Hello lovelies! Let me start out by saying y'all are probably the sweetest readers in the world, I love all the reviews I get from you, I love that you like my story, and I would love to continue this story for you. On a related note… I'm not saying that I'm not going to continue this story, because I totally am and I love you guys too much to quit. However, if you have been following me for a long time (and I mean a long time) you'll know that I disappeared off the face of the earth for over a year. Part of the reason being I didn't really know what I was doing. Guess what, I still don't! I mean I know where I want the story to go and sort of how it ends, but all the middle stuff, yeah I got nothing. So please be patient with me as I try to figure crap out (and go through year old outlines that I can barely read my handwriting on) and hopefully you still like the story.
(Oh, and one of the things I was doing when I vanished for a year was start another story! 'Yay!' I know right, just what I need, something to distract me form finishing this thing! But that story is up on my account if you want to read it, it's another Shadowhunter's fanfic and I would love if you check it out!) So that's my schpeel, don't forget to review because I love every review I get (it gives me motivation to finish this). Love y'all!
Over the next three years the subject of Sebastian never really came up again, partially because Jace immediately shut off as soon as it was mentioned so no one talked about it. Alec and Clary were both at a loss about what to do, because they wanted to help, but Jace wouldn't let them help.
Jace had meanwhile been dealing with his own problems. Valentine had been growing more and more ignorant of Sebastian's ploys to be permanently rid of Jace, one of which he simply told Jace to run away. It hadn't worked to the older boy's disappointment, as Jace had been too scared to actually run away and hid in the woods until Valentine had found him perched in a tree crying. The father had demanded to know what had happened and threatened to not leave until he got answers when both boys remained quiet. Sebastian eventually "admitted" to getting into a heated argument with Jace where he told him to run away and never come back. Satisfied with the answer, Valentine then left for a three day business trip. Practically as soon as he had walked out the door Sebastian almost broke Jace's skull in with a crowbar, that Jace didn't know where he had found, but before he actually hit Jace in the head he decided the younger boy deserved to die slowly and locked him in the basement until Valentine returned early (in which Jace also did not die to Sebastian's sever dissatisfaction). Valentine didn't ask what had happened to Jace, who was pretty sure had given up getting an actual answer.
The younger boy still clung to the hope that if Valentine knew (or accepted) what was actually happening that he would have put an end to Sebastian's antics. He had to, right? Valentine wasn't a cruel man and he made it openly clear that he loved both his sons very much, he would never permit Sebastian to hurt Jace if he knew. Then again, who was that stupid? Alec nor Clary had to point it out, Valentine was naïvely oblivious to his oldest son to the expense of harm to his youngest. Every time Jace argued with himself over finally reporting Valentine and Sebastian, he always came to his father's defense that he was just in denial. That whatever had happened when his wife left had blinded him to reality. And Jace always convinced himself his father didn't deserve to go to prison, so he endured Sebastian's torture.
Clary steadily introduced a few new friends to Jace. Simon was Clary's closest friend, who had a pathetic friend crush on her while also being rather smitten with Izzy. The boy was annoying and senseless, often rubbing Jace the wrong way (a feeling he more than mutually shared with Alec and the two bonded over their annoyance with Simon). Magnus came as a surprise, as he had followed the small group (more likely Simon's loud mouth) into the clearing and caught them all red handed, and thus was added to Jace's ring of "friends". Unfortunately for Jace, Alec was completely head-over-heels with Magnus and he could bond with no one (he chose not to bond with Simon) over Alec's annoying crush on a walking jar of glitter.
More people slowly learned about the existence of Jace, Magnus was a bit of a gossip and Simon wasn't good at keeping his mouth shut. First it was Magnus's friends Jem and Tessa, and soon after Catarina and Ragnor, and Ragnor told an even more annoying kid (more so than Simon) Raphael who had even snuck into the clearing to see if it was true. Jace had been shocked and more than taken back by the small Latino boy's sharp tongue and was glad when he never returned, but couldn't say he was surprised to learn had told his friend Lily. Simon told his friends Matt, Kirk, and Eric. And two other girls Seelia and Camille (when snooping around) discovered Jace as well. Jace felt like the whole town knew by this point and every now and then had the urge to yell at everyone for not keeping a secret.
Thankfully, Jace's existence never passed much beyond those ears and never once made it into the ear of an adult. Magnus, Alec, Simon, Izzy, and Clary remained the only constant visitors to the clearing with an occasional drop in by one of Magnus's friends.
Jace had to admit, being able to talk to someone who wasn't Sebastian was nice, and it wasn't long before he got the warm feeling around them he got when Valentine babied him, without the dread that Sebastian would attempt to rip his head off. It took a while for Jace to realize that he felt truly safe for the first time in his life with his friends, even Simon (and that was saying something), partially because he'd never felt truly safe before. A small voice whispered in the back of his head that it was wrong that he didn't feel safe in his own home, no one shouldn't feel safe in their own home, Clary certainly didn't, Alec and Izzy didn't, Simon didn't, Magnus was often left alone so he was lonely but not afraid, not like Jace was. Jace told the voice to shut up, if Valentine knew what was happening there was no way he would tolerate it.
Sebastian slowly got better too. Well, not better, just accepted that he couldn't get rid of Jace. Valentine always came back before Sebastian could do anything fatal. So Sebastian gave up on his intent to kill Jace, and just plain abused him. Part of Jace thought the older boy was still trying to chase him away. Sebastian hit Jace, locked him in the basement for days on end, and broke plenty of bones, but he never attempted to kill Jace after Valentine returned home early while Sebastian was trying to drown him in the tub (Sebastian had almost succeeded, but Jace didn't dare tell him that). As soon as Sebastian gave up killing Jace, Valentine went away longer, leaving for almost up to a week, then Sebastian pressed his luck and stabbed Jace with a knife before Valentine pulled into the driveway and Sebastian couldn't make Jace's death look like an accident. The father was told Jace hadn't listened to his older brother and ran with a knife, which of course was fully believed and Jace was scolded for no listening to Sebastian while Valentine attended to his wound. Sebastian begrudgingly never stabbed Jace again.
Jace didn't go to the clearing a whole month after the stabbing incident, partially because Valentine stayed home and partially because if Alec, Izzy, and Clary found out there would be no convincing them not to tell their parents. He planned on telling them that Valentine had taken some time off work after Sebastian locked him in the basement for two days without food or water and that he couldn't have gone without raising suspicion. Unfortunately that also meant worrying everyone else crazy.
Clary's P. O. V.
Clary was really starting to worry about Jace, and so were Alec and Izzy. It wasn't uncommon for Jace to disappear a week or more at a time. He always insisted on keeping up the façade that everything was fine for his father, so if the man was home, Jace didn't leave. Sometimes he showed up with a fractured bone, which really worried her, Alec, and Izzy, but Jace always managed to convince them not to tell, more often than not threatening to never forgive them if they did.
This however, was more than worrisome, especially as recent Jace visited as often as every other day. It was starting to near two weeks, Jace had never been gone for so long. None of them had the heart to play without Jace. Alec shared her concerned look. "If he's not back by the end of the week, we'll tell, oaky?" they all nodded in agreement. Clary no longer cared if Jace forgave her, his safety was more important.
Jace reappeared after fifteen days, right as Alec had decided he was going to tell his parents. The blonde boy came racing in, or as fast as he could go without tripping, with quite the loss of breath. "I'm okay," he swore, bending over to catch his breath.
"What happened to you?" Izzy and Simon asked simultaneously.
"Sebastian got a little crazy so Father stayed longer." Jace explained straightening up. "I'm sorry I worried you, I just couldn't figure out how to tell you."
"Well you're here now," Alec said, still looking worried. "What did Sebastian do? What made your father stay for so long?" Jace looked down to avoid eye contact. "Jace, what did he do?" Alec asked.
"It was nothing, really," Jace insisted. "He kind of threw a fit and Father saw it."
"Sebastian threw a legit fit and your father still didn't believe the kids has issues?" Izzy asked raising an eyebrow.
"Well, sort of. He did stay," Jace pointed out. "Sebastian's given up now, though. He hasn't tried anything in a few months now."
"Then why did he freak out this time?" Alec asked.
"Father was gone for longer than usual, I guess he decided to try one last time. He's definitely given up now." Jace tried to reassure them.
"Sebastian's crazy," Clary pointed out. "He'll never give up, just bide his time."
"Well I think Father's also not going to leave for as long either." Jace added. Everyone looked skeptical, but said nothing more. Jace got the look on his face saying if they pushed any further he would shut off and leave.
"Well we're glad to know you're okay," Magnus spoke up and everyone nodded. "Needless to say we've all been very concerned for you." Jace nodded, rubbing his arm like he was being scolded for something.
There wasn't really any time for playing since Jace had arrived so late, hugs were exchanged before everyone started to leave, Clary wished she had more time to spend with Jace, especially if she wouldn't see him again for a few more days.
She was too busy thinking about Jace at dinner and her mother took notice. "Why are you so quiet Clary?" Jocelyn asked. "Usually you're rambling on about a game you played with Isabelle and Alexander."
Clary thought quick, not wanting to give the real answer. "Just thinking, Mom. How did you and Dad know Mr. and Mrs. Lightwood in high school?" she asked. "Were you always friends?"
Her mother looked a little uneasy, but Luke grabbed her hand under the table. "It's fine, Jocelyn, she can know that much."
Clary wondered what her parents were talking about and hoped it had nothing to do with her father. Jocelyn always hated talking about her father. Luke was her dad and the only reason she knew about her father was because she had been smart enough to put two and two together and ask why she was the flower girl at Luke and Jocelyn's wedding when she was round two and a half. Her mother had broken down and told her Luke wasn't her biological father. It never bothered Clary, not that she wasn't interested, but it bothered her mother so much she never had the heart to ask.
"We were all friends back in high school." her mother started, her voice soft and shaking a little. "The Lightwoods, Luke, your father and I, and a couple other people. We were in a small science club. It wasn't anything big, at least not until we got to college." She stopped for a moment and Clary wondered if she was going to continue. "When we got to college, that's when it really started to take off, we gathered more members. We started gaining recognition for our work, receiving awards. We were the best of our generation, the brightest. Your father was the leader Clary, he was so brilliant. It's the reason I fell in love with him. We all loved him, truthfully, in one way or another. We thought he'd lead us to greatness, we would follow his charisma to the ends of the earth and follow him off too." Jocelyn laughed at this point, a sad wistfulness in her eyes and Clary was upset she was forcing her mother to remember something so painful. "We were… we were the future, or-or we were supposed to be."
"Jocelyn, you don't have to continue." Luke said, squeezing her hand. Clary looked between her parents.
"Yeah, Mom, it's okay. I'm sorry I brought it up." Clary piped up.
"No," Jocelyn said, wiping tears away. "Clary's a smart girl, it won't be any use keeping secrets from her, especially know that she's been told. Clary, we were all very naïve back then. Your father was talking about changing the future for the better with all the scientific advances he was making."
"Wh-what was he working in? Or, what were youworking on?" Clary asked awkwardly.
"Biogenetics and psychology. Experimentation in fetal development. His mother had cancer, and she killed herself because she had depression. He wanted to create a world without Cancer, where we could figure out how to 'cure depression'." Jocelyn allowed herself to chuckle. "It was so odd because they were such completely different areas, but he had such a passion for it. It's why I married him, I could see his passion, his genuine care and desire to make the world a better place so people wouldn't have to suffer. But for all the study I did, we all did, in psychology, it wasn't enough that we could recognize that he was suffering."
"We were in denial," Luke admitted. "Jocelyn, you can't blame yourself. We were all blinded too."
"Is that why you left?" Clary inquired.
"No," Jocelyn shook her head. "Or it wasn't all of it. Your father, he became obsessed with his work. He would lose hours of sleep, staying up at all hours, going over results and research, writing and rewriting findings and conclusions. Maryse and I were both pregnant at the time and he monitored us both practically twenty-four-seven. He started to scare me, at times it would be like he was completely deranged, but the next day he would be fine and it was like nothing had happened. I began to question whether it was my sanity or his that was being lost. Everything was falling apart behind closed doors, I had nowhere to turn, and I just had to keep pretending and smiling and acting like everything was fine!" By this point Jocelyn was very worked up and was more hyperventilating instead of speaking.
Clary got out of her chair and walked over to her mother, hugging her. "It's okay, Mommy," she whispered, a name she rarely called her mother anymore. "You can tell me when you're ready."
"Oh my sweet, sweet girl!" Jocelyn sobbed, clutching Clary tightly against her body. "What did I do to deserve you? What did I do to deserve such a wonderful life?" Clary, not knowing what her mother was talking about, didn't say anything and continued to let her cry. Luke on the other hand did seem to know and quickly interjected.
"Jocelyn, you cannot blame yourself for what has happened. It was not your fault and out of your control." He said, thought it seemed to do little to console his wife.
Needless to say, dinner was cut short and Jocelyn locked herself in the bathroom, continuing to cry. "I'm sorry," Clary muttered to her dad as they sat in silence in the living room.
"Don't apologize," Luke said. "You couldn't have known, you were just curious." Clary had been curious but it wasn't the reason she had asked the question and for that she felt guilty. "Clary," he said gently, "Is there anything you want to talk about?" She wondered if he had guessed at what she was thinking.
"Did…" Clary began. "Did my father ever hurt her?" she eventually asked.
"If you're asking if he ever raised a hand to her, then no. he truly did love Jocelyn, and that's why I held my tongue. I loved your mother as well, but I also loved your father. We were best friends, and they were happy together. It was more important to me that they be happy, and that made me happy. And that was enough."
"Then… why did she leave if she was happy? And don't you have other friends form your group then?" Clary was trying her best to understand.
"Well, as she said, your father had problems we were all in denial about. I knew something was off, but I wasn't willing to admit it. And he was very good at acting, Clary, very good at pretending things were okay, that situations that were wrong were normal and perfectly fine." Luke stopped talking for a moment and she wondered if he was finished. "And he was also manipulative, he often feigned ignorance or naivety to hide things from us."
"What do you mean?" Clary asked.
"He started doing things that were not right in the name of science." Luke explained. "He was manipulative to Jocelyn, no he never raised a hand to her, but he abused her mentally. He would put her in situations she couldn't get out of and rescue her, acting like he never could have comprehended something like that could happen. He did it to us all, really. The closer you were to him, the more he caused you to rely on him. It's part of how he kept us wrapped around his finger, doing things we knew weren't right."
"What wasn't right?" Clary was very drawn in now, looking at her dad with wide eyes.
"Not something appropriate to tell a child of your age," Jocelyn said from the doorway, causing Clary to jump. She hadn't seen her mother and didn't know how long she had been standing there.
"So that's why you left him?" Clary asked. "Because of what he made you do?"
"No, Clary." Jocelyn said sighing. "Ultimately I left him because of what he was doing to our son… Clary, you have a brother."