Any similarities between any of the proper nouns or concepts in this fic and any real life proper nouns or concepts are completely intentional, and meant to offend.

-OOO-

Weiss had her fingers in Blake's mouth very often. Blake didn't mind, though she'd never admit that having clean, polished teeth nowadays felt better than the alternative.

So Blake didn't mind when, once one of her baby teeth started getting loose, Weiss developed a fondness for, occasionally, sticking her thumb on Blake's chin and opening her mouth and sticking her opposite hand in Blake's mouth and wiggling Blake's loose tooth. Weiss already played with several of Blake's body parts.

"You're so toothy, Blakey!" Weiss said. She hugged Blake and rubbed her cheek on Blake's hair. "I love you, toothy Blakey. Mwah!"

In the past, Blake's loose teeth would come out when she ate bread or meat or other gummy stuff. But earlier today, Weiss took Blake to the vet, who specialized in teeth and who told Weiss that Blake's tooth was loose enough to pull, if Blake were so inclined.

Blake didn't have the chance to answer before Weiss stuck her thumb on Blake's chin and opened her mouth and stuck her opposite hand in Blake's mouth and grabbed Blake's loose tooth and pulled.

"Blake! You lost a toothy!" Weiss said.

Blake clutched her mouth for a moment before she remembered she was this stoic badass ninja, and then she closed her mouth and lay still. She ran her tongue along the new hole in her smile.

"Too be fair," said the vet, hefting some horrible steel contraption, "It was either Weiss just yanking it out, or using the Shark Tooth Extractor. I think this way worked out better."

Weiss waved the bloody wedge of bone in the air. And then, because there weren't enough people to show it to, she picked Blake up with her other arm in a way that made Blake's feet drag on the floor, and ran around the mansion, waving both Blake and Blake's tooth at whoever would listen. Then she returned Blake to the vet, for the followup medical aid.

"Now Blake," Weiss giggled, "You're slightly less toothy! But that's okay, Blake, I still love you. Mwah!"

The vet looked over the freed tooth and complimented Blake on her impeccable dental hygiene.

"Thanks!" Weiss answered for her. Then she turned to Blake. "Now, we have to inform my mom and/or dad so the tooth fairy can make an appointment tonight." Weiss explained.

Weiss's mother was at the big desk in the big, windowless office that smelled of dust and white-collar crime, with the accountant, doing rich people paperwork or something. When Weiss pulled Blake in and her daughter started some spheal about teeth, Weiss's mother smiled earnestly and nodded and, at some point, grimly congratulated Blake on her achievement of a natural, automatic process that was a normal part of aging.

"And Blake and I were going to save up our teeth money for a trip to Corporate Mouse Land." Weiss eventually said. It was news to Blake.

"Weiss, sweetie," said Mum Schnee,"You know that Corporate Mouse Land is just a lie that parents tell their children to get them to behave, like the Rabbit That Brings You Chocolate, or Early Retirement. And we respect you too much to let you get caught up in materialistic hedonism."

Later, Blake would joke with some of the maids that she thought getting caught up in materialistic hedonism was the whole point of being rich.

"But-" Weiss said. She bit her lip. "Some of the kids at school said they went there-"

"They probably went to a regular amusement park that leased some corrugated Corporate Mouse stands and set them up at random amusement park. Or maybe they hired a corpuscent Corporate Mouse corporator to clown around as Corporate Mouse for an afternoon."

"But-

"Why do you want to go to Corporate Mouse Land anyway?"

"i am also perplexed."

Weiss turned to Blake and appeared aghast.

"What? You've haven't heard of- The Corporate Mouse is the bestest, most corposant mouse ever!" Weiss said. "He buys out your childhood memories and then pays screenwriters and computer graphics engineers to bring your dreams to life, bigger and better and more marketable than ever! Like, Corporate Mouse owns brands like Rebellious Outlaws and Samurai Except In Space And With Lasers, Inanimate Objects with Arbitrary Feelings, Heteronormative Hereditary Monarchs Establishing Traditional Standards of Courtship, Puppets That Break the Fourth Wall, and Violent Authoritarian Pajama Vigilantes!"

Blake didn't see the appeal of any of those. Blake also thought she caught Weiss's mother sniffle her nose.

"Weiss, sweetie, I'm sure those are very interesting to certain types of people, but Blake is a Faunus, and none of those intellectual property franchises are interested in being interesting to people like her."

Blake hated to agree with Mum Schnee, but when she was right, she was right. Blake nodded.

"But the Corporate Mouse himself is also super cool! He has a TV show and stuff!"

"Weiss, sweetie, the Corporate Mouse isn't real."

"I mean," Weiss said, "I know there's no actual corporal Corporate Mouse, but there's lots of Corporate Mouse corporate corpuscles who run committees that decide what the Corporate Mouse should be doing-"

"Weiss, sweetie, that's called a corporation. There are a lot of those, you know."

"But- but they make Corporate Mouse real," Weiss pouted. Her eye's widened and watered and her mouth wobbled.

Weiss's mother lasted even less longer than Blake did against Weiss's pouty face. She sighed.

"I mean, Weiss, sweetie," said Weiss's mother. While she talked, she walked around her desk to face her daughter. "What I meant was, just because the Corporate Mouse isn't real in the real way, doesn't mean Corporate Mouse isn't real in a different way. The Corporate Mouse is a metaphor, but is also an identifiable set of cognitive stimuli that produce a predictable set of reactions. There's Corporate Mouse corpuscles all around Remnant; every time an executive overrides an aspect of an artist's vision in order to make it more marketable; that's Corporate Mouse. Every time a team of lawyers files an intellectual property lawsuit to extend their client's royalty duration past the originally awarded timeframe; that's Corporate Mouse. Every time a third-rate Vale company uses up valuable petrochemicals to mold into brittle tchotchke facsimiles of big-eyed fictional characters, that's Corporate Mouse."

Weisses mother kneeled before Weiss. "So you see, Weiss sweetie," she held out her arms," As long as you believe in Corporate Mouse, he can be corporeal to you."

Weiss's mother hugged her. Weiss didn't return the hug. "So it would be silly for the Corporate Mouse Corp to maintain a chain of lucrative amusement parks and tour lines around Remnant," Weiss's mother pulled out of the hug, "because Corporate Mouse is an idea, and ideas live in your heart." Weiss's mother put her hand on her daughters chest.

"Ummm," Weiss looked down, "Okay. It's just, 'Corporate Mouse Land' just sounded like fun…."

"Weiss, sweetie, you know that we can pay any corporation to do any number of degrading things to entertain you." Weiss's mother smiled at the wall and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "And you know, your father and I have our own corporation, if you think-"

"Yeah, but," Weiss said, "I wouldn't want to be a burden. If there was an amusement park that already existed that was peddling the Corporate Mouse visage for money, then we could just go along with it. I thought we could enjoy the tradition."

The other taller Schnee refreshed her warm smile, though Blake thought it looked a little forced. "Well, perhaps you can use your time more productively then."

Weiss's mother coughed. "So you should prepare Blake a bed, or at least give her a pillow for her basket, so that the tooth fairy knows where to look."

Weiss then brightened up. "Okay, Yeah! I'll get one of the maids!"

Weiss then bounded out the door, down the hallway.

Blake stuck around. She held up a finger-

"Thank you for trying to dissuade her," said the other taller Schnee. She walked back behind her desk and started doing rich people things.

Blake blinked.

Then Blake held up a finger except more so-

"I realize you have never been briefed," said the other taller Schnee, "But we are maintaining the fiction the the Corporate Mouse does not maintain any amusement parks in this reality."

Blake's eyebrows flattened.

"We will, however, let our sweetie worship what she likes." Then the adult's nose sniffled again, and her voice cracked, just a little when she next spoke. "I just hope, one day, our Weiss-y develops better taste in corporations. And vertebrate quadrupeds, aha." The last laugh sounded forced.

But Blake agreed with that at least. Blake would munch into mincemeat any mousey that thought they was better than her, regardless of how many lawyers they employed.

Mum Schnee expressed gratitude at Blake's agreement, in the form of a bag of fish-flavored snack food. Blake munched them eagerly.

But Blake remembered something.

Blake procured a Scroll with net access. She used a popular search engine as a verb to find the location of the nearest Corporate Mouse Land.

"Well, yes, there certainly are physical locations in this reality where the Corporate Mouse leases out his Corporial corposants, but we would prefer not to encourage our sweetie's worship of any golden calves."

Blake blinked. She nodded. Then she left, nodding to the accountant on the way out.

It was decided that Blake would sleep in Weiss's bed, tonight. Blake wondered if it mattered that this was the normal sleeping arrangement. During her oral hygiene time, Weiss poked at the gum in Blake's mouth where her tooth used to be.

Blake awoke. She lay there on the bed, and Weiss lay on top of her, hugging her around the waist, and was drooling onto her stomach.

Then Weiss yawned awake and nuzzled Blake's stomach. Maybe her nose got a little wet.

"Blakey!" Weiss said, "You're conscious! Yay! Mwah!" Weiss smooched Blake's nose.

Blake blinked.

Weiss moved Blake off her pillow "And look!" Weiss pointed to a small manila envelope, "Looks like the tooth fairy took your tooth!"

Weiss picked up the envelop. She shook it and frowned.

"Wait..."

Weiss opened the envelope, and then she counted the money.

And then she blinked, and then she frowned imensely.

"Mooooooom!"

Weiss dragged Blake, both of them still in their pajamas, into the big, windowless office that smelled of dust and white-collar crime.

"Mom!" Weiss said, "How come I get 100 lien per tooth but Blake only got 25?"

"Well," said the other taller Schnee, "I am not an expert in the economy of teeth-"

"Well," Weiss said to the accountant, "How about you?"

The accountant visibly sweated and shirked down into a corner. "I- that's really really not my specialty. I don't think there's even any tax loopholes in tooth collecting. It's not quite dentistry, so the sadism laws don't apply-. "

"This is totally unfair! The tooth fairy is the only market for teeth so there shouldn't be any arbitrage potential to violate the law of one price!"

"Aww, look at how smart you've gotten, Weiss sweetie-" The other taller Schnee rubbed her daughter's head.

Weiss swatted away her mother's hands. "Mooom! This is serious!" Weiss pouted. "I take such good care of Blake's teeth, they should be worth as much as mine, because they're maintained under identical circumstances!"

Weiss's mother blinked.

"And that's very responsible of you. But perhaps maintenance won't make up for deficiencies in the original product."

"Additionally," added the accountant, "If the tooth fairy has a monopsony- that is, if she's the only one buying teeth- then we can't really argue with how much she's willing to pay for them."

"But it's not fair," Weiss said.

"Life isn't fair, sweetie." Weiss's mother said, "I thank Dust every day that we're rich, so that it's unfair in our favor."

Weiss pouted. "Fine, okay. But it's not economically consistent!"

The accountant nodded. "Yes, that is rather unforgivable."

Weiss's mother glared at her accountant, before turning back to argue with her daughter.

They continued to use rich people alternate reality words and concepts. Blake tuned out.

Blake tuned back in when Weiss addressed her.

"So don't worry, Blakey," Weiss said, in all earnestly, "We're going to just go ask the tooth fairy why she's a big dumb jerk, and then we'll lobby for an increase in your pay per tooth and for the payment of back wages." The accountant gave Weiss a book about market economies, in case it helped.

Weiss ran out of the room, to prepare or something.

Blake stuck around. She turned to Weiss's mother and held up a finger.

"so to be clear," Blake said, "we tell Weiss that corporate mouse land doesn't exist, but the tooth fairy is real."

"The tooth fairy is real, Blake," said the Schnee, without looking up.

Blake blinked.

Blake nodded. "understood."

Because ideas live in your heart and that makes them real or some bullshit. She could play along.

For the rest of the week, Weiss ran around asking the maids if any of them had loose teeth, and if so, if they would consider removing them early (for appropriate compensation), and if they would help them catch that stingy tooth fairy jerk. (The stocky maid made a joke about class-ism, but the gaunt maid pointed out that, technically, Blake was the same status as the Schnees, and that they, as maids, were the lower class. This revelation didn't go over very well.)

And it turned out the young maid had a loose tooth, and was willing to let the vet yank it out in the shark tooth extractor. And, apparently, the young maid had always wanted to meet the tooth fairy, hence the eagerness to volunteer.

So on that Friday night, they had the young maid spend the night in one of the mansion's guest rooms. After Weiss bathed herself and Blake and brushed both of their teeth, Weiss set up a camouflaged tent in the guest room and pulled Blake in to prepare the stakeout.

Weiss wormed her way next to Blake, where the latter lay flopped down in a sleeping bag, in a tent, in said guest room. The young maid was preparing for sleep.

"So Blake" Weiss whispered, while they were in their hiding place, "This is almost like camping! Are you having fun, Blakey?"

Blake blinked. Camping was overrated. It was dirty and cold and why would you do it if you had a mansion you could live in?

Weiss hugged Blake. "So, do you want to do some camping things, Blake?"

Blake did not. Also, their sleeping bags were less comfy than the massive, goose down mattress that Weiss slept on. Blake worried she was being too used to luxury. She didn't say anything, because Weiss didn't seem to mind.

"How about a spooooooky story, Blakey?"

Blake stuck out her tongue.

Weiss smooched Blake's nose again. "Mwah! Oh Blakey, you're so funny."

Weiss then cleared her throat. "Once upon a time," Weiss said, painting a panorama as best she could with her hand, "There was a princess in a kingdom that was at constant war with the Grimm."

Blake blinked. So this was like most kingdoms in Menagerie, she didn't say.

Weiss's voice steadily fell into a low, ominous monotone. "The princess waged a constant war against the unknowable creatures of darkness. She lost her parents, her siblings, and her lover to the dwellers in shadow, until all that remained was her empty home and hardened heart."

Blake blinked.

"So one day, in an empty castle, with nothing left but darkness in her soul, she vowed to get her revenge."

"She wandered past the bridge that led into the forest of the Grimm, prepared to die fighting, but she hoped she could find the source of the blasphemous monsters whose tortured grasps had shattered so many lives."

"She fought small bands of Grimm, but nothing she couldn't handle. She walked deeper and deeper into the forest."

"And then, she saw a bridge. It was similar to the one that led out of her own kingdom, and on it's other side was a village that looked like the one her own castle overlooked, and in the distance, was a castle that looked like her own home."

"She had just gotten turned around. The princess sighed in relief as she made her way back to her own castle. Perhaps Dust didn't intend for her to die, today, and had thus led her back to her kingdom."

"And as the princess walked along the cobblestones of her village, she saw no lights in the house windows, and heard no bustle of any villagers. But it was foggy, so perhaps they were all waiting out a storm."

"And the princess returned to her castle, and it was empty, but that was normal, since she had lost everyone she ever loved to the Grimm. Her footsteps echoed through the empty castle."

"And she took a seat in her broken throne and sighed, but as she did she heard the growling of Grimm."

"They emerged from the shadows, all around her! They growled their eldritch chants! The princess drew her weapon and held her arms aloft, ready to strike!"

"But the unholy creatures of Grimm didn't attack. And then the princess glimpsed her hands; they were black with decay and swirled with disquiet."

"She ran to the nearest mirror, and the Grimm made way before her. The princess touched the red-lined mask that was now her face."

"And the grumblings of the Grimm now made sense to her; they were saying, 'Welcome home, my princess'."

"Because with nothing but darkness and the thought of revenge in her heart, the Princess had become what she once hunted, and her home was now a sin-wracked mirror of what she once beloved in."

Blake realized she was shivering. She really wished Weiss would hug her.

And her wish came true. Weiss hugged her, and her voice was the normally cheery tone that, Blake suddenly realized, was very comforting. "So what do you think, Blakey? Spoooooooky, right?"

Blake pushed Weiss's face. But not hard enough to dislodge her embrace.

"Blake nooooo!" Weiss squealed in terror, or perhaps delight.

They went to sleep shortly afterwards.

Blake awoke. The windowstill creaked open, wafting in the smell of Dust and cold night air. A middle-aged woman in a ridiculous white dress, besotted with fangs and mandibles, stepped into the room. Blake didn't know which of those occurred first.

Weiss was still asleep.

Blake didn't know if she was too surprised to move, but she watched the tooth fairy pluck the tooth from under the young maid's pillow and replace it with a small envelope.

Then Blake remembered what she was supposed to be doing, and she shook Weiss awake.

Weiss immediately sprang into action. She jumped out of their tent. "Stop right there tooth fairy-"

The woman turn and waved a sparkly wand. Magic missiles erupted out and arced towards Blake and Weiss.

Weiss held out her hands and an octagon of runes materialized. Two of the missiles burst against it. The rest dissipated against the tent. Blake didn't know enough about magic to know if she almost died or not.

Then the fairy jumped backwards, out the open window. Purple mist swirled into a spiral vortex, and the woman vanished into it.

The young maid dashed to the window and held thin arms aloft at the corners of the magical nexus.

"Go! I'll keep tha port'l open for ya!" yelled the maid.

Weiss pulled on Blake's arm. "C'mon, Blake! We don't have a lot of time- the maid can't hold it open forever!"

Blake blinked.

"Um." Blake managed to say, clearly and articulately, "What."