She looked gorgeous. It was Beca's first thought when she saw Chloe in the driveway, climbing out of her red Volkswagen Beetle that was packed to the brim with her college possessions.
"Oh my God, Becs! This is it! We're going off to real life!" Chloe chirped excitedly as Beca approached. Beca didn't get a second to prepare before Chloe's arms wrapped around her in a tight bear hug.
"Whoa, okay, Chlo," Beca said awkwardly. It was how she always felt when she interacted with Chloe these days. Awkward. Like any second she would do the wrong thing and that would be that. Chloe would know for sure what a weirdo her supposed best friend was. One wrong move and Chloe would know that not only was Beca into girls, but that she was into Chloe.
Beca was not okay with Chloe knowing that. So she skillfully extricated herself from the hug after a moment and immediately took a step back.
"I take it you're excited?" Beca asked, rhetorically. But she said it with a smirk and love to soften the remark.
Chloe beamed. "Yeah, oh my God, their med program is amazeballs and I might even be able to start an a cappella group. The only downside is you won't be there," Chloe's smile flipped into a frown.
Beca shuffled awkwardly, before lifting a hand to lightly pat Chloe's arm. "It's okay, Chlo, I'll be around. Technology won't let us lose touch," Beca tried to smile. Chloe shrugged off Beca's arm only to wrap her up in a hug again. She sniffled a little, and Beca knew she was crying. So even though it was a terrible idea, like, the worst idea in terms of getting over Chloe, Beca just held on and comforted her best friend.
"Will we ever be like this again?" Chloe asked into Beca's neck. It took a minute to really think about it and for Beca to decide if Chloe needed honesty or hope at that moment.
"I don't know, Chlo," Beca murmured, rubbing Chloe's back. "But I hope so."
It's a happy medium, cop-out kind of answer, but that doesn't make it not true. Beca did hope they could be close again, she just hoped that when or if that time came, she'd be able to fit neatly into her box. Chloe didn't need a mess of a friend who couldn't put Chloe's feelings first. Beca had already tried that and, honestly, failed pretty miserably. She begged off of girls' nights where Chloe would want to chat about boys all night, and left any party that Chloe dragged her to before anyone else.
Chloe deserved better, and Beca, as she'd already proven over and over again, was not better.
"It'll be okay, Chlo. This is, well, more college!" Beca tried to muster some fake excitement. "The world is your oyster."
Chloe leaned back so her teary eyes could meet Beca's gaze. She still looked so heartbroken. It took a lot of work to tamp down on any sparkings of hope. Just because she was sad didn't mean Beca had a chance, especially when they were leaving for different parts of the country.
So Beca did the only thing she still could — the last thing she should. "And I'm always there on the other end of the phone if you need me, Beale."
Slowly, Chloe started to smile. "You mean that?"
And even though it would probably kick her in the ass in the future, Beca just smiled and nodded. "Of course."