Thanks to everyone who has reviewed the story. It always makes me happy to hear your opinions. Special thanks to the guest reviewer who took the time to write such a long response. You'll get some of your questions answered in this chapter, I think.
I just want to say that I always proofread every chapter three or four times before posting it. But since English is not my native language I guess there will always be some mistakes. But please keep pointing them out so I can correct them and improve my language skills.
O-o-o-o-o
November 1998
Johanna Beckett was on her way to the prison to meet a new client, Joe Pulgatti, when her phone rung with Katie's ringtone.
Huh? Strange, Johanna thought. Katie never called in the mornings when she knew her parents would be at work. Well, she would call her back and ask what she wanted as soon as she arrived at her destination. Johanna didn't take calls while driving.
The ringing stopped but half a minute later it started again. Now Johanna was worried. Something must be wrong. Calling twice in less than a minute was very un-Katie-like behavior. The next parking space she saw she pulled in and stopped the car just as the ringing stopped. While she searched her purse for her phone it already started ringing again.
Something was wrong. Very wrong. Where was the stupid phone?
Ah there! Johanna pulled it out and took the call, her hands almost shaking out of worry.
„Katie?" yeah, her voice sounded worried too.
„Mom?" came Kate's sob over the line.
Johanna felt a tightness pulling around her heart at her daughter's upset and fearful voice. She sounded scared. What was she scared of?
„What happened, Katie?" Johanna asked, her heart beating faster, her body tingling with anxious energy, ready to do anything to protect her little girl.
„Oh, mom" Kate sobbed. „I did something stupid. I don't know what to do." A few hiccups interrupted her before she asked with the most scared and tiniest voice Johanna had ever heard her daughter use. „Can you come here, mommy?"
„What's wrong, Katie? Are you in trouble?" What could possibly have happened that had her oh-so-independent daughter wanted her to fly out all the way to California?
„No. I…I… I just need you. Please" her voice broke again with another heartbreaking sob.
„Of course I'm coming, baby" Johanna said. How could she not? „But can you at least tell me what this is about?"
„I…I'm…I'm…" Kate tried to choke out what was bothering her so much. „I can't. I can't tell you over the phone, mommy. Please come here"
„Of course. But it will take me a few hours, baby and I have to get off the phone to arrange a few things, book a flight, pack a bag." Johanna told her, knowing she wouldn't get any information right now.
„Okay" Kate whispered in a tiny voice. „Please hurry, mommy"
„I will, baby" Johanna reassured her. „I'll be there as soon as I can."
After they hung up, Johanna dialed her husband.
„Beckett" he said into the phone.
„Yeah, hi Jim, it's me" Johanna said. „Are you at the office?"
„Yes, why?" he asked, already catching the worried undertone in his wife's voice.
„Listen" Johanna started. „I need you to book me the next possible flight to California"
„Why?" Jim asked, worry already filling his voice too.
„I don't really know yet. Katie called, she was crying, sobbing really. She asked me to come to her. She sounded so scared. She called me mommy, Jim. She hasn't done that in years. But she wouldn't tell me what's wrong. Just asked me to come and said she couldn't tell me over the phone."
While Johanna explained she could already hear Jim hitting his keyboard in the background.
„Flight leaving in one hour, okay?" he asked, his finger hovering over the „book"-button.
„Yes, but I have to hurry. I call you when I'm at the airport."
O-o-o-o-o
Rick found himself strolling through the loft again. He could hear the silent pad-pad of his own footsteps. He hated it. He hated how quiet it was, how lonely. Why again had he bought this spacious place when he had nobody to share it with?
He was almost looking forward to the visit his mother was going to pay him later. Almost. The loft wouldn't be quiet then anymore. But she would insist that he went out, had fun, met someone. And he wasn't ready. He knew his mother meant well. She only wanted to help him. But every time he thought about Mystery-Woman he felt like he'd lost the love of his life.
Whichever he knew was ridiculous because they only had had one night. But it was the best night of his life and he just wished things had gone differently.
Sometimes he felt okay, inspired even to write, glad that he had at least gotten to know something about her. But most days he just missed her. Or the idea of her. He couldn't write then. He tried to find her but there was just no point because he didn't know anything about her.
When there was a knock, he opened the door to invite his mother in. He served the dinner he'd cooked for them and tried to concentrate on her tales from her new play.
„Richard, darling, don't you think it's time for you to put yourself back out there. You never know, maybe you'll find someone who catches your attention. Or I could ask Meredith again. I still have her contact information. She's deeply sorry she forgot about your blind date that night"
„No thanks, mother. I know it's ridiculous. That I shouldn't feel so deeply for a woman I don't even know but I can't do anything about it. And I'm really not ready to date again. It just feels wrong" Rick said with a sad broken voice.
This was not her cheerful optimistic boy, Martha thought sadly. All his childhood he'd rarely been sad. He had always found a way to enjoy life, no matter how hard it was, no matter how tight money had been during his childhood. Occasionally he had been upset (still was) about not knowing his father but two days later he'd found something that brought his cheerfulness back. But now he wasn't a little boy anymore and stupid women kept breaking her baby boy's heart. And apparently there was nothing that could cheer him up right now.
Martha placed her hand over his and squeezed it. „I'm sorry, darling." She wished she could do something for him but there wasn't anything.
„Me too" he sighed. „But tell me again about this play. It's about Christmas, right?" he changed the topic.
So she told him. And even while he was still sad and heartbroken, talking about his favorite holiday made it a little better. A tiny little bit. But it was something.
O-o-o-o-o
Johanna knocked on her daughter's door. Her back hurt from the flight and she was very tired but she didn't notice anything of that. She was only relieved that she'd finally reached her destination after her 10 hour flight.
Kate opened the door and immediately fell around her mother's neck. She sobbed into her shoulder and it was all Johanna could do to gently walk them into Kate's dorm room.
„Whatever this is about, Katie, I'm sure everything will sort itself out" she tried to comfort her but it only made her cry harder. So Johanna kept rubbing her back, the thought of her daughter crying the last twelve hours broke her heart.
„Come on. Let's sit down on your bed and try to calm down, okay honey?" she whispered softly.
Kate nodded and let her mother pull her down on the bed.
Johanna let her cry for a while. She thought she slowly got a feeling what this could be about. Kate was never scared and if she was she didn't admit it. And never had she been as scared as she was now.
After a while Kate's sobs turned into hiccups. The tears had stopped for now and she seemed to collect her courage to tell her mother what was bothering her so much.
„I'm…I'm" she broke up. She couldn't say the word. She just couldn't. It was like saying it would make it more true. Kate got up, walked into her bathroom and came out again, holding something with the tips of her fingers like it would burn her if she held it tighter. Her hand was shaking and the object fell to the ground. She picked it up, flopped down on the bed beside her mother and gave the object to her. Silent tears were running down her face again.
Johanna took the pregnancy test from her daughter's shaking hands. She didn't need to turn it to know that it was showing two lines. She did anyway. Just to be sure.
„I'm so sorry, mommy" Kate whispered, her throat tight with tears. „I was so stupid. I'm so sorry"
Her whole body was trembling like she was afraid of Johanna's reaction. She put the test down on the bed beside her and pulled her daughter close.
„It's okay, Katie. You don't have to apologize" she whispered into her daughter's hair. „I love you, honey. We will figure something out"
Kate hugged her tighter, Johanna almost wasn't able to breathe anymore because of the tight embrace. But she didn't care.
„Everything will be okay, baby. I love you." Johanna said again and could feel how some of the tension eased from her daughter's shoulders. Katie hadn't thought she would love her any less because of this, had she? But since it helped reduce the tension she told her again and again until Kate pulled away a little, whispering a silent thank you.
„So" Johanna started. „Who is this baby's father?" she asked, just to witness her daughter's eyes filling with tears again. Sad and regretful. Oh no, she'd hoped there was someone in the picture.
„I don't know" Kate whispered, her voice so full of regret and desperation.
„What do you mean you don't know?" Johanna inquired. Yes, Katie had been rebellious the past years but she'd never been irresponsible. Surely she wasn't sleeping around with random guys, was she?
„Well I know who. I just don't know anything about him" Kate whispered heartbrokenly. Then she turned big red-rimmed eyes to her mother, searching for answers. „Can you be in love with someone you've only had one night with, mom?"
Salty tears run down Kate's cheeks in a never ending flow. „Oh sweetie" Johanna whispered compassionately, pulling her in for another hug.
„Tell me how this happened, baby" Johanna asked. „Right from the beginning"
Kate took a deep breath to collect herself before she pulled away from her mother, stoically looking at the seam of her socks as she started to tell the story.
„It was a day before the big exam last month. A friend, Emilia, asked me to go out with her. So despite my better judgement I did. But just after a short time she abandoned me at the bar to go dance with some guy. So I was bored. We'd agreed to go back home together so I waited. Then I remembered that I still had this new book in my purse so I just started to read"
„In a bar?" Johanna interjected disbelieving.
Kate smiled sadly. „You sound like him" she said and in the way she said him Johanna could hear her daughter's heartbreak.
Then she went on. „Then this guy was suddenly there, stating that it must be quite some book if I could read in a place like that. He was so nice and handsome. We started to play this game. He had to guess the genre and the author of my book and in return I would tell him something about me. It was fun, mom." Kate looked up at her for a moment.
Johanna gave her a very soft smile. It seemed like her baby girl was in love. Like really in love, not like she'd been in love with Brant Edwards. But the real kind of love, the hurting kind. The amazing kind of love.
„Hewas fun. And sweet. And just a little shy in some moments which was adorable. And it was so much fun talking to him, playing this stupid game. But then Emilia came to me, told me she was leaving with the guy she'd been dancing with and was gone before I could even reply. He said he didn't like my friend. I agreed. He asked if I wanted to get out of there and I said yes."
She stopped for a moment. Then she met Johanna's eyes again, so much vulnerability in her gaze.
„I meant to say no. I really meant to. But my mouth had other plans. There was just something about him, I don't know how to describe it. But I just wanted to be near him. I was so fascinated by his presence alone. I don't know, I can't explain…" she searched her mother's eyes for understanding and obviously she found it since she continued.
„And he was so happy that I agreed. Happy, mom. And I felt so happy too. And he was so so sweet, gave me his scarf, opened the doors for me, didn't let go of my hand. And then he kissed me so sweetly and I kissed him back. And I think I did it all wrong the previous times because kissing him was so amazing. I felt like flying. Then we were at his hotel and I followed him up to his room and then well… obviously we had sex" Kate said, glaring at the pregnancy test like she had glared at the darkness when she was three years old and refused the night light.
„But just like kissing, that was so much better too." Tears were flowing again and Johanna guessed they were at the heartbreaking point of the story now.
„Didn't you use protection?" Johanna asked. They had had that talk years ago. And Katie had promised her back then to always be responsible when it came to that.
„We did" Kate said in a defensive voice. Quieter she added „the first time."
„I guess we forgot the second time"
Kate stared down at her feet again. „I don't know how I could forget, mom. I'm so sorry. I don't know… something about him… he just made me forget to think" she sighed, her breath coming shakily.
„When I woke up it was already so late. Just an hour before the exam. So I panicked, dressed quietly and slipped out of the room as fast as I could so I wouldn't be late for the test."
Kate's eyes were so full of regret.
„I wish I had left my number or woken him up or skipped the test and stayed. I don't know how I can miss him so much, mom. I don't even know him. I've never felt like this. And now I'm…I'm…" her throat closed on the word. She just couldn't say it.
„Pregnant" Johanna supplied.
„Yeah that" Kate chocked. „And I have no way to tell him. I don't even know his name. Why don't I know his name, mom?" She searched her mother's eyes desperately as if they could hold the answer.
„Oh honey" Johanna said compassionately. She pulled Kate into another hug. While the young woman rested her head on her mother's shoulder Johanna gently rubbed her back.
Lonely silent tears started to wet Johanna's blouse.
„Katie?" she asked after a while. There were some things they hadn't talked about yet.
„Hm?" hummed Kate. She'd been deep in thought. She missed him so much. The last month she hadn't done anything but regret what she'd done that morning.
„You know we will support you whatever you decide. Your dad and I. So… have you thought about if you want to keep the baby?"
„Yes?" came Kate's insecure voice after a few moments.
„Is that a question or a statement, Katie?"
„Statement?" a question again.
Johanna kissed the top of her head. „Think about it. Whatever you decide, your dad and I love you and will support you no matter what. You know that right?"
Kate nodded against her mother's shoulder.
„Speaking of your dad… I should call him soon. He is probably worried sick."
„Can we not tell him, please" Kate half-joked but Johanna could hear her worry behind the words anyway.
„Your dad loves you, Katie. No matter what. This doesn't change that" Johanna told her.
„I know" Kate sighed. „But he'll be so disappointed"
„He'll be a little crushed that his little girl isn't so little anymore. But he'll come around. Don't worry, Katie" Johanna promised. Of course Jim would hate the idea of his daughter having sex. Until now he could just live in denial. But he loved Katie and nothing would change that. And if she decided to keep the baby he would love his grandchild just as much.
„And now, Kathrine Houghton Beckett" Johanna started in a strict voice but with a gentle glint in her eyes. „You get your sorry backside up, clean up, put some nice clothes on and then we are going to this hotel and try to get a hold of your Mystery-Man."
Kate chuckled. „Yes mom" she saluted before she did as she was told and retreated to the bathroom.
O-o-o-o-o
Jim paced the living room. He couldn't stand still. He was so worried. The last time he had heard from Johanna was when she'd landed in California. Since then… nothing.
He was staring at his phone, willing it to ring. He was anxious. He needed to know what the problem was.
Just during the process of making himself his fifth (or sixth?) coffee, his phone finally rung.
„Finally" he breathed into the receiver in relief.
„Hey Jim" Johanna said.
„What's wrong with Katie?" he asked immediately. No time for smalltalk.
Jim was sure he'd heard wrong when Johanna outright said „she is pregnant"
„What?" Jim asked, there were no paths in his brain that connected the words Katie and pregnant.
„She is pregnant" Johanna repeated. „As in ‚she is going to have a baby'"
„This is not funny" Jim said. Clearly the problem couldn't be so big if Johanna was making jokes like that.
„That's because it's not meant to be funny, Jim" Johanna said dryly.
„What do you mean?" Jim asked confused.
Johanna sighed. „What I mean, Jim, is that your baby girl is not so little anymore. And that she is pregnant"
„This isn't a joke?" Jim asked, the color draining from his cheeks and he had to sit down on the kitchen chair.
„It's not"
„Katie is pr…pr…preg…" he couldn't say it.
„Pregnant" Johanna supplied, rolling her eyes. Like father, like daughter, she thought. Unable to say the word.
„Yes Jim, Katie is pregnant. So now I suggest you try to relax a little, get over the shock and then call to tell your daughter that you love her. Because I think she is actually worried about that. That we love her less because of this."
Jim nodded and let Johanna end the call. Then he sat at the kitchen table for a long time, staring into space, trying to get a hold on himself. He still loved Katie, of course. Nothing could ever change that. He just really wasn't ready for her to be pregnant.
She had only turned nineteen two weeks ago. How could his baby girl be pregnant?
O-o-o-o-o
Finding the hotel of course had turned out impossible. Kate had no idea where it was, what the name of the hotel was or even how long the cab ride there had taken. She had been so occupied with kissing him that she hadn't noticed anything that could give them a clue.
„I'm sorry Katie" Johanna said.
Kate shook her head. „It's not your fault that I haven't noticed my surroundings. Thanks for trying to help tough."
Johanna had never seen her daughter look so hopeless. It broke her heart for her. But there wasn't anything she could do.
„I wish I could do more, baby" Johanna sighed and pulled her daughter in a comforting hug.
After a long time Kate whispered „Mom?"
„Yes Katie?" Johanna prompted gently.
„Can I come home?" Kate asked, tears running down her face, her voice tiny.
„Oh sweetheart" Johanna whispered and kissed her daughter's forehead. „Of course you can, baby"
O-o-o-o-o