Chapter 64: Family Obsession
Dinner is a tense affair: Lucis and I sit at the formal table, barely speaking to one another, each of us looking down at our plates to avoid making eye contact. I decide to test the waters.
"Brother…" I say, and he looks up at me, wary.
"Yes?" he answers, but adds nothing else.
"Would it be okay if we watch the Well after dinner? Tempestas is resting again and I'm bored."
He frowns, thinking about it. "I don't think that's a good idea. Better that you forget that life."
"Please? I'm not asking to leave, I just want to look. Watch with me, like we used to."
He sighs, but nods. "Alright, if it will bring you peace. Finish your dinner and we'll go to the Well."
I smile, genuinely relieved that he agreed to the request. There's no guarantee that I'll see anything useful, but it would be good to know where the Inquisitor's people are. We finish our meal and afterwards we sit at the edge of the Well, as we had not that long ago.
I remember my hopes then that Lucis was returning from his grief. Now I know that it was always hopeless. Lucis is drowning; but despite everything that's happened, I still love my brother, and I wish I could get through to him. I put my hand on his, sending all my feelings to him. He jumps at my touch, his eyes moving up to meet mine, and I'm surprised to find the wetness of tears on my face.
"I told you this was a bad idea," he says.
I shake my head. "I'm not crying for me. I'm crying for you." Surprising enough, but it's true. I still want better for him than this.
"You're crying for me?" he repeats, sadness mixing with anger on his face.
His words are all it takes and I'm crying in earnest. He looks confused, uncertain what to do. I throw my arms around him, and he holds me awkwardly. "Please Lucis, don't do this. I'm begging you, please."
"Ferox," he groans out, pain distorting his voice, and he gently pushes me away from him. "I can't..." He stands and walks away, back down the hall, leaving me alone with the Well.
I wipe the tears from my eyes. Please listen, Brother. I don't know if you can come back from what you're doing. Still, I'm not about to pass up this opportunity.
Sitting by the water's edge, I connect the magic to the Well and allow the images to shine in the shimmering surface. Sadly, it's not Declan that I see, but a group of red templars.What are they up to? I lean closer trying to make out the details of what's happening. They're spreading out, searching the wilderness. I listen in, trying to catch what they're saying.
When I do, I wish I hadn't. The Temple of Mythal. I know the place, Mythal having been a good friend of mine in the early years. It's in the Arbor Wilds, and where the Well of Sorrows is hidden. It's not in the area they're looking, of course, but it won't take them too much more effort to find it. I need to alert the others. I already have the magic connected, it would be easy to call out and make contact. I look down the hallway. Lucis could be back at any minute. Patience, Ferox.
I'm glad I decided to wait, as Lucis returns quickly. He's changed for bed, and he looks so young and innocent. He walks over to me and gently puts his arm around me. "I'm sorry about before, Ferox," he says. "Know that your unhappiness hurts me too. Etiam will be home soon, and things will get better."
I allow him to embrace me, but my heart is still elsewhere, worrying about Corypheus's operatives in the Arbor Wilds. This back and forth with Lucis is so confusing, tearing at my emotions. "How is Etiam?" I ask, attempting to change the subject so as to keep my guard up. I move back from him.
"The same as always. He does seem to be enjoying being back around Fen'Harel."
I nod, as that makes sense. Before the Veil, spirits had roamed freely among the mortal races. Fen'Harel and my brother often sought their company and wisdom together. Similarly, Mythal and I had spent time with dragons. For the dozenth time, I wonder what my old elven friend has been doing.
"Have you heard anything from Mythal?" I ask.
He looks surprised at the question. "No," he answers with a shake of his head. "I assumed if she was nearby you would have been the first person she contacted. She hasn't reached out to you?"
I shake my head. "I don't know that we can trust the elven gods, Brother. It's been a long time since we were friends with them - and I certainly don't trust the Trickster."
"It doesn't matter if I trust him or not. The conclusion is the same. You saw the red lyrium; the magic of the world is dying. If it isn't Corypheus or Fen'Harel's plan, then the slow corruption of lyrium alone will end it." He goes quiet, thoughtful, as though he wants to say more, but doesn't.
I look back down at the water, and see the empress talking with one of her advisors. It makes me think about the ball at the Winter Palace. I can almost feel the sensation of running through the garden in the rain, my heart racing as I confessed my feelings to Varric in a darkened alcove, and hearing that he felt the same. The memory makes me smile.
The scene in the Well changes, and there he is. Varric. He's standing in the sand, guiding his horse by the reins, walking in front of it. He looks up at the sky, and I see Hawke moving to stand next to him, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. They're together, then. Don't forget your promise, Hawke.
I instinctively scoot closer, excited to see what they are saying and immediately regret the action, as I'm pulled away by my brother. His hand is rough on my arm and he yanks me up to a standing position and glares at me.
"You'd rather be there, wouldn't you?" he accuses, letting go of my arm. "Even though you know they're all doomed and there's no saving them. You'd rather be with them than me."
I suck in air. "You're the only one making me choose. You can't tell me how to feel, Lucis. I told him forever, and I meant it."
A grimace twists his features and I feel the ground trembling. I know what's coming, and I watch with crushing disappointment as solid roots spread outward into spiked branches that smash through the Watcher's Well, destroying the ancient device we've used for a millennium.
The glowing water escapes its confines, splashing across the floor, soaking our feet and ankles in a wash of sparkling light before fading; but most of it drains down past the roots into the chambers below. I lower my head, trying to control my own temper. I'd known he would do this eventually, I'd just hoped I would have had a chance to tell the others about the temple first, and warn them about my brothers' involvement with Corypheus and Fen'Harel.
The vines and branches twist back down into the stone of the floor and I look up to see Lucis's expression. He seems torn between anger and sadness. "Nothing will come of tying yourself to that world. There is nothing but death for you there. Not just that of your dwarf and the humans, but yours, too, if you go back."
I say nothing, but sweep past him, my chin held high, and head for my room.
"Ferox," he calls quietly behind me, pleading, but I ignore him and keep going, shutting and locking the door to my room once I enter.
I need to get out of here. Thank the stars for Tempestas and her brilliant idea, or I might really be losing hope right now. I try to remember the components for the travel spell that we had performed so long ago. It wasn't complicated, it just required a lot of power. Just a little longer. I look down at the ring Varric gave me, knowing it would be the easiest vessel to use for the spell, the easiest to hide from Lucis if need be, as he knows I wear it.
For the next few days I'm more careful and I choose to ignore my brother completely, eating my meals in my room. I spend a short time each day conversing with Tempestas about unrelated topics, as I'm fairly certain my brother is following me.
On the fifth day he confirms my suspicion by waiting for me in the main hall when I emerge from the lower chambers.
"Eat dinner with me," he requests. "Etiam still isn't back yet, and it's so quiet."
I purse my lips, ready to say no, when he speaks again.
"I miss you," he admits.
This might be my chance, I realize. If I can lull him into a sense of security again, he might let down his guard and I can get Tempestas to wake the other two dragons.
"Alright, Brother."
He expels a breath of relief. Looking at him, I can tell he hasn't sleep well for a few days, the dark circles marring his handsome face. He's not completely unaffected by what's happening.
We head to the dining room and sit across the narrow table from one another. It's awkward again, and I don't know what topics to bring up with him. I assume it's the same for him, and we sit for a while in silence. So much for dinner together helping with the quiet.
He glances up from his plate, his pale blue eyes meeting my own darker blue ones. "Thank you for agreeing to this," he says finally.
I nod. "How have you been spending your days?" I ask, attempting conversation.
"This afternoon I napped, and took a trip to the Fade," he says, smiling a little. "I was looking for Etiam, but I didn't find him. I found something wholly more interesting, instead."
"What's that?" I question.
"I came upon a field of the most beautiful flowers I had ever seen - more colorful than any flowers could be in real life. I laid down upon them, and that's when I heard the song. I looked around for the source, and stars, Ferox, it reminded me so much of Andraste's voice. Of course, it wasn't, but it was still something good."
"Go on," I encourage.
"It was Draconis."
"Draconis?!" I exclaim leaning in. Draconis had been another one of our generals, but unlike Razikale and Lusacan, who were still left buried in the earth, we didn't know what had happened to her. We presumed her dead, but if what Lucis is saying is true…
"I heard her song, below me. It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced."
"Do you suppose it means Draconis lives?"
"When the Veil comes down, we'll find out," he says smiling, but my humor falls flat.
Right, when the Veil comes down, our generals can be freed, so long as we keep them far from the red lyrium and the darkspawn. Keeping the Veil means sacrificing two, possibly three Ancient dragons. I place a hand on my chest, thinking of Toth, and how she suffered before her death, the Blight eating away at her and driving her mad. I want to help the generals, but the cost is too high. I'm sorry Draconis, Razikale, Lusacan. You might be called the Forgotten Ones, but I remember. I will always remember.
We finish our meal, and clean up. Afterwards, Lucis lingers.
"Is there something you wanted, Brother?" I ask.
"I'm finding I can't sleep. Will you stay with me?"
In his room...where my things likely are. I had looked, of course, as best I could with him always hovering, but I hadn't been able to find my ring or my pendant. The pendant is useless now anyway, but if I could manage to get to my ring...or his for that matter, I won't need to do the spell.
"Okay," I agree.
"Really?" he says with a smile. "I'm hoping the two of us can go back to that place together tonight, and I can show you the song."
"I'd like that," I comment, although I have no plans to travel the Fade this evening. I want nothing more than to escape. The plan solidifies in my head. Lucis is exhausted, if he feels comfortable enough to sleep, he'll sleep deeply. I can do this.
"Go and change, and join me there?" He suggests.
"Okay, I'll see you in a few minutes," I reply. I go back to my room and quickly throw a few things in a bag. If I'm joining Varric in the field, I'm going to need a few supplies. I tuck the bag into the back of my closet, out of sight, and change into clothing suitable for sleeping, a long sleeveless tunic and loose-fitting pants.
Knocking on my brother's door feels strange, and stranger still when he opens it. I remember centuries of trying to reach out to Lucis and getting no further than his closed door. He smiles, and a part of me is happy that he's glad to see me, even though I know I'm about to betray his trust.
I enter his room, and take a seat on the bed. Though it's still somewhat early, the interior of the room is dim. Lucis has foregone the magic crystal similar to the one down in the generals' cavern, and lit the room by a single candle, instead.
I've slept next to my twin more times than I can count, and yet this time, I feel apprehensive. He goes first, getting underneath the covers, then extends his hand toward me in a gesture so familiar it makes my heart ache. I nod, accepting, and after blowing out the candle I settle in close to him, facing him. He pulls me close, hugging me against his chest.
"Thank you," he whispers against my hair. "You really are the most precious thing in the world to me, the best of all of us."
"Rest, Brother," I tell him quietly, moving back to my own side of the bed, but holding his hand.
"Yes," he mutters, sleep already starting to claim him. "We can talk more later."
I wait for some time, listening to the even sound of his breathing before I dare move. He's not wearing his ring, meaning he's likely hidden it along with mine. I gently ease away from him and stand in the darkened chamber, lit only by the crack of light coming in from underneath the doorway. I leave it, as I dare not light the candle or anything else for fear of waking him.
His even breathing tells me that he's still sleeping, and I creep over to the nightstand. Nothing here I realize after a few minutes of rummaging. Where would he keep it? Somewhere I wouldn't look, but wouldn't be too difficult to access. I check his closet, but find nothing. Finally, it dawns on me: Andraste's sword. I check the pommel, and sure enough, it comes open. Clever. Two small objects fall out, landing on the floor with soft clinking noises. I hold my breath, expecting Lucis to wake, but his breathing remains steady.
I return the pommel and set the sword aside carefully, kneeling on the ground to search for the rings on the floor in the darkened room. I reach out, patting the floor, when my hand finds something I didn't expect: a foot.
Alarm shoots through me and I look up at his accusing eyes in the darkness. His scowl returns, the same expression he'd used when he'd destroyed the Watcher's Well.
"Sleep," he commands, and I feel the spell settle over me.
"No," I protest, fighting against it, moving to grab one of the rings, his by the size of it in my hand and I move to get up. I manage to stand, but my legs betray me, collapsing underneath me, the ring falling out of my hand as I move to brace myself from the fall.
"Sleep," he insists, and again the wave of weakness hits me.
"No!" I cry, my movements sluggish, and I try to crawl, knowing I can't stand. My hand touches the door before my strength gives out and I collapse.
I feel him pick me up, hear his voice close to my head, "I've told you it's suicide to go back, and yet you insist. Very well, Ferox, you leave me with no choice. Perhaps more time is what you need. We can speak more when you awaken."
He lays me back down on the bed, and I don't have the strength to move. Tears form in my eyes and trickle over my face down onto the pillow. "Brother, please," I beg.
"Sleep," he says once more, and I know nothing after that for a long time.