Chapter Nine – Us and Them
Serena struggled to sleep that night. The war of words inside her head reached a crescendo, raging without end while Lillie's pen scratched against the paper of her journal for hours. Serena laid awake, facing away from Lillie, trying not to explode. Mood swings swept over her like waves. Doubt gave way to fear, fear gave way to despair, despair gave way to anger, and anger led back to doubt.
There had been no opportunity to talk to Ash when she and Lillie returned from their shopping trip. Ash had been preoccupied in a rather involved experiment with Professor Kukui. Serena assumed there was no way she overheard it correctly, but it sounded like Professor Kukui was attempting to teach Ash to use Sacred Fire.
Meanwhile, Braixen remained deep in meditation on the beach. The coconut still had not moved.
So, Serena spent the entire evening by herself, her mind consuming itself with worry. Cutiefly kept watch over her, and Sylveon curled up in her lap to soothe her, but nothing helped. There was too much on her mind. Too much was wrong. In the back of her mind, one thought in particular overstayed its welcome, a thought worse than all the rest.
What if this all was another trick?
There was something Lillie had not wanted to say, something that had made her eager to change the subject. It had something to do with Ash and his skill as a trainer. What was it, though? What did Lillie want from him? Had they been lured here? Was this another conspiracy?
Serena's mind spun out of control all night. She was desperate for answers, but unable to ask any questions. She wanted to rise from her bed, grab Lillie by the shoulders, and shake her until she answered. She wanted to descend the ladder, sneak into Ash's bedroom, wake him up, and force him to listen to her.
She never did, though. She remained beneath her bedsheets all night. Every time she stopped herself from getting up, it was for the same terrible reason.
There was no way anyone was going to believe her.
It was all insane. It couldn't be real. She knew it. She knew everyone else knew it. But the thoughts still lingered, and sleep never truly came.
The next morning, bleary-eyed, Serena waited as she listened to Lillie stir from her slumber. As soon as she heard Lillie's feet touch the floor, she spoke.
"Lillie."
Serena continued to lay on her cot, motionless, facing away from Lillie. She heard Lillie flinch and yelp in surprise.
"...Serena?" Lillie replied. She hesitated. Her voice was a strained whisper.
"I've been thinking about something," said Serena. She still did not move.
It was several seconds before Lillie responded.
"What are you even doing awake at this hour?" said Lillie. "You're never up before me. Did I keep you awake?"
"Not exactly."
"Huh?"
Serena rolled over to face Lillie and sat upright. She hoped she looked as haggard as she felt.
Based on Lillie's reaction, Serena figured she did.
"Goodness! Are you well? You look exhausted!"
"I said, I've been thinking about something," said Serena.
In Lillie's arms, Nebby yawned, then cuddled tighter against her. Lillie herself appeared deeply concerned.
"What in the world were you thinking about?" said Lillie. "It looks like it kept you up all night!"
Serena held Lillie's gaze for a few seconds before she spoke.
"Yesterday, when we were out shopping, you said something about things making so much more sense after I mentioned how Ash and I stopped Team Flare."
Serena let the words hang in the air. She and Lillie started at each other in silence.
When Lillie did not speak, Serena narrowed her eyes. She leaned further forward.
"What did you mean?" she said.
"Oh, well... there's something I need to talk to Ash about, actually," said Lillie.
"About what?" said Serena.
Lillie bit her lip and looked away for a moment. Her voice was heavy with embarrassment when she spoke again.
"I... need to ask for his help with something."
"His help?" said Serena. "With what?"
Lillie's lips tightened. Her eyes shifted downward toward Nebby, clutched in her arms.
"I know this sounds crazy, but... I need help finding a way to send Nebby home."
Serena's mouth opened, but nothing came out. She stared at Lillie. Lillie brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.
"It really does sound crazy, doesn't it?"
"I... don't understand," said Serena.
Lillie sighed.
"Oh, dear," she said. "There's a lot I haven't explained to you, isn't there? I'm sorry about that. It's all so bizarre that I honestly never expected anyone to believe me. Knowing that Ash has encountered legendary Pokémon changes that, though."
Serena did not say a word. She followed Lillie with her eyes as Lillie sat down on the edge of the sofa bed, opposite her.
"When Nebby teleported us to save us from Ash's tsunami move, did you... see anything unusual?" said Lillie.
Serena's pupils shrank.
"Yes."
"Was it... a place?" said Lillie. "Somewhere far from here?"
Serena merely nodded this time.
"I suspected you did," said Lillie. "That jump took a while. It's likely that Ash and Professor Kukui saw it, too."
"...Did you?" said Serena.
Lillie nodded.
"That place... it's not on Earth. It's not in our universe, actually. It's Nebby's homeworld."
Serena's eyes shifted from Lillie's face to Lillie's arms. None the wiser, Nebby appeared to be fast asleep.
"Nebby isn't supposed to be here," said Lillie. "Not in our world, and certainly not here with me. It takes too much energy for Nebby to teleport all the way from our dimension to its own, and vice versa. Nebby never could have made it all the way to our world under its own power, and it can't make the return trip, either. So, I'm trying to find a way to help Nebby return home. Professor Burnet has been doing her best to help me through her dimensional research, but I'm afraid that won't be enough. That's why..."
"...you need Ash."
Serena finished Lillie's sentence. Lillie nodded.
"Yes," said Lillie. "The legends of Alola's four guardian deities seem to hold some clues as to how we might be able to open a portal to Nebby's dimension. It may only be myth and conjecture, but it's the best hope I have. Unfortunately, I'm not a trainer, but I need to take Nebby to each of the shrines to the tapu. That means traveling all across Alola, and I..."
Lillie shook her head.
"I can't do it alone," she said. "I'm not strong enough. I know Ash is, though, and you... you've helped show me that when you truly need it, it's okay to ask for help."
Serena sat there, stunned. Lillie wanted to ask Ash to go on a journey with her.
There was no way Ash ever would refuse.
"I do understand that it's an awful lot to ask," said Lillie. She looked at the floor.
"Well, maybe so," said Serena. "If it's alright with you, though, I'd like to talk to him about it first, before you ask him."
Lillie nodded eagerly.
"Oh, yes, of course!" she said. "It would be terribly improper of me to ask such a thing of him without first sharing my intent with you and giving the two of you time to discuss it."
Serena wasn't sure how to reply. There was still something on her mind.
"None of that answers my question, though," she said. "What made sense?"
"Oh, right," said Lillie. "I'm sorry. I never did answer that, did I? It's not a very interesting answer, though, certainly not after everything I've shared with you. Professor Kukui was searching for a skilled trainer to help him with his research, and when he heard about Ash, he thought he may have found someone who could help both him and me. I didn't understand why he was so adamant about it until yesterday."
Serena's face went slack.
"Oh."
"I suppose that's kind of an anti-climax, isn't it?" said Lillie. She smiled nervously.
Serena did not speak. She nodded.
Lillie abruptly stood.
"Well, I need to get on with my morning routine," she said. "I'll be waiting to hear what you and Ash decide!"
Lillie headed for the ladder. She mounted it, then took a few steps down before she stopped. She took a step back up and peeked her head into the loft.
"Not to rush you, of course!" she said. "I would never want to do that. Please, take as much time as you need. I understand."
Lillie disappeared down the ladder.
Serena was certain Lillie did not understand. Covering her face with her pillow, she flopped backward onto her cot.
The next time Serena opened her eyes, it was late afternoon. She woke up and found herself sweaty from the warmth of the sheets combined with the heat of the blazing sun. After showering, she stepped outside. Ash was hard at work demonstrating moves with Greninja for Professor Kukui. A short distance away on the beach, Braixen and the coconut remained in the exact same spot. Neither had moved.
When Ash noticed Serena standing on the front porch, he left Greninja to continue with Professor Kukui and came to her.
"There you are!" he said, climbing the front steps. "Lillie said you were still asleep. I thought you might sleep the whole day!"
Serena yawned.
"Honestly, I could," she said. Ash frowned.
"Are you okay?" he said.
Serena waited a moment to respond.
"No," she said.
"No? What's wrong? Are you sick?"
"I'm not sick," said Serena. "Just... stressed."
"Stressed?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"We really, really need to talk."
"What's going on?"
Ash's voice was full of concern. It made Serena cringe deep inside. She sighed.
"A lot," she said. "There's a lot going on. And... maybe this isn't the best time to talk about it all."
"It's not?" said Ash.
Serena shook her head.
"It's complicated," she said. "I need more time."
"More time?"
"More time to explain everything. More time to prepare. More time to sleep."
It was such an easy excuse that she couldn't help but cling to it.
"I'm so tired," she said. "I was up all night last night, worrying."
"What were you worried about?"
"Everything. But mostly us."
"Us?" said Ash.
"Yes, us. Our relationship."
"Why?"
Serena wasn't sure where to begin.
"It's not that something is wrong," said Serena. "It's that I'm worried that something could go wrong. I want to talk about it before it becomes a problem. It's complicated, though. This isn't the best time."
Serena wondered what the point was of telling Ash they needed to talk if all she wanted to do was delay the conversation.
"What time would work better?" said Ash.
Serena exhaled, exasperated.
"After I've had a good night's sleep," she said.
"Tomorrow?" said Ash.
"I hope."
"Do you want to talk tomorrow?"
Serena's answer was yes. Tomorrow was always the day she wanted to talk.
"Maybe," said Serena. "I had another idea about tomorrow, though."
"What is it?"
"Our date."
A tenuous smile formed on Serena's lips. Ash tilted his head.
"But aren't we still on break?" he said.
"Yes, but we agreed to end the break after we went on a date, remember?"
"Yeah, but... are we ready?"
"I don't know," said Serena. "There's only one way to find out, though."
Ash smiled. It was something he would say, and Serena knew it.
"We don't have to end our break, either," said Serena. "We can give things a try and see how it goes. If we're not ready, then we can try again another time. It doesn't have to mean that we're getting serious again. I just..."
Serena trailed off. She poked the tips of her forefingers together.
"I really want to spend some alone time with you," she said.
Ash scratched the back of his head and laughed.
"So, tomorrow?" he said.
Serena's heart fluttered. Under normal circumstances, a date with Ash would have been an outstanding reason to spend an entire day worrying about her outfit, her hair, her makeup, what they would do, and every other minuscule detail imaginable. Under the present circumstances, it sounded like a wonderful reprieve.
An escape.
"I would love to go out tomorrow," said Serena. "Tomorrow night, I guess, after we're done with whatever the professor has for us."
"Sounds good to me!" said Ash. He continued to scratch the back of his head. "But, uh, what do we, you know, do?"
Serena's face slackened into a look of mild surprise.
"Huh?" she said.
Ash looked aside and rubbed a finger under his nose.
"You know," he said. "What do we do on a date? On TV and stuff it's always dinner and a movie and stuff like that. Is that what we do?"
Serena laughed.
"We don't have to do that," she said. "A date can be whatever we want it to be! Dinner and a movie sounds kind of boring, honestly. We can do that anywhere."
Serena wasn't sure if Ash looked more relieved or more confused.
"Why?" she said. "Do you have something in mind?"
Ash grinned.
"Maybe!"
The next day flew past. In part, the apparent acceleration of time was caused by their shortened workday. For reasons unexplained, Professor Kukui called it a day at noon. Not long after that, he left. Lillie did not seem surprised by his departure.
Serena checked the calendar on her tablet. Once again, she had lost track of the days. It was Thursday. Professor Kukui was probably getting a head start on traveling to Akala Island to see Professor Burnet again. Serena settled on that explanation and gave it no more thought.
Instead, she had plenty of time to think as she spent the afternoon preparing for the date. She and Ash agreed to leave for Hau'oli City at five o'clock, and she spent the next few hours in the bathroom, devoting far more effort than was necessary to grooming herself.
She knew it was excessive. It made no sense. Ash was about as likely to notice she was wearing makeup as he was to solve one of the equations Professor Kukui had scribbled on the whiteboard in the basement. Still, she could not help but obsess. She wanted to look perfect. She wanted to win his heart all over again.
Or perhaps, secure it.
She knew she had crossed the line when she brushed her teeth for the third time. It was only through a great deal of effort that she convinced herself to put everything down and exit the bathroom.
When she did, she found Lillie standing outside the door.
Lillie's mouth opened, and her eyes looked Serena up and down. Serena smirked, eager for a chance to show off. She wore the pink sundress she purchased with Lillie. Her hair looked like something out of a shampoo advertisement. Her makeup was flawless - subtle, with just a touch of blush on the cheeks.
"You were in there so long that I was concerned," said Lillie. "But… I think I know why, now."
"What do you think?" said Serena.
"It is not my style, but I must admit, you wear it very well," said Lillie. She looked apologetic.
Serena knew it was the best compliment she was going to get.
"Thank you," said Serena.
"Is there a special occasion?" said Lillie.
Serena's eyebrows raised. Lillie didn't know, then.
"There is!" said Serena. "Ash and I are going on a date."
Lillie blinked a few times.
"Oh! Well, um… I hope you two have a lovely time together."
At that, Lillie excused herself, ducked around Serena, and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.
Serena returned to the loft and grabbed her bag. She checked the time on her tablet. It was almost five o'clock. She climbed back down to the first floor, Cutiefly buzzing around her as she descended.
At the bottom of the ladder, Serena stopped, and she held out her finger like a perch. Cutiefly landed on it. She stared at Serena, then tilted her head and chirped merrily. Serena smiled.
"I don't know how you do it, but you really can read my mind, can't you?"
Cutiefly chirped again, an intentional non-answer. Serena rolled her eyes and shrugged. She sighed, then stroked a fingertip down Cutiefly's back.
"This is going to be good," she said. "This will be good for me. For us. We need this. I need this. I can do this. I can handle this. I can handle anything."
For once, she believed herself. This was the first step of getting things back on track.
"Ash and I are going to have a good time, and I'm going to talk to him, and maybe it will be hard, but I can do this. We can do this."
She stroked Cutiefly again.
"I'll see you when I get back, okay?"
Cutiefly chirped once more, then lifted into the air and buzzed away.
Serena donned her straw hat and stepped outside onto the porch. She found Ash already there, leaning against the railing, watching the Pokémon on the beach. He turned to look when the door opened.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey," Serena replied. She walked up next to him, and she placed her hand on top of his, on top of the railing.
On the beach, Pikachu was sparring with several Pokémon at the same time. Pancham struggled like mad to hit Pikachu. Pikachu ducked and swerved, easily dodging Pancham's flurry of blows. When Pancham tired out, Greninja stepped in until Pancham could recover, trading blows with Pikachu. Meanwhile, Rowlet sat atop the nearest palm tree, occasionally firing a Leafage at Pikachu as an added obstacle.
Closer to the lab and farther away from the battle, Sylveon played with Nebby, constructing another sandcastle. Serena was impressed. Each sand castle Sylveon built was better than the last. This one was elaborate, with several towers. Sylveon sculpted a brick pattern on the walls with her feelers while Nebby puffed about in the moat, guarding the castle from invaders.
But what caught Serena's eye the most was Greninja. She watched Greninja as he stepped aside and Pancham joined the melee with Pikachu again. She followed his eyes. Greninja was not watching the battle. He was watching Braixen.
Braixen sat in the same place as the day before, and the day before that. So did the coconut. Braixen had not moved at all. She had refused both food and water when Serena took it to her. She sat there like a statue, unmoving despite the breeze tousling her fur and the commotion taking place behind her.
Serena's eyes lingered for a while, but they snapped to Ash when he spoke.
"Are ya ready to go?" said Ash.
"Absolutely," said Serena. "I'm excited! Are you?"
"Oh yeah!" said Ash. "This is gonna be great."
The two of them descended the front steps and then joined hands again, walking up the beach and toward the road to town.
Serena leaned in closer to Ash and held onto his arm with both of her hands.
"So, what's the plan for tonight?" she asked.
"Haha! Oh man, it's gonna be awesome," said Ash.
"Are you going to tell me what you're talking about, or are you going to keep teasing me?" said Serena.
"I can do better than tell you," said Ash. He jammed a hand into one of his pockets. "I can show you!"
He held up two pieces of paper that looked like ticket stubs.
Serena took one from him. Her face scrunched up as she read it.
ONE NIGHT ONLY - POKÉMON WRESTLING FEDERATION: BATTLE ROYAL - HAU'OLI CITY ARENA
An hour later, Serena found herself holding onto Ash's hand as they stood in a large crowd outside the gates of Hau'oli City Arena. She had never been less comfortable in a crowd. She had been less conspicuous when she kissed Ash in the middle of a circle of reporters.
She and Ash were surrounded on all sides by people who were dressed in black. Many of them wore bandanas. Even more of them were either covered in tattoos, had dyed their hair bizarre colors, or both. The air reeked of sweat and cigarette smoke. She couldn't tell if all the posturing she saw was for show or if there was actually a risk of a massive fight breaking out at any moment. She had already seen two impromptu rap battles.
One person nearby carried a cardboard sign under his arm with the words MASKED ROYAL SUX written in black marker.
Serena clung to Ash's arm. She wanted to hide behind him, even disappear into him. She felt eyes looking her up and down from all directions. This was not a place for a pretty girl in a pink sundress.
She whispered into Ash's ear.
"Ash! What is this?"
Ash shrugged.
"Dunno, but Professor Kukui said it would be a good time," he said. "He gave me the tickets."
Serena could not imagine why Professor Kukui would ever have tickets to such an event, but she knew better than to question it at this point.
"Are we even safe here?" she said.
"I think so," said Ash. "Tough crowd, huh?"
A space opened up in the crowd nearby, and cheers erupted. A girl dressed in black stood in the middle of a circle of onlookers, chugging from a bottle of clear liquid that Serena was certain was not water.
Serena averted her eyes. A moment later, she heard retching sounds, followed by a sickly splash. Ash's disgusted reaction told Serena everything she needed to know.
A few minutes later, the gates opened. They made it through security with minimal difficulty, though the same could not be said for some of the rowdier members of the crowd. She looked back to see a shouting match unfolding between a guard and a group of black-clad people, with several more guards rushing in to break it up. They rounded a corner before she could see the outcome.
She and Ash followed the signs and the numbers on their tickets. The deeper they went into the arena, the less rowdy the crowd became. When they spoke to an usher for help finding their seats, they were astonished to find that their seats were all the way down on the floor of the arena, in the front row next to the ring. The handful of people who had already made their way down there seemed civil in comparison.
She sat down next to Ash and gazed around. High up beneath the rafters, in the very back rows of the upper deck, she saw groups of people dressed in black congregating. Their whoops and shouts echoed throughout the arena, carrying over the murmur of the gathering crowd.
She knew it was going to be a strange evening.
What unfolded over the next two hours was the strangest spectacle Serena had ever seen in-person. Flashing lights, pyrotechnics, and deafening music accompanied dozens of absurdly fit men dressed in tights and little else on their way to the ring, each with a Pokémon by their side. In the ring, four Pokémon and their trainers all battled each other at the same time.
There was so much happening at once that it was impossible to follow, yet it was plain to see, especially so close to the front, that all of the action and violence was staged. The wrestlers and their Pokémon all seemed to be characters, and both they and the gaudy, gilded belts they battled for appeared to be part of some kind of storyline. It made Serena's head spin.
And then, it nearly spun off her shoulders when Professor Kukui appeared on the entrance stage.
Serena and Ash were not alone in instinctively standing up. The entire crowd erupted and jumped to its feet. Her and Ash's simultaneous exclamations of Professor?! were lost in the commotion, a sea of equally raucous cheers and boos.
Although, Serena was pretty sure that most of the boos came from the unsavory characters in the upper deck seats.
Even with his face covered by a mask, it was unmistakably Professor Kukui. Next to him was a ferocious-looking Pokémon that was introduced on flashing screens all around as Incineroar. She wondered if that was its real name.
When the announcer in the ring spoke into the microphone, Serena finally learned who it was that the guy with the sign thought sucked.
"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the ring, from your very own Hau'oli City, The Masked Royal!"
The Masked Royal took on a group of three challengers who were all dressed in black and looked very much like the people in the crowd who supported them. It was no surprise at all when The Masked Royal defeated all of them, with Incineroar finishing the job by using an incredible move which involved leaping from the turnbuckle in the corner of the ring and crashing down like a meteor.
When the match was over and the event ended, Serena and Ash made their way back out onto the streets. They passed several groups of black-clad individuals who loudly complained about the outcome of The Masked Royal's match, using language as colorful as their hair. Despite everyone in black seeming to be in agreement, several fights broke out and had to be broken up either by security guards or the police.
A while later, the two of them made their way to a more peaceful area of the city. They had been quiet for a long time. It seemed that neither one of them knew what to say.
While they waited at a stoplight, Serena made an attempt to summarize her thoughts.
"Well, that... happened," she said.
"Yeah, it… sure did."
She and Ash looked at each other. They laughed. What else could they do? Professor Kukui was a professional wrestler. So many things made sense now.
"So, now what?" said Serena.
"I dunno," said Ash. "That was all I had planned. It's gonna be hard to top that."
"I would say dinner, but honestly, I'm not that hungry," said Serena.
Ash held a hand to his stomach.
"Well, you know me," he said. "I never say no to food."
They crossed the street together. The beachfront loomed ahead. Near the stairs which led down to the beach, people waited in line at an ice cream stand. Serena had an idea.
"How do you feel about ice cream cones and long walks on the beach?"
The wait in the ice cream line was longer than Serena liked, but as soon as she bit into her cone, she knew it was worth it. It was so good. According to the menu, it was a world-famous variety from Unova.
She and Ash descended the steps to the beach, kicked off their shoes, and walked out onto the sand. Compared to the daytime, the beach was nearly deserted. The handful of other people there all seemed to be doing the exact same thing they were doing.
Serena picked a relatively empty spot near the shore, as far away from other couples as they could get. She sat down, and Ash sat down beside her. The munched on their ice cream cones for a while. Ash finished his long before Serena finished hers, and so he began talking, going on and on about how awesome Professor Kukui had been in the ring.
Although Serena agreed, by the time she finished her cone, she had heard enough. There were so many other things she wanted to talk about. She interrupted him.
"Ash."
"Hm?"
Ash stopped mid-sentence and looked at her.
"What's up?" he said.
So many things were up.
"Do you want to walk with me?" said Serena.
"Sure."
The two of them stood. Serena took Ash by the hand and led him slowly down the shoreline, leaving a trail of footprints behind them.
It took Serena a minute to speak again.
"Do you remember the day we met?" she asked.
"Well, yeah," said Ash.
"But do you really, really remember it?"
"Kinda? I mean, you helped jog my memory. I forgot a lot of it. It was a long time ago, you know?"
Serena was not at all surprised. She knew what she was about to ask was a long shot at best.
"Do you remember what I was wearing that day?"
"Yeah! A straw hat!"
Ash tapped the brim of Serena's hat with his finger. Serena frowned.
"I mean other than my straw hat."
"Oh. Wow, uh…"
Ash looked up at the sky. The stars were beginning to come out.
"I dunno," he said. "I don't remember."
Serena was more disappointed than she expected. She didn't know why. She never expected him to remember. It was only a wish, at most.
"I thought so," she said.
"Do you remember?" said Ash. "I hope you weren't counting on me."
"Of course I remember!" said Serena. "That's the whole point! I'm wearing a dress just like the one I wore that day!"
"Oh…"
Ash eyed her up and down. His eyes lingered for a while. No sign of recognition appeared in them
"Well, I still don't remember," he said. "You look really pretty, though."
The halfway nervous laugh Ash made and the foolish smile on his face told Serena that he meant it. She bit her lip and looked away, brushing a strand of hair away from her face with her hand.
"Thank you," she said.
She paused for a moment, then looked back at him.
"I really wanted to look good for you tonight," she said. "It's weird saying it, but this is our first date, you know?"
Ash scratched his chin.
"Yeah, I always thought going on a date was the first step," he said. "That's what it's like in all the movies and stuff."
"Maybe so," said Serena. "There's not much about us that's typical, though, is there?"
"Haha! No, not really."
It was quiet for a while as they continued their walk. Ash was the one to break the silence.
"I don't know why you felt like you had to be pretty just for today," he said. "You're pretty every day."
The more Serena talked to him about it, the more it seemed like every idea Ash had about romance came from a movie. It had to be the most obvious, clichéd thing he possibly could have said. Somehow, it still made her heart feel like it was going to melt.
Because it was him.
"Ash…"
"What?"
"Do you mean that?"
"Yeah, I'm serious."
"Hm."
Did he really mean it? Did he mean it, or was it something he heard on TV years ago that he summoned for the moment? He hated romance movies, but still, he had to have heard something over the years, hadn't he?
Did he really think like that? Did he really pay attention to how she looked? How anyone looked?
"Do you think Lillie is pretty?" said Serena.
Ash looked startled.
"Huh?" he said.
"I mean it," said Serena. "Honest answer. Do you think Lillie is pretty?"
Ash rubbed his neck and struggled to form words.
"This is a trick question, isn't it?" he said.
How Ash ever could have been savvy enough to recognize such a scenario was beyond Serena. It was also beside the point.
"Yes or no, Ash," she said.
Ash clenched his mouth shut and looked away.
"Yes."
Serena expected to feel like she had been punched in the stomach. Instead, she felt nothing. Nothing at all. She sighed.
Ash continued to look away.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"Oh, don't be," said Serena. She scoffed, but it was not at Ash. It was at herself. "I asked you for an honest answer and you gave it to me. It's not your fault. None of this is."
"Huh?"
"It's all in my head," said Serena. "All of my problems."
"I don't know what you mean," said Ash.
"I think Lillie is pretty, too!" said Serena. "I think she's prettier than me, and, just... better than me,and it's driving me crazy!"
Ash gave her a confused look.
"Why?" he said.
"What do you mean, why?"
"Why does it matter?" said Ash. "You're you. Lillie isn't."
"Because I'm afraid!"
"Of what?"
"Everything! I've been waiting for this relationship for my whole life, and I'm so afraid of losing you or messing things up with you that I feel like everything is a threat!"
Serena could not believe she said it. Ash's response was even harder to believe.
"I… kinda know what you mean."
"You do?"
"I still don't know what to do around you. I feel like everything I do could be some huge mistake. I just really, really don't want to hurt you."
"I know that you never would," said Serena. "Not on purpose."
"I don't wanna hurt you by accident, either."
"You're not your dad, Ash, no matter how much you wanted to be like him."
Ash's mouth dropped open, and his eyes widened. He looked away.
"Can we… not talk about him?" he said.
Serena regretted everything.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I just remember what you said on the beach in Monego City about love, and your mom, and… him. What you were saying now sounded really similar, that's all."
"I don't wanna talk about it," said Ash.
"That's okay," said Serena. "We don't have to. I'm sorry I brought it up."
Ash's hand felt clammy in hers. Serena wondered if it was possible to kick herself in the face.
They continued down the beach in silence for a while. They passed a few other couples, each having quiet, intimate conversations as they sat on the sand. It made Serena feel sick to her stomach.
Once they were out of earshot of anyone else, she spoke up again.
"I always thought this would be easier than it is," she said.
Ash looked at her for a moment before looking away again. He didn't say anything.
"I didn't understand that relationships were so complicated," said Serena. "I thought being with you was going to be so easy. I always thought getting together was going to be the hardest part. I thought that my feelings for you were the only thing that mattered."
Serena slumped her shoulders, then looked up at the sky.
"I love you!" she said. "That's it! That's all there is to it! Why doesn't that make this any easier?"
Ash looked at her, his mouth open. He hesitated for a moment, then began to form a sound. Serena interrupted him.
"Don't," she said. "Please don't. Not right now. It's not the right time. I don't want this to be the first time we both say it to each other."
Ash tightened his lips. He looked at his feet. Serena looked up at the sky again.
"Apparently, we don't get to have fun," she said. "Instead, we get to have difficult conversations. I get a million questions swimming around inside my brain all the time, and you get to have a girlfriend who probably seems like she's going insane."
Serena did not allow the inevitable awkward silence to settle in.
"There's something else really important that I need to talk to you about," she said.
"What is it?"
Serena bit the inside of her lip and took a deep breath. There was no going back.
"It's about Lillie," said Serena.
"Lillie?" said Ash. "Again?"
"Yes, again."
Serena stopped walking. Still anchored to her by the hand, Ash took only one more step before turning around.
"She… wants to ask you something," said Serena. "Or maybe us, technically, but really, it's a question for you. I'm only involved because of you."
"What is it?" said Ash.
"It's a favor," said Serena. "A big favor, I think. I don't know how big it is, honestly, but I kind of have an idea. And really, calling it a favor isn't right. She wants to ask you for help."
"Help? With what?"
"With Nebby."
Ash scratched his cheek.
"I guess I see what you mean," he said. "Nebby's kind of a handful, escaping all the time. But I'm pretty good at catching it again, so I see why she would wanna ask me to help out."
Serena shook her head. Ash went quiet.
"That's not what I mean," she said. "There's more to this."
Serena rubbed her temples with her fingers. She spoke again in a hushed tone.
"Lillie says that Nebby isn't from this world," she said. "She wants your help to find a way to send Nebby home."
Ash's mouth hung open.
"For real?" he said.
"I don't know. Lillie seems sure, though. And I... I trust her."
"How do we send Nebby home?"
"I have no idea. Lillie doesn't know, either. That's why she wants your help. She thinks that you might be able to help her find the answer."
"Why me?" said Ash. "I don't know anything about this. Wouldn't Professor Kukui or Burnet be better?"
"Professor Burnet is already helping Lillie," said Serena. "You know, the dimensional research lab. Lillie thinks there's something more than science involved in this, though."
"What does that mean?" said Ash.
"I'm not sure. When we met Lillie and Nebby, they were on their way to the ruins where Tapu Koko lives. For some reason, Lillie wants to take Nebby to visit the ruins of each of Alola's guardian deities. And… Lillie can't do that on her own. She's not a trainer."
The confusion in Ash's eyes began to melt away, transforming into something more like wonder.
Serena recognized it all too well. It was wanderlust.
"That's why she wants your help," she said. "You're something that Professor Burnet and Kukui are not. You're an incredible trainer. Lillie wants you to help her and Nebby travel to the ruins on each of Alola's islands."
In the brief silence that followed, Serena saw it in Ash's eyes, the unmistakable glint that shone whenever there was the prospect of a new adventure. She knew there was no stopping it. As soon as the idea was in his head, his mind was already decided. Always. It was already over.
Ash's hands curled into fists.
"Oh man," he said. It was obvious he could barely contain his excitement. He was almost quivering as he spoke. "You mean a journey all over Alola?"
There was no point in explaining anything more to Ash. The rest was a mere formality. He would never turn down the opportunity. Never. Not for her. Not for anyone, or anything.
Serena spoke without thinking.
"Yes, I think so," she said. "Lillie has been nervous to ask you about this because of how much she would be asking. I told her I would talk to you about it first, to see what you thought."
A complete lie. Not of words, but of intent. She wanted to talk to Ash about it first so she could stop him from doing it, but she knew it was hopeless.
The smile that crept its way onto Serena's face was even more of a lie. The truth was impossible, irrelevant, nonexistent. The truth was difficult. Lying was so much easier. It was natural, effortless, unconscious.
How could she admit the truth? The truth was such an ugly thing, a repulsive, withered wretch of doubt and fear and anger and hatred and selfishness and all the things in the world she was not supposed to be. How could she tell Ash that she feared Lillie was going to take him from her? It would expose her as the fraud she truly was. As soon as the light shone on the truth, he would see what she saw in the mirror every day - a clueless, worthless, frightened girl who was insecure to the point of desperation, to the point of throwing away everything good about herself just to keep up her charade of confidence and composure for one more moment.
She could not be exposed. She would sooner show Ash every inch of her bare body than show him what a disaster she truly was inside.
She said some more words. Ash said some, too. She had no idea what any of them were. She made some facial expressions. She faked a laugh.
It was pointless. Absolutely pointless. The struggle inside her head was for nothing. It didn't matter what she was, or what she was supposed to be. The more she hid from the truth, the more obvious the truth became. She was nothing. She was nobody.
Her entire being was based on others - the things she did for others, how she made them feel, how they felt about her. All of her ideas were about other people. She defined herself through other people. Every action she had taken, even if she deluded herself into saying it was for herself, was because of someone else. Her entire life had consisted of nothing but trying to please people. She knew no other existence. It was her only purpose. And if she could not make others happy, what good was she to anyone?
How could she possibly deny Ash anything? He was the hero. He lived for adventure. How could she tell him that she didn't want him to go on another adventure and be the hero again? How could she admit that it was all because she was afraid of losing him to Lillie? The implications said more about herself in one sentence than she could have said in a lifetime. Her friendship with Lillie was forced, fraudulent, a ruse to both make herself feel like she was being good for someone and to provide her with a way to spy on Lillie's true intentions. But worse than that, it meant one crucial thing that could never, ever come to light.
She did not trust Ash.
They sat down on the sand. Held hands. Cuddled up close. Said sweet nothings. Serena wasn't there.
What right did she have to tell him how to live his life? What gave her the authority to demand he not interact with someone who clearly possessed nothing but good intentions and was obviously in need of help? She knew she would hate it if he said the same thing to her. She would never stand for it. How could she do it to him? It was his life to live. Not hers. He was the hero. Not her. This was his journey, his story. Not hers. It was only because of him that she was in this story at all.
She could not tell him the truth. She could not demand anything of him. She had no grounds to do so, not when she was such a terrible, awful liar. Not when she was such a spiteful, deceitful disgrace of a person. She could never let him see it. Never. It would be the end of everything. Her entire life's work, all leading up to being with him, destroyed.
She climbed on top of him. Kissed him. Put her hands up his shirt. Anything to distract him from how awful she was.
She was desperate. Desperate to hide. Desperate to tell the truth. Desperate for more, for anything. Any sign, any reassurance at all. Desperate for trust. Desperate for freedom. Freedom from the burden of both truth and lies. Freedom from herself.
They made out like the world would end tomorrow. Serena felt nothing at all.
When they returned to the lab later that night, Serena gave Ash a kiss goodnight and then slumped down on the floor outside the door to his room, her back against the wall. Her mind was like a TV screen full of static, both nothing and far too much at the same time. She could barely remember anything she said in the last hour, nor how they even made it home.
It was late. The lamp was still on in the loft. Despite the hissing, tearing static in her brain, Serena could hear the scratching of pen against paper in the near-silence. Lillie was still writing in her journal, well into the night.
Serena removed her hat and pulled her knees up to her chest. With her arms wrapped around her legs, she rested her head against her knees and closed her eyes. Closing her eyes did nothing. It was already as if she could not see.
She was not going to go up there. Not while Lillie was awake. She would sooner sleep on the floor than be in Lillie's waking presence.
Serena sat there until she became sore. When she moved, the floorboards beneath her creaked. For a moment, the endless scratching of the pen stopped.
But then, it started again.
Serena stood. She wandered over to the window. Braixen was still out there on the beach, trying to move the coconut. The coconut had not budged. Neither had she.
Serena considered going outside, talking to Braixen, telling her to come inside and rest. She could not bring herself to do it. Braixen never made a promise that she wouldn't give up, but she was keeping it anyway.
Since the loft was not an option, Serena wandered down the staircase to the lower level. The same ethereal blue light as always shimmered on the walls. Poliwhirl was asleep in its hammock. The Corsola and Luvdisc in the aquarium all huddled together, drifting in slumber at the bottom of the tank.
Serena was all alone.
Taking slow, silent steps, she meandered toward the opposite wall with the giant bookcase, approaching the empty computer terminal. She slid the chair out from under the terminal desk and sat down, then pulled herself back toward the desk, tucking her legs underneath it. She looked at the monitor. It was not on. She shook the mouse. Nothing happened. She searched for the power button on the monitor, pressed it, then shook the mouse again.
A moment later, the monitor flared to life. She stared at a login screen. She logged into the guest profile and was greeted by a nearly-empty desktop. The only icon on it was a shortcut for a web browser. She clicked on it. A few moments later, a completely empty page appeared on the screen. The address bar had nothing in it. The cursor blinked, waiting for her input. She thought for a moment, and then she typed.
A few login screens later, she stared at her email inbox. There was nothing new waiting for her. She checked her outbox. Her last two messages were to Aria. The money order remained the only reply she ever received, not a single word in return.
Serena sighed. Even with her messages to Aria included, there was hardly anything in her outbox. She had barely ever used the account for anything. It just so happened that the one thing she used it for in recent memory had become one of the most monumental events of her life. Had she not been so drained, she would have rolled her eyes at the irony.
She opened another tab in the browser. She typed. She clicked. She scrolled. She checked her bank account balance. She was still a millionaire. She had spent more money in the last few weeks than in all her travels through Kalos combined, and it had not made even the slightest dent in her fortune.
What was she supposed to do with it all? She had so much money that it was almost like it was useless. She had already purchased everything she needed, but the remaining mountain of her secret fortune sat there, meaningless numbers on a screen, doing nothing. The money was doing nothing for her, and she wondered if it ever truly had done anything for her. It was worse than useless. It was a burden.
Palermo's words from their limousine ride went through her head.
Money can't solve every problem. But it can solve most of them.
It made Serena feel sick to her stomach. Palermo was right. She was right about the money, and she may have been right about even more than the money.
You don't have it.
It felt like a self-demonstrating truth at this point. Of course she didn't have it. She never did. It was never for herself in the first place. Her entire showcase career had been an effort to better herself in Ash's eyes. She had no business making it as far as she did. She was a fraud.
Serena closed her bank account tab and returned to her email. The page remained on her outbox, as sparse as ever. But as she navigated the menu, there was a hitch in her breath, and her heart skipped a beat. She could not believe her eyes.
Inbox (1)
Her fingers suddenly stiff, Serena hesitated for several seconds, convinced that her eyes were deceiving her. When she clicked on her inbox, she found that she was not mistaken.
There was a new email, and it was from Aria.
Her hand trembling, Serena clicked on it. A new window opened. Her jaw dropped.
Account #493649721
Routing #151251386
That was it. There was nothing else.
Bank account information. The bare minimum required to send the money back, and not a word more. Serena slumped backward in her chair and stared at the screen, agape.
She read it again and again, hoping to find some deeper message, some greater meaning, anything whatsoever that constituted real human interaction. There was nothing. The numbers hit her like a punch to the gut.
Alone in the faint light, Serena covered her face with her hands and sank deeper into her chair. She felt like a fool for hoping for anything else. What did Aria owe her? Nothing.
After several minutes of shielding her eyes from the screen, Serena looked again. Nothing had changed. The message remained the same. There was nothing new waiting for her in her inbox.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she sat upright again and opened another new tab. She navigated back to her bank account, opened a transfer request, and began to type.
One at a time, taking care to match each number, she copied the account and routing numbers into the transfer form. Then, she began to enter her account balance. When she reached the final number, she stopped.
She was a single keystroke and a few clicks away from having nothing once again. It felt right. It was fitting, a return to what she truly deserved and what she had earned. It was the penance she needed to pay.
And yet, she hesitated. Without the money, what was she going to do? She would not be able to rely on her friends for help the next time she needed it. She had surely squandered that goodwill. Not even her mother would be able to help her.
Her fingers hovered over the final key. She pulled her hands away, folded her arms, and gazed at the ceiling.
A few minutes later, Serena returned her hands to the keyboard. She typed the final digit. Then, she moved her cursor back to the first digit.
She subtracted one. She clicked Send.
Ten percent. She kept ten percent. Her account balance page confirmed it. She was no longer a millionaire, but she still had an emergency fund large enough that it guaranteed she would never be reduced to begging again.
She had what she needed now. She felt filthy.
It was yet another lie. Even when attempting to right her wrongs, she could not stop lying. She had deceived Aria once again.
She resisted the urge to log off in disgust. She knew this was not the end. It was not over yet. There was still something she could do.
She went back to her email account. She clicked Reply on Aria's response. She typed.
Minutes passed, the clacking of the keyboard the only sound. She typed, she deleted, she typed again. And again. She erased, she rewrote, she reorganized. It was a mess, just like her. Her hands grew cold. She sat on them for a while to warm them up, reading and rereading what she wrote. And then, she wrote some more.
More time passed. She stopped. She noticed the clock in the corner of the screen. It was past midnight. It was tomorrow, the day she always wanted to wait for before doing anything.
The words sprawled before her, the pale light from the screen straining her eyes more and more every minute.
Aria,
I have so much to say and I don't know where to start. I did a bad job of explaining everything in my last message. If it's okay with you, I would like to try again.
I think the very first thing I should do is apologize to you, for a bunch of things. First, I apologize to you for asking you for money. It was inappropriate of me. I never should have done it. I exploited you, and I regret it. I was dishonest with you about why I wanted that money, and I apologize for that, too. I wasn't lying to you when I said I was broke and that I lost everything I had in Monego City, but I wasn't telling you the full truth, either. You probably already guessed this, but the reason I wanted money so badly was so that I could travel to be with Ash. I used the money you sent me to replace my lost belongings and then travel to Kanto to meet up with him. I'm in Alola with him right now.
It was bad enough that I exploited your feelings for money, but that fact that it was specifically you, combined with what I did with it, makes what I did pretty much unforgivable. If you never forgive me, I understand. I'm not sure I'll ever forgive myself. The weight of what I've done, and all the lies I've told, has been crushing me for weeks. Even when I try to make up for all the mistakes I've made, I keep making more mistakes. I sent most of the money back to you tonight, but not all of it. I'm disgusted with myself for it, but I kept some of it. I felt like I had to. After everything I've done, I'm not sure anyone is going to be willing to help me anymore. I had to do something to protect myself. So, for that, I am also sorry. I wish I could do better. I did the best I could.
I also want to apologize to you for not thanking you appropriately for your help. You did not have to do what you did for me, but you did it anyway. I don't mean the money. I mean everything, including all the things you did for me in Monego City. You've done nothing but try to help me, and I've been so ungrateful in return. You've changed my life, with both your words and your money, and I never properly thanked you for anything. I've done nothing but take from you. I've been selfish. I have been self-absorbed and obsessed with my own problems, and I never once took the opportunity to tell you how much your help meant to me. I regret that, too, and I apologize for it. You deserve better than how I have treated you.
So, I want to tell you now – from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I'm not sure I will ever be able to thank you enough. Maybe one day I will find a better way to thank you than with this message. I hope I do, anyway. I hope this message doesn't sound as stupid as I feel right now writing it. I don't have the same way with words that you do.
I kept your last letter to me, you know. Not the sealed one with your worries in it – I tossed that one into the bonfire and never opened it, like you asked. I mean the letter you taped to our bench. It was beautiful. It was one of the only things I had after everything that happened in Monego City. The first time I read it, it made me cry.
I read it again recently, but that time, I barely believed a word I read. I don't feel like any of the things you said about me in that letter are true anymore. I've made so many mistakes. I've told so many lies, all because I'm afraid of what people would think if they knew what was really going on inside my head. I feel worthless. I'm paralyzed by my fears. I know you probably don't want to hear anything else about Ash, but I always thought that things would be so much easier once I was together with him. They aren't. They're so much worse. I feel like my head is going to explode from how much is going on inside it.
I wish I had been able to see you again before I left Monego City. I wish I could see you right now, honestly. I don't hate you for what you did. In fact, I'm beginning to understand why you did it. The closer I've become with Ash, the harder it has become for me to be honest with him, or with anybody. I feel like my ability to connect with other people has fallen apart. Every relationship I have is tainted. I feel desperate both to tell the truth and to hide it. I can imagine that you felt that way, too.
You always told me that you didn't have all the answers. I didn't believe you at the time. I believe you now, but that still hasn't changed the fact that I wish I would walk out the front door right now and find you sitting out there. I don't care if it was all made up, or why you did it. You always knew how to say something to me that gave me some sense of direction. You gave me hope.
Right now, I really need hope. I don't have much left. I'm so lost. I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to keep saying and doing things that are the opposite of what I mean and want, but I feel like I can't stop. I feel like trying to stand up for myself has turned into me never being able to stand up for myself. I don't know what to do. As dumb and pathetic as this probably sounds, I wish you could tell me. Even if you have no idea, even if you're making it all up as you go along, it would still be better than what I have. I have no idea at all.
I never got the chance to tell you, and it never really came up until right now, but do you have any idea how much all your advice meant to me? You were the one bright spot in my life at the time. If you were here with me right now, that would be true again. I know it probably isn't a good idea to say this after what happened between us, but right now I need to be honest instead of keeping silent, for once.
I miss you.
When I threw myself off your yacht, I thought you were a coward. Now, I wish I had your courage. You risked everything for me. You had everything to lose, but you still opened your heart to me. Now, I'm in the same position you were, and I'm falling apart under the pressure. I don't know how you did it. I wish you were here to tell me how.
More than anything, I wish I could hear from you again. I hope you have been okay since everything happened. It's weird to say, but I'm both sorry that things happened the way they did and really glad they did, too. You taught me so much. You've given me so much. I don't want to think of where I would be right now without you. I would love to see you again. Someday soon, I hope.
Anyway, this is all kind of a mess. I'm not sure why I wrote it. It's so late here in Alola, and I've had such a bad evening when it was supposed to be so good, and I'm not sure how much longer I can last before I break from the pressure I've put on myself. I hope this message finds you doing well, and I hope that when I hear from you again, whenever that may be, that we can talk more.
-Serena
She clicked Send.
A moment later, a box popped up confirming that the message had been sent. Serena closed it, and her words disappeared, vanishing into the void.
She folded her arms on top of the desk and slouched over it, resting her head. She closed her eyes.
She remained there all night.