Chapter Fifty-Eight: The Calm Before
Preparations are underway for the siege on Adamant Fortress, and everyone is moving around Skyhold like bees in a busy hive. I change into a simple dress and go to the tavern to meet Harding, and I enter to cheers of my name. Bull is there, with Krem and all of the Chargers this time. I'm happy to see them all together. Harding and Sara are sitting near them, but there's one face I had missed, probably more than the others.
"Garrett," I greet him, and he stands, opening his arms in a welcome.
"Hey Ferox, I'm glad you're back," he says. I willingly go to him, accept his embrace.
"Me too," I comment.
"We're drinking, right?" Bull asks, raising the mug already in his hand.
"Not the stuff you're having," I answer with a chuckle. "But yes, I owe quite a few of you a drink." I wave over the serving girl, and order a round of ales and a dinner for myself. She comes back, plunking down several steins of the frothy brew. I stare down into the slowly disintegrating bubbles, relieved to have a moment of rest.
"Ferox, you alright?" Hawke asks.
"Yeah, I'm good," I tell him. "Just happy to be home."
"Too right," Sera comments. She raises her mug. "To home!" Another chorus of cheers, and a few laughs. Our group, large as it is, takes up a few tables in the back section of the tavern, so it's a bit noisy with all of us. While I'm enjoying the company, it leaves me feeling a bit on edge.
After a few drinks I decide to take a walk. Garrett follows me, and once we're outside I tilt my head to look at him.
He shrugs. "I could use a bit of air, too."
We walk along the ramparts for a while, ending up in the section they're repurposing into a new tower for the mages. Seeing the rickety stairs leading upwards, I get an idea.
"Let's go up to the roof," I suggest.
"Sure, why not?" he replies.
We ascend the stairs, careful to test each of them before committing our full weight on them, and finally climb the ladder. It's a bit more difficult than I thought it would be in my long skirt, and I decide to wear armor tomorrow, even though I probably won't be leaving Skyhold.
The view from the rooftop is exquisite. From this vantage, one of the highest in all Skyhold, I can see just about all of the fortress, as well as the mountain path below. The air is chilly, but I don't feel cold yet. I take a deep, cleansing breath, and take a seat on one of the stone benches.
Garrett settles in next to me, and I feel his warm hand settle on top of mine. My eyes flick upward to meet his.
"Ferox, you've been serious all day. You love drinking with Sera and Bull, but today you were distant. Did something happen?"
"That twice-damned Bianca got Varric hurt," I admit.
"You talked to him?" he asks.
"Just a bit ago. It was nice to see him, even all bruised up, but he asked me to let it go. I said yes, which it's really unlike me. My brother even called me out on it. I'm a goddess of vengeance and destruction, known for destroying whole towns when I become angry. But for him, I said yes. It just feels...strange."
His head cocks to the side. "Strange how?"
"Different. I don't know. If I had to put a word to it, I guess I'd say I'm worried."
"About Varric?" he questions.
"Yes - and about everything. Especially Adamant. What if this is it, Garrett? People are going to die out there, our people, and what if this is the thing that…"
A gentle smile grows on Garrett's face. "You have to believe in Varric," he tells me. "I've known him a long time, and he's tougher than he looks. Besides, he's got a lot to live for, now that he's got you." Hawke's hand pats my head in a soothing motion. "This might be a little weird to say to a god, but you have to have a little faith and believe that things will turn out right in the end."
Twin tears roll down my cheeks, and throw my arms around Hawke. He gently pats my back and lets me cry.
"I'm sorry, Garrett. I didn't mean to fall to pieces like this." I wipe my face. "I just can't bear the thought of losing him. Not yet. Especially not over a bunch of stupid Wardens."
"Ah, there's the old Ferox. We'll fight, and we'll win. We have to."
Despite my sadness I want to smile. "Thanks, Hawke. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't here. Varric and I are both lucky to have a friend like you. I mean it."
"I feel pretty lucky too," he says, laying an arm across my shoulders and giving me a small squeeze.
After a few more minutes, watching the sun dip toward the horizon together, I stand up. "I needed this. Thanks."
"Anytime," he says, and points his hands in a gesture, indicating I should go first. With my frustrating skirts, climbing back down the ladder isn't easy, but I manage. We walk back out the door and reach a separation in the path where stairs lead down to ground level.
"Are you going back to the bar?" he asks.
I shake my head. "No, I think I might go to the garden for a bit. Now that I'm staying in Varric's room, I don't get to see it as often."
"Want me to walk you?"
"No, I think I'm alright. See you tomorrow?"
"Of course. Night, Dragon Girl."
Hawke heads off down the upper walkway toward where I know his own quarters lie. I lift my skirts a smidge and descend the narrow staircase down to the grassy area below. The talk with Hawke did help; I feel a bit more relaxed now. My steps slow down and I take in the stone walls around me, seeing them in the near dark as though for the first time. Soon. Hawke's right, we'll defeat Corypheus's forces, and we'll return home victorious. I can't let myself doubt.
Entering the keep, I follow the turn that takes me to the garden. There are a few people out still, even at this time of day. I see the door to the shrine cracked open, and decide to go in.
The warm glow from the candles lights the room, occupied by only one person.
"Evening, Brother," I greet Lucis. He's staring up at the monument to his love. He doesn't acknowledge me, but I know he heard me.
"Look at her, Ferox," he says after a minute. "They betrayed her, vilified her, burned her at the stake, and then want to pretend that she was some holy martyr who died for them."
I walk to him and wrap an arm around his waist. "I'm here, Lucis."
"And thank the stars for that," he says, patting my arm. "I just miss her."
"I understand."
"Ferox, I don't want you to go to Adamant," he tells me, turning to look down at me. "We should let the mortals sort this out for themselves."
"No, Lucis, I won't abandon them. Corypheus is a threat to all of us, or do you forget what it was like when the magisters attacked the Golden City?"
"I haven't forgotten. We trusted them, and they used our own teachings against us. And for what? Greed? Because they wanted what we have?"
"Then you understand why Corypheus can't be allowed to continue to amass power. He'll try again; he said as much to Declan," I mention. "He wants to go back into the Fade in the flesh so that he can get to us."
"He'll never enter the Black City, Sister, don't worry."
"No, he won't. Because we're going to help them kill him," I declare, clenching my fist. "We should have seen to it that he was truly dead before."
"Always so bloodthirsty," Lucis says, smiling.
"It's different though, now. I have something to protect. No magister who got too big for his robes is going to take that from me."
"Have you asked him?"
"What?"
"Have you asked your dwarf to be like us?"
I sigh, and nod. "He said no."
"Then he has more sense than we ever did."
I look up at the carving of Andraste, think about my brother's words. "I want to see you happy again."
His blue gaze turns toward me, and he shakes his head. "I am your future, Ferox. I wanted better for you than that, but it's inevitable."
I frown, my earlier relief after talking to Hawke gone, the clenching sensation back in my chest, stealing my breath. No, Varric is okay. I need to believe.
"Your future isn't over, Brother. I know nothing will ever be the same, but that doesn't mean you can't make a different sort of life for yourself. You did amazing on our mission with Nimbus. Maybe you could find some other purpose, something to bring you joy."
A sigh. "I...will consider your words, Sister."
I nod. "Don't stay here too long, okay?" I hug him, and back out of the chamber. I put my hand on the door and open it.
"Ferox, wait," Lucis calls. "Will you stay with me in my room again tonight? Your dwarf isn't back yet."
I nod. "I'll get my things."
The days settle back into a routine. I spend most of my days helping to prepare the mages for the coming battle as best I can. Some of them are still leery of me, having heard the news about who I am, but I don't let that deter me and I try to show them quick spells for close combat. With the layout of the fortress, once inside they're likely to be in close quarters with the Wardens.
I see the others in passing, but there's no time for leisurely chess with Cullen now. He's busy running his men through drills and checking the supplies. As soon as Declan gets back, we'll be leaving.
Finally, the Inquisitor's caravan is spotted and the nervous feeling in my chest finally starts to unwind. Declan and the others stop inside the courtyard, and Varric is striding toward me, grinning...and filthy.
"Ugh, you're all dirty!" I complain as he hugs me.
"Don't care, Firefly, I waited too long for this," and suddenly, he's forgiven, and I return the tight embrace.
Leaning in, I whisper, "Now we both need a bath."
"You've discovered my secret plot." He pulls back, his eyes shining, and I've never seen anything more wonderful in my life than my mud-covered dwarf.
"Go ahead and take a couple of hours to wash up, you two," Declan said with a knowing smile. "I could use a short rest myself. We'll meet back up in the War Room later to figure out strategy."
The bath ends up being a rather messy affair and we end up abandoning it, ruining Varric's rug instead. But I'll never forget the impassioned look on his face, his wet hair dripping down onto me as our bodies, slick from the bath, move against each other. He collapses on top of me, exhausted from his recent endeavors, as well as weeks on the road.
I hold him close, savoring this moment and stroking his wet hair as his breathing slows. "Firefly, that...you…" he says.
I chuckle. "I missed you too. We should clean up for real, though. Declan didn't give us very long."
"You go first, I need a minute," he says, rolling over next to me. I make it to my feet, giggling a little at my unsteady gait, and wash up. I dry myself with a plush towel before moving to the wardrobe and pulling out something else to wear. I settle on a long embroidered sleeveless tunic in a deep shade of blue, with pale blue pants in my usual style to match, and a short quilted white jacket in that fits over the top portion.
I'm tugging on my boots when I look over. Varric hasn't moved. I walk over. "Are you alright, Love? Do you need me to heal you?"
"It's not that," he says, his hand holding my arm, causing me to pause in my examination of him.
"What is it?"
He sighs. "When we leave here, we're going back to it, to the road, and the fighting. I just want to enjoy a few moments of peace with just the two of us."
I kiss the top of his head. "Get dressed, and I'll help dry your hair. We can stay for a bit, but I don't want to get my clothes all wet."
He nods, and moves to clean up. He's dressed in no time, and I use a little warming magic to help his hair dry faster, running my fingers through his hair, trailing them over his scalp. "I forgot how good that feels," he says, closing his eyes.
I look down at the golden locks, so precious to me now. "It will be nice when all this conflict is over, and you and I are free to start our lives together. I think I've decided what I want to do after."
He says nothing, our eyes meeting ahead in the mirror, and he raises his eyebrows in question.
"Declan made the world different when he recruited the mages as allies. The future of the Circles is uncertain. I think I'd like to set up an alternative. A university at which to study magic. I would build it near you, in Kirkwall, or wherever that ends up being, of course."
He smiles. "That's not a bad idea, but what if the Chantry reinstates the Circles?"
"I teach them the error of their ways?" I grin, and we both chuckle, but then I think about it seriously. "Hm, maybe it could be a center for higher learning, for mages who have already passed their Harrowing, or for academic non-mages like Dagna, or even those who are already Tranquil."
"Yeah, they don't seem to have a lot of options." He stands up, and moves toward the bed. He settles into a sitting position with his back against the wall, legs apart, and motions for me to sit between them. "Come here," he says softly.
Crawling toward him, I plant a gentle kiss on his lips before reclining, my back resting against his chest. He drapes his arms over my shoulders, and I wish we could stay like this for much longer than the few minutes we have left.
"Ferox, there's something I want to talk to you about," he says, dragging his fingers along my arm.
"Mm?"
"Being away from you again, it got me thinking. I realized I don't want to be away from you. I can't imagine my life without you anymore."
I squeeze his hand briefly before letting go. "What are you saying?"
"It'll have to be after we beat Corypheus of course, but what do you think about getting married?"
I turn, twisting my body so I can look up at him. I can feel tears building already. I can't say anything, so I just nod, and he presses his smiling lips to mine in one perfect moment of happiness.
"I have something for you," he says, and I move to let him get up. He walks to the far side of the room, digs in his bags, and comes back with a small box. "I picked up it on the way back home. Something about it reminded me of you."
He opens the box, and inside is a ring. It's silver, with a single stone: an opal that shines inside with the light of a thousand different colors. The band isn't too thin, nor too wide, elegant, but not too ornate. It's perfect, and so Varric.
"I love it," I tell him.
He holds my hand. "Is that a yes then?"
"Always," I whisper, smiling through the tears of joy.
"Then the story of us gains a new chapter," he comments. The ring slips onto my finger, and it fits perfectly. I stand and slowly move my arms around Varric's neck. We share the lightest of kisses, a whisper of a promise of many more to come.
"My Firefly," he says, stepping backward, but linking his hand with mine. "Now we can go."
The War Room is too full to hold everyone who reported for the meeting, so Declan cleared the main hall of the keep instead. He paces in front of the large, ornate throne, wrenching his hands. I spot Etiam and Solas in the crowd as well. They must have returned from their trip while we were upstairs.
Once everyone has assembled Declan looks out at each of us. "Alright, so the time has come. I'll be approaching each of you along the way with your specific instructions, but we won't be back for a long time, so pack for a long journey. I know we will be triumphant, but I encourage each of you to spend time tonight in the way that you believe will best help prepare you - spend time with your loved ones, friends, or in prayer. For tomorrow, we march!"
A cheer rises up from the people in support of the Inquisitor's statement, and we disperse into our various groups. I go with Varric, Sera, Hawke, and Bull back to the tavern to have a drink. Along the way, I see Tenebris and Dorian walking next to each other, talking. Good luck, Brother.
"Ferox," a voice calls out, and I'm surprised to see Lucis walking toward us. "Can I have a moment?"
I look at Varric, but Lucis speaks again before I can get his reaction. "No, I actually want to speak with both of you."
"Hawke, get us a couple of ales, and I'll catch the next round," Varric says, and the others head off toward the Herald's Rest, while Varric and I accompany my brother.
We find an empty stairwell and stop. This is as private as we're going to get without going to one of our chambers. I look at my brother, who looks nervous.
"Ferox, I'm going to try this one last time," he says. "Don't go to Adamant."
"Why?" I ask.
"Is there some reason she shouldn't go?" Varric wondered.
"This isn't our fight," Lucis explains. "We should go home, let them deal with it."
"Horseshit," Varric said, and I'm startled at his tone. "Ferox is as much one of us as anybody else."
"Spoken like someone who still doesn't understand what she is."
"Listen-" Varric starts, but I put a hand up, shaking my head.
"Varric, I love that you're trying to stand up for me, but I'm going to have to call in that favor you owe me. Let me handle this."
His frustration is evident from his heavy exhalation. "Alright, Firefly. You were patient with my bullshit, I guess I can do the same for you." His eyes, however, tell a different story.
"Lucis, look at me," I say, pulling my brother's attention toward me. "I'm staying. I'll help with the generals, but my life is here now. This is what I want."
My twin is angry, and I feel his discomfort, but he nods. "Very well, Sister. But Etiam and I will not be staying. I came to try to convince you, but I guess I'll have to settle for a goodbye."
"You're leaving? But we're departing for Adamant in the morning!"
"It's better this way," he says, breaking eye contact, and turning to Varric. "Dwarf, know this: I'm entrusting you with the most precious thing in the world to me. Do not make me regret this."
Varric's brow furrows and I can't tell what he's thinking, but he too nods. "I understand."
Lucis walks back toward the main keep, and presumably, Etiam. I look at Varric. "Sorry about that," I tell him.
He squeezes my hand. "I liked our chances better with four gods, but we still have two, and the Inquisitor. Let's hope it's enough."
Three, if we count Solas, I think, but don't say anything. A terrible worry crosses my mind.
"Hey Varric, I need to stop by the shine off the garden for a bit, you can go on without me."
"Going Andrastian on me after all, Firefly?"
"No, I just want to check something."
I change course, heading for the garden, and veer off down the side passage that leads to the small chamber. I go to open the door, but only opens a fraction before bumping into something that has wedged it shut, and I can see flames burning inside the room..
Damn it, Lucis. Looking at the fire, I realize it will burn through to the floor above. I have no choice. I raise my hands and absorb the flames, pulling them into myself. I feel Toth give a stir at the unaccustomed level of fire magic, but I keep going, extinguishing the blaze a bit at a time, and she settles down again quickly when the flames finally die out, the last of the red-hot glow disappearing into my hand. I push against the door, allowing the power I'd just taken from the fire to help me, and I manage to get it open wide enough to peek inside. Thankfully, no one had gotten trapped in here, but the rest of the scene makes me ill.
The room is charred, blackened streaks running up the stone walls, the once bright candles reduced to nothing but quickly solidifying puddles of wax. Where the statue of Andraste stood there is nothing, the stone likeness shattered on the ground below.
"Lucis, no." I need to tell Tenebris.
I close the door, feeling the debris shift again behind it. It's probably better that no one sees that, anyway. I saw Tenebris talking with Dorian earlier, they looked like they were headed away from the keep, but where did they go? I'll check the bar first, let Varric know. I hurry to the Herald's Rest. A few people call out my name, but I have no time for pleasantries. I scan the crowd, looking for my brother's tall frame, but I don't see him. I do, however, see Bull waving me over. Maybe they've seen him.
I duck my way through the thick crowd and get to the table. Varric's smile of greeting falters when he sees my expression.
"What is it, Firefly?" he asks, hopping down from the stool to stand next to me.
"I need to find Tenebris immediately. Did he and Dorian come in here?"
"I did see Sparkler a few minutes ago…" he says, trailing off, trying to remember.
Hawke fills in the answer I'm looking for. "They went upstairs, but you might not want to go up there."
"This is important Garrett, he'll have to forgive me."
"I'll go with you," he says.
"Thanks, but no. This is family business. I'll tell you about it later." I force myself to push aside Varric's concern. I need to find my brother.
I make my way upstairs, ignoring the crowd and focusing on taking the steps carefully, but quickly. I reach the third floor finally, but it's deserted. No wait, no, it's not. Cole is here.
"Cole, have you seen Tenebris or Dorian?" I ask.
"Secret fires, kept hidden, now kindled. They burn brighter, blinding."
"It's not nice to spy on them," I tell him, trying hard not to smile at the comment.
"They came here, I was already here."
"Where did they go?"
He points to the door that leads outside, and I give him a nod. I find my brother, leaning in close to Dorian, one hand on his face, the other on the stone wall of the ramparts.
"Brother," I say, and he looks up, at first angry, but then catches my expression, and immediately straightens. "I'm really sorry to interrupt you two, but it's Lucis, he's done something."
Concern is replaced with caution, and he and Dorian both walk over to me. "What's happened?" Tenebris asks.
"He came to me, told me again that he didn't want me to go to Adamant, and that he and Etiam were leaving."
"Indeed," Dorian says, "we received the same lecture."
Tenebris states, "I assume you gave him the same answer I did."
I nod. "But then I remembered how he was looking at the statue down in the shrine, the one of Andraste. I went there and...Tenebris, it was on fire. I got it out before it spread to the second story, thankfully, but-"
"You did fire magic?" he questions. "Well, I take it from the lack of an Archdemon in front of me that you're alright."
"I'm fine, Toth barely noticed. But this isn't good. What if you were right, Tenebris? What if he…?"
"We can't sort that out right now. Stopping the Wardens at Adamant has to be our concern. We'll go talk with Etiam and Lucis after."
I think it over, and realize he's right. What was I going to do? Just leave Varric and the others to fight a horde of demons alone to chase after my brother? That's probably what Lucis wanted, anyway, to get me away from the fighting.
"You're right, Tenebris. I just have a bad feeling about this."
"Me too," he admits. "But go enjoy the time you have tonight with your friends."
"I'll try. You too...um, but maybe somewhere a little more private," I add, chuckling.
"It was private," he protests, but walks the other direction anyway, Dorian at his side.
Slipping back downstairs, my mood has stabilized, but I'm no less worried. Tenebris is right, I can't change it right now, but it doesn't stop me from thinking about it. Is Lucis working with Corypheus? He wouldn't do that, right? Even the other day, he talked of the magister's betrayal, and how Corypheus would never set foot in the Black City. But my uncertainty remains.
Varric and Hawke stand again when I return.
"Everything alright?" Hawke asks.
"I'm not sure, to be honest. But, it's nothing I can do anything about at the moment. I think I could use that drink now."
Garrett smiles and pushes the mug toward me.