Behind Black Curtains
An AU, Sephiroth and Tifa fanfiction

-by Amaranthos-

Chapter 42: The Only Beautiful Thing…

I woke to the smell of something familiar. It reminded me of dreams and other stark things too – maybe of a comfort and peace I once knew? – for what was this unknown nostalgic feeling? I distinctively recalled this smell… it was one of my favorite's. I stirred softly, and the sound of rain became distinct.

Cold sheets. I pressed them gently to my face; it's softness and chilly bite nipping at my cheeks. I huddled in a small ball and blew a breath. Painful realization crossed my mind and I knew with realization where I was.

The pastel dream I lived days ago, felt darkened now – wilted and dissolved. The nightmare I lived was only too real, and dear I say… I lived it each day.

I opened my eyes, a strange tiredness about me as I took in the old patina window, still locked. The unlit fireplace, was tragically left to rot with the olden wood blocks neatly assembled off to the side. The sparse furniture and lack of painted vignettes and damasks confirmed my suspicions it was a man's room. After all… Sephiroth didn't keep many things kept privately as his own.

The quietness of the room stirred something deep within me. My single-mindedness felt absolute, as once more I was left alone…in this stinking reality! The world slowed down, the animated pictures of life dull and faded. The single painting of a one red flag on a hill, seems so lifeless now – its meaning still unknown. I used to be so fond of that picture and maybe as a captive I wanted to believe, just maybe, that it meant hope. That amidst the darkness – amidst my darkness it could all mean hope.

But I was tragically holding on to every phantom, to every memory to everything to avoid my almost inevitable self-immolation. To stand amidst all the changing, dying chaos made me feel displaced, like indeed I had not grown up. This room…

Haunted me…

I once found warmth and peace here, but now in the tragedy of a new day – in the guile of my enemy's hands… I felt cold.

So many memories were made here, some so delicate, some so painful. These walls hold so many secrets about a private lifestyle once shared. The large bed reminds me of our animated intimate moments; my first time in the arms of a man…his arms.

The desires, quenches and thirsts of a General and a lost pacifist were once realized here. That dream was broken into a thousand pieces by the same man who manufactured what would later be naïve love. It was to my unparalleled love, perhaps burgeoning paranoia I knew Sephiroth was not to be painted as say - 'an evil man', but without a doubt, behind his madness, behind his perfection, there was a man living. One I wanted to hold, to keep.

Dreams and desires should not be entangled, their dangerous threading surely will cut and sever.

But where was hope, if I could not love?

Sephiroth…

I knew dreaming about him wasn't the best thing to do at the time, but how could I explain this logic to anyone – how could I explain that through all that's happened, I felt most safe with him.

Conversely, the man was so political about his job and agenda; there's no pause and certainly no period to his queue.

The Sephiroth - an extraordinarily eccentric man… beautiful to study, dangerous to keep.

Sometimes he felt more like the characters in stories - who would never die and like the stories I too made him immortal.

He was much too much a free-spirit that couldn't be kept neither be held. And as much as I wanted this devil as mine… he couldn't be caught by hands or.. my bleeding heart. He was meant to be free… to disappear wherever he wanted.

I wanted so much to understand what I saw in him. Could it be the way he came off, different from my own cultured ways. Fooled but equally intrigued I found mystery in him. Was it temptation or was my advancement towards him indeed sincere?

'What did I expect falling in love with Sephiroth, something deep and passionate, real… and true?'

I pitied myself believing such fallacies. But behind this cloud of thought and illusion… I knew once thing certain.

'He is a Black Crescent…

And I..

I am a Red Heart.'

"Just one more week" the blond haired man started flatly.

The old man staring out the window, blinked back somehow forgetting the young commander in the room. He spared a small smile and casted a warm look to the young man.

"Yes" he acknowledged, taking a seat near the window.

Cloud saw the evidence of war and its damage tainted on the human spirit everyday; and being a Commander so young an age, bore its own sin not hard to miss. Yet watching back at his heroes and fine mine akin, General Lockhart's identity was never present on the list. Yet, seeing him - General Lockhart deliberate in silence, felt at fraction disturbing. There was no doubt that time behind the desk for the master strategist was an expensive art repaid only with insanity.

"You're thinking about her, aren't you?" Cloud selected his words carefully

The man drew a deep sigh. He seem to pause and let the words resound within him – all intention and hurt to bear. General Lockhart looked up, "what father doesn't wish to take the place of their child, because of their hand?"

Cloud was caught cold by the words.

In some way how could any father, any real father forget his child? Something like that is too unimaginable for say - the simple understanding of a young man like Cloud.

"Where is your hope, sir?" Cloud questioned.

General Lockhart pursed his lips. His eyes remaining focused out the window.

To Cloud, he couldn't understand the worries and troubles of a father, muchless a leader who was asked to be both. General Lockhart was a meticulous man - he fingered and picked each situation with a scrutiny that indeed mocked the common's man intellect. But it was his ability to be great, and humble that made him much liked.

But much like the men grown at Red Hearts, General Lockhart too had locked himself away from expressing his pain.

"I will never lose hope, Cloud" he whispered, "not when she's waiting on me, least I die trying"

Was it a promise he had made to himself? General Lockhart were many things, but easy, simple and understandable remained far and eschewed from his ordinary. Like any veteran of war, the man would not be scurried into people's speculations, dirt-talk and beliefs. There was only one word for a man like that…

"- But fear not," he stood tall…

"I promised Black Crescents years back, of a shadow I kept with me" he smiled, "a shadow that plays in the light and dark… " the man ended.

"-Sir?" Cloud arched a brow.

General Lockhart placed a finger over his smiling lips, "its our little secret"

The small tick of the door was heard and I knew all too well who it was. I held my breath momentarily, collected on the bed like some hapless doll emptily searching out the window. The rain in its mysterious delight granted me no topic of focus. Comforting, I thought sarcastically. The footsteps enter the bedroom, and slowed to a halt. There's no indication why he stopped, but I presume, maybe… the sight of a woman on his bed still wasn't something comfortable and welcoming.

The metal clinks averted my attention to his reflection in the window. He delicately placed the long Masumune on the empty rack beside the others.

I studied him quietly noticing he's methodical in all movements simple and diverse. He released his gloves, then untied his boots and because he's a third star General, his attire is much different from the original. This one was an all black uniform very impressive with high collars, and gold buttons. The Black Crescents insignia is pinned tidily alongside the many badges and pins awarded to the General. It wasn't unusual to say, the man looked absolutely immaculate in his outfit. His stark platinum locks and pale white face contrasted so well against the strong black attire. As strange as it sounded, he looked deadlier.

His bare fingers found the buttons of his jacket, where on the last one he removed the article, neatly placing it on the wooden chair in the corner. He edged to the bed and then examines me. I stared at his reflection, wondering what was he thinking. He smirked inconspicuously. Curtly his eyes caught mine in the window and I wrenched them close. There was a sound of rustling fabric and his company on the bed becomes confirmed when his weight shifted off to the side.

I felt him draw closer, his movements making me very uncomfortable. His low, husky breathing burned like tiny scintillations of fire across my skin. It took all my might to stop reacting, and as if he could hear me, his hands gently touched my back. He started tracing tiny circles along the spine and then drew closer, breathing even deeper in my ear…

I heard his heart beat loudly as my muscles tensed to the soft pressure of his fingers. I felt the quick shivers, light sweat and spasms of nerve and muscle reduce to nothingness with just the simple touch of his fingers. Sephiroth knew how to work me, to get me exactly where he wanted me. After all, history reminded me it didn't take much to make the pacifist tick.

But how could I lie, this feeling that felt so wrong was… so delicious?

Every fiber burned and I knew… I hated him, but I loved this feeling. His hands circled me - and if only for a minute he could truly treat me like his own. Fingers traced my neck as hot exhalations of air followed not far behind. His hands dangerously fidgeted with the trim of my shirt and like before, patience is not his middle name in the act of lust.

It always started like this and ended where he left me in a solitary world.

It started with fires and tempers, lips to touch, hot fevers that burned and sex that ended me broken but begging for more.

Sometimes I wondered how much more I would let him hurt me?

When would I say enough was enough? When my heart was destroyed into a million pieces? Sephiroth never loved me and imagining he could wasn't something I could phantom any longer. He wasn't the type of man to keep a woman for his collective purposes, instead I'm reminded he was a free-spirit with no master, no dependent… no one to keep him constricted.

For caresses, kisses, flesh and love could all fade away, one flicker to another. His disciplines were different from my own. And while it was okay for him to touch me and pleasure himself…

It was no longer okay with me.

I had suffered so much because of him. To lose it all by his hands is what I kept giving him the right to do.

He ran his tongue down the crook of my neck and the tightening in my throat, blurred my thinking. His teeth found the flesh of neck and slowly he sucked down. I arched my mouth open, tiny whimpers escaping my lips.

How I hated myself…

It only took that to set him on edge. He enveloped the sore area with his tongue, and presses me deeper into the sheets. I gasped when I felt his hands going beneath my shirt. His callous fingers slid against my stomach, scratching the flat plane with his nails. I gasped again, and I couldn't control it any longer. I opened my eyes and found him suckling on my neck, his teeth bruising the gentle skin as he applied more pressure. I moaned, shutting my eyes in pure ecstasy. His hands ascended to my breasts which he swiftly cupped in a firm hold. His routine was simple as he kneaded and pulled on the nipple occasionally, which left me whimpering.

He applied more of his weight on my side, and sucked even harder on my neck.

"Sephiroth!" I moaned aloud.

In the heat of our bodies, I felt something falling from my eyes.

Tears.

Frozen that I had forgotten that it always started like this, something in me clicked.

"Stop it" I cried…

He looked down somewhat startled, his hair in disarray over his smoldering green eyes and parted wet lips.

"Let me remind you…you can't imagine yourself in the fallacy that someone like me, could give myself to you… " I paused to stare him in the eyes, "that would be a lie"

He touched his lips almost in a calculated manner and drew a smirk.

"Copying my serenade won't do you any good" he stated bluntly.

I tried prying my hands out his hold but he grasped it even tighter.

"Let go" I started in a soft voice.

"Silly woman" he said in an amused voice.

"Let me go" I ordered.

He pulled me closer, his body almost cradling me. There we were, together in this silver vortex communicating intimate silence.

There was no exchange from the belligerent General. He examined me staying in the silence for a long time.

"Why am I here, Sephiroth?" I stared at him.

His eyes searched me for a moment.

Silence penetrated the atmosphere and not even the rain could compete with the deafening sound. Our hearts were parallel of affections, and yet here we were at the precipice. Our entanglement was complicated and left the rawness of my heart to despair.

"-Because there is something about you that's beautiful" he whispered

I looked up. Stunned. 'Did he? - No…' I shook my head in disbelief.

This time he was not playing with me. I sensed truth behind his words. His eyes were for once not smitten with a condescending glow and he looked at me for me, to say the least.

"You are beautiful Lockhart. Your heart is in the right place and for who you are - the decisions you make, the strength you give… it's a celebration of life." he paused to stare out the window. His eyes remote and for once I knew it was me he was thinking about.

"You're stubborn and annoying, careless and selfish… immature" he turned to me, "but still your heart is beautiful"

I swallowed the lump.

"You must assume because of who I am, I am talentless in noticing beauty. It is for that said reason that my routine occupation has equipped me in knowing the truest illustration of beauty and innocence. It may be difficult to understand me, but imagine all around you the world is shrouded in darkness and grey. Any man in his right mind – insane as I am, would know the true splendor, sound and craft of beauty. Especially in someone like you"

I held my breath, tears precariously on edge.

"You must understand Lockhart I know of what I speak… because as cliché the sentence sounds" he paused to search my eyes, "you are the only beautiful thing I do know… " he whispered…

My tears fell without pause, as these were the words I've longed to hear. I tilted my head and knew it was his words I needed to heal from this place - from him.

He lifted my chin and I stared at him through the blurriness of my eyes.

"But this war has made it clear, where duties and boundaries must lie " he explained.

My whole body shook, as the tears fell down even harder. Why was it he didn't leave it at that?

I sat up sharply to take my leave but Sephiroth pulled me to him.

"Why don't you see it?" he turned me around.

I stiffened.

"Go die in your war and leave me be…" I coldly said.

He stiffened at the comment and it was a first coming from him.

"I don't think you'd want that. A bit selfish…" he whispered.

"Selfish? Selfish? I'm not the selfish one who takes what he wants when he wants it. I've be patient on you … so don't you dare talk to me about selfish when you don't even see the half of it.."

"Look around you Lockhart. This is a war, a real damn war. Perhaps the life of princess has blinded you into realizing what's real around us. Believing that our threads of fate could get any luckier that our time in this room is a lie. " he explained.

"Tis all I am to you is it, a damn pleasure tool? I am so tired of your filthy kind" I spat.

"You're here to tell me about my kind? What is it that you think you know, little pacifist?" he snarled.

I swallowed. He pushed me back into the bed and pinned me beneath him.

"You live your life in the illusion that I am a good man, that somewhere beneath the repugnant stench of my stink, there is something intrinsic to all man? What did you once call it, ah right… good. While others call it for what it truly is, evil. I have done dark things, things that would make your skin shrink, things that would make you second-guess that tone of yours. I am not a good man Lockhart, and someone like you shouldn't wish on someone like me being yours." he explained

For the first time Sephiroth described himself to me. It was not the first time I heard a soldier's confession.

"I am a bestial man, selfish in what I wanted. I've tasted death and shapeless stink devices, but here you arrived real…undefiled and pure. Yes I admit it! I wanted you, I had to taste you. And now that I have, I want more." he confessed, "at the end of the day the broken will always clamour to something, anything that could satiate their void. And while it appears, handwritten at times I've insulted and hurt you… there is no apology, worthy for my actions." he confessed.

"Because you're guilty?"

He arched a brow.

"It doesn't change anything. Why is it that you forget your essentiality to live and love?" I stared at him, "every man in one shape or another wants to be loved, wants to be held and adored"

He fixed his eyes deeply on mine, "the men in this war Lockhart are all dent and bruised. Missing parts, missing fragments of sanity. Living on their last fiber of doing what they think is right. And for a long time, we've lived in the illusion we were doing the right thing, but eventually that too fades. Perhaps it is that belief that nothing is assured we avoid ourselves the inconvenience of entertaining our lives with things that are uncertain. Who is it for you to state that love heals everything, that it can cleanse a heart as diseased as mine? Who dare you to say such a thing?"

"I can't offer you the kind of political reasons you seek Sephiroth. These answers don't come from logic they come from the heart and you've lost yours so how do I explain certainty on a subject left dent and gone in your archives? I can't promise it will fix everything, can't cloth all the wounds of the war but I know because as you've just said it… the broken will always clamour to the pure."

"What gives you that assurance?" he asked, expectantly.

"Well…for starters, we've nearly lost each other too many times, and yet somehow I always end up here..." I whispered.

For a brief moment there was something faint like a ghost of a smile on his lips. Knowing Sephiroth, he'd never admit that. But perhaps it was a small price to pay, in keeping a man like Sephiroth. His vanity, his legend, his spirit they were all tall and large, and required their space to stretch and condense…

Looking into my eyes, he drew me closer with his hands coming to my cheek and caressing me ever so slowly. Touches that made me fall in love, made me love him even more. I closed my eyes, feeling the pressure of lips settle against my own. Softly, his lips traced mine with nothing but a real calm to his character. His hands found their way around me, and I kissed back remembering how good it felt to taste him. He traced the contours of my back with skillful fingers, sending shivers up my spine. There's no direction in this man, I thought.

He withdrew and placed my hand over his beating heart. What a powerful, and beautiful sound.

My skin flushed and I parted my lips almost trying to articulate anything for how I felt. What felt indescribable and so mortal of an action, made me want him on a level that felt almost…unnatural.

Sephiroth, I whispered beneath my breath admiringly.

I pulled away and I knew exactly what we needed.

I slipped off the bed and stood in front the window. With my brightest smile, I blushed and raised my hands above my head.

He cocked his head to the side and studied me confused.

"Well?" I said annoyed…

He smirked.

He stood up and stared deeply into my eyes. An intense, beautiful recognition was alas found, all in his calm.

His fingers hovered the trim of my small dress/shirt, and knowing the time was right, he grabbed the dress dragging it above my head, leaving me naked and exposed.

The last sound I heard was the fabric hitting the floor, and so too with it the last of my inhibitions…

To be continued…

Next chapter - Chapter 43: Consummation (LEMON)

Author Notes: The lemon was finally written and has more of a modern-day vibe (hope you guys like it when you read it.) I'll post 2 versions of chap 43, the clean version, which will be posted on fanfic dot net, and the smexy lemon version, which will only be posted on my Scribd.

How will you know when its out? Please feel free to add me to your story favourites. Chances are when the update comes out for the next chapter on fanfic dot net, I will post the lemon on scribd. To read any of the lemons, or future lemon for BBC, you simply click my profile name.

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