A/N: Thank you for that lovely review, Sofia! That was so sweet of you to say! I am really glad you are enjoying this story. Thanks again. ^_^

Some pretty strong language in this chapter. Hope y'all don't mind. Let me know what you think. Thanks for reading. :)

"I'm not perfect. Remember that, and try to forgive me when I fail you"
- Elizabeth Lowell

New York City, New York -

St. Anna's Home seemed smaller than the last time she remembered. The room she was sitting in seemed less spacious too. She would have to ask Dr. Reid why her perception had altered. He would have the answer, of course.
"Miss Knight?"
Monica stood up. The psychiatrist asked her,
"Do you remember my instructions?"
"Yes"
"One of our staff will be with you throughout the meeting"
"I understand"
Dr. Wyatt turned to go. Monica took her seat across the table.
A thousand thoughts plagued her mind. She was fully conscious of everything that had transpired over the last few days. Her conscience was clean. And yet she believed she had wronged someone, a person she loved and respected.
'I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul'
She recalled her favourite lines. They always fuelled her with strength and hope.
It was a desperate attempt to make peace with her own decisions.

Within a few minutes, her best friend walked in, flanked by two orderlies on both sides. Her heart almost jumped out to meet Nicole halfway.
Nicole grinned.
"Look what the cat dragged in"
Monica rose and hugged her.
"It's so good to see you"
"Same here"
They parted smiling, taking opposite chairs across from each other. Monica watched her friend to her heart's content.
Life had never been kind to Nicole. More so since she had been diagnosed with a host of mental illnesses. Her brown eyes were weary and fatigued. Her wan face had a faraway smile. She had lost so much weight, her nightgown looked like it was hanging on her. Pretty much like Veronica, who was quite small for her age, Nicole looked like a young girl forced into the role of an ill-fated older woman.
She asked,
"How have you been?"
"Quite well. You?"
"Same old, same old. How's your boyfriend, the genius?"
Monica could never help a smile when he was mentioned.
"He is great"
"Good to know. It still feels weird though, Saint Monica dating"
"I have dated before"
"Your Green Club buddies in high school don't count"
That made her grin. Nicole seemed to be in a good mood, much better than the last time. Monica held her hand that was on the table.
So small and frail.
"I am sorry I don't visit often. But it's really good to see you", she said.
"Don't worry about it. It's not like I'm alone here. I have made new friends. Dr. Wyatt let me draw this week. Here"
Nicole slipped a hand inside the pocket of her robe. She brought out a folded piece of paper and spread it out on the table. It didn't take Monica a second glance to know whose sketch it was. The light curly hair, the little nose, that toothless grin - Veronica, as her mother had seen her last.
Monica said,
"This is almost as beautiful as the real thing"
Nicole smiled at the sketch. She lifted it to her mouth and kissed it.
"You know why I named her Veronica?"
Monica had an inkling, but she said,
"No"
"I named her after my two favourite people - my Mama Vera, and my best friend Monica"
Since the subject had already come up, and Dr. Wyatt had only allowed her an hour, the time seemed right for the big reveal.
"I went to see Veronica this week"
Nicole's demeanour changed completely. Her face lost all signs of calm. She wrung her hands under the table. Her lower lip trembled as she spoke.
"On-on her birthday?"
"Yes"
"She is two years old now"
"She is"
A tear streaked down Nicole's face. She wiped it away with haste.
"Does she remember me? Paul promised he wouldn't let her forget who I was"
"About Paul, Nicole... he was in an accident"
"What accident?"
"A collision on the freeway", Monica paused, "He passed away on the spot"
"He is dead?"
Monica nodded. Nicole put away the page in her pocket. She asked,
"So... Natalie is looking after Veronica now?"
"For the while"
"What do you mean?"
Monica sighed.
"It's likely that she will be declared incompetent by a court soon. To raise Veronica, I mean"
Nicole scratched her neck. She opened her mouth to speak again and again, but couldn't get the words out. Finally, she said,
"And my baby will go into foster care"
"No..."
"This is all your fault", Nicole mumbled.
Monica didn't defend herself. Nicole's voice rose.
"All your fault. I told you to take care of my baby. I told you. Paul and I put it in our will. You agreed. Why would you agree if you couldn't do it?"
"Nic..."
"CAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING BITCH, THAT'S WHY!"
Nicole threw back the chair and launched herself at Monica across the table. She aimed her hands at Monica's throat, cursing and screaming. But Monica held her at bay. The orderly came to them.
"We are fine", she told him, "I got her"
Though Nicole put all her strength into it, Monica was stronger. She kept holding her friend's hands by the wrists.
"Sweetie, come on now. Take a deep breath", she said.
Nicole tried to get at her again. Monica kept holding her, telling her it was okay.

When her violent efforts yielded nothing, Nicole started crying. The orderly helped her sit back down. She shook all over as she sobbed.
"You don't fucking care about me or my baby. You got out of here. You took my life and you got out of here. I'm the pretty one! I was the one who was supposed to get a life! Not you! Fuck you!"
Monica listened in silence. Her best friend went on crying and accusing her of things she had never done.
"I hope you burn in hell, you cunt. I hope you get chopped up under a fucking train. You don't give a shit"
"Nicole..."
She cried some more.
"No one cares about my baby. No one fucking cares"
"I'm taking her home with me"
Stunned into a strange silence, Nicole seemed to weigh those words for a long time. She couldn't have looked more surprised if someone had struck her in the face.
At length, she asked,
"For how long?"
"Forever", Monica said, "Natalie has enough problems of her own. She can't look after Veronica. I asked Audrey and she made some calls. This Thursday, a judge is going to make me Veronica's guardian. I hope that's okay with you"
Almost swatting at her tears, Nicole spoke. Her hands spasmed out of control.
"Of course. Of course. Who better to look after her than you? I knew you wouldn't abandon my baby, Mon. I knew it"
Smiling at the effort her friend made to appear rational, Monica ignored her own misgivings. She watched Nicole fidget with her fingers.
"Could you...", Nicole asked, "Could you bring her to meet me? Please? I-I-I will be good. I won't even touch her if you don't want me to"
"She's your daughter. Of course I will bring her to see you. Veronica deserves to grow up knowing her mother"
Nicole's face lit up with a smile. She crossed herself and thanked God.
She clutched Monica's hand in both of hers and kissed it.
Nicole whimpered.
"Thank you"
"Don't. I love her too. I am going to do right by her, Nicole, I promise you"
She seemed convinced. Now crying in joy, Nicole bent her head over Monica's hand and thanked her over and over again.

At last.
When she was out in the open air, she could breathe. Her heart beat so fast she feared she would collapse. It was only just hitting her what she had done. The conversation with Nicole finally made it real.
'I am going to raise Veronica'
Monica was a realist to her core. Though her decision had been motivated mostly by sentiment, she had no fantasies about raising a child. It was not going to be easy.
She would have to get a full-time job. She would probably have to move to a neighbourhood with better schools. She would have to give up her house. More loans, more challenges.
Raising a child was a thing of forever. All of her own dreams would be on the back burner again.
There were a thousand things to think about.
Most of all, Veronica deserved a parent. And Monica had no idea how to be one.

Sitting on that stone stairwell, she turned to the one person who could calm her down. More than anyone else, he deserved to know about this massive turnabout in her life. She had wronged him by keeping him in the dark.
There was no putting it off anymore. She had to tell him.
"This is Dr. Spencer Reid. Leave a message"
Her breath hitched.
How was she to tell him?
Swallowing the lump in her throat, Monica left him the dreaded message.
"Hey. I hope your day's going well. Are you still in Virginia? Something has come up. I'm in New York right now, but I'm flying back to Seattle in a few hours. I'm gonna have to stay there for a few more days. I... I think I better tell you this in person. Could you come see me in Seattle? I'll text you the address for where I am staying. Call me when you get this", she sighed, "I love you so much. Bye"

Washington D.C., earlier that day -

Spencer had avoided geneticists since... well. He knew it was a weird thing to do. But he had never trusted another expert's opinion since Maeve. Even if she were alive, how could he have asked her to advise him on this?
"It's nothing to worry about, Dr. Reid. The possibility is less than 30%. Alzheimer's and schizophrenia may be genetic, but it doesn't mean that a child absolutely will inherit it. The..."
Imagine, he thought, asking Maeve if his and Monica's biological children would inherit his family's less-appealing traits. He liked to think Maeve would have been happy for him. She would have told him he deserved kids.
"You and your wife can..."
"My girlfriend", Spencer corrected Dr. Helberg.
She smiled and tried her best to ease his fears. Half the work had already been done by his mind.
Spencer wanted to have a kid with Monica so badly he was willing to take the gamble.
He didn't just want to raise a kid anymore. He wanted to have it. And he wanted the child to have things that were distinctly theirs.
He wanted one with her eyes, her smile, her athletic ability, his brains. Monica's brains weren't half bad either.
The image of a green-eyed baby, dressed in a sweater vest and khakis, calling him "Dad" - it made his heart swell with love.

As he walked out of Dr. Helberg's office, he was ready. Ready to tell Monica what he wanted, ready to shower her with love and attention for nine months, ready to baby-proof a new house, ready to be with her in the delivery room. And more than ready to see her glowing and smiling, as she carried their child to term.
Now all he had to do was ask her if she was ready too.

"Sometimes life has a cruel sense of humor, giving you the thing you always wanted at the worst time possible"
- Lisa Kleypas