A/N: Thank you for your constant encouraging feedback, dear Guest. ^_^
And thanks for your review, FantasyLover2004! I named George after a real person I know (who is even more of a clown than the fictional one), and I am glad you enjoy the character and the story as a whole. Thanks so much! :D
"Once again Love drives me on,
that loosener of limbs,
bittersweet creature against which nothing can be done"
- Sappho
Spencer excused himself out of the briefing room of the Washington PD. He answered the call, a smile immediately blooming on his face.
"Hi", he said.
"Is this a bad time?"
"No, no", he lied, "What's going on?"
Monica's voice could barely be heard over the traffic.
"I'm outside this toy shop but I have no clue what to get Veronica. What do you think a two-year old would like?"
Spencer scanned his deep reserves of knowledge for ideas.
The gift would have to be thoughtful and capable of stimulating the toddler's cognitive abilities. He had once read that the more basic the toy, the more it would encourage the child's creativity. And Monica would hate something generic like dolls, guns or noisy toys.
He suggested,
"How about building blocks?"
"What if she already has those? I mean, all parents get their kids blocks to play with, right?"
"It's probable. Well then... how about an abacus? Make sure it's colourful. Studies have shown that toddlers..."
Monica cut him off.
"Oh! I see it, I see it!"
"What? What is it?"
"It's a giant fluffy bunny! Oh Doc, it's so cute I would buy it for Penelope!", she said, "I gotta go. Thanks so much for the help. You're the best! I love you. Bye!"
"What do...", he grinned as she hung up, "Bye"
Looking at his phone with amusement, Spencer was greeted by a homescreen image of Monica. In it she wore a floral crown, giving him a royal smirk. Good thing he had cropped Bubbly's depressing face out of the picture. He preferred an unobstructed view of Monica when she was being goofy and enthusiastic. He was glad Veronica could bring out that side of her gorgeous godmother.
After smiling at his phone again, Spencer went back to work.
'110, Rolling Heights, Everett Street'
Monica had memorised Paul's address. He had given it to her the last time they had met, over a year ago.
"Veronica still needs her Aunt Monica", he had said.
Too bad she didn't have his phone number anymore.
Oh well. Maybe he would like the surprise visit.
For as long as Monica could remember, she and Paul had always gotten along.
Less so since he had cheated on Nicole.
But there was still some substance to that high school friendship.
'Here we go'
She carried the big bunny in her arms. Normally, Monica would have taken the elevator. But her recent training had inspired within her a newfound confidence.
Climb ten flights of stairs with a giant stuffed toy in her arms - why not?
Monica took pride in the fact that she hadn't sweat a drop. Standing before No. 110, she prepared herself with a deep breath. She had expected children's noises and Paul's hurried supervisory tones coming from within. But it could be that the party was in the evening.
Monica knocked on the door. She made herself smile, wanting to greet her old friend with a pleasant face. When he wouldn't open the door, she knocked again.
A minute after, the door opened. Monica looked over the bunny's shoulder, trying to balance him on her thigh.
"Yes?"
The woman had to be Paul's wife, Veronica's stepmother - Natalie. Monica had almost not recognised her.
"Natalie?", Monica said.
Whipping her coarse mass of hair away from her face, Natalie peered closely at her. It took her a while.
"Monica?"
"Yeah"
"What are you doing here?"
"I...", Monica plastered a smile on her face and held up the bunny, "I'm here to see Veronica. Where's Paul?"
Natalie told her what her dishevelled appearance, the dark circles under her eyes, and the general aura of despair should have revealed.
"Paul died"
Natalie picked up cereal boxes and snack wrappers from the floor. She said,
"Excuse the mess. Ever since she started walking, it's like this place refuses to be clean. Come in"
Monica followed her into the drawing room. The apartment was a reflection of Natalie. Disarrayed, messy, sad.
"Have a seat", she said, "You want something to drink?"
"No, thank you"
Monica placed the bunny on top of a pile of newspapers on the sofa chair. Its presence seemed almost obscene in that place. Someone was dead and the bunny looked like it knew nothing but joy.
Natalie was still tidying up, as well as she could, when Monica asked,
"Can I see Veronica?"
"Yeah. She's in her room. The one on the right. There"
"Thank you"
True to her compartmentalising nature, Monica put grieving on hold and proceeded to see her godchild first. Paul was gone. Nicole was in no condition to be a functioning mother. And Natalie...
All thoughts escaped her when she saw the little girl. Sitting in her crib, Veronica's back was to the open door. The sight of her filled the godmother's heart with such intense affection, she smiled.
It didn't escape Monica's notice that the nursery was as messy as the rest of the apartment. For the moment, she chose to ignore it. However, as she got closer, she saw the big cream-coloured stain on Veronica's t-shirt.
"Hey sweetheart", Monica said.
The baby turned towards the sound, keeping her plaything in her mouth. It was some anti-bacterial ointment tube. Monica gently pried it out of Veronica's mouth and hands.
"That's not for eating, Veronica. Can I take that? Thank you"
The toddler turned around completely to face this new visitor. Monica smiled at the pink face and little nose.
"Do you remember me? It's Monica"
Veronica made a baby noise and pointed to the ointment tube.
"Where?"
Monica threw it away discreetly. She held up her hands to show Veronica.
"Where did it go?"
The surprise apparent on the little one's face made her happy. Maybe like her Auntie Monica, Veronica enjoyed magic too.
"If that's the case, you would love Uncle Spencer", Monica said, "Do you want to come out? Come on"
Veronica held the bars of her crib and stood up. She didn't protest when Monica took her out of the crib and into her arms.
"Oh sweetheart. I had no idea how much I had missed you"
With Veronica perched on her arm, Monica walked out of the nursery into the drawing room.
Natalie had occupied the other sofa chair, leaving Monica to sit on the couch or the floor. She nursed a glass of clear liquid with both hands.
"For the life of me, I can't make her take a nap", Natalie said and took a sip.
Monica sat down on the couch, with Veronica on her lap. Veronica's golden-brown curls tickled Monica's chin as the toddler threw her head back before slipping out of her arms.
Natalie observed,
"She saw the bunny"
Monica watched Veronica pull down the stuffed bunny to the floor. It was twice her size.
Content with the sight, Monica took her time before asking.
"How did it happen? And when?"
Natalie rubbed her temples and took a swig from her glass.
"About a month ago. Car accident on the freeway. He was rushing home from work"
"He took up a job?", Monica said, "I thought he worked from home. What about his business?"
"Not doing so good. We were in debt. We had to sell the house and move in here"
Paul had never breathed a word to her about his financial difficulties.
"I am sorry"
Natalie sniffed and wiped her tears with the back of her hand. She then wiped that hand against the front of her shirt.
"When was the funeral?"
"Three days later"
"Why didn't anyone call me?"
"I tried. I couldn't reach you on your cell"
Monica remembered the time when she had crushed her SIM card into pieces, that day when Lawrence had told her about Beatrice's return.
She said,
"Sorry. I changed it and forgot to send Paul the new number"
Natalie nodded. Monica asked, as carefully as she could,
"Does Nicole know?"
That was enough to make Natalie crumble. Lines appeared on her tired face, conveying her pain. Covering her face, she hunched over and wept.
"Natalie", Monica tried, "Come on now. Veronica might see you. Don't cry"
When she looked up again, her face was smeared with tears. She shook and sobbed. Monica waited for her tears to subside.
"Do you think...", Natalie whimpered, "Paul and I were punished for what we did to her?"
Monica would rather not say. Natalie went on.
"I was her friend. She was sick, and instead of being there for her, I comforted Paul. I... slept with him and... I..."
Monica said,
"What happened between you three is in the past. It's not going to help you in any way now. Paul's gone"
Natalie nodded, wiping her tears.
"After their divorce", she said, "...when Paul and I went to see her, Nicole told me my happiness wouldn't last long. That... what I had stolen from her would never make me..."
"She is ill. You can't take her words to heart. You know that"
"But Paul died. God punished us both for abandoning Nicole"
"That's not..."
She cried some more. Monica didn't make another effort to stop her.
It had been a while since they had sat down to talk, and Veronica had found her new bunny. The child hadn't looked at her stepmother once. She seemed to be in her own world. That worried Monica.
Thankfully, Natalie's crying appeared to be a bit under control. Monica asked, trying not to sound indelicate,
"Does she ask for Paul?"
"Who?"
"Veronica"
"She can't really talk. She can say a few words but that's it. Paul was going to take her to a speech therapist. When she's sleepy though, she gets antsy if he's not around. It hasn't been easy lately, trying to make her sleep and eat"
"She does look a little thin"
"Paul always fed her. I'm...", Natalie hesitated, "I'm not really good with kids"
"How are you going to take care of her?"
"I have to. She's Paul's daughter"
Monica glanced at Veronica before saying,
"Not yours"
Natalie drank from her glass.
"That's not what I meant. She's all I have left of him. I did love him, you know. I loved him so..."
"You're not fit to raise her, Natalie, no offence. Not from what I see"
That yielded the expected reaction. Natalie swore and exclaimed, banging her glass down on the table,
"How dare you? Who the hell do you think you are? Coming into my house and telling me I am not fit to raise her?!"
"It is obvious that you have been drinking all morning. You're still grieving. You forget to clean up. You forget to change her clothes and bathe her. I'm sure you're doing your best, but it's not enough. You can't even call her by her name"
Natalie barked back,
"That doesn't mean I don't love her! She is my responsibility! Who else is going to raise her? Paul's dying father? His gay freak of a brother? Nicole's dead family? Who?!"
"You shouldn't have to raise a child just because it's your responsibility. The question is - can you raise her?"
"I know damn well I can. I don't need you to tell me what I can and can't do"
Monica watched her for a moment. She said, gently,
"Today's her birthday"
Natalie looked like she had been scalded with hot water. She shook her head in denial.
"No, it's not"
Monica glanced at the calendar, where Paul had written in his bold script - "NICA'S B'DAY!" - on the 11th.
Natalie followed her glance. She saw it and trembled. Her lip jutted forward with emotion.
"Oh God", she sobbed, "Oh my God..."
Monica watched her break down into a fit of crying again. At the other end of the room, Veronica buried her face in the bunny's chest, hugging him and babbling. The little girl was oblivious to the chaos in her life.