Snakes, in a lot of cultures, have a rich history of symbolism, being associated with things such as treachery, sin, renewal, and skin care. All of that is ignored here in favor of more animal wordplay, so if you enjoyed the previous chapter, good news.
Also, about 20%-30% of what Weiss says in this chapter is actually true, which just makes it harder to determine which of her explanations to trust. Ahahahaha.
Lunch was commercial sat down at a table made of fake bamboo and a waiter dressed as some sort of safari guide handed them menus backed by woven wicker.
Weiss pulled the menu out of Blake's hands and laid it flat on the table. "Here, Blake, I'll read to you what the menu options are and you just pick one and you can have it!"
Blake blinked.
Weiss started enunciating the words on the menu, slowly but steadily, in an elaborate monotone. She pronounced most of the words correctly. Blake let her get through the whole menu.
It took a while. The taller Schnees congratulated Weiss on her reading ability and her diction and hid their exasperation.
"Okay, do any of those sound good to you, Blake?"
Blake pointed at the fishy burger. It was one of the first items on the menu. The taller Schnee's made annoyed expressions. Blake smirked, but only a bit.
And after the food arrived and Blake sunk her teeth into a dry, flavorless patty whose juices soaked into the breads and made it soggy, Blake realized how skilled the Schnee cook was and wondered if she was getting used to luxury.
After lunch, the four of them walked over to the indoor exhibits.
On the way, the taller Schnees mentioned Weiss's name. Blake's ears perked up and she strained to listen.
"-it's good to encourage her creativity, yes, but if she doesn't suffer any negative consequences for them, she'll keep making them."
"If she doesn't grow out of them, we can implement some austerity measures. It'd be for her own good-"
Blake turned her head. The adult Schnees paused.
Pa Schnee made an excuse to talk to Weiss alone. Blake overheard something about lions and their sleep cycles. Mum Schnee pulled Blake aside and gave Blake some long speech about punishing Weiss every time she made a pun, for the rest of her life. Or something like that.
Blake blinked.
"you don't value your daughter's creativity or joy?"
"Ahahaha. Send me a meow when those become commercializable assets."
Blake's eyebrows flattened.
The woman sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Can you just," she said, "Subtly discourage her? We can revisit this later."
Blake blinked. She shrugged.
The Schnee patted Blake's shoulder. "Good enough."
They arrived at the entrance to the Reptile House. A nun from a tour group from the Maximum Security Religious Orphanage ushered in a line of sullen, grungy children. A dirty, emaciated child with a streak of colored hair stopped at the front of the building, staring at the revolving door. "Snakes," deadpanned the child, in a forlorn monotone that almost made Blake nod in approval. "Why did it have to be snakes."
A different, dirtier child, with unkempt hair, who walked with skips and jumps, lay a hand on the shoulder of the first child. They shared a nod and fell back in line with the rest of the procession.
Inside the building, the hallways were left mostly dark and there were no outside windows. There was purple carpeting, but the kind that was essentially a solid surface.
Weiss pulled Blake by the hand to a glass pane. On the other side was an artificially lit enclosure with sticks and rocks and plants. And also a snake or two.
"Snakes, Blake!" Weiss said, "Lookit! Look at the snakes, Blake! Do you see them? Look at how snakey they are! Do you see, Blake? Do you see the snakes?" Weiss hugged Blake's head and jumped, up and down. She pointed at the snakes. "Look at the snakes! Do you see, Blake? They're so snakey, Blakey!"
Blake blinked. She pulled on the plush snake around her neck, moving its head so it could see the snakes too. The three of them regarded the snakes.
Weiss pulled Blake by the hand to another glass plane. Blake glanced at the illuminated plaque. Crotalus Cerastes.
"Look at these snakes, Blake!" Weiss pointed at some snakes. "These snakes have a rattle on their tail, made of interlocking plates from the same stuff their scales are made of. They rattle their tales when predators are near, which rattle the plates against each other. The rattly noise intimidates other animals, you see? They try to be scarier than the predator, so they can postpone their inevitable deaths another day. Look, watch it's tail, Blake, watch it, it's going to rattle!"
Weiss then pressed her face and palms against the glass. Weiss was pretty scary.
The snake curled up, and its tail started vibrating, emitting a rattling noise.
"Did you see?" Weiss adjusted her medical eyepatch and turned to Blake. "That's why they're called," Weiss pointed, "Shakey Snakeys!"
The taller Schnees did not correct her. Neither did the zookeepers or any of the tourists or orphans or the nun.
Weiss pulled Blake by the hand to another exhibit. The plaque said Thamnophis Sauritus.
"And these snakes, Blake! See, their skin is falling off? That's because they don't wear sunscreen, Blake, so make sure you always put on moisturizing sunscreen with an SPF of at least 30 whenever you go outside, even if its cloudy." Weiss tapped Blake's sunhat. "And also wear your hat, too! Or you'll end up sad like these snakes."
"These snakes are called, " Weiss pointed at the snakes, "Flakey Snakeys!
Blake scrunched her mouth.
Weiss pulled Blake to another exhibit.
"And these snakes are actually just large worms wearing green paint. They survive by stealing the identities of more successful animals and mooching off of them, so make sure you keep your credit card wrapped in aluminum foil all the time, Blake, so you don't end up like their victims!" Weiss tugged on Blake's hand. "These snakes are called Fakey Snakeys!"
Blake lifted the plush snake's head so they could look at each other. The plush snake shook it's head from side to side. Its tongue flopped.
Weiss pulled Blake to another exhibit.
"And these snakes lose their tails! Their tails just break off! See Blake? You see? They're called Breakey Snakeys!"
Blake scrunched her mouth. Those ones were actually just really thin salamanders; snakes didn't have caudal autonomy.
And Weiss pulled Blake to another exhibit.
"These snakes, Blake! Lookit!" Weiss held her hands out on the panes of glass. "They have renounced the light and abandoned reason, to make dark pacts with antediluvian deities, whispering indolent obscenities upon the uncaring charnal wind. Their souls are filled with cyclopean madness."
Weiss put an arm around Blake's shoulder and pulled Blake's face next to hers. Weiss pointed at a snake lying in the light. It might have been sleeping.
"See how they wriggle and writhe with the blasphemous undulations of shadows of glimpses of the untold, tenebrous depths? They are a cautionary reminder of how far into the abyss our humanity can succumb if we become as they are, so twisted and noisome and vile. They give and give and give more of their light for empty promises from ineffable monsters, only to receive naught but madness and darkness and disappointment."
One of the snakes licked its eyeballs.
Weiss pontificated theatrically. Her voice got lower and more monotone. "They know no freedom, no tremulous laughter parts their innocent lips nor warms their skins. There are stains upon their minds and stigmata on their womb-bound unborn-"
"-these snakes aren't viviparous-"
"Who scream unhearable, yoke-mouthed screams as their souls hollow out in torturous abandon in preview of the dark lives they've sold to the stygian darkness."
A snake lifted its head and then lowered it.
Weiss's shoulders relaxed, ever so slightly, and her hands had an almost imperceptible tremble in them as she waved a panorama across the enclosure, "They cry out, but their yearning falls on deaf ears. Once they form their dark pact they are trapped, Blake- bound through unearthly bellicose chains into a life of sacrifice to unknowable entities who care not for their true needs, twisted to an eldritch agenda beyond their capability to comprehend, molded by abominations into hideous reflections of their abominable vestige, into indolent entities that shun their own reflections and hate, in visceral abandon, what they've been tortured into, too far gone on a path for them to even remember a vestige of hope for lives they could have lived."
Blake blinked. In the enclosure, a snake licked its eyes.
Weiss looked Blake in the eye, her own visible one wide and sincere. She put a palm against Blake's chest, over her heart. "So hold fast to the light, Blake. Never let it fade within you."
Blake blinked. She shut her mouth, as she realized it had fell open at some point.
Weiss put a palm against Blake's heart. "You are too precious, Blake, too pure, and full of life. Promise, Blake, that you will never succumb to darkness."
Weiss's face was serious.
Blake blinked. "um... okay. yes."
Instantly, Weiss smiled again. She turned to the snakes. "They're called," Weiss said, painting a panorama with her hand, "Forsakey Snakeys!"
And then Weiss ran out of adjectives that rhymed with 'snakey', and introduced Blake to the Squeezy Snakeys (Eunectes murinus), the flappy snakeys (Naja haje) the snakeys that could fly from tree to tree (Chrysopelia Ornata), the snakes that secretly controlled the government at the highest eschalons of power (Serpentes Sapiens) and the snakes we'd all end up wedded to after the slippery slope kicks in if we legalize gay marriage (Medusae Astoriae).
And then the other taller Schnee appeared. "Now now, Weiss sweetie," she said. She put her hands on her daughter's shoulders. "I'm sure we all appreciate the wordplay. Maybe Blake wants to say something in response?"
"Oh?" Weiss turned to Blake and smiled. "Are you enjoying the herpetology, Blake?"
Blake looked between Weiss and her mother.
"more like," Blake said, "derp-atology."
Weiss winked.
Weiss's mother did not look amused. She stared at Blake for a bit.
"Yes. Well, Weiss sweetie, maybe you should wrap up your little lesson now, lest you overfill your little pet's head with more knowledge than it can handle."
Blake glared.
Weiss made noncommittal noises, but she was a little less enthusiastic about most of the other snakes.
"Ooh ooh!" Weiss said, when they passed by another enclosure. She pulled Blake to her side, by the shoulder, and pointed at some more snakes. "Look at these snakes Blake? Do they look familiar?"
Blake looked down at the spotted snake in the enclosure, and then at the giant spotted plush snake around her neck.
Weiss pulled out a black marker and crossed out the scientific name on the snake's plaque. She then wrote 'Blaeky Snex' on it.
"They're now Blakey Snakeys! Do you like them? I named them after you, you know!"
Blake blinked.
Weiss turned to one of the orphans from the max sec religious group. "Hey you! You see those snakes? They're named after my kitty!"
Blake blinked. The orphan blinked. This was the one from before, with the colored hair streak.
"Whats so great about them?"
"They're green!" Weiss explained.
Blake blinked again. That was correct.
"Is that it?" said the orphan.
"Yeah!" Weiss said.
The orphan's friend appeared. From up close, Blake could see that the dirt covered up the original color of her hair. "Is that meaningful in any way?"
Weiss took a step back, a little closer to Blake. "It can be," Weiss said. "If you want it to mean something, then it can."
One of the snakes rolled around, horizontally, "They look peaceful," said one of the orphans.
(When Weiss wasn't looking, Blake picked the marker out of her pocket and corrected the spelling of her name. She then replaced the marker.)
Weiss refreshed her smile. "Sure! They can represent peacefulness and solace, since they get to lie around in artificial sunlight every day." That was something Blake could believe in.
"Really?" The orphan seemed to speak with a little more hope.
Blake turned to Weiss. "S-sure." She refreshed her smile. "If you believe in the greenness of the snake, you can find solace."
The orphans turned to each other and smirked.
"All hail the Blakey Snakeys!" Weiss said. She waved her hands in the air.
"All hail the Green Snakes!" said the orphans.
"no~" Weiss said, "They're called 'Blakey Snakeys'-
"Green Snakes! Green Snakes!" chanted the two orphans.
Some more orphans approached, and heard about the snakes, and they too started chanting.
And then the whole group started chanting. Weiss jumped behind Blake and ducked her head into her shoulders.
The nun stepped towards Weiss, angry and menacing. "What have you done," seethed the nun, "You've given them hope!"
Weiss winked.
Then Weiss's parent's appeared. Mum Schnee kneeled besides Blake, real quick. "Take Weiss and run."
Blake's two week old ninja bodyguard instincts kicked in. She grabbed Weiss's hand and led her through the crowd, weaving expertly through the crowd. Behind them, the adult Schnees dealt with the orphans and the nun.
Weiss didn't say anything.
Blake and Weiss ended up in the entomological exhibits. Blake checked Weiss over, and brushed off her shirt and hair, for good measure.
Only two orphans managed to ambush them.