Fire. There was fire. Burning everywhere. Hot! HOT!
"Kurama-san."
No! No! Nonono! I don't want to die, not again, No don't leave me Okaa-sama, Otou-sama!"
"KURAMA-SAN"
I woke up with a jolt, leaping up in fear, almost crashing in to the Nurse standing above me.
"Kurama-san, you were crying in your sleep. Are you sure you do not want me to call your uncle?"
I only stared at her, my mind deep in thought as I only nodded. I didn't want to see that man. Not now at least.
Unable to go back to sleep I headed into my sister's room. Yakumo was asleep, still suffering from whatever illness she had caught. Her fever had barely fallen, at best by a few degrees.
The doctor didn't want to tell me anything, probably because I looked three-years old. The clan members were even more secretive, constantly whispering and scheming. Hell, if someone told me they were a part of some doomsday cult worshipping evil, I would believe them no questions asked.
Then again that's what whispering and arguments between stoic grey-haired adult gave the impression off.
Yakumo had been stuck in the hospital for almost a week and had only been visited once. The once being by all the clan elders and my uncle, who only asked for a report on her health and left.
They wanted to take me as well. They really tried hard. Emotional manipulation, bribery, threats, they tried every trick in the book. It was only after I threatened to ruin their reputation by creating a huge racket in the hospital did, they stop, probably not wanting to embarrass themselves in public.
I heard it all from them, "Your parents wouldn't want this," "I'll give you a new kunai set,"" You'll be punished if you don't come." In fact, they seemed suspiciously eager to get me to come back to the compound.
"Akari?" came a weak voice, bringing me back to the real world. My sister was holding onto my arm, looking at me weakly?"
"Nee-chan!" I cried in relief, tears involuntarily leaking from my eyes. I quickly rubbed them dry, embarrassed at my moment of vulnerability.
"Where are we Akari? What's going on?" Yakumo asked, slowly getting up from the bed.
"Nee-chan, hold up. You're not supposed to stress your body. The doctor said so."
"Doctor?"
"Yeah, we're at the hospital."
"What happened?" my sister asked, her face quickly turning worried.
"Uuuh- "I said, not knowing where to start.
Hell, what was I even supposed to say? 'Hey Nee-chan, our parents are dead, you might be some sort of monster-human hybrid, our uncle is currently attempting to become the clan head…oh and how could I forget, the clan suddenly seems to have a lot of interest in you. But don't worry I'm sure it'll all be fine.'
Yeah…no. I would probably smack myself and cut out my tongue before saying that. So, I went with the second option.
"I don't know. I woke- "
"Yakumo, the nurse told me you had awoken."
My uncle's sharp voice made me immediately straighten up. The middle-aged man looked straight into my eyes before speaking.
"Akari, leave. I need to speak with your sister."
Having no other choice, I sulked out of the room. The man may have been a prick, but he still had more knowledge than me, and could possibly help Yakumo. If that required me to swallow I up my pride and take a few lashings from the man then I would.
Even if I had to die for it, I would help my sister, after all she was the only one left that I loved.
The conclusion to this entire saga pissed me off. No, it seriously pissed me off.
Confused? So am I.
Not only did my Uncle claim that my parents died in a fire accident, where they were 'suffocated by the lack of oxygen' but also said that Yakumo would have to now be separated from me, for my own safety.
They played the age card perfectly. "You're to young to understand," they said. "I'll explain when you're older,' they said. Instead of the truth, they attempted to convince me with half-truths and lies.
The worst part was that I couldn't even argue. Adults lost their temper around me. They argued, called me a 'disrespectful, spoiled brat', berated me and at times even hit me. But not once spoke the truth.
They thought I was just an idiotic three-year-old who would shut up if they told hi-her…enough. They just expected that the problem would just vanish away, disappear if they willed it so.
Well idiocy is rarely rewarded, and they suffered for it indeed. I made sure they did, constantly asking, harassing, arguing and fighting. I felt like I was in a war. A never ending, ceaseless, eternal war.
Every night I would collapse in my mattress out of exhaustion, barely relaxing under the stress of debate. Obviously, it wasn't the good, constructive kind of debate. No, no, of course not. These inhumane bastards preferred the beat -the-opposition kind of debates, attempting to use superior number to outgun me and make me surrender.
Day after day I was subtly, passive-aggressively, aggressively and brutally destroyed, my thoughts were mocked, and my existence discredited.
And the worst part this continued. It went on and on, with no attempts at consolation.
My Uncle was the biggest perpetrator of the lies, and the rest of the clan subservient to him. Some were zealot supporters, other were just nice people forced to choose between a child they barely knew and the clan they lived in.
No one expected a three-year-old to have this much stamina. Then again no one cared after a while. Eventually I was treated as the homeless 'weirdo' who wore 'end-of-the world' around their necks. An outcast and a stain upon societies 'perfect-white'.
I got to see my sister a few times. A few many times, but soon our relationship changed. Our witty banter devolved to awkward silences, and our mutual love into confused looks as we wondered why the acted the way they did.
We lived different lives. I was the rebel, the believer of conspiracy theories, the one constantly trying to accuse the government, while she was the upstanding citizen with a promising future. One I was blight on.
I had noticed long ago that children in this world were far more intelligent than in my previous one, but they were still impressionable. They still believed in adults… and could still be manipulated by them.
At some points I felt like giving up. Like throwing the past and joining the illusion. But what would that achieve? What would that give me?
My old life went so far out of hand because I refused to cooperate. I refused to help my parents understand me, instead making myself into a victim of abusive assholes and an 'unfair world'.
I couldn't change that, but I could try change this. Yakumo may have grown distant, but she was someone I loved, and someone who was very dear to me.
I couldn't just live an in an illusion like this, could I?
Three years passed quickly, with the days feeling like a wave of forgettable garbage. My lessons had continued, and I had eventually mastered the art of throwing kunai, shuriken and senbon.
Well mastered for a beginner at least.
I had begun learning hand-to-hand combat, titled 'Taijutsu', and simply put I sucked at it. Rather I sucked at following the rules.
"Akari, how may times have I told you. You can't break your rhythm to kick the back of your opponent's knees," screamed my crochety instructor.
"They work, don't they?" unconcerned of the poor kid whose nose was bleeding profusely. He looked at me with hatred, eyebrows bent much further than what seemed possible.
"You can't just injure your training partner's."
I simply ignored the man, instead looking at the blood that had spilt on the floor.
I knew I was being an asshole. A horrible human being who would never be liked, but that came with being a rebel. If I wasn't going to be liked why bother?
"I'll be reporting this to your Uncle. Unkai-sama will be displeased."
I only scoffed in disgust. As if I cared what the ass said. The man was a dictator, constantly preaching abut the clan. The clan, the clan…blah, blah, the clan. He probably didn't even spend a second to think that the clan was essentially just a group of people. One that had prospered because of the work of various individuals.
What was a clan without happy people? A prison? A slaughter-house? A failed democracy? If the lives of the individuals didn't matter, then whose did? What represented this unit, this organization?
As I walked back to my 'home', I only walked glumly. MY body had grown severely thinner, giving me a skeletal structure. My eyes had permanent dark circles, making me feel like a hybrid racoon. My sleep cycle had fallen to six hours, a number much less than the prescribed average.
My life was basically a mess, and I didn't know how to fix it. I was almost back to square-zero, minus the alcohol.
And I naively thought it couldn't get worse.
My sixth birthday wasn't anything special. Unlike my sister's no one even came to celebrate it, but it was still special.
The reason was because I would go through the same ritual my sister went through. The one clue that would give me at least some insight about what happened that night. What that demon was? What caused the fire?
I would tell me if anything that had happened in the past three years had been worth it? If I was ever right?
"Akari, come. Do not waste my time," came the impatient voice of my uncle, who couldn't care any less.
"Umu…"
I could see his eye twitch and his neck muscles tighten in anger. After all the man hated disrespect. A value I was a living representation of.
"Akari, listen carefully," he ordered. "The Kurama clan has possessed a special ability since the time of its inception, one that has given us control over illusions. We can control reality itself, twisting and turning it to our own will."
He took a deep breath before continuing.
"However, several hundred years ago our abilities began to go out of control. Several members of the clan went berserk, painting illusions that spread fear, chaos and worry across the land. The elders at that time found the cause of the problem to be a spectral aspect that had been corrupting our Yin chakra, giving it a life of its own."
He took me of the main road and led me to a small shrine that was located at the very back of the compound.
"This spectral aspect was called the 'id'. The elders eventually found a way to seal the creature and hence resolved the problem. Ever since then children are made to seal their 'id' to prevent them from losing control of themselves."
"Wait so we're here to seal my 'id'?" I asked, not having expected such a complication in my life.
"Obviously child. Have you grown deaf listening to yourself speak? Now come and meditate in front of me," he said, ordering me to sit on the pillow in front of him.
Sitting down, I closed my eyes and cleared my mind. I focused on nothing but the energy around me, noting every miniscule change in its movement.
"I will now put you under a Genjutsu, one that will reveal your id to you. When this happens, I will seal it. Your task is to fight it. Not let take over you."
"How am I supposed to prevent myself from getting taken over."
He gave me a hard look.
"Do not listen to a word it says. If it attempts to attack you then defeat it. If it tries to appear weak, do not show any sympathy. Do this and you will succeed. Fail and your chakra will be sealed for the rest of your life."
I took a deep breath. What would I see? A monster like the one I had seen with my sister? Or something darker? Something scarier? Something I couldn't defeat?
"Are you ready?" the man asked. "Whatever it is do not lie. You need to truly be ready. Strengthen your resolve and only then reply."
"Yes, I'm ready" I said with conviction. One I didn't know I had.
Seconds later the energy around me changed. Everything stopped moving. The constant flow of energy around me stopped, moving at a much more regulated pace.
I opened my eyes. I was in a room. My old room to be exact.
In front of me was a man, my old self, sitting their smirking.
"I don't suppose you didn't assume that this was going to be a face yourself cliché." said the other-me.
"Honestly, I didn't," I admitted, a bit uncomfortable at talking to myself.
"Well then, this is certainly awkward," I said, mumbling my thoughts out.
Other-me inly gave a dark smile.
"Your uncle already told you what I wanted."
"Isn't he technically your uncle too?"
"No, I do not have any relatives," other-me seethed out. "Give me control of you."
"Why?" I asked, questioning my other self.
"Isn't it obvious. To kill the assholes who ruined our lives. Your Uncle, Yakumo, the entire clan."
He gave out a maniacal smile.
"I'll make everyone of them beg for mercy. I'll torture them as they cry out that they didn't mean to ignore us? I'll- "
"You'll get revenge?" I interrupted. "You know, if I were taking a shot in the dark, I would guess you're a remnant of all the hate I felt towards the people around me every day. The anger that I suppressed, the rage I pushed away and the hurt I buried."
Other-me only smiled.
"Bingo. I am you. But unlike you I haven't forgiven anyone, I haven't 'let-it-go'."
"But don't you exist because I 'let-it-go'?"
"I exist because you couldn't right the wrong done to you. I exist because you weren't strong enough to take shit from anybody."
"I wasn't strong. In fact, I was weak, both mentally and physically. I gave up easily. I thought everyone should listen to me. Never once did I try to understand others, So how could I expect them to understand me."
"They hurt us. It doesn't matter if they did it because their life was at stake. They hurt us and they need to pay. They need to suffer, just like we did."
"That doesn't solve any of our problems. It only-"
"Who cares about our problems. They broke us long ago. We can't fix ourselves. Not anymore. Not after what they did to us. They can only pay, pay a hundred times more than we did."
"You know I can't give you control over my body. Not if you're going to hurt Yakumo."
"That bitch shouldn't even call us a sister. She doesn't care. A few words and bribes and she switched sides within seconds."
"Yakumo is a kid. She doesn't even know that she killed mother and father."
"She killed mother and father. How can you defend her?"
"She didn't wish for it. She was being controlled by her id. Just like you want to control me."
"Oh, she wanted to kill them."
I struggled to reply to that.
"W-what?"
"I am a projection of your subconscious hate. Her id was obviously a part of hers."
"That is just speculation."
"Speculation that is possible. I want what's best for us. What will satisfy us."
For some reason I couldn't argue back. Why couldn't I argue back? Everything other me had said was irrational and hell bent on destruction. So why couldn't I call him out for it?
"Human beings aren't rational creatures. So, don't be surprised at how convincing I seem. I know your deepest desires after all.
But if that's the case then I want to kill every member of the Kurama clan. Destroy their lives as revenge for ruing mine? Why? I thought I had changed? I—had improved. Become a better human being.
Hadn't I?
"Give up. Give in. I know what you want. You know what you want?"
"I—I"
"Stop fighting it. Nothing will change. Nothing will improve. After this sure your uncle will continue treating you like dirt. Your clan will treat you like trash. Your sister will stop caring for you."
"She will stop caring for me…" I repeated shakily. Why couldn't I say no. Why couldn't I deny the possibility."
It was because other-me was true. My future wasn't certain. I didn't know what was going to happen. I expected bad things to happen. I couldn't deny that I believed in everything he said.
But.
"You're absolutely right about the fact that I believe in everything you said. I- I know that it is very possible that Yakumo will follow the clan and ignore me."
"Then-"
"But that doesn't mean I can't choose to suffer to make things right. I can give up. Or I can try my hardest to change my clan. I can kill them. Or give them a second chance. Just like the one I got in my second life."
Other-me stood silent.
"So, you believe that despite all they have done. They can change."
"No, I believe that despite all they have done, I can try and make my life better. Not by crucifying them, but by finding new people. Better people. People who I like."
"So you wish to put your faith in the fact that somewhere out there, in the big wide world, there are people who we can love. Who we can trust?"
After a few minutes of silence, he spoke.
"Fine."
"You believe me so easily?"
"Idiot, I am you. Who else will believe you?"
He turned around, sat on his desk and began typing on his laptop.
"Go now."
And suddenly all the energy began moving around me once again. The scenery changed, and my uncle appeared in front of me.
"Good night!" I said before passing out.
I woke up in a comfortable futon that had been laid on the ground, fresh and charged for the day.
Then I remembered the previous days events and my energy suddenly disappeared. Id was me, or at least on conglomeration of my worst memories. A living testimony to all the pain I had suffered in my life.
The more I suffered, the more he did as well. I wondered if the happier I was, if some burdens would be resolved for him?
"Akari, you're awake!"
My sisters familiar hand touched my forehead as she checked my temperature.
"Nee-chan? What happened?"
She gave me a worried look.
"I was hoping you would answer that for me. Uncle brought you here last night. Today he called all the clan elders and has been in a meeting all night."
She twisted her long hair worriedly.
"What happened during the ritual? Did you lose against your id?"
"Lose…? I- "
"Yakumo! I you to not tell anything to Akari," shouted out my uncle as he approached me in a hurry. Behind him were the elders, all wearing sour expressions in their face.
"Akari, have you ever seen your mother consorting with any man outside the clan?"
"Wha-No," I stated, confused by the events unfolding in front of me.
"She is young Unkai. You're- "
"Tanaka-sama! Even if there is a chance that Uroko was cheating on my brother, then we have to take action."
"The results of the DNA test have not even come yet. We can't make a- "
"She does no have an id. There has never been a clan member, not even one who doesn't have one."
"The Uchiha have had reports of children not developing the Sharingan. The Hyuuga- "
"Their pathetic magical eyes are not the same as our- "
Among all the squabbling a man dressed in black appeared. He wore a white mask with red markings, and a lot of armor around his body.
"As per your request Unkai-sama, I have brought you the results of the test you requested."
He handed him a scroll and once again spoofed out of existence.
Suddenly my interest in being a ninja was rekindled.
"The results are positive," declared Unkai, his signature frown masking his face.
"I told you Unkai. You were being too hasty- "
"Tanaka-sama! This does not change the fact that she does not have an id. She also survived that incident. She is dangerous. She is- "
"This is speculation- "
The whole room burst into argument, with each old codger trying to speak louder than the last.
"I am the clan head. You are the respected elder's who are to ADVISE me about matters. The decision is mine to make."
He then turned to me, the hatred in his eyes made my body shake.
"Kurama Akari. You are banished from the clan and will be removed from our records. Your crime is being a disruptive presence throughout the compound. Never call yourself a Kurama again."
He then left me alone to contemplate the words he had just said.
"Yakumo come."
I watched as my sister reluctantly left my side and joined my uncle. Every step felt like I was being stabbed.
No one said a word, only avoiding my eyes.
A few minutes later I was the only one left.
AN: Well that escalated quickly didn't it. Thanks for reading.
Ps: I do not own Naruto and this story is for entertainment purposes only.