Chapter Eight – Bricks in the Wall
After the passage of the Cutiefly swarm, the remainder of the trip to Melemele Meadow passed without incident, more or less. Although Professor Burnet pulled Serena aside, Serena did not receive the lecture she expected. Instead, Professor Burnet told her that she understood, and she knew exactly how it was. Despite her relief to avoid trouble, Serena hoped for a variety of reasons that Professor Burnet did not understand. The implications were too troubling.
Serena did her best to ignore the army of warring voices in her head. After another tranquil day in the golden meadow, they all descended the mountain. Professor Burnet returned to Akala Island, and everyone else returned to the lab. A new week arrived. Things returned to normal, or at least something resembling normal.
Their work with Professor Kukui resumed, although at a less frantic pace than before. It became clear that Ash's lack of a Z-ring was hampering Professor Kukui's research, and that the delivery was taking longer than expected. Lillie made several calls to Hala on Professor Kukui's behalf, each time relaying the same reply – that Hala was a busy man, and he would get to finishing Ash's Z-ring as soon as he could.
Serena struggled to imagine what kept Hala so busy. If the handful of stories she heard about him over the campfire had even a sliver of truth to them, Hala spent the majority of his time meddling in the affairs of the island's wild Pokémon. It sounded completely unnecessary to her, but then again, the kahunas allegedly answered to their island's guardian deity and no one else. Tapu Koko was a much more fearsome master than Professor Kukui, after all.
Even though it all sounded like nonsense, the delay Hala was causing came with several beneficial side effects. For one, it led to more free time, which in turn led to pillow fort movie nights becoming a daily occurrence. Ash seemed to be unaware of any of the events during their night at the meadow. Lillie, despite her near-worship of him at the meadow, kept more distance between herself and Ash.
Professor Kukui filled the downtime with attempting to teach everyone's Pokémon new moves. Much like his previous effort, most of his attempts were absurd or ill-advised. Lillie was thoroughly offended when he attempted to teach Nebby how to use Explosion. Rowlet was bewildered by the professor's attempt to teach him Earthquake. Despite all their skills, Pikachu appeared incapable of learning Blizzard, and Greninja made no progress on learning Dragon Rage.
After throwing enough ideas at the wall, Professor Kukui finally found a few that stuck. Sylveon was delighted to practice using Moonblast, and Pancham enjoyed learning how to use Payback. Serena spent a day working with the two of them, astounded by their progress. Despite everything, she was almost ready to call Professor Kukui a genius. Almost, were it not for Braixen.
Professor Kukui had the promising idea of teaching Braixen to use Psychic. Braixen showed tremendous conviction, and Serena found it contagious. She joined in on the training.
Unfortunately, the training consisted of Braixen attempting to move a coconut with her mind. Professor Kukui provided Braixen with a coconut from one of the nearby trees. He placed it in the sand in front of Braixen, instructed her to start by using her mind to lift it, and to come back to him when she broke it open without touching it.
And so, Serena sat with Braixen in the sand, attempting to meditate. The more she tried to clear her mind, the more impossible it felt. As her frustration grew, so did Braixen's. She felt it in the air between them, a tension that had not been there when they began. Like a spool of thread, her mind wound around itself, convinced that her mere presence was a distraction to Braixen, a negative influence.
So, after a while, she left. Leaving Braixen on her own, Serena went inside. She found Lillie sitting on the floor, sorting through dozens of boxes of laboratory equipment, the contents strewn all about. An overturned cardboard box scooted around the floor under its own power. When it began to move toward her, Serena saw Nebby's face peeking out through the hole in the side that was meant to be a handle. Serena pointed at it. Lillie looked up at her.
"Is Nebby supposed to be in there?" said Serena.
"It was an accident at first," said Lillie. "I didn't pay enough attention to where I tossed the empty box and it landed on top of Nebby. Nebby seems to be having fun, though."
The box bumped into Serena's feet. Serena saw Nebby's cheery face looking up at her. She shrugged.
"I'm surprised, since Nebby hates your bag so much," she said.
"I think Nebby likes it in there because it can see," said Lillie.
The box turned away from Serena's feet. It began to shuffle along the floor toward Rockruff, who lay asleep in his bed.
"That, and I think Nebby thinks it is invisible in there," said Lillie.
The box stopped in front of Rockruff's bed. Nebby made a noise that Serena supposed was meant to sound frightening, but instead sounded like a high-pitched yawn. As if on cue, Rockruff yawned and smacked his lips, then resumed sleeping.
Nebby shuffled along toward Snubbull's bed, undeterred. Serena laughed. Lillie only hummed.
When her laughter calmed, Serena looked at the mess of equipment strewn about on the floor.
"Can I help?" she asked.
"Maybe," said Lillie. "I only have one more box to do today. This is such a mess. I don't know how the professor ever found anything he needed before I arrived."
"Even if it's just picking things up, I'll be more useful in here than I was outside," said Serena.
"Oh?" said Lillie. "What was happening outside?"
"Professor Kukui tried to teach Braixen to use Psychic. I tried to help Braixen focus, but I wasn't doing any good."
Serena looked out the window. Braixen still sat on the sand, eyes closed. The coconut had not moved.
"I'd like to accomplish at least one helpful thing today, anyway," said Serena.
Lillie looked aside.
"Me too," she said.
Serena gestured toward the mess that surrounded Lillie.
"Aren't you helping to get this organized?" said Serena.
"Yes, I am," Lillie said with a measured nod. "It's not clear that my organizational efforts are of any help to the professor, though. If anything, they might be another imposition on him."
"How are you imposing on him if you're trying to help?" said Serena.
"All these devices in these boxes were scattered around the lab when I first arrived here," said Lillie. "The place was so cluttered that I couldn't stand it. I took it upon myself to organize things. I told the professor it was for his sake, but really… it was for mine."
Lillie met eyes with Serena for a moment, but then she looked away.
"I can't stand seeing things so disorganized," she said. "I get lost so easily… I can't afford to spend my time searching for other things."
Lillie paused. The momentary silence was interrupted by the battle cry of Poliwhirl from downstairs, followed by a sound of bodily impact and a loud Woo!
Lillie shook her head. Her eyes glanced toward the stairs which led below.
"The professor didn't need me to do it," she said. "Even though this place looked like a disaster to me, he knew exactly where everything was. Until I boxed it all up, anyway. Now, I spend more time trying to find equipment for him than he ever used to spend himself."
The quiet shuffling of Nebby and the cardboard box along the floor continued. Lillie's eyes followed Nebby as it drew closer and closer to the stairs.
Lillie stood up and dusted herself off.
"On the bright side, Professor Burnet appreciates what I've done," she said. "She told me she could never get him to clean this place up."
Lillie walked over to the top of the stairs and lifted the box off of Nebby, then scooped Nebby up in her arms. Nebby protested, but not with enough force to make Lillie let go.
Serena stood in the middle of the room with her arms folded, staring vacantly at the mess on the floor. It had always seemed clear to her that Lillie was selfless to the point of being a doormat, but what Lillie described was the same kind of selfishness Serena hated so much when she saw it in herself - helpful only when it helped her, too. Selfless only when it made her look good. Willing to do the right thing only when it was convenient.
"I'm sure you're helping more than you know," said Serena.
"I wish I saw it that way," said Lillie.
"You really, really want to help, don't you?" said Serena.
"Yes, I do," said Lillie. "I try my hardest, yet it still feels like I have nothing I can offer in return for all the things everyone has done for me. I don't know what I can do to repay everyone for being so kind. I don't deserve any of this."
"Yes, you do."
"No, I don't."
The way Lillie said it tugged at Serena's heartstrings. Despite all Serena's misgivings about Lillie, the way Lillie shut her eyes, smiled sadly, and shook her head as if it were the simplest truth in the world made Serena's heart throb and her brow tighten.
"Lillie…"
It was meant to sound gentle and pitying. Instead, it sounded disappointed and aggravated.
With more certainty than Serena had ever seen from her, Lillie looked her in the eye and continued.
"I'm a burden on people," said Lillie. "I always have been."
"Stop."
"It's the truth."
"No, it's not."
"It's been true for as long as I can remember."
"Lillie, stop!"
Serena raised her voice. Her words echoed off the walls for a split second, long enough to give Lillie a reason to pause. The interruption gave Serena the time to speak again.
"I don't care what you think is true," said Serena. "I am not going to stand by and listen to you talk about yourself like this."
The shift in her tone caused both Lillie and Nebby to freeze. Serena continued.
"The only person you haven't helped since I got here is yourself! You help until you can't help anymore, and then you berate yourself for not doing more when you did everything you could!"
"I-"
Serena held up her hand and cut Lillie off.
"Don't try to deny it," said Serena. "It's true. I know it's true. I know what it feels like, and I know how wrong it all is!"
"I'm only here at all because I couldn't do more to help!" said Lillie. "I couldn't protect Nebby! Nebby saved me!"
Serena's eyes narrowed. It was not the first time Lillie had mentioned it, some mysterious incident which continued to weigh on her mind.
"How could I not want to do more to help?" said Lillie. "Nebby is helpless, but it saved me when I failed to save it! What does that make me?"
"Nebby saved all of us," said Serena. "Professor Kukui isn't helpless. I'm not helpless. Neither are you."
Lillie began to say something, but instead she covered her face with one hand and sighed. With her eyes closed, she spoke again, softly.
"I don't know what I am," she said.
Serena understood exactly how that felt.
"I don't know what I am, either."
Serena decided enough was enough, and that getting away from the lab for the afternoon was the right thing to do. Lillie agreed. An hour later, with Nebby left in the care of Sylveon and Cutiefly, and Braixen still trying to lift a coconut with her mind, Serena and Lillie walked side by side down the street on the Hau'oli City waterfront.
Serena was not at all surprised to find that navigating Hau'oli City was, in fact, much easier with her tablet than it ever was with Lillie's shoddy map and questionable sense of direction. She led the way to the shopping district without a single wrong turn. Though she knew Lillie was amazed, she said nothing.
Serena led them into the first apparel store they encountered. She was wide-eyed, her mind overflowing with possibilities. Lillie, meanwhile, clutched the strap on her bag and eyed the racks of clothes with apprehension.
When Serena found a rack of dresses that looked promising, she beckoned Lillie to join her. Lillie did not mirror her excitement.
"Are you sure about this?" said Lillie. "I can wait outside while you look, if you think that would be better."
"We're not just here for me," said Serena. "We're here for you, too."
Lillie backed away a step.
"I can't shop here!" she said.
"Why not? You said you never picked out your own clothes before, didn't you? You have to start somewhere."
Lillie gulped.
"But I have no idea what to do!" she said.
Serena dug into the rack of dresses. She flipped through the hangers, sifting through the selection. She glanced over her shoulder at Lillie.
"Take some advice I got from a fashion guru once," said Serena. "If you don't know what to do, try something on. Anything. Get the ideas flowing."
Lillie tightened her lips and looked around. As if rooted to the spot, she only turned her head.
"Maybe I should start small," said Lillie. "Maybe some socks, or something like that."
Serena was glad she was facing away from Lillie. The face she made would not have helped the situation. She knew from experience that socks were not the place to start.
"Maybe bigger than that," said Serena. "What about these dresses? Do any of them catch your eye?"
Lillie took a tentative step forward.
"Um…"
"What's your size?" said Serena. As soon as the words left her lips and she saw Lillie's face, she scrambled to speak again. "I mean, if you don't mind me asking!"
Looking embarrassed, Lillie shook her head.
"I don't know."
Serena paused her search. She looked at Lillie again.
"What about the dress you have on right now?" she said. "Does it have a tag or something we can check?"
"No," said Lillie. "It's custom-made. All my clothes are."
Serena's jaw slackened. She hushed herself before she spoke. She knew she would be too loud otherwise.
"Custom-made?" she said. "Seriously?"
Lillie stared at her feet.
"Yes."
With a newfound interest, Serena examined Lillie's dress. She had never considered it before, but even if it had come from a store, it would have been expensive. If Lillie's entire outfit was custom-made, she figured it was probably worth more than all of the clothing she had ever worn, combined. The materials were delicate all silk and lace. The stitches were fine, and likely all made by hand.
She had so many questions. She was not able to voice a good one.
"...how?"
"My mother was… very particular," said Lillie.
"And very rich, apparently," said Serena.
"Yes, that too," said Lillie.
Serena continued to eye Lillie's outfit up and down. That it was custom-made seemed more obvious each passing second. Her clothes were a matching set, all with similar hues and motifs. Serena had no idea how she never noticed it before.
Lillie shifted on her feet, looking uncomfortable. She smoothed down the front of her dress, then looked away.
"My mother always made us wear outfits that she designed herself," said Lillie. "Always. She never let us wear anything else."
"Us?"
"My brother and I."
"Oh."
Serena wasn't sure why it was such a surprise that Lillie had an actual family, somewhere. Perhaps it was because it was so difficult to imagine what they were like.
"We were like dolls to my mother," said Lillie. "We were part of her collection, her toys that she got to dress up however she wanted. I detested it, but my brother despised it even more. White was… not his favorite color."
"She always dressed you in stuff like this?" said Serena.
"Yes, always."
Serena supposed now was not the right time to tell Lillie that she looked stunning in her dress regardless of how she felt about it.
"Let's try something different, then," said Serena. "Something very different."
"Like what?"
"Good question," said Serena. She tapped her finger on her chin while she considered her options.
She pulled an emerald green dress out from the rack. With it dangling from the hanger, she held it up to Lillie's shoulders to check the size. Lillie looked at the dress like she was afraid to touch it. She shied away from it.
"That's… a very bold color, don't you think?" said Lillie.
"That's the idea," said Serena.
She handed the dress to Lillie. Lillie seemed reluctant to take it. She held it as if it were going to explode at any moment.
"Plus, it matches your eyes," said Serena. She took Lillie by the wrist and led her toward the other side of the store. "Now, let's see if that size fits you."
Serena shoved Lillie into the changing room, almost literally. She left Lillie standing there, looking nervous, and drew the curtain shut. Then, she waited.
And waited.
Almost fifteen minutes later, Lillie stuck her head out from behind the curtain. She was red in the face.
"I think it's too small..." she said.
Serena took the dress from her, slipped it back on the hanger, and frowned at it as she took it back to the rack. Of course it wasn't going to fit Lillie. The dress was her size. Lillie was a little bit bigger than her in every dimension. A little bit taller, a little bit rounder.
Serena caught her own eyes in a nearby mirror. She looked at her outfit. It was practical, comfortable, assembled out of equal parts convenience, necessity, and haste. It was cute, but that was the problem. It was cute. It wasn't pretty. It was just like the outfit she made for herself after her first showcase failure.
She wondered what Lillie would look like wearing it. It didn't seem like it would suit her at all. Lillie looked so much more delicate, more feminine, more womanlythan she did. This outfit made Serena feel like a preschooler and a tomboy in comparison. Was Lillie older than her? She had no idea.
Her eyes fixed on herself, Serena pulled a strand of loose hair away from her face. It had been so long since her anguished, self-administered haircut in Coumarine City. Everything changed that day, and everything had changed again since then. Her hair had always been slow-growing, but it was long enough again that it hung just beneath her shoulders. She thought of Lillie's hair. How long had it been since Lillie's last haircut? Whenever it was, it surely wasn't by her own choice.
Serena deliberated over the rack for a moment, then grabbed two more identical dresses, one of them one size larger and the other two sizes larger. She returned to the fitting room.
"Here," she said. "I got two more in bigger sizes. Try these."
Lillie reached out from behind the curtain and took the dresses from Serena. Several minutes passed. Serena sat down in a nearby chair and waited. She continued to gaze at her reflection in yet another mirror. She didn't like anything she saw. She wondered if Lillie felt the same way about herself.
Her train of thought was interrupted when Lillie opened the curtain.
"Well, um… I think it fits, maybe."
Serena turned to look at Lillie and saw her standing in front of the fitting room mirror, facing her. Lillie was as red in the face as before, clearly unsure of herself.
The dress fit, but it did nothing for her. It was weirdly stiff in the shoulders. It made her look unnaturally flat on all sides, like her body had no contours whatsoever.
Serena stood up and walked over to Lillie. Lillie played with the fabric between her fingers, looking uncomfortable.
"How do you feel in it?" said Serena.
Lillie turned around and looked in the mirror.
"I… I don't know. I don't know what to look for…"
"Do you like it?"
"Not particularly, no."
"I think we can do a lot better, then," said Serena.
Lillie looked like she dreaded the prospect of continuing.
"Look on the bright side," said Serena. "Now we know your size. That makes everything easier."
Lillie did not appear convinced.
An hour and a half later, Lillie still did not appear convinced, and beads of sweat shone on her forehead. Undeterred, Serena continued to present Lillie with garment after garment, forming a pile of potential new outfits. Despite Serena's best efforts, none of her selections were to Lillie's liking.
Every single thing Serena suggested was too radical for Lillie, no matter how mundane. Despite Lillie's supposed interest in something different, everything that was different from what she was already wearing was met with rejection. Every color aside from shades of white and pale blue was too much, too loud, too bold, too everything. Skirts were almost a bridge too far. Pants were completely out of the question.
For lack of a better idea, Serena decided to try suggesting clothes that were similar to what Lillie already wore. Immediately, the response was more positive. And so, a short while later, Serena found herself standing inside the fitting room next to Lillie, with her arms folded in satisfaction as Lillie finally dared to smile.
The outfit was not at all what Serena figured Lillie would have wanted, but she could not help but be pleased with her apparent accidental success. It was all the same colors as Lillie's original dress. It looked like it was caught somewhere between cute and sporty, something like a cross between a professional tennis player and a schoolgirl. Serena did not know what to think of it, but it was clear that Lillie did. There was no doubt that Lillie loved it.
There was one thing that clearly still bothered Lillie. She played with her hair, moving it all around. She tossed it over one shoulder and then the other, then tried to smooth it down, then pulled it all back, then started over again. Serena watched, keeping silent for a while. She spoke when Lillie met her eyes in the mirror.
"Are you looking for a new hairstyle, too?" said Serena.
"Maybe," said Lillie. "I, um… I've never been allowed to choose my own hairstyle before, actually. I don't know where to start there, either…"
Serena was not surprised. She pursed her lips and gave Lillie an apologetic look.
"I'm sorry to say it, but hair is not my specialty," said Serena. "I used to have much longer hair, like yours, but-"
Serena closed her eyes and shook her head. It was difficult to explain. When she opened her eyes again, she ran her fingers through a stand of her hair and looked away.
"I had a bit of a mental breakdown, actually," she said.
Lillie gave Serena a strange glance.
"You… what?" said Lillie.
A nervous laugh escaped Serena's lips.
"Well, I embarrassed myself and my Pokémon in a performance that a lot of people saw," said Serena. "I was so upset that I decided I didn't… I didn't want to be me anymore."
There was an awkward silence. Serena continued.
"So, I changed everything. That night, I made myself a new outfit, made from the scraps of my old clothes. The next morning, I went with my Pokémon out to the waterfront, apologized to them, and cut off, like, half of my hair. Maybe a little more."
Serena played with the ends of a lock of her hair.
"I… wasn't being very careful. I didn't do a great job with it. I just wanted to be rid of it. I threw it all into the sea, actually. My hair was always kind of ragged and frayed after that."
Serena gathered her hair in one hand, pulling it over her shoulder. She pointedly glanced at it, tipping her head in that direction.
"It's just now long enough for me to do this again," she said. She rolled her eyes. "I can only imagine what a stylist would have to say about it. I bet all the split ends would be enough to keep them up at night."
Serena let go of her hair. She shook her head, tossing it about, letting it settle over her shoulders again.
"I kind of envy your hair, actually," said Serena.
Lillie's eyes widened. She looked down at her braids and ran a hand over one of them.
"Do you really?" said Lillie.
"Yes," said Serena. She said it a bit more emphatically than she intended. "It's gorgeous. I wish my hair grew so straight like that. I wish I could braid my hair like you do, but mine is too wavy. It gets knotted up too easily. Not to mention too short, no thanks to me."
Lillie let her braid fall loose from her hand. She frowned at her reflection in the mirror.
"I've never liked my hair very much," she said.
"Just like your clothes," said Serena.
"Yes," said Lillie.
"It's a shame you don't like them," said Serena. "You're… beautiful in them, honestly."
An instant after she said the words, Serena felt a twitch of embarrassment in her stomach.
"...if you don't mind me saying that," said Serena.
Lillie pursed her lips and looked at the ground.
"That's the kind of thing my mother used to say," said Lillie.
Serena clenched her jaw and tried not to cringe. She settled for a slight narrowing of the eyes and a sour look on her face.
"She used to tell me that I looked beautiful in the clothes and the hairstyles she chose for me, and that I would always be beautiful if I listened to her and did as she wished," said Lillie. "When I began to express my opposition to her ideas… things changed."
"For the worse?" said Serena.
"Yes."
Serena held her breath for a moment.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"It's not your fault," said Lillie.
"I should have thought more about what you must have dealt with," said Serena. "With your mother's expectations. I didn't think about what I must sound like when I say these things to you. So, I'm sorry."
"It still is not your fault," said Lillie. "I accept your apology anyway, but blame my mother, not yourself."
"Your mom-"
Serena bit her tongue. She wasn't sure what she was trying to say. She decided it was best to admit it.
"I… don't know what to say about her," she said.
"I struggle to put my thoughts about her into words, too," said Lillie. "There are many things I wish I could say to her. Unfortunately, she won't listen to me. She won't listen to anybody."
Serena raised an eyebrow. For the first time, Lillie spoke about her mother in the present tense.
"Your mom is… alive, right?" said Serena.
"Yes, she is," said Lillie. "Unless something disastrous happened since I left, anyway."
Serena berated herself internally.
"Sorry," she said. "That was a really weird question. I don't know why I asked that. I shouldn't have."
"I don't think it's that strange," said Lillie. "I do speak about her primarily in the past tense, don't I?"
Serena nodded.
"I suppose it's because she…"
Lillie paused. She looked away, swallowed, then sighed. When she spoke again, she whispered.
"She stopped being a mother to me a long time ago."
Serena sucked in both of her lips and looked away from Lillie, trying to hide the pained expression on her face.
She was in over her head. So, so far over her head. Lillie's problems were orders of magnitude more serious than any of hers. What was the point of trying to relate? She disagreed with her mother, sometimes vehemently, but at least the two of them were still on speaking terms. They had even made up the last time they talked, it seemed. Meanwhile, Lillie and her mother appeared to have mutually disowned each other.
Serena was insecure about her relationship with Ash. Lillie had no relationships to speak of, platonic, familial, or otherwise.
"She stopped being a wife to my father, too," said Lillie.
Serena's heart throbbed. It hurt.
"I know what that's like," said Serena.
"You do?"
Serena nodded. She wasn't sure how to explain it all. There was too much to explain.
"He... left a long time ago," said Serena.
"So did my father," said Lillie. "He was the first to leave, then my brother. Then me."
Serena hesitated. It was more than a similarity they shared. It was a common thread between both the two of them and Ash. All of them had fathers who left, for one reason or another.
She had so many questions, but it was not the right time for any of them. Lillie spoke.
"Professor Burnet and Kukui have been…"
Lillie stopped herself, shut her eyes, and sighed again. Once more, when she continued, she whispered.
"...almost like parents to me," said Lillie. "And you, and Ash, you-"
Lillie stopped again. Serena did her best to glance at Lillie without looking at her directly. It was obvious Lillie did not want to be seen. Even out of the corner of her eye, Serena saw the tightness in Lillie's jaw. She knew exactly what Lillie was doing. She had done it so many times herself.
Lillie was trying not to cry.
Serena stood still. She wondered if maybe it would be appropriate to place a hand on Lillie's shoulder, or perhaps to rub her arm, but she suspected it would only lead to the waterworks starting in earnest. So, she just stood still.
Lillie gulped, then continued.
"You two are the closest thing to real friends I have ever had," said Lillie.
Serena knew what she wanted to say. She wanted to tell Lillie that they were not close to real friends, but that they already were real friends. But she stopped herself. She was certain it would lead to tears if she said it.
And deep down, she knew there was something more stopping her. A feeling beyond description, a thought beyond all explanation. Something fantastic and stupid and painfully real all at once. No matter how she tried to deny it, it was still there. That tiny, inexplicable seed of worry, against all rhyme and reason.
Serena was eager to change the subject.
"So, you like this outfit?" she said.
Lillie nodded as she looked at herself in the mirror.
"I do."
"Do you want to buy it?"
"I'm not sure."
"It can be my treat," said Serena. "You don't need to worry about the price."
"It's not the price," said Lillie. "I'm not sure if I'm ready to wear this."
"Why not buy it and hold onto it until you're ready, then?"
"Hmm."
Tight-lipped, Lillie looked herself all over in the mirror, thinking.
"Maybe I will do that," said Lillie. "I need to think some more about it. What about you, though? Didn't you want to come shopping for yourself, as well?"
What Lillie suggested was true, but to Serena, that particular concern felt like it was a world away.
"Yes, I did," said Serena. She pulled a strand of hair over her ear. "I almost forgot, actually."
"I'm not sure how much help I can be to you, but I would love to return the favor for you helping me," said Lillie. "I don't have much of an eye for fashion, but I would like to try, if you'll let me."
Serena looked at Lillie. Lillie bit down on the inside of her lip, looking unsure of herself.
Once more, Serena felt like a complete fool. Lillie was fighting herself, trying so hard to break out of her shell, to do something good both for herself and others. It was obvious how much she was struggling, how much she needed someone to be a genuine support.
How could Serena say no?
"Sure," said Serena. "I'd be happy to have your help."
A few minutes later, while Serena perused the racks, Lillie emerged from the fitting room in her old dress again. Serena watched as Lillie walked up to the front counter and handed over the skirt and blouse to the attendant for safekeeping until they were done. Then, Lillie joined Serena again.
"So, what kind of outfit are you interested in?" said Lillie.
"I'm looking for something to wear on a date with Ash," said Serena.
Lillie went wide-eyed.
"Oh!" said Lillie. "Goodness, I- I really don't know anything about that…"
There was something about the phrasing of Lillie's response that flipped a switch inside Serena's head. Lillie's words led to an obvious question. Before Serena could pause and stop herself, she seized the opportunity.
"About what?" said Serena. "Dating?"
Lillie said nothing. With her lips tight, she nodded.
"It's okay!" said Serena. "You don't have to know anything. All I need is something a little bit fancier than normal that looks good on me."
Serena looked at her oversized, knotted shirt, then back up at Lillie.
"Or maybe a lot fancier," she said. "This isn't really normal for me, I promise."
Lillie was quiet for a few moments. She made an attempt to join Serena in sifting through all the hangers on a rack of dresses.
"I… think that outfit works very well for you, actually," said Lillie.
Serena paused and looked at Lillie.
"Seriously?"
"Yes," said Lillie. "I mean it."
Lillie looked unsure of herself, but Serena figured that was because Lillie was not used to issuing her own opinion, let alone having anyone listen to it.
"Thank you," said Serena. "I always hoped it would be cute, but mostly I just feel like it was cheap and thrown together because I needed something new right away."
"You needed something new?"
It occurred to Serena how odd her statement was.
"Yes, actually," she said. "I really did need it."
"If you don't mind me asking, why?" said Lillie.
"It's… a very long story," said Serena.
"I think we have the time," said Lillie. "From what I have seen so far, this is not a quick process."
Serena could not argue with that logic.
She tried to think of a way to summarize everything that happened in Monego City. Even that was difficult.
"The short version of the story is that I got into an argument with someone and when things got really heated, I escaped by jumping into the water. We were on a boat at the time, and I had all of my belongings with me in my bag. Everything got soaked with salt water, and it was all ruined. I borrowed a dress from a friend until I could buy some new clothes."
"You jumped off a boat to escape an argument?" said Lillie.
It sounded so stupid phrased that way.
"Yes, I did," said Serena.
"Were you in danger?" said Lillie.
"Not really."
"Who were you arguing with? If you don't mind me asking, that is."
"A friend."
"You had to escape from a friend?"
"Sort of," said Serena. She knew there was no way her explanation made any sense at all. "It was… a friend who wanted to be more than friends, and I didn't."
Once again, Lillie's eyes widened. She tried to hide how flustered she looked.
"Oh!" she said. "That, um, sounds like a rather complicated situation."
Lillie looked like she regretted ever asking. Serena was not going to let her feel that way.
"It was," said Serena. "I'd explain more, but really, I don't even know where to start. And there's a bunch of things about it I really shouldn't say."
"I understand."
Serena had no doubt that Lillie was telling the truth.
"It was all part of a big mess that happened when Ash and I and two of our friends received an offer for an amazing vacation as a reward for all our hard work to save Kalos from Team Flare," said Serena.
"Team Flare?" said Lillie. "I think I heard something about that on the news!"
Serena resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Halfway across the world, she was still in the camera eye.
"It seems like pretty much everyone did," said Serena. "It was kind of crazy at first. We could barely go anywhere without being bothered by reporters."
"Wait, so you and Ash actually were involved in that?" said Lillie.
Lillie looked stunned. Serena supposed that was the appropriate reaction for someone who had not yet been desensitized to Ash's heroics. Serena nodded.
"We were."
Lillie opened her mouth to say something, but stumbled over her words.
"It's not that big a deal," said Serena. She wanted to downplay it, change the subject, anything to get away from it. "That kind of thing is pretty normal for Ash and anyone who travels with him."
"I- I can't believe I'm only finding out about this now," said Lillie. She held her fingers to her temples as if her head hurt. "It's no wonder the professor was so eager to work with Ash. Didn't you all stop a legendary Pokémon that was supposedly the incarnation of death?"
Serena did not want to acknowledge it. All she did was nod.
"Unbelievable," said Lillie. "The professor understated how skilled you two are as trainers. It all makes so much sense now!"
The words changed Serena's mood in an instant. Before she could draw another breath, her heart rate spiked.
"What makes sense?" she said.
"Oh, goodness..." said Lillie. She groaned. "I shouldn't have rambled. I've talked myself into a corner."
Serena stared at Lillie, her face vacant, her heart pounding in silence.
"I'm sorry, but I shouldn't have said anything," said Lillie. "I'm afraid this isn't the right time or place to talk about all this."
Serena nodded, but internally she screamed. What was this? Another trick? What was Lillie hiding? She absolutely was hiding something. There was no doubt now.
Lillie bit her lip in what looked like embarrassment, but she was barely containing a smile.
"Anyway, you were looking for something?" said Lillie.
Serena blinked and realized she was still standing in front of a rack of dresses. She had lost track of everything.
"Oh, right," she said. She shook her head, determined to concentrate on anything else.
She examined the dresses on the rack before her. She tried to imagine herself in them, and she tried to picture how it would look on some imaginary date with Ash. The problem was that her train of thought kept getting stuck in a loop. There was something else in the way, clouding her mind.
Lillie held up two sundresses, one white, one powder blue.
"What do you think of these?" she said. "I'm not sure if they're what you're looking for, but they are fancier than your current outfit, at least."
Serena thought they were revolting. They looked like exactly the type of thing Lillie would wear.
"I'm not sure those are my style," said Serena.
"Oh, okay," said Lillie. She seemed a bit disappointed. Without protest, she hung the two dresses back up.
"I want to try something more colorful," said Serena.
She said it partly because it was true, and partly because it was the opposite of Lillie's style.
And also partly because she thought it might rattle Lillie.
Just slightly.
A tiny bit.
No more.
While Lillie pondered over the other available dresses, Serena turned her attention elsewhere.
The tank tops were out of the question, as were the shorts. There was simply no way she was going to go out in public, let alone on a date, in the things she routinely wore as underclothes or pajamas.
She looked at herself in one of the mirrors. In the corner of her vision, she saw Lillie exploring the various shades of off-white dresses available.
Then, she saw Lillie adjust her hat to look closer. Serena shifted her eyes up to her own hat. It hit her.
The girl in the straw hat.
She knew exactly what to do. She returned to the rack with the sundresses. It would be impossible to find an exact replica, but she was certain she could find something close enough.
"I thought those weren't your style," said Lillie, taking notice of Serena's search.
"I think I've changed my mind," said Serena.
Serena pulled a sundress from the rack. She held it up high and proud.
"Ta-da!" she said.
Serena grinned at the dress. It was a pale shade of pink at the top and the bottom, and a darker shade of pink in the center. Lillie gave it a wary look.
"It, um, certainly is more colorful than what I suggested," she said.
"That's not all," said Serena. "This dress is the same colors as the one I wore on the day I met Ash."
"Oh," said Lillie. "How appropriate, then. That sounds like a very good choice."
Serena was very pleased. The only question was whether or not the dress fit.
"I'm going to try it on," she said.
A few minutes later, Serena stood behind the closed curtain of the fitting room, examining herself in the mirror. The fit was as good as she ever could have hoped. It reminded her of the magic Aria worked on her, making her clothes look like they were holding her up, rather than the other way around. It was only a momentary first impression, but she liked what she saw. She looked good.
Serena pulled the curtain aside. Outside, Lillie sat in the same chair Serena had occupied earlier. Her head turned.
Lillie's mouth opened, but she did not say anything. She blinked a few times.
"What do you think?" said Serena.
"I wish I knew," said Lillie. "I don't know what I should be looking for. All I know is whether or not I like something."
Lillie broke eye contact.
"So, you don't like it, then?" said Serena.
Lillie ran her hand over her forehead.
"I- No, not really," she said. "It's not that it doesn't look good. It's that it is something I would not choose to wear."
Serena looked down at the dress and tugged at it, examining the fabric.
"You know, it wasn't really my choice, either," she said.
Lillie looked at her again.
"I didn't choose my own clothes either, back then," said Serena.
"Back then?" said Lillie.
"Back when I was five," said Serena.
It occurred to Serena that what she said could have been seen as a jab at Lillie, but Lillie did not seem to take it that way. Instead, Lillie had another question.
"You met Ash when you were five?"
"Yes. At summer camp."
"I didn't realize you two had known each other for so long," said Lillie.
"It's a bit more complicated than that, but it's mostly true," said Serena.
"Mostly true?" said Lillie.
"Ash… more or less forgot about me for several years after we met," said Serena. She was surprised by how embarrassing it was to say that aloud. "I never forgot about him, though. He remembered me after we met up and I helped remind him."
"How did you meet up again?"
"I saw him on the news," said Serena. The irony of how much she hated being in the news with Ash dawned on her. "I recognized him on a live report from Lumiose City. He jumped off Prism Tower to try to save Pikachu."
"Prism Tower?" said Lillie. She looked a shade paler than usual. "Isn't that… very tall?"
"Yes. For a moment, I thought he was going to die."
Serena let the words linger for a moment. She thought. As she assembled the sentence in her head, it felt obvious to her once again that this was all more than a coincidence.
"...but at the last second, a mysterious Pokémon swooped in and saved him."
Her eyes met Lillie's. The two of them stared at each other.
"Just like on Mahalo Trail," said Lillie.
There was silence. Serena did not want to allow the notion time to settle.
"Kind of," she said. "Ash saved me. That was how I met him."
"He saved you?"
Serena nodded.
"It was the very first day of camp. I got separated from the group, and I ended up lost in the woods. I hurt my knee running away from a Pokémon, a Poliwag, of all things."
Serena scoffed and rolled her eyes at how silly it sounded. She continued.
"I couldn't walk on my own. I crawled up against a tree and cried. I don't know how long I was lost. It felt like forever. And then, out of nowhere, he just… appeared."
Serena looked at the ceiling as she said it. It was difficult to explain. It was only the single most formative moment of her life.
"I don't know how he found me. There was no reason for him to be there. I think he was looking for Pokémon. All I know is that somehow, he found me. And when he did, he…"
Serena wanted to say so many things.
"He changed my life," she said. "He took a handkerchief out of his pocket, bandaged my knee, and got me on my feet again. Even though I was in tears, he looked me right in the eye and told me never to give up. And then, he put my arm over his shoulder and helped me back to camp."
Serena looked down and noticed she had one hand folded over her heart.
"He did more than guide me out of the woods. It was like he led me back into the light. He taught me how to live. I never, ever forgot about him. I kept his handkerchief for years, until I used it as an excuse to go find him and return it to him after I saw him on the news. I still have it, actually. But even though it took him a while to remember me, I never forgot him. I never forgot what he did for me that day, and I never forgot what he said to me. And I never, ever gave up on him."
Lillie stared at Serena. Silence hung between them. Lillie looked like she had a question, but like it was too difficult to ask.
But just as Serena was about to speak again, Lillie spoke up.
"Were you…"
Lillie trailed off. She shook her head and hid her eyes behind the brim of her hat. She looked like she couldn't believe what she was trying to say.
She tried again.
"Were-"
"Yes."
Lillie stared at Serena.
"Yes," Serena repeated. "I was in love with him the whole time."
Lillie looked aside.
"I understand why."
Although Serena and Lillie continued to talk, the remainder of their shopping trip vanished from Serena's memory before it ever had time to take hold. The words they exchanged went in one ear and out the other. Her mind wrapped around itself, unable to focus on anything but a singular, absurd thought.
Lillie has a crush on Ash.
It made perfect sense. It was completely insane.
Their entire way back to the lab, Serena hid her thoughts. She kept quiet, lagging behind Lillie every so often, only to catch up again when Lillie noticed her absence. And once, when Lillie turned around to look, Serena's heart stopped cold.
It was nothing but a trick of the light. That was what Serena told herself. It was useless, though. What had been seen could not be unseen. The low rays of the evening sun dimmed behind a cloud for a fleeting second. Lillie was cast in a dull light, and from within the shadow, she seemed to glow. For a mere instant, an instant that was branded into Serena's brain, Lillie's silhouette looked familiar. Lillie looked ethereal, otherworldly, both beautiful and hideous at the same time.
In silence, Serena's skin crawled as she walked beside Lillie. She tried to catch glances of Lillie out of the corner of her eye, convinced that what she had seen was nothing more than an illusion.
It was not. With every snippet of Lillie she saw, Serena knew she was not going insane. The similarity was real. It was undeniable. The pale blue of Lillie's dress. The way her hair parted like a veil draped over her head. The shape, the color, it was all the same.
It was the same as that horrible creature.
That loathsome, heinous thing. Beautiful and terrible beyond imagination, the stuff of nightmares. The more Serena thought about it, the more distance she put between herself and Lillie. Her spine tingled at the memory of its overpowering, malignant presence. Was it fear that had made her fall to her knees? Was it something more? Had it been a total failure of her fight-or-flight reaction, her instincts collapsing upon themselves when confronted with a danger so utterly beyond human experience? Was it simple weakness?
No, it could not have been. She remembered it too well. She had felt fear plenty of times before. This was something greater than fear. That beast had done more than frighten her. It had done something to her. She was sure of it. She felt it, the indescribable compulsion to submit. Its gaping maw beckoned her, called to her. It was almost like a voice, a malicious whisper in her ear telling her that beneath the veil was where she belonged, that it was meant for her. A whisper from beyond, and a hand on her shoulder, guiding her to the ground.
Serena wrapped her arms tightly around herself and tried not to shiver. She turned her head away from Lillie. She felt her mind slipping away from her as the pieces of the puzzle all began to slip into place.
That... beast. It was going to destroy her, end her. Take her body and her mind. Take her place.
When Serena closed her eyes, she saw the beast before her. This time, it was not as she remembered. There was no empty space inside its impossible geometry, no vacant cavity where its face was supposed to be. The veil had found a head.
It was Lillie's head.
Lillie was going to replace her.
It couldn't be true. It was impossible. Lillie was right there next to her, walking down the road through the Hau'oli outskirts.
It couldn't be real. It wasn't real. None of it was. It was all insane. It was all wrong. Lillie's hair, her dress, the beast... it was all a coincidence. Serena was sure it was her mind connecting dots that weren't there. But why did it feel so real? Was it because she was losing her mind? What other explanation was there?
No, she couldn't be going insane. If she knew she was going insane, that meant she wasn't going insane. That was how she always heard it was supposed to work. It couldn't be her. It was something else. It was the beast. It had poisoned her mind.
But that didn't make any sense, either. She had been going insane long before she saw the beast. It was something deeper. The beast wasn't causing this. Lillie wasn't causing this. She remembered it, seeing faces of people who weren't there, feeling eyes over her shoulder that were never looking at her.
It all started when Aria sent her the money.
Yes, that was it. The money. It was the cause of everything. All the secrecy, all the lies. It was the only reason she was where she was in the first place.
There was only one thing to do. As soon as Serena and Lillie returned to the lab, Serena rushed down the stairs to the computer terminal next to Professor Kukui's desk. She was relieved to find no one there. She logged into her email, and she typed. All the while, Cutiefly buzzed erratically around her.
Aria,
I'm not sure if I should thank you or apologize to you first. I wish there was a way I could do both at the same time.
What you did for me by sending me the money was incredible. I did not deserve it. I can't thank you enough for it, but I never should have asked for it in the first place. I'm sorry I did, and I'm sorry about the way I asked you for it. It was wrong of me.
So, while I truly appreciate what you sent me, I don't think I should have it anymore. It was never right of me to have it, and it has caused more problems than I ever dreamed it would. I want to send it back to you. I don't know how, though. You sent it to me through an anonymous transfer. I don't know how you found my account information, and I have no idea how to find yours. I don't even know what name to search for! I know how fond you are of your secret identities.
I know this is weird. I know you have no reason to forgive me, but I'm trying so hard to do something right for once. Please, let me send this money back to you. There are a lot of things I have to fix, and this one should be the first. You deserve it.
I hope you're doing well, wherever you are, and I hope to hear from you soon.
-Serena