"Until we have seen someone's darkness, we don't really know who they are"
– Marianne Williamson
Monica stopped before the drugstore. She glanced at her right hand. The knuckles on it were swollen and an ugly shade of purple, from backhanding Leslie during the final struggle he had put up. She would need painkillers, and other stuff.
The emergency phone in her bag vibrated against her side. She took it out and flipped it open. The caller spoke in Russian.
"It's me"
Monica recognized her grandfather's voice. She asked in the same language,
"What's wrong?"
"Your boyfriend called. He and his buddies…"
She scolded,
"Grandpa"
"Da. He and his colleagues want you to see them for a "routine questioning". I suggest you call Audrey first"
"No"
"Why?"
Monica grimaced. She sounded hopelessly exhausted to her own ears.
"I'm tired. I'm so tired", she said, "I just want to see my boyfriend and my little girl. He wants me to go to the precinct, I'm going"
"And what are you going to do there?"
The lump in her throat hurt as she revealed.
"Confess"
"And have them take away Nicole's child? You think your act of martyrdom won't put him in danger? They will think he helped you and his career will be over"
"What do you want me to do?", she insisted, "I can't live like this. I did a horrible, horrible thing. I'm no better than Beatr…"
"Hurting people pleased her. Did it please you?"
She answered without any hesitation.
"Not for one second. But I have to do what's right"
"This is not just about you though, is it? You have to think of what's best for Veronica. You can't just abandon her to the mercy of a court because you have a conscience"
"I know"
Her grandfather said, his voice softening a bit,
"I trust your judgment, zayka. You're a good person at heart. You will do what has to be done, be it right or wrong"
"Thank you. I'll call you later, okay? Give my love to Nan. I love you"
"Love you too"
They hung up. Monica put the phone back into her bag and walked into the drugstore, her knuckles smarting like anything.
Emily had advised against it. But Spencer had to see it for himself. He had to see just how far Monica could go.
Standing by his side, JJ didn't say anything. Outside the room Christian Leslie was in, he prepared himself to face what Monica had done. The uniformed officer held the door open for them. Spencer stepped inside, followed by JJ.
George's murderer lay on the hospital bed, his hands and feet, and his torso covered in gauze and bandages. Anyone would have had a hard time associating that battered face with the photo they had on the precinct's white board. He was asleep, heavily sedated. Spencer noticed the man's height and weight again, trying to imagine how Monica had dealt with him. From what he could see, she had done what she had set out to do.
JJ asked the doctor standing by the bed,
"Is he going to live?"
Dr. Navarro nodded. She said,
"We have managed to stop the bleeding, but his body has suffered extensive trauma"
Spencer couldn't help but feel a wisp of relief that Monica hadn't killed him after all. What she had done looked just as worse though, if not more.
He asked the doctor,
"Do you have a chart?"
"Yes, right here"
She handed him the writing pad on which Leslie's current condition was recorded. Spencer read through it in seconds, also hearing Dr. Navarro narrate it.
"The bones in his hands and feet have been shattered with a heavy object. A hammer, I'm guessing. Same goes for his knees. There are puncture wounds too. Iron nails, is my educated guess. But the stab wound in his stomach came from something bigger. As you can see here, it is clean, through and through. The weapon missed his intestines by inches. When he came in, he was severely dehydrated. But he'll live"
Spencer returned the chart to the doctor. He tried to dissociate what he was seeing from what he knew about Monica. If this was her doing, he wondered if he had ever really known her at all.
JJ said to the doctor,
"Were there any signs of hesitation in the injuries?"
"I would say so. There are abrasions on his skin, from all the duct tape and chords the attacker used to tie him with. He was at their mercy. They could have done a lot more damage, if the intent was to kill him"
JJ gave Spencer a discreet look, which he pointedly disregarded. He asked,
"Can we see the orderly who brought him in?"
"Yeah. Terry is at the reception. I'll send for him"
"Thank you"
Dr. Navarro left the room. With one last look at the wounded man, Spencer and JJ did too.
They were talking to the orderly who had wheeled Leslie into the hospital the night before. JJ took the lead.
"When did you see him first?"
Terry answered,
"Some lady started screaming outside, so I popped out to check it. She was standing a good six feet away from him, pointing at him and screaming. He was just lying there on the pavement. I called for help and Gus and I got him on the stretcher. Then we wheeled him into the ER. Dr. Navarro took over after that"
Spencer asked,
"You didn't see anyone, didn't hear anything?"
"No, I didn't. I swear", he said, "He was just lying there. Once the lady started screaming, people gathered. And I must have gone out in like seconds after that"
JJ and Spencer both knew the screaming lady's, Mrs. Walker's, story. Matt and Tara had her with them at the precinct that very moment. She had come in to see her OBGYN, being the first patient that morning, and stumbled upon Leslie's body. According to her, there was no one around and she hadn't seen anything before getting out of her car, not even afterwards.
Until Leslie, of course.
"We need to see the footage from the cameras at the front", JJ said.
Terry complied,
"Sure. I'll take you there"
She and Spencer followed him.
The duo got back to the precinct late in the afternoon. They had recounted to their team everything they had discovered in the hospital.
Matt hung up after speaking to Garcia. He turned to his colleagues, saying,
"Penelope ran the plates. They are fake"
"And the vehicle?", Emily asked.
"She says there are over a thousand black SUVs in El Paso alone. Without authentic plates, it's impossible to make any kind of identification"
Tara pondered aloud,
"So M… Leslie's attacker… he or she just beats him up, drives him to the hospital in a black SUV, dumps him out there, goes into reverse, and drives out of there, leaving us with… well, nothing"
"If I didn't know better", Luke stated, "I'd say I was impressed"
Everyone but Spencer warned him with a look, silencing him from saying anything more. Their attention was directed to Detective Riggs rushing towards them. He was nearly out of breath, as he revealed,
"Leslie's dead. Shot. The second victim… Wendy Schoper's husband… he shot him in the hospital just now. We're going there to arrest him"
Emily took control of the situation. She commanded her team,
"Alvez, Lewis, Reid – you're coming with me. JJ, Simmons – get in touch with Penelope before this gets to the media. Come on"
There seemed to be no end to his nightmare. It had begun since that moment he received Catherine's call, telling him George had been murdered. And now vigilante justice had had its way. What Monica had avoided, had happened anyway. Spencer couldn't get Gavin Schoper's face out of his mind. The man had shown no remorse for having killed his wife's murderer.
"I'd do it again if I could! I will send that son of a bitch to hell again if I have to! He killed my wife! He killed my baby!"
He had screamed that at the top of his lungs, as they put him into the police vehicle outside the hospital. The press had surrounded the scene like vultures, despite of the BAU and El Paso PD's efforts.
Spencer sat at an empty desk in the El Paso PD's bullpen, holding a cup of coffee. The precinct was quieter, most of the officers having gone home for the night. When he saw two of his friends walking over to him, he schooled his expression into something less depressing.
"You doing okay?", JJ asked softly.
He rubbed a hand across his face.
"Yeah"
"Get some sleep", she said.
She squeezed his shoulder before moving away. Matt was about to follow her on the way out but Spencer said,
"Matt?"
He stopped.
"Yeah?"
Spencer was still in two minds about asking that question, but he pushed himself. He asked,
"If your wife did something… like what Monica has done, would you… would you still be on her side?"
Matt's shoulders seemed to tense, but he answered without missing a beat.
"Yes"
That wasn't the answer Spencer had expected from him. He said,
"Even if she abducted and tortured a man for two days, risking her life and future with you and your children?"
"Yes"
"You… you're a federal agent. You have sworn to uphold the law"
Matt had the sincerity to look a bit guilty as he said,
"I know. Maybe this makes me bad at my job, but I'm just being honest. For me, nothing is more important than Kristy and my kids. She comes first, always will. I'm sorry if that's not the answer you want, Reid, but it's the truth"
The sound of his phone ringing cut through the forced quiet. Matt said "Good night" and left. Spencer checked his phone and saw it was Harper calling. At 11:30 in the night.
"Harper? Is everything okay? Vero…"
"Daddy! Daddy, Monica is home! And she brought me BUNNY PUPPETS!"
Veronica screamed with joy, unaware that she had nearly stopped his heart. Spencer tried to speak over her exclamations.
"Nica? Ni… Veronica… Sweetheart, that's really great. Honey, you're not listening to me. Why are you still awake? Can you… Veronica? Can you put Harper on the phone, please? Thank you"
Harper said from the other end,
"Do you want to talk to Monica? She just got here a while ago. Hang on. I'll…"
The words were out of his mouth before he could think.
"I don't want to talk to Monica"
"Um… okay. We just called because you were worried about her"
He managed to say,
"Tell Monica to keep her phone on"
"Will do"
"Thanks, Harper"
He was supposed to hang up. But certain questions were on the tip of his tongue, dangerously close to spilling.
'Tell me, Harper, is she okay? Does she look okay?'
He forced himself to disconnect the call. Not allowing himself another moment of introspection, Spencer called Emily.
"Monica reached DC a while ago. Her niece called to let me know. You can call and ask her to come here for the questioning. You have her number"
He hung up before Emily could ask him more.
Next Day –
Spencer listened patiently to Veronica's complaining. She was going on the phone about how mad she was at Monica for leaving again so soon. He didn't try to defend her. But he assured his little heart.
"Maybe Monica will make it up to you somehow, Nica"
Veronica exclaimed,
"She'd better!"
That drew a reluctant smile from him at last. He glanced at his watch and told her,
"Sweetheart, I have to go now. But I'll call you later"
She sighed dramatically,
"Okay"
"Be good to Harper and Nathan, okay? I love you"
"I love you too"
"Bye"
"Bye, Daddy"
He hung up and pocketed his phone. When he looked up, the precinct looked just like it did on a regular morning. No one seemed to be affected by the fact that Monica could be walking through those doors any minute. He was so on edge, he could barely keep the morning coffee and that doughnut in his stomach. To try and take his mind off her, Spencer moved away from Detective Riggs' empty desk to get some more coffee. He stopped midway on hearing the whispers behind his back.
When he turned, his coworkers had all stopped doing what they were doing, and turned to the doors. Two uniformed officers were whispering to each other.
"That's the victim's sister. The guy the serial killer popped"
Detective Riggs was escorting Monica inside the precinct. And Spencer could see no one else after.
It took all of his self-control to stand where he was and not run to her. Across the bullpen, she too stopped on seeing him. For all he knew, they could have been the only two people alive in that moment.
Spencer couldn't stop staring at her face. He gazed at every feature so dear to him, each of which he had kissed countless times. The curve of her cheekbones, the slope of her nose, the shape of her lips, the spark in her eyes, the firm set of her shoulders. He couldn't stop himself from recalling the first time he had seen her, wearing that canary yellow sweater. But this wasn't the same woman. So much had happened since.
Love, Beatrice, injury, Veronica, death.
He wouldn't have traded this jaded-looking woman for that lovely girl he had seen in the library. He loved this one, the one with all her flaws. And he hoped to God Monica was innocent, though in his heart he knew the truth.
"Reid?", Emily said.
He couldn't take his eyes off her. Monica couldn't either. She seemed to come back to reality when Detective Riggs gently nudged her towards the waiting room. Spencer observed her reluctance to break her gaze away from him, until she disappeared out of his sight.
"I need you to sit this one out. Detective Riggs is going to be there while JJ and Matt talk to her. The El Paso PD doesn't know about your involvement with her. They think she is here just so we can confirm her family wasn't involved in the abduction of Leslie. They don't know that she might have had a hand in it, and we're not going to give them the idea. You got it?"
Spencer nodded. Emily gave his arm a pat.
"Come on. We'll watch from outside"
He walked with her towards the visitors' room.
JJ hated being involved in this. Moreover, she hated knowing what her best friend was going through. Part of her understood why Monica did what she had done. She had tried suggesting the same to Spence, but he had given her such a look she didn't say it again. The lines between morality and immorality were clearly demarcated for him. She knew he would never shirk from his duty, no matter who was involved. It was one of the reasons why they had had to keep him in the dark about Emily's "murder" all those years ago. There wasn't one untruthful bone in the boy's body.
"This way, Miss Knight"
She heard Detective Riggs leading Monica towards the visitors' room where she was now sitting. Emily had given her a hint about interrogating Monica. JJ had her own theory too. If she tried to put the focus on Monica's family, suggesting that they might be involved, Monica probably wouldn't hesitate to shift the blame back on herself.
Perhaps. It was worth a try.
From next to her on the couch, Matt stood up on seeing Monica and Detective Riggs. JJ did too. She kept an eye out for Monica's micro-expressions.
"Hey, Monica", Matt said, "Sorry we had to drag you all the way out here"
She gave him a small smile, saying,
"It's okay. How are Kristy and the kids?"
JJ couldn't help but give her a small smile of her own, sympathizing with her. At the same moment, Detective Riggs got a call. He made a sudden movement which led to the bulk of his body bumping into Monica's shoulder. JJ stepped forth, seeing that Monica was about to stumble.
"I'm fine", she said.
Detective Riggs apologized. Monica told him it was okay, bracing herself with one hand on the doorframe. JJ had her eyes on those hands. The left hand came away from the doorframe as Monica walked in.
And the other drifted away from her stomach.
Monica's body language, and the way her hand reached to protect her stomach when she stumbled...
'No, not her stomach. A little lower'
Her womb.
JJ gaped at her in shock. Monica met her gaze and swallowed, her eyes conveying an unsaid apology.
"JJ?", Matt nudged her.
Tearing herself away from the moment, she sat down with them and let Matt take the lead. Across from her, Monica kept her eyes averted.
Spencer watched the questioning from the other side of the glass paneled window. Monica answered all of Matt's questions with a sincerity that sickened him. It was almost like she believed the lies coming out of her mouth. And she didn't look his way once.
'Probably to keep those lies flowing'
"Thank you", Matt said to her, "Can you give us a minute? We'll be right back"
Monica nodded. Matt and JJ left her in there with Detective Riggs and joined them outside. JJ had to pull Spencer away from the window so Riggs and Monica wouldn't hear them.
"What do you think?", Emily asked Matt.
Tara and Luke joined them too. Matt folded his arms over his chest and said,
"It doesn't seem like she was involved. I…"
"Are you kidding me?", Spencer exclaimed, "She bats her eyes some and gives you a tale about doing soul searching in rural Britain and you buy that?"
"Reid…", Emily tried.
Matt raised his eyebrows, saying,
"I didn't say she was innocent. And frankly, it's not my call whether she is innocent or not. I'm not a judge, none of us are"
Spencer went on,
"I know she abducted Leslie, okay? I can tell that. And if you can't…"
"Her story sticks", Matt interrupted him, "She has the stamps on her passport. You know that Garcia confirmed a Monica Knight was on those flights. You even went through all those hours of footage and…"
"And I confirmed that she was not on the footage!"
"That doesn't mean she wasn't on the flights. Reid, we have nothing to tie her to Leslie's abduction, okay? Just your word. There's that bartender who saw her at the bar Leslie was in, but I don't have to educate you on how unreliable eyewitness testimony can be"
"And the bugs?", Spencer turned to them, "You're all forgetting that?"
Emily said,
"No one is forgetting anything. But we really don't have anything on her. And frankly, it is a little disturbing to me that you want your girlfriend to be sent to jail so badly"
"That's what you think this is about?", he asked, exasperated, "You think this is about my conscience?"
JJ tried to intervene,
"Spencer…"
He didn't listen.
"This is not about me or her", he said, "This is about what's right…"
JJ tried again,
"Guys?"
Emily warned him,
"We have nothing to prove it was her, okay? Nothing"
"That has never stopped us from…"
Detective Riggs stepped outside the room, answering a call. The BAU waited for him to move out of earshot. Emily told Spencer,
"Even if some crazy DA does decide to prosecute her, based on the non-existent evidence we have, do you really think we can take this to court? Her sister is Audrey Chatham, who is going to be the Attorney General of the United States some day. Monica makes one call to her and we have the best criminal defense lawyers in DC breathing down on our necks. The odds are all in her favor, Reid. There's nothing more for us to do"
JJ touched him on the shoulder,
"Spencer?"
He ignored her and went on arguing with Emily, saying,
"We took an oath to…"
JJ said,
"Spence?"
"What?!", he turned on her.
Not even that angry expression of his could stop her from telling him. JJ said,
"She's pregnant"
Emily made a faint noise of surprise. The others stared at each other, then at him. JJ gave in to the ghost of a smile, tugging at the corners of her mouth. The timing couldn't have been worse but…
Her best friend, having a newborn child, something he had wanted for so long… she was overjoyed.
"I'm 99% sure", she said.
Spencer kept gawking at her, his jaw unhinged. Emily clutched his arm, jostling him a bit, a smile creeping onto her own face.
He turned to the window to look at Monica. She sat alone in the visitors' room, her hands held together on her lap. In a second, he bolted for the room like his life depended on it.
Tara watched him go and said,
"I'm not sure we did the right thing but, it feels like it"
JJ asked Emily,
"Are we going to tell him we found the container where Monica kept Leslie?"
Emily turned towards the window. Inside the visitors' room, Spencer stood before his girlfriend. She rose on seeing him. Emily smiled, watching them stand before each other. Even when looking doomstruck as they did at the moment, to her eyes, it looked right. Them being together looked right.
She answered JJ's question,
"No. But I am going to tell Monica"
Luke was peeking through the window as well. He spoke for all of them when he said,
"Fine by me"
JJ put an arm around Emily's shoulder and they exchanged a sad smile.
Inside the visitors' room, Monica was crying and pleading with Spencer. One glance, and they had both read what was on the other's mind.
"I didn't know, I swear. If I had realized it sooner, I would never have endangered your ba… please forgive me"
He let her cry, not making any movement to comfort her. She said,
"I'll sign a confession. I have to own up to what I did"
He said, his voice cold as steel,
"You're willing to go to prison, while you're pregnant with my child?"
"It's the right thing to do. And… if it's okay with you, I want to keep it"
"Where will you raise it? In jail?"
She raised her eyes to his face, looking like he had just struck her.
"Catherine will", Monica said, "I haven't told anyone yet but, I know she and Elaine will be good to the baby"
"It's my child"
"You will have every right, of course"
"And Veronica?"
Monica wiped another tide of tears at the sound of her little girl's name.
"I don't deserve her. If you're willing, I can ask Audrey to try and get her guardianship transferred to you"
Spencer said, sounding utterly spiteful,
"You have a plan for everything, don't you?"
"…I'm sorry"
His face showed a masterful control over a myriad of pain and emotions, as he said,
"Well, I am sorry to ruin your plan but you're not going to prison"
"I have to"
"There's no evidence against you. No DA in his right mind will prosecute you"
Love and regret mingled in her voice, as she said,
"You don't have to do this for me, Dr. Reid. It's not who you are"
"I'm not doing it for you"
She looked away, wiping her tears. Spencer's voice trembled with the pain of all he had suffered over the last two weeks. He said,
"I'm doing it for me. I can't live without you… consequences be damned"
That was all it took for Monica to crumble and for Spencer to take her into his arms. He hugged her tight enough to suffocate her, while she said against his shoulder,
"I'm so sorry"
He embraced her tighter, inhaling the smell of her hair, her skin, wanting to imprint his soul with hers. He held her like he was protecting her from everything, her own self, daring the entire universe to try and take her away from him.
"I love you so much…", Monica whispered.
"I love you too, Monica. But if you do this to me again, ever again, I'll kill myself then you"
She held on to him, nodding her head. Spencer buried his face in her hair, scolding her with his lips against her ear and kissing it, while his arms refused to let her go.
Matt shook his head at them from the other side of the window. Luke sniffled, making sure no one heard him. JJ whispered with a glint of a tear in her eye,
"Our Boy Wonder is all grown up"
Emily nodded, as the BAU watched Dr. Spencer Reid comfort the mother of his unborn child.
"Until we have seen someone's darkness, we don't really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone's darkness, we don't really know what love is"
– Marianne Williamson