Behind Black Curtains
An AU, Sephiroth and Tifa fanfiction
- by Amaranthos-
Chapter 33: Modus Vivendi
I woke up in a rush, feeling stupefied. I look around confusedly, wondering what had awakened me.
I look down at the thrashing man in my lap.
"Sephiroth" I whispered
I could hear him breath, long and hard.
"Sephiroth" I clutched onto him, scared something was wrong.
"Burning" he whispers…
I narrowed my brows…
"I'm burning" he coughs…
I touched his head, and gasped – he was burning up. He was sweating profusely and there was no way two little pieces of cloth could cool down such a fever. Shit! I had to take him to the river. But how?
There was no other choice, but to drag him. I stood to my feet, and in a soft voice I coaxed him to stand. He pushes a hand defiantly to wave me off. I fumed. Now was not the time to show me he had spirit.
Was it he feared I saw weakness in him?
"Get up…" I whispered…
"Leave me" he hisses…
"Don't" I held his jaw, "don't you dare say that" I whispered fiercely…
Through hazed eyes he looks up at me.
Slowly he rises to his feet. He loops a hand around my neck, putting as much weight as he could on me. We slowly walk to the river and it's difficult having to guide a big guy like Sephiroth. I examined him, noting he was tired, and flustered. The moon thankfully, had come out and I could clearly see my surroundings.
There in the distance was the river just a few meters away from our camp site. We totter forward faster, where Sephiroth collapses on the bank.
"Take it off" he says…
"What?" I quizzically looked at him.
"The…" he hisses, "the pants"
Immediately my cheeks flame. Up until now I hadn't thought about his pants and getting them soaked. If I left them on, chances are he would catch a cold turning the situation into wry. Yet if I stripped him, would it be right for me, especially when I'm the one emotional about him.
"Lockhart" he placed a hand on his belt buckle…
He calls to me, but I'm too frozen to comply.
I swallowed. Understanding I couldn't let my feelings get the better of me, I undid his belt. Shakily, I unbuttoned his pants, pulling them off, easily. It was with sin, I allowed my eyes to rove over his body. And a blush stains my face as I see him naked and glorious. He indeed was a spectacle to behold.
I shook my head. Now was not the time to be goggling at Sephiroth. I carefully drag his body into the river submerging him into the cold water. I hiss as the water brought my body to pins and needles. Damn the water was cold. I looked at Sephiroth who was still submerged in the water and the heavens seem to light the man to perfection. Every muscle seems beautifully carved by the light of the moon.
Bringing him up for air, he breaths in deeply and looks at me hazily.
"Why don't you let me die?" he asks in a low voice, weak and broken.
"Because I can't" I whisper to the darkness…
"I deserve to die. You shouldn't show sympathy to me. I don't need your sympathy" he coldly addresses
"I'm not like you…" I informed…
He stiffens…
"You should let me die" he finishes…
I look down, is that how he sees it? Slowly I look up
"You'll never understand" I give a small smile to myself…
Sephiroth stares at me solemnly. In some way I couldn't expect someone like him to understand me, but somewhere I thought, maybe he could.
He places a hand on my cheek, deftly caressing my cheek.
I refuse to find solace in his caresses. The man was so complicated as he was simple. Every time I drew in, he had something besmirching and condescending to say and yet he finishes his brusque narcissism with soft caresses, and those bright green eyes, they draw me in only to drag me out. Damn you Sephiroth.
I carefully pull his body to the bank, just leaving him there to rest. He looks up at the moon that shines down on us. I look up, following his gaze.
Tonight was a beautiful night. The bright blue moon seems to share its incandescent light across the forest, emanating a soft white glow on our skin. Nature itself, seems to be alive as insects and animals created a symphony of sound. I looked at the sky finding a thousand stars. So many stars.
It was such a clear night. We lie there, looking at the heavens, quiet and content in our silence.
"Why do you do it?" I asked in a small voice
He says nothing.
"Why do you continue to work for an organization like Black Crescents?" I asked, "don't you want to be free? Enjoy your life?" I asked, staring at the large craters on the moon.
He says nothing, instead the silence fills our gap.
"What's there to enjoy in life?" he asks coldly.
I smile, "there's so many things Sephiroth. There's the freedom, firstly. There's the autonomy of controlling your destiny. Making your own decisions. There's simpler things like places to visit, new friends to make… and then there's the big things too." I smile remembering my coronation.
"Life is spectacular Sephiroth…" I bit my lips, "but you wouldn't know that, because this life is all you know…imprinted at the start as a waste" I shook my head, saddened that men actually described life, exactly to that note.
Sephiroth turns to me, "the whole world is not what it seems, Lockhart. When you have lived as long as I have, and been through the damns so foul as I have, you learn the true creativity of life, is really… that there's none." He pauses, "the whole world, revolves and propels itself on the iron mistake that we men, create our lives, our destinies…" he hisses, "our lives are crafted at the very inception of our birth to be it as it is. Not everyone is born into a title as a princess, or a ruler, nor is everyone is born into a home of crumble, and fall. But why is it, that fate inputs in us the thing that makes us succeed. Why is it, Lockhart that some men are born so gifted at what they do, some are great painters, other like men are great assassins. It is because, fate, life and the fake insecurity of man controlling their destiny is a bunch of hypocrite bullshit. There is no colour, no creativity to what is in your circuitry - to what you were designed and built for, you can try so long to go against the grain, but self-ruin is never far behind." He informs…
I stiffen, perhaps now I understand the philosophy of his life.
"How poetic" I narrowed my brows, "is that the garbage you live by?" I blinked, somewhat refusing to believe that behind all of this – life… it is a matter of being designed into us.
He snorts.
"Life doesn't have to be in black and white Sephiroth. Your life as a killer can only be damned. You've tampered with the awesome balance of life, and yet you dare give a fitting appraisal of the life, in its most summarized and pathetic form?" I shook my head, "life is not –
He interjects, "is that why you're attracted to me?" he raises his head.
My eyes held his, and he makes no mistake his sentence construction.
My cheeks immediately go red.
"Is it that you're attracted to me sincerely, or is it your role as a pacifist that keeps you here?" he asks…
I blink back, somehow … not sure.
Strangely, I didn't see this coming. I temper the questions, am I here because I want to be for the genuine reason I adore him or is because… it is my role as a pacifist to do the right thing? I shook my head. Unbelievable I thought. He talks about fate making people great at their ascribed roles, and now I'm wondering if he's really right, if I do what I do because of fate, or because of a will of my own?
I remained silent, refusing to answer his question.
"We should get back" I started, going to his side. I grabbed his pants and eased it up his legs. I stiffened when I felt him stare at me intently.
We return to the campsite with Sephiroth eyeing the fires contemplatively. He leans against a tree and he just stares at the fire.
"You should get some rest" I started…
He says nothing.
"What's the matter, you seem… distracted" I throw a log into the fire.
"I don't understand you" came his simple reply.
I sighed. Where did that come from, I thought.
"The feelings mutual" I reciprocated.
"You know how the story ends and yet you sacrifice your freedom for someone like me. Someone who has in their system, to return you to place that has held you against your will. And you knowing that, and understanding the gravity of the situation, you continue to become an irony, and stay here with the very person who is your executioner." He scoffs, "I've seen many men try to do a good deed Lockhart, but you are all together a different kind of breed. Perhaps it is you are foolish, maybe it's something more…" he sputters…
"Maybe it is …you know nothing at all" I returned
It was very early, and I couldn't sleep. In a couple hours, Sephiroth would be up and I'd have to return to that wretched place. I frowned. What was the point of saving his life, if he would send me back to that place? I perhaps, maybe conceived this time we had, as a time to… heal, forgive and make amends to the wroth of our past. But with someone like Sephiroth, everything was on a thin thread. He was not the kind of man, you would expect to find solace, and he isn't…
It's been an hour now since I've been up. For the duration of the time, I've been thinking about running away. Leaving him behind. Last night our confessions, our philosophies… just who were are, I saw it for what it was - difference. We contrasted like polar opposites.
We believed two different religions, which if kept together would only destroy us. But I guess that's life …that's the modus vivendi
Standing to my feet, I looked down at Sephiroth. Taking a breath, I leaned down and whispered, "good bye, Sephiroth"
With a few tears in my eyes, I thought – enough, no more tears for men I can not save. I touched his face one last time, and with a pang of hurt deep in my gut, I stood up and left. My footsteps seem to echo, but I wouldn't turn around.
I wouldn't do what was right for people anymore. I would do what was right for me.
Even if it hurt.
Besides, we were different people.
He couldn't love me. I couldn't love him.
The tears deftly fall, and I hate myself more and more by the second for being so weak.
Everything in my fiber, everything in my caliber screams at me to return to the ill man, but my heart it hurts too much to listen, as it does to ignore. Caught between who I should be for the sake of my duty, and for the sake of what is right, I grit my teeth hating my choices.
I run as fast as I can through the olden forest, my foot still hurting, but I don't want to be here anymore. I had to leave this place behind, save myself.
And my whole soul feels like its breaking, but what am I suppose to do? Stay with the man who will kill me?
Do I listen to the lust and emotions in my veins; remember a time we were supposedly in love?
I run faster.
I hate it… I hate him for making me feel this way.
"Confused…" I shake my head..
My muscles begin to burn and my foot is no good to the constant running. I stop momentarily to inspect my ailing foot. Damn. I massaged my foot and I saw what seems to be a dark liquid oozing from my foot.
"Great, just great" I cursed.
I sat down on the ground, just breathing in and massaging my foot. Perhaps I would take a small break.
I'm tired, hungry, thirsty, hurting and now… I'm beginning to see double. I held onto a tree taking a couple deep breaths. I've been trying my luck all morning to head North – the direction of Red Hearts, and as it was, I think my body is at its breaking point.
Not only was I unsure about my surroundings and direction, I was also concerned about Sephiroth. By now he must have had sufficient energy to move about, and that's what I feared the most – an active, stealthy assassin. To him, I was probably child's play when it came to hide and seek. Fearing that he was lurking about in the dark forest, I pushed myself harder, until I could no more.
Tired and worn out, I precariously held onto a tree, just completely in a daze. I heard birds, and strange animals stir in the forest, but I was probably looking more like prey than I was a predator. As it was, if anything attacked I would be done for.
My knees weaken and I crashed to the floor.
That's it, I can't go any further.
And just as I'm about to give up, I hear something. A river.
"Water?" I whispered…
Pushing myself to my feet, I tottered forward through the forest, until I came upon a gushing river. On the sides of the bank were berries. Food, is all my brain registered.
I scrambled to the plant, eating the small wild red berries, greedily. I was so hungry, so tired. The sweet flavor easily digests, as I'm left with a tart tang on my tongue. I wiped my mouth and drank from the river. I didn't care, I was thirsty. I entered the shallow part of the river, soaking my sore body. I lied there, completely worn out and tired.
"Enjoying your bath, Lockhart?" comes a dark voice.
My eyes fluttered open, and immediately my brain notes 'he's found me'
I turned around, slowly.
"Sephiroth" I whispered…
He stood a couple meters from me, completely rejuvenated. He stood tall, and smart, with his long Masamune and heavy jacket adorn on him. Even his eyes have returned to their perverse shade of green. And who could forget the smirk. That smirk of sin.
He edges closer to the bank.
"You thought you could escape?" he asks, stooping down to my level. His eyes are so sinister and haunting, it's almost scary.
My lips shivered.
He pulls a wet tendril from my cheek, "you should know" he seems fascinated by the single wet strand of hair, "that you can not escape me" he smirks deviously…
I swallowed the lump.
"I saved your life…" I whispered, "now pardon mine" I looked up at the man.
He looks at me devoidly.
"Is that what you think I'll do?" he asks, condescendingly.
I shivered, "you don't always have to be a beast, you know" I explained…
"Is that what you think I'll do, Lockhart?" he repeats the question, in a sterner voice.
"Yes…" I lied
He scoffs, "you really don't know me at all" he pulls my arm and brings me to my feet.
"Let me go" I started.
"I don't have time to play games, Lockhart" he gruffly pushes me forward.
"I'm not going back to that place Sephiroth" I gritted my teeth.
"You don't have a choice" he smirks.
"You monster" I whispered breathlessly.
"So I've be told"
He grabs me, but I wrestle with him, twisting and turning out his grasp. Sephiroth seems greatly annoyed at my squirming, that in a final act of frustration, he grabs my arms and pin me against a tree.
I breathed in deeply.
"Quit it" he orders
Our eyes exchange a certain emphatic iciness.
"Go to hell, Sephiroth" I whispered back.
He smirks mockingly.
He grabs me by the shoulder and pushes me into an eastern direction. I cried out, not able to grasp what was taking place. I knew somewhere in my mind, that Sephiroth was capable of such actions, but I didn't expect them to be real. Oh kami-sama.
Sephiroth continues to push me forward, and it's no use trying to retaliate against someone as strong as him.
"I gave my life…my freedom..but what do you give?" I cried…
He replies, "I never asked for you sympathy, Lockhart." He crudely replies
"Damn you" I twisted from his hold.
He shakes me, and then pulls me to his face, "it was your choice to keep me alive, now live with what you've done." he whispers icily.
Tears fall down my cheeks.
He's right…
I'm taken away, and with my head hung low as I feel my feet grow heavy as I'm taken to a place I'm reluctant to return. Sephiroth remains stagnant and vetted in his choice, as there's nothing I can do to defy him.
We walk for what seems to be an hour, and then with a clearing in the distance, I feel Sephiroth slow his steps.
We edge closer, where strange sounds could be heard. Immediately I register them. Alarms, and not just any alarms.
We cautiously exited the clearance and there before us is a sight that brings me to tears.
My body trembles, as the sight of machine guns, tanks and soldiers point their weapons at us intently. They squarely focus on us, inspecting us for any sudden movements.
Sephiroth protectively comes in front of me; his green eyes darker than usual.
I look up, a happiness coming over me…
Finally, I whimpered…
'I'm home…'
"I'm finally home" I cried…
To be continued…
Thank you for reading