few words and phrases. I know I'll have more time before Frederic gets back, and I'll be able to work on it a little at a time, but I still have another stop to make before dinner. I set down the quill, and reluctantly leave the room again.
I exchange pleasantries again with Solas again before heading down the stairs from the main keep toward the grassy area below. But I'm not stopping at the tavern today. I wave to Scout Harding who smiles at me in passing, and I continue down the stairs to the lower level. Lucis finishes casting healing magic on an agent laying on a cot and looks up. I nod to him as well, and a gentle smile crosses his features. Passing the various vendors, I see that the quality of the wares has improved just in the time since I was last at Skyhold.
The barn looms ahead, the smell of hay and horses bringing back a lot of memories from earlier days. I pause in the doorway watching him for a minute before I say anything. He is carving...something out of wood, but I can't tell yet what it will be.
"Warden Blackwall," I say in greeting. "Do you have time to speak with me?" He jumps a little at the sound of my voice, apparently having not heard me approaching. He sets down his tool, and turns to look at me. I can see the muscles of his forehead wrinkling. He's wondering why I would seek him out. I guess I never have, but this is important.
"Dragon Girl...I mean, Ferox." Is he nervous? Oh, he must have heard about Toth. Good, that will make this easier.
"Is that a yes?" I ask again with a grin.
"Yes, of course," he says, visibly relaxing a little.
"So I guess you've heard about me, huh?"
"About the Archdemon Toth, yes," he says, frowning.
"I'm going to say something, but I want you to know I bear you no ill will," I start, watching the frown on his face deepen. "The reason I haven't come to you sooner about Toth is because I know. I know you're not a Warden."
His eyes widen and he opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.
"I've known since I first met you, and I haven't said anything, so hear me out. I have no intention of volunteering this information, but I won't hold it back if asked, either."
He sighs, and is silent. "How do you know?"
"Toth, actually. The Joining that Grey Wardens undergo gives them a connection to the darkspawn, but also gives the Archdemon a connection to them. And, I'm Dragon Girl. There's no trace of what should be there if you were a real Grey Warden."
"If you've known all this time, why come to me with this now?" Blackwall asks.
"Cullen intends to strike against the Wardens at Adamant Fortress. I assume you'll be part of Declan's team, and I have a feeling you're going to need my help. Everyone believes that you're a Grey Warden, and can detect darkspawn, but we know that the Wardens summoning demons is part of Corypheus's plan. What if Corypheus himself shows up? Or that tortured dragon, or a horde of darkspawn? Tenebris and I can both sense them the way that Wardens do, because of Toth, and my brother's familiarity with Blight magic. One of us should be with you, just in case."
"Why would you do this for me? As you said, I'm no one." He sighs again, guilt bearing his shoulders down. "I'm just a liar pretending to be a good man."
"Because you're a soldier called to duty, there's purpose enough in that. And from what I hear about you, I'm not convinced yet that the 'good man' bit is a lie. This could be a chance to prove yourself."
A small humorless laugh escapes him, and he nods. "We should discuss the plan."
"I think Cullen and Alistair are waiting to solidify their strategy when Declan gets back. I just wanted to get to know you, officially."
A genuine smile. "I'll buy you a pint later. That is, if you don't mind the ale over at the Herald's Rest."
"Nah, a drink sound pretty good, actually. Say around dinner? I'll probably be eating there with my brother Lucis."
"It's a plan."
After that, my days settle into a routine and eventually blend into one another. Mornings are spent training the mages, followed by lunch with Cullen, and sometimes Alistair or Leliana; then work on the Draconic language text, meeting with with my brother or others in the afternoon for dinner or drinks. Sometimes I use the pendant to talk with Tenebris or Garrett and Varric, and then fall asleep in the bed by myself.
That is, of course, until I have a visitor in the middle of the night.