A/N: Many thanks to poxyTraitors and Guest for their kind reviews! I really appreciate it, guys. Glad you are enjoying this story. :D

"The past is never where you think you left it"

- Katherine Anne Porter

They lay in bed, with arms around each other. Monica's cheek was resting on Spencer's chest that rose and fell with every breath he drew. She sighed in bliss, her fingers tracing the contours of his face. In the dim lighting, her biceps seemed more pronounced than his.
"When I think objectively, it does make sense", Spencer said.
She asked,
"What does?"
"You being a spy"
She yawned, tired with her day's excursions.
"You're still not over that?"
He went on.
"You're friendly and outgoing, but you don't have many friends. You usually keep your distance from people, to avoid them from getting involved in your life. You're highly organized, meticulous. Not naturally but because you have to be. You don't reveal much about yourself unless asked. That struck me as odd when we had just begun dating. Also, you try to... Monica?"
She had rolled over and was pretending to be asleep. God knew she loved the man to pieces, but he just didn't know when to stop. He leaned over her.
"Did you show any athletic interests in school?"
Monica kept her eyes closed.
"Monica?"
"Junior gymnastics"
"Yes, of course. It makes total sense"
Spencer went on laying out her profile, talking right above her ear.
"...and you're the youngest sibling. But it's hard to tell that about you unless you're around them. The level of maturity and..."
Sighing, Monica resigned herself to the pillow talk. Spencer said,
"You said you used guns. Did you undergo firearms training?"
"Only for one assignment"
"So you were an agent, not an intelligence officer"
"Yep"
"How many assignments did you do for them?"
"That is classified information"
"That many?"
"No. And stop digging into it. Espionage isn't as glamorous as people think. You should know that. It was the shittiest job I ever had"
He spoke after a moment.
"If given the chance, would you do it again?"
"I wouldn't"
Monica faced him, leaning on her elbow. She looked deathly serious.
"This fascination with my past stops here. There are no exciting tidbits there. It was hours and days of being holed up in places just to eavesdrop on some pertinent information. Mingling with horrible kinds of people, people who would do anything for a belief. And I'm not talking about Muslims or foreigners. These were people who would do monstrous things to other people only for the sake of a faith, a stupid idea rooted in myths and fiction. I got out of there because I couldn't take it anymore - the lies, the hiding in plain sight, the lack of anything resembling a normal life. You know why I chose botany? 'Cause I thought it would keep me away from people. I know you have seen the worst of humanity. To some extent, I have too. When required, I have broken bread with them, pretended to be one of them. I came back here to get a chance at a regular, normal life. My family still believes most of my work with the Security Service was desk work and they should believe that"
Monica warned him.
"Not even my siblings' spouses know about this, Dr. Reid. It goes without saying that you can't tell anyone about my work with the Service, no matter what. I trust you with my life but these aren't just my secrets we are talking about. If word got back to them that I leaked info even about a mission that was executed ten years ago, they can put me in jail"
His brown eyes seemed somber with understanding. Sooner or later, they always melted her. Monica laid her head on the pillow again and passed her hand through his hair.
"The only reason I kept putting off trying to tell you was because I didn't want you to be party to this secret. It's a lonesome burden"
"You have carried it for years"
She almost smiled.
"I have been trained to keep my troubles to myself. It's kind of a habit now"
He raised an eyebrow.
"You once drunk-called me at 11:00 PM because you saw a tree being cut"
She felt his locks between her fingertips.
"That wasn't really about a tree. I got news that day about my former colleague's death"
Monica's tone remained neutral, unemotional.
"She gave thirty years of her life to the Service. She liked cooking, you know, it was her favourite thing. Her death just... it got to me that day. I went over to Stephanie's, the one bar I know where I would be safe no matter how shitfaced I got. But alcohol wasn't enough. I had to hear your voice. And suddenly", a smile lit up her face, "The world wasn't such a bad place anymore. How could it be bad with you in it?"
Spencer laid the palm of his hand on her cheek. Monica kissed it, held it.
"This colleague... she was your mentor", he guessed.
"She was my friend. She..."
Monica stopped talking when her throat constricted. Her eyes glimmered with tears which she adamantly held back.
"We all had codenames. Mine was Susanna, hers was Maya. It means compassion", Monica sniffed, still smiling, "She lived up to that name. My first field assignment, I was stationed in Northern Ireland on Christmas, with three other agents. Maya literally risked her life to get us all out long enough to make a phone call to our families. She didn't have to do that. They actually reprimanded her for doing that. But where others saw three trained agents on an important assessment mission, she saw three kids, away from home on the one day they weren't supposed to be"
Spencer watched her struggling to maintain her composure. Before her face could regain that mask of indifference, he asked,
"How did she die?"
Monica took a second to answer.
"Ovarian cancer. Woman survived wars and terrorist attacks but this... oh well"
"I am sorry"
A horrifying thought occurred at the back of his mind, of Monica facing wars and terrorist attacks, and not surviving, had she stayed with the MI5. He was grateful beyond measure that she had left them. She was out of that life. And now that she was into his, he couldn't stand the idea of her being in harm's way.
"It's late. We should sleep", Monica turned on her back, "Wake me up when you do. In case she remembers what happened today, I want your Mom to see I'm okay. I'll make her some breakfast. Good night"
He whispered,
"Sometimes I forget how strong you are"
Turning on her side, Monica pulled him tight into her embrace. Spencer placed his chin over her shoulder and held her throughout the night.

Weeks later -

Monica looked up from her computer when he approached. Spencer adjusted her glasses over the brim of her nose.
"You actually look more like a professor now", he said.
"Like a sexy one?"
He smiled,
"Yeah"
Giving him a wink, she got back to her typing. He told her,
"I'll call you if we have to go out of town. Have fun"
"I almost forgot. Wait"
Monica went into the kitchen and came out with a Tupperware container. She held it out to him.
"The best batch. Tell Jennifer I said hi"
She had made cookies the day before. Spencer opened the lid and examined her artwork. The supposed-to-be-smiley faces on the cookies looked like they were in excruciating pain. Monica shut the lid, almost on his fingers.
"Hey, they taste great. You said so"
Spencer nodded.
"And they do have a certain shock element"
She said,
"I wouldn't expect you to understand art"
Grinning, he put the container in his bag and turned to go. Monica said,
"Sorry, one more thing. I won't be home in the afternoon. I'm meeting an old friend for lunch. So if I don't answer your call immediately, don't panic. And try not to make Garcia trace my phone"
"That was one time! And you weren't answering..."
She interrupted him with a kiss.
"Good day, Dr. Reid", she said and took her seat again.
He smiled, turned on his feet and walked out of her door.

In the BAU bullpen, Monica's cookies were a hit. Penelope took a fistful of them and gave Alvez a judgmental look. He spoke through a mouthful of cookie crumble,
"What?"
She glanced at his stomach,
"You sure you should be eating sugary treats?"
Luke frowned and looked down at his abdomen. Tara and Matt snickered at the exchange.
"Don't worry, Luke. They are sugar free", Spencer said.
"Hey, I work out every day!", Luke told them.
Rossi went in for another.
"If they are sugar free, don't mind me"
"My boyfriend is terrible at baking. You're so lucky, Dr. Reid", the new agent, Heather, munched on a cookie.
"Speaking of", Rossi said, "When do we get to meet your lady? You two have been together for what, a year?"
Spencer mumbled,
"Ten months, fourteen days"
JJ smiled, careful not to mention to the group that she was the only one among them who had met Spencer's girlfriend.
Rossi said,
"Tell you what. Invite her to dinner. I'm hosting. In fact, you're all invited. How about this Saturday?"
"Sounds good to me", Luke said.
"Yeah. Saturday's good"
Growing uncomfortable with the focus on him, Spencer said,
"Monica's actually working on her book these days. Saturdays, she..."
JJ interrupted his excuse,
"Just ask her, Spence"
"It's settled then", Rossi said.
Garcia poked Reid.
"Don't worry, brainiac. We will try to keep the embarrassing stories to a minimum"
They dispersed.
"What embarrassing stories?"
Spencer called after the TA in a panic-stricken voice,
"Garcia, what embarrassing stories?"

The man in the black blazer looked at his companion. His voice was melodious almost.
"Is this not a bit too... hole in the wall?"
Monica didn't take her eyes off the menu.
"You like Chinese", she said.
"That was ten years ago"
"What, you're too refined for comfort food now?"
He smiled.
"And you remain a delight as always"
Monica put down her menu and called for the waiter. They placed an order and waited for him to leave.
"How is the family?", she asked him.
"James starts school this year", he showed her a picture on his phone, "Look at the little rascal. Does he look mine?"
Monica smiled at the picture of his little boy playing in the sun. The abundance of curly black hair reminded her of his mother. She said,
"Thank goodness he took after his Mum"
"I agree"
Food arrived. Monica enjoyed the delicious aroma before digging in with her chopsticks.
"We have known each other for how long, Susanna?"
She answered,
"Almost eleven years"
"Then you know I am not the type to travel overseas just to catch up with an old friend"
"I was hoping you would wait until dessert", she ate, "By the way, lunch is on you"
He gave a wary smile. Holding a pair of chopsticks, he approached his plate of food.
"We are tracking a rogue, one of our own. It's a joint venture between MI5 and 6. That's what brings me here"
Monica kept on eating. She stuffed her mouth with a spicy shrimp.
"Not as an assignment, but as a personal favour to me, I was hoping you could put to use some of your skills in helping us track down this person"
"No"
"Pardon?"
"No", Monica said.
Her friend grimaced.
"She is active in Virginia right this moment. Killing important contacts, working for god knows who"
"Like you said, I'm retired, Lawrence"
"Innocent people are being murdered everyday..."
"Not my problem. I'm not law enforcement. I'm not MI5 anymore. I'm just an ordinary citizen"
"Do you expect me to believe you have grown so callous that you won't even consider it?"
Monica laid down her chopsticks and placed her forearms on the table. She was smiling at her companion.
"I was lucky to get out when I did. I was lucky. Here, I have my family. I have friends. I have a normal, sane life. I have a boyfriend whom I love more than anything in the world. And I'm writing a textbook on American plant varieties. If you think I would give up any of this - then you don't know me at all"
She leaned back in her seat again and picked up the chopsticks. Lawrence watched her expression as he said,
"We think it's Beatrice"
Her head shot up to look him in the eye. Staring aghast at his face, Monica hoped he was lying. The colour faded from her cheeks, making her look older all of a sudden. She felt a familiar dread seize her heart with cold, sharp talons. Her toes twitched inside her shoe. The numbness that began in her fingertips reached up to her wrist.
"We could use your help", Lawrence said, "You know she won't stop"
Images from the past tormented her mind. Gore, blood, and that ringing laugh - it all combined to bombard her with memories. All she knew in that moment was that she had to get away. But she couldn't move. Her body seemed frozen in shock. A voice seemed to whisper in her mind -
'What if I find your Dr. Reid? Wouldn't that be just peachy, honey?'
Monica pushed her chair back and stood up. She grabbed her bag while Lawrence looked around at the people.
"You're making a scene..."
Monica told him in precise tones,
"You stay away from me. Stay the fuck away from me"
She got out of the restaurant as fast as she could. Scanning the road on both sides, she crossed it and walked to the bus stop.

Monica got off at four different stops and took three different buses until she was sure she wasn't being followed. When she was certain, she went to her brother George's place instead of her own.
Her nightmare was only beginning.