A/N: My sincere apologies for the late update. I had my finals this week, and bonus – I got sick. Thank you for the review yet again, wonderful Guest you, and I also thank all the new readers. I hope you all like this... sort of a song-fic. Let me know what you think!

"But I am your keeper

And I hold your face away from light

I am yours till they come"

- Laura Marling

"You are a psycho magnet. You attract crazy people"
"No, I am not"
"You want me to count? I'll start from the latest - Kat Adams, that student of yours who..."
"You are attracted to me too!"
"Exactly!"
Spencer shook his head, grinning.
He was changing into his pajamas. She was her usual cheerful self. The almost-healed wound on her arm was hidden under her long sleeves. If it weren't for the casts on her legs, there could have been no indication that Monica was recovering from any injuries. She looked like an actress playing a part. Her face had its usual bloom and her laugh its musical vivacity.
He envied her that inner strength and optimism sometimes.
"Speaking of", she said, "I got so angry the first time you told me about Kat Adams. To stop myself from hunting her down and hurting her, I had to imagine her as one of the losers in that song 'I Just Had Sex'. It doesn't make sense, but that made me laugh. And it kinda suppressed my murderous desire"
"There's a song called I Just Had Sex?"
"Yeah"
"People actually listen to it?"
"I do, sometimes"
"When?"
"After we have sex"
He stifled a laugh. Monica hauled herself onto the bed without his help. She cursed as her crutches fell against the floor.
"I got it", Spencer said.
He picked them up and laid them against the bed by the headboard, so those wouldn't be the first thing she saw when she woke up. Judging from her facial expression, he could tell Monica was ready to launch into a rant about the crutches.
"Thanks"
To his surprise, she scooted over onto her side of the bed without another word.
"You okay?"
"It's no use whining. I'm just going to have to get used to it"
"They are only temporary"
"I know"
He put a hand against the back of her neck while she lay down with her head on the pillow.
"Are you comfortable?", he asked.
"I will be", she said.
Lying on her back, Monica met his eyes and spread her arms up for him.
With a smile, Spencer accepted the sweet invitation. He turned so that they were both lying on their sides. His chest heaving with relief, he hugged her tighter. He buried his face in her hair, kissing her shoulder and her neck.
"I missed this", Monica sighed.
"Me too"
His hands roamed the entire length of her back. He hadn't been able to hug her for twenty-four days. Before he could stop himself, his arms pulled her even closer. Spencer had to remind himself her body was still recovering. He took a deep breath to focus. Monica kissed his earlobe.
"Spencer..."
Her saying his name had its usual effect on him. As much as it pained him, he tried to pull back.
"You should..."
Monica put a finger on his lips. At first he thought she was initiating foreplay. But then he felt it.
She was absolutely still. He could hear her heart beat, close as they were, but not another muscle moved in her body. She was holding her breath.
"Wh..."
She put her finger on his lips again. The immobility, the mastered control over every movement in her body - he was reminded again that the woman in his arms used to be a spy. That's when he realised she was listening. What for, he couldn't tell. Everything at her place was quiet as always.
Monica went on holding her breath and listening for what felt like a really long time. It scared him so much he started counting the seconds.
Ninety-seven seconds had gone by since he had started counting. In her condition, it could easily deprive her brain of oxygen.
"Monica..."
She didn't move. When he was on the verge of shouting, she relaxed. He was almost hypoventilating himself.
"Sorry. I thought I heard something"
She began breathing as usual, like she hadn't just held her breath for more than three minutes and seven seconds.
"Don't you ever do that again", Spencer said.
"Do what?"
"That scary breath-holding, spy thing"
"I just thought I heard something"
"It's 12:00 AM, and you have a dog who won't move to save his life. What could you possibly hear?"
"I don't know. I'm sorry"
In an instant, Spencer realised his error.
Granted, Monica did need to be careful with her condition. So far, she had been. But she had also suffered major trauma. She was back in the same place where a woman, one who had haunted her for years, had broken in and proceeded to torture her. If anything, she had a right to be paranoid.
He tried to be sympathetic.
"What did you think you heard?"
"I don't know. Just some rustling"
"Like, a person?"
"No. No, I don't think so"
"Do you want me to go check?"
"No. It's nothing, I'm sure"
"It's no trouble"
"It's nothing. I was just... I don't know what came over me"
Spencer said,
"I understand"
He looked into the eyes that were looking right into his. Monica gave him a small smile, telling him she knew what he was thinking. She touched his cheek.
"Don't worry. I'm not letting her take away the comfort of my home. This is my house. If it has to be my warzone, so be it"
It hadn't failed his notice how Monica never referred to Beatrice by her name ever since she had shot her. Distancing herself from the only time she had willfully hurt someone...
"We should get some sleep", Monica said, "Dad has karaoke planned for tomorrow. You will need all the rest you can get"
He smiled just a bit.
"I think it's nice of your parents to throw you a welcome-home party"
"Yeah? They were trying to invite your colleagues. I wouldn't let them. You'll thank me tomorrow"
Her hand found its way in his hair and stayed there. Massaging his scalp with her fingertips, she said,
"You know, about that thing you said a few days back, when I was in the hospital..."
The baby thing.
That was just a slip of the tongue. Or was it a Freudian slip? All he knew was he didn't want to talk about it.
"I wanted you to know that I... I'm open to discussing it. But it will have to wait a while. When I can walk again, I'm going on a trip"
That he wasn't prepared for.
"Where?"
"To see Nicole. I'm going to try to meet Veronica too"
"So you're going to New York and Seattle?"
"On my way back from England"
His heart sunk. As per his quick mental prediction, she would be going away for at least a month.
"To meet your grandparents", he said.
"That", Monica sighed, "And to train myself"
"Training?"
"I am rusty, Dr. Reid. I didn't even hear her climbing through the window and walking up behind me"
She was referring to Beatrice.
He said,
"That's because I diverted your attention by coming in"
Monica smiled at him.
"Darling, my attention should be impervious to diversions. Especially when the distraction is as good-looking as you"
"But..."
He searched for an excuse to change her mind.
"Don't worry. I won't be doing anything dangerous. I just... I would rather be prepared than be paranoid for the rest of my life"
It came to him in a flash. He seized on the idea.
"You could ask Elaine to train you! I mean, she's an expert. I have heard she's really good. She trained Roane's batch too"
"The kind of training that will build back my confidence isn't imparted by law enforcement. No offence"
"It can't be that different. You have your basic..."
"Dr. Reid"
He realised his heart was racing. Monica laid her hand on his cheek, making him close his eyes.
'Why does she have to go?', he thought helplessly.
"I will be fine. I'm going to come back to you, safe and sound. I promise"
His voice sounded weak.
"I know it's an unreasonable thing to want but... I don't want you to be away from me. Not so far"
"That's not unreasonable at all", she said, "I don't want to leave you either, darling, I love you. But I have to do this for myself"
It was her way of coping. Be prepared. Never make the same mistake twice.
"Besides, I'm going away next month", she smiled, "Until then, I'm all yours"
He said under his breath,
"Don't tempt me"
That made her giggle. She said,
"I mean it. I'm not stopping you"
"Your legs are in a cast, and your neck movement is restricted. What could we possibly do?"
Seeing her raise her eyebrows like that, he got the meaning.
"That's not what I was trying to say. You..."
"So you have thought about it. Oh my. Spencer Reid..."
"I haven't!", he lied.
"Why not?", her hand slipped inside his t-shirt, "I have been wanting to do that to you for so long"
"Monica, don't. Please", he said, "Not when you're like this"
She was always respectful of his wants. He felt her hand slip out of his shirt and reach around to lie over his shoulder. Monica said,
"One of these days, Spencer Reid, I'm going to wake you up with a blowjob and you're going to curse yourself and spend your nights in agony, wondering why didn't you let me do it sooner"
Timid as a lamb on the exterior, but all raging testosterone within, he mumbled,
"Good night"

At the Knight house, the lunch invitations had been limited to close family, thanks to Monica. Spencer matched her pace as they entered the house. The moment they saw her, Monica's family was upon them like a swarm of bees. He received more than four enthusiastic hugs. At the same time, he feared someone would accidentally knock Monica's crutches off balance. But she was still standing when the crowd departed.
"Come, Spencer. Let me do the introductions", Mr. Knight was all smiles, "Children, meet Dr. Spencer Reid. Spencer, this is Mark Chatham, Audrey's husband. You have already met Daya. And this is the lovely Elaine Dawson, Cathy's wife. You two probably know each other"
Agent Dawson gave him a nod and a smile.
"SSA Dr. Spencer Reid - I have heard great things"
"So have I. It's nice to finally meet you", he smiled.
Mr. Knight said,
"All right, enough standing around. Let's sit down. Everybody, take a seat. Make room for Monica. Come on, sweetie. You and Spencer can sit here"
The family room was large enough to seat eleven people at once. Spencer sat down next to his girlfriend. Her brother came into the drawing room, his four-month old in his arms.
"Look who's here, Giles. It's Auntie Monica"
"Let me hold him", Monica reached her hands towards Max.
"You sure?"
"Yeah. Give him to me"
Max laid Giles in his aunt's arms, who proceeded to speak to the baby in her softest tones.
Max said,
"Hey, Spencer"
"Hey"
He sat down next to him.
"How is your shoulder?"
"It's much better lately. Almost healed now, thanks"
"Good to know, man. Did you go see that chiropractor I told you about?"
"I did, yes"
Max smiled,
"Morley's a magic worker, right? He and I know each other from medical school"
George came over from across the room, interrupting the conversation.
"With a name like Giles, you're just setting up the little guy to be a supervillain, Maxim"
He leaned over the back of the couch to make funny faces at his nephew. Catherine and Audrey crowded around the baby too. Monica held him closer to herself.
"Hey, back off. You have all been with him since morning"
Daya said from the other couch,
"It's okay, Monica. Giles likes being the center of attention"
When Spencer found the baby gurgling and grinning at their faces, he knew it was true. He noticed how happy Monica looked with a baby in her arms.
'Stop that. Stop that right now'
He tried to think of something else.
Space. Dark matter. Black holes. The late Stephen Hawking. Death. The circle of life. Birth. A newborn. His and Monica's...
'Jesus Christ!'
Dr. Fleming came back in with a tray of drinks for everyone.
"Do you have any vodka, Mom?", Monica asked.
Dr. Fleming just winked and patted her daughter's cheek in answer. She asked aloud,
"Who wants to help me set up the table?"
"Not me", George said.
"I got your back, Mom", Max said.
Elaine and Catherine offered too. The three joined Dr. Fleming on her way back to the kitchen.
Mr. Knight said to Max's wife,
"Daya, can you see what's wrong with my karaoke machine? It was working just fine yesterday"
"Let me check"
George came to take the baby from Monica.
"Give him to me. Come on, Giles. We will go see Uncle George's old room. Do you like Dr. Who, buddy?"
Spencer was left alone with Monica and Mark. She told him.
"I'll be right back"
"Where are you going?"
"Bathroom"
"Do you want me to come with..."
"Sit down"
He promptly did at the tone of her voice. Spencer watched Monica hobble over to the bathroom, using her crutches. How sweet she always was made him forget how stubborn she could be.

When Monica was gone, Mark made conversation.
"Audrey told me you work for the FBI"
Spencer turned to him and nodded.
"I do. And you?"
"I'm a 9 to 5 kind of guy, nothing glamorous"
'Typical CIA', Spencer thought.
It was no secret that Audrey's husband worked at Langley. Monica had told him that Mark wasn't a field agent. But Mr. Knight had let slip once that his son-in-law had SCI clearance. It was impossible that Mark was just a desk jockey.
"Is this your first time at one of Ted's get-togethers?", Mark asked.
"Not really. I have been over for lunch before"
"Lucky you"
He couldn't resist asking.
"You don't like get-togethers?"
"I do. I just don't see the point to meeting your family so often", Mark spoke in confidential tones, "I mean these people are so much in each other's business. You would think they would get bored, but no. Because her parents like it, Audrey drags me along every month. Don't get me wrong. I like the Knights. I just don't think this level of co-dependence is healthy. It's just your family. What's the big deal?"
It took some effort, but Spencer kept himself in check. He asked Mark,
"Do you have a family?"
"Of course I do"
"Loving parents, devoted siblings?"
"Yeah"
"Whenever you came home from school, someone was always there to fix your lunch?"
"Yeah but..."
"You never had to open your Christmas presents alone, right?"
"What are you trying to say? I don't understand"
"Because you have taken your loved ones for granted for so long, I don't expect you to understand. But trust me", Spencer said, "I once knew a little boy who would have given anything to have a family like the Knights"
Monica's coming put a halt to the conversation. He and Mark pretended like nothing had happened. She took her seat again, sniffing the air.
"Do you guys smell potato? I need potato"
Mark shared a look with Spencer before getting up. He gave a brotherly pat to Monica's shoulder as he walked by.
"I'll go and make sure they have some"
Seeing the affectionate way he treated Monica, Spencer supposed he shouldn't have been that rude to Mark. From what she had told him, the man had always treated her like his own little sister. Spencer believed that anyone who was kind to Monica deserved his kindness too.
His thoughts were disrupted by Monica's hand on his knee.
"What's wrong?", she asked.
"Nothing. Why?"
"You just seem... introspective"
He tried to play it off.
"Aren't I always?"
"Not like that. This isn't making you uncomfortable, is it? I know social gatherings aren't your thing..."
"I'm fine"
She didn't seem convinced. After a long look at his face, Monica said,
"Mark takes some getting used to"
"I don't know what you're talking about"
"You should see him when he's around the kids - completely different guy. I wish you could have met Harper and Nathan. But she's studying for some, I quote "super important test, Mon". And Nathan is going through a phase where it's not cool for him to be seen with his parents in public"
"What's Harper's test on?"
"Geometry"
George came into the room and said,
"Come on, lovebirds. Lunch is ready. Mom's calling"
When Monica was getting up, he said to Spencer,
"If we beat the freak to the table, we might get some of the baked potatoes"
Monica promptly jabbed George in the stomach with the bottom of her crutch, making him cry out.
"Let's go", she said.
Spencer watched George curling up on the floor and clutching his stomach, as they walked past him.

During the meal, conversation and wine flowed freely. Spencer wasn't a fan of drinking and neither was Monica. But he seemed to be enjoying himself nonetheless. Daya was telling him about the mechanics of her company's new invention when Mr. Knight tapped his glass with a spoon.
"I would like to propose a toast", he smiled, "To my brave daughter, Monica"
Monica just shook her head, smiling.
"You have always been stronger than anyone I know. But I hope... and I pray that never may your strength be put to test again. I love you, honey"
"Oh Dad", Monica smiled.
Dr. Fleming squeezed her husband's hand as his eyes grew moist. Audrey raised her glass too.
"I would like to make a toast to Monica as well. Mon, yours is the light by which our spirits shine. Let fate be as kind to you as you have always been to everyone"
"Hear, hear", Mark said.
Max took up the reigns. He cleared his throat.
"Let us drink today to the health and life of my darling sister, Monica. I am so glad you are here with us today", he smiled, "Because ever since you have been back, I can't imagine any of our lives without you. I love you, sis"
"Aw, Max"
Max's sentimental toast had its effect on Daya as well. She put her arms around her husband and kissed his cheek.
"I guess I have to do one of these too", George picked up his glass.
Monica said,
"Quick. Somebody smash that glass"
George ignored the laughter and began.
"Mon, since childhood's hour, you have been Little Miss Perfect. I know you to be smart, kind, and annoying as hell", he said, "But my little demon sister, until less than a month ago, I had no idea how brave you were. When Mom told us you were crazy about this guy - holy shit, she wasn't kidding"
He got some more laughs.
"You inspire me. You strengthen me. And you make me look better when you're standing next to me. So thank you"
He deftly caught the napkin Monica threw at him. She sounded impatient as she said,
"Thank you, everyone but George. Are we done now?"
Catherine spoke up.
"I would like to make a toast as well, but not to you"
Raising her glass, she said,
"To the man who reads Thomas Hardy and George Eliot to Monica. To the man who has made her happier than I have ever known her to be. To the man who risked his life trying to save hers. To the man who didn't leave her side even when we all believed she was gone..."
Spencer lowered his eyes at their grateful glances. Monica held his hand under the table.
"To the only man I know who is worthy of my sister's love", Catherine smiled, "To Spencer"
"To Spencer", they all said.
Monica raised her glass as well, giving him her best smile. It was enough to make Spencer's own eyes mist over. He had recalled the guilt of not having been able to protect Monica from Beatrice.
Why could he never save the woman he loved?
"Thank you"
He avoided eye contact. Bless George for diverting everyone's attention.
"Fantastic. I'm starving. Let's dig in! Hey, keep the potatoes away from Monica. I would like to taste some for a change"
Lunch commenced. Spencer observed their usual bickering and felt uncomfortable no more.

The chatter was incessant in the family room. Spencer found himself talking to Elaine and keeping an eye on Monica at the same time. She was sitting with Max and Mark on either side of her. He noticed, not for the first time, that she looked most like Max. They had both inherited their father's green eyes and their mother's delicate facial features. He had only been staring at her for a few seconds when Monica turned and met his glance. Giving him a quick smile, she returned to her conversation.
"All righty! We're hooked and ready", Mr. Knight announced.
Spencer had never seen a grown man so fond of a karaoke machine. He didn't mind. Mr. Knight's enthusiasm was endearing.
"Who wants to go first?", he said over their voices, "Okay, I'll go first!"
George complained,
"Dad, you always do this! It's not fair!"
"Honey?", Mr. Knight said.
On cue, Dr. Fleming blew him a kiss which he pretended to catch and hold against his heart. Their children made fun of them for that. Spencer tried, but he couldn't remember one instance where his parents had been half as affectionate towards each other. That was the only drawback of seeing Monica's family – they reminded him of what he had never had, but wanted almost to the brink of desperation.

As Mr. Knight's song came on, the room assumed a perfect silence. He looked grave, like he was going to sing a particularly important song. Mr. Knight sang the first words.
"I don't like your little games, don't like your tilted stage..."
Applause and hooting followed. Monica exclaimed,
"Are you serious?!"
Spencer had no idea why they all found the song choice so enigmatic. Catherine and George sang along. Mr. Knight was taking his performance seriously. He turned his back to the audience, looked over and sang.
"Ooh. Look what you made me do"
When Mr. Knight pretended to answer a call and said that the old Taylor couldn't come to the phone 'cause she was dead, the audience was nearly jumping in their seats.
"Go, Dad!", Max howled.
Monica was laughing so hard tears rolled down her cheek. Despite of having no idea what was so funny about the performance, Spencer enjoyed it immensely. The lyrics indicated that it was by a female singer. Maybe everyone appreciated the performer switch.
"Aaand mic drop"
Mr. Knight came to his seat and received numerous pats on his shoulders.
"Who wants to go next?", Dr. Fleming asked.
Daya suggested,
"Elaine!"
"Oh no way"
They coaxed her but she wouldn't budge.
"Come on! You know everyone has to sing!"
"I'm not going up after that performance!", she laughed.
Spencer hadn't expected George to shout his name.
"Yeah, Spencer!", Mr. Knight echoed.
He was seized with immediate panic.
"I-I don't really sing..."
Damn George. He started a chant.
"Spencer! Spencer! Spencer!"
Looking to Monica for emotional support, he thought she seemed uncomfortable.
"Guys..."
Of course she was going to ask them to stop making her boyfriend feel uncomfortable. How many times did he have to tell her he didn't mind her family?
Spencer got up in a flash before she could finish her sentence. Preemptory applause followed.
When he approached the karaoke machine, he couldn't decide what genre to choose from. He chose one at last, knowing it was the kind of music Monica was familiar with. There was one song in there that seemed doable. He had grown up listening to music from that singer, thanks to his mother.
"Hi", he said into the mic, "Um... I'm going to perform for you..."
His heart calmed down a little when he focused on Monica's face.
"Elvis Presley's... And I Love You So"
"Woohoo!", Max cheered along with the others.
George screamed like a fangirl,
"I love you, Elvis!"
"George, shut up and let him sing!"
As the music began, Spencer tried to recall everything he knew about music and performing, especially that time he had sung karaoke with his team. The words slipped out of his mouth at the exact moment, in perfect sync with the music.
"And I love you so, that people ask me how, how I've lived till now. I tell them I don't know..."
Holding the mic with both hands, Spencer gave his best to the song.
"But life began again..."
He looked up at Monica. She was smiling so wide, he smiled too.
"...the day you took my hand"
The Knight siblings, with the exception of Monica, did the background singing. Dr. Fleming and Mr. Knight were reverently shaking their heads from side to side. The woman he loved, she just sat watching him in complete awe. He had never known music could be such an intense form of communication between two people.

Generous were the compliments he received on his limited singing ability. Sitting on different couches, Spencer and Monica eyed each other through the rest of the performances. He couldn't help but laugh at the face she made when George performed and twerked to some song called 'Booty'.
When Elaine finished her surprisingly awesome rap performance, Mr. Knight walked to the machine, clapping his hands. He addressed the audience in his living room.
"Wonderful. Just wonderful. And now, for the last performance of the day, I present to you - Monica Knight!"
Spencer had thought she would put up some resistance. But apparently, karaoke principles were strictly adhered to by the Knights. When she moved to grab her crutches, he was at her side in an instant.
"I got it", she told him.
He watched Monica as she hobbled over to the mic. She leaned against the table the karaoke machine was on and leafed through the song choices.
"I don't know what to sing", she turned to the audience.
Suggestions, requests poured in torrents, to which Spencer added his own.
"Could you sing that song you were singing on the morning of March 16?", he said.
Everyone looked as baffled as Monica. She tried to smile.
"I don't remember what I was singing then"
How could she not remember? It was the morning after the first time they had made love. Spencer tried to remind her, without being too conspicuous.
"You were making us breakfast in the kitchen. You were singing it to yourself"
Daya tried to be helpful.
"Do you remember any lyrics?"
Of course he did. He recited them verbatim to Monica.
"It was something like - in your arms I can still feel the way you want me when you..."
"I got it"
She gave him the look he knew too well. It told him she remembered exactly now. And when she sang the song, her love for him poured through.
"In your arms, I can still feel the way you want me when you hold me. I can still hear the words you whispered when you told me..."
He loved how she kept looking at him as she sang. Her voice sent him back to her bed on that morning, with the sheets a mess and the sound of her sweet voice reaching him from the kitchen. It felt like he only had to close his eyes to go back to that beautiful moment in time again.
He was lying on his stomach, shirtless, wondering if the night before and the woman in the kitchen were just part of a dream. If he curled his fingers slightly, his fingertips could relive the feel of her skin, her hair.
"Cause I'm keeping you forever and for always", Monica kept smiling at him, "We will be together all of our days. Want to wake up every morning to your sweet face..."
For some reason, he felt she meant every single word she sang.
"...I'm keeping you forever and for always"
Come next month, that heartwarming smile wouldn't be within his reach. Monica winked at him when no one was looking. Spencer smiled.
He already missed her.