I guarentee no expertise in anything about clothes, fashion, economics, or how to write Jaune.

This stopped being a satire of Christmas, midway through. My bad.

-OOO-

"Oooh, oooh!" Weiss said, right before they snuck out of the mansiont. She hugged Blake. "I have just the thing for you for going on our adventure!"

Weiss ran into her closet and pulled out some sort of black leather thing. It was possibly clothing.

Blake blinked.

"I had one of the maids buy this for when you invited me on one of your adventures!" Weiss said. She waved what turned out to be a jumpsuit. "It's been in there for a long time, actually.."

Blake blinked.

Weiss then started trying to undress Blake and dress her in what turned out to be a sigh catsuit.

And Blake got stuck.

Weiss frowned. "Um. This was made for you a while ago, before you... grew..."

Blake kept her mouth flat.

"But that's ok! I'll love you no matter how much you eat, Blakey. Mwah!" Weiss smooched Blake's nose. "But let's first go see a tailor so you can fit in it!"

Weiss conscripted some of the security guards to drive a limo for them somewhere.

Blake spent the subsequent limousine ride in thought. The revelation that Blake had, perhaps, been indulging a little too much on fishys and snacks and other food led Blake to start dreaming up an exercise regime. She did lie around on the ground a lot, so maybe she could spend less time doing that? And maybe she'd start chasing the frogs in the garden, again, and limit herself to only one bag of tuna snackies a day...

Weiss sang Blake a song that consisted mostly of the words 'Blake' and 'Blakey' during the drive. So, things as normal.

The limo ended up in a dark section of town, where the buildings were mostly concrete, rotted plywood, hasty paintjobs and duct tape. Blake thought she might have had friends here, in a previous life.

There was a blinking neon sign pointing. into a back alley. Without hesitating, Weiss led Blake by the hand into a sketchy, dimly lit shop. Apparently, this was a tailor's shop. A tailory?

The stench of boiled leather and blood permeated Blake's nose as the door opened with a 'ding'. The front desk was empty, and so were the dilapidated couch seats for customers to wait on. Strips of coverings were on display.

Weiss pulled Blake onto a couch and they waited. Weiss kicked her feet and hummed.

Then there appeared a familiar figure, only dressed in a dark smock and artisan's glasses instead of a maid uniform.

Blake blinked. "you?"

"Oh, miss Schnee, and Blake, of course," said the gaunt maid, with a bow, "- what a pleasant surprise to see you, on my days off. What brings you to my family's humble business?"

Blake blinked.

Weiss smiled. "Well, I got this outfit for Blake a while back but she's outgrown it." Weiss waved the outfit around. "And we need it for an adventure tonight, so we went to someone we knew, who could make it fit, real quick."

The maid walked up to Blake and pulled the Faunus into a back room. There were a lot of life sized dolls here. Mannequins? Some of them were wearing pieces of clothes.

Weiss handed the maid the catsuit, and the gaunt tailor pulled out a flexible yardstick and started measuring both the article of clothing and Blake's torso and arm length and stuff. "So you want some alterations so Blake will fit into this?"

"Yuppers!" Weiss said.

Then the tailor maid lead Blake to a stainless-steel operating table. Blake's shirt was pulled up and the maid started drawing dotted lines over Blake's stomach with a charcoal pencil. "I think a simple abominoplasty should suffice. Maybe some liposuction in your upper arms and thighs. That should make this fit, for tonight, though I would recommended a followup appointment sometime in the next week to ."

Blake paled. She cleared her throat. "aren't you a tailor?"

"Yes, a flesh tailor," said the flesh tailor. Blake was gently pushed down on the operating table. "You come to us if your clothes or your body doesn't fit you."

Blake blinked. She cleared her throat. "could you just fix the clothes?"

"Sure, if you want a less permanent solution." The flesh tailor finished strapping Blake's limbs on the table.

Blake managed not to look or sound like she was panicking. "we're in a hurry."

The gaunt tailor pulled out a bottle of antiseptic and a set of scalpels, and a spool of thread and a wicked needle. "I'll make it fast, then. I was going to ask if there were any other parts of your body you were unsatisfied with, but perhaps we'll save that for next time..."

Blake looked to Weiss. She swallowed her pride and begged. "i don't want my flesh tailored."

"Awww," said Weiss. "Okay then, Blakey. We'll just fix the suit, for now."

The gaunt tailor shrugged and started undoing Blake's restraints. Blake jumped off the table "Maybe once you hit puberty, keep us in mind."

Blake scrunched her mouth to the side. That was not something she really wanted to think about right now, or possibly ever.

"So, I guess we need you to enlarge the catsuit then?" Weiss asked.

"Of course," said the tailor. "Though you'll also probably want to bring that in again in another week, for alterations."

Once Blake squeezed into the newly enlarged catsuit and Weiss paid the tailor, they made their way to the established meeting point.

Blake and Weiss met with their accomplice at the base of a frozen fountain on the edge of town. The part time mall Santaclause was already there, leaning against a piece of masonry. She was also wearing a spy-themed costume.

"Aww dust," Weiss lamented. She looked down to her clothes. " I had a dashing prince costume I could have worn..."

"I don't know how appropriate that would be, for this venture," said the tooth fairy. "What we're about to do is, ah, 'questionably legal', and that's not quite the place for a prince." She then blinked, and looked Weiss and Blake in expectation.

Weiss smiled and waved the air. "That's fine. 'Questionably legal' is part of being a Schnee!"

Blake blinked. Weiss's statement was accurate, as far as she had figured.

"Well, shall we get going?" said the tooth fairy.

She waved her riding crop, and purple mist swirled into a portal.

She stuck her head in, and then back out and held a hand out to Blake and Weiss. Weiss took the hand, and with her free hand grabbed Blake's, and they walked into the portal.

Aaaaaaannnnd-

Blake hit the ground. She opened her eyes. They were in a steppe that smelled of tumbleweeds and dust- lower case dust, mind. The tooth fairy beckoned to them, and the children followed her towards what looked like a factory.

"We are going to a sweatshop factory in rural Vacuo, which employs mostly underclass Faunus workers."

They entered the arrived at an industrial monstrosity in question. It was hot and it was hard to breath, the lights were simultaneously too dim and too oppressive, and there was sand everywhere.

Hundreds of Faunus workers, (many of the nearby ones Feline-aspect, all of them frowning to some extent) were standing at tables with various machines that gnashed and screeched and hissed. It appeared to all be part of a process to produce some sort of plastic tchotchke facsimiles of some sort of vertebrate quadruped, with branding potential.

Weiss brought her hands to her mouth. "Oh no! Don't worry kitties, we'll save you!"

Weiss ran to the nearest door and grabbed the lock with her hands. Blake felt the chill from where she was, aways away, and Weiss then shattered the now embrittled metal. She kicked the door open. The cool night air was especially refreshing; the factory didn't have any sort of ventilation.

The droll of industry ceased, the machines grew silent, and the workers looked to Weiss, and the broken door.

"Be free, kitties!" Weiss said. She waved her hands in the air.

The workers turned back to their machines, and their machines bustled back to activity.

"It is not chains that keep the workers here," said the tooth fairy.

"But, if they can leave any time, why would they stay, if they're miserable here?" Weiss asked.

"There's many reasons why someone would stay in a situation that demeans and dehumanizes them. For most workers here, it is because it is the only way they can manage to eat, and for many, the mere fact that they can leave convinces them to stay, and the possibility that they could once day earn enough money to start a new life encourages them to trapped by the tyranny of hope."

Blake smushed her mouth to the side and looked at the wall.

Weiss nodded solemnly. "So, if we can't free them, how can we help?

The tooth fairy pulled out a camera. "Well, eventually we hope to free all those enslaved by the system, but today, we're documenting the inhumane treatment of the workers in the factory in order to raise awareness of labor abuse."

Weiss held her hand out and received her own camera. "Can do!"

"We will attempt to reach the consumers of stores that commission clothes from this plant, which will create a financial incentive for companies to revoke approval of this factory and to not perpetuate dehumanizing labor conditions."

Weiss nodded. "Sounds good."

"While we're at it, we can try to convince celebrities or captains of industry to condemn the conglomerate that outsourced its labor here, which might convince the corporation in question to restructure its business practices in the face of potential harm to the brand."

Ah. Blake saw where this was going. Weiss was going to be a captain of industry one day. Blake tugged on her human's sleeve, and pouted. Weiss smiled and hugged her head, before turning to the tooth fairy. "Yeah, okay."

"And finally, we can talk to the local government to incentive the adoption of labor rights and the development of alternative, humane methods of earning a living

"Oooh, ooh! I'm good at talking to government officials!" Weiss said.

Blake had reason to doubt that.

"But, what can we do to help the kitties right now?"

"Well, you already gave them some fresh air," said the tooth fairy, "But we should finish taking pictures before someone with the company calls the cops on us."

- A POSSIBLE FUTURE -

Weiss looks around the library lounge until she finds three/fourths of team JNPR. One of which is the person she was looking for.

It's a Saturday, and the last bout of exams finished the previous day. Weiss doesn't have anything to do, but there's something she's been wanting to do, and that something has the opportunity to do something that she's been needing to do and has probably been a little overdue.

"Hey Nora, Ren-"

"DILLIGENT ONE!" Nora yells. She waves her hands in the air. "Hello."

Weiss nods, and turns to the final member of the group. "Jaune," Weiss says, "How's it going?

Jaune blinks and looks to the wall. ""H-hey Weiss..."

"Remember when we last talked, and I mentioned to you that I expected we'd hang out?"

Jaune makes a smile and sinks into his shoulders, just a bit. He's still looking at the wall. "Y-yeah..."

Weiss smushes her mouth to the side. It was an awkward moment all around, but it was probably about time they moved past that. "And you're the only person I know who seems to be fashion conscious. Like right now- I like your ensemble today."

"~wai~, this old thing?" Jaune says, but he brightens up regardless. He stands out of the desk and twirls around, his arms straight out, at a low angle. "

"You've really got a sense of colour, and how to dress for your body type." Weiss nods. That should cover the basic pleasantries, "So did you want to go to the mall? I've been meaning to go for a while."

Jaune smiles "Hai! You know, none of my team is the type to go clothes shopping. Yang's already got her style, Ruby's especially got her style, and Blake, well..."

Jaune coughs. "Well, Pyrrha's mentioned she used to go to the mall to flirt with girls, but she'd since found that internet message boards are better for that."

"Ah." Weiss stands up. "Well, if you're down, allow me go change into something more mall worthy and I'll meet you here?"

Jaune smirks. "I was thinking the same thing! I got an outfit the last time I went to the mall that I haven't had a chance to wear yet."

"Wait," interjects Nora. She shifts, and by extension, Ren shifts, because he's doing the sloth thing and hanging off of her. "You're going to change into outfits specifically so you can go to the mall?"

"Yeah, you can pretty much wear any ridiculous thing there, so its the only opportunity I have to wear some of my outfits," Jaune says. Weiss nods.

"And you got the outfits that you're going to wear to the mall..." Nora pontificates, "AT THE MALL."

"Yeah."

"Which you're going to go to in order to buy new outfits... which you'll only wear to go to the mall."

"I mean, there's other stuff to do, like eating at the food court or flirting with strangers," Jaune says, "But yeah. Mostly the clothes."

"It seems a little like the snake eating its own tail," Ren says.

Jaune's eyes go distant and he holds his arms out above him. He looks to the ceiling. "The purpose of mall clothing is the existence of mall clothing, and mall clothing begets mall clothing. With these two points, we can form a closed loop of meaning; Mall clothes exist for themselves, and it is up to embrace that, all of it; the highs and lows, the plaid waistcoats and distressed jeanshorts, the meme t-shirts and novelty headgear, the absolute zipper pants, the belted camisoles. To go to the mall is to confront the absurdity of materialistic hedonism, and embrace it."

Nora blinks. "So it is a venue for running in place, no matter how much effort you put in..." She waves her hands like a muppet. "HOW VERY SLOTHFUL. I rescind my prior objection." She claps her hands.

"Well put," Weiss says. She smirks at Jaune. "You've been hanging out with Ruby lately, haven't you?"

Jaune looks exasperated. "~ura~, nobody's been hanging out with Ruby lately, except that weird communist revolutionary lady who transferred in this semester."

Weiss makes a non-committal noise and shrugs. "Cinder's okay. Blake likes her- she talks about inequality a lot, and I guess she's lent Blake some biographies, so," Weiss waves her hand indecisively, "I can't complain."

"I find her observations very thought-provoking." Ren says.

"I find her observations very provocative. HA." Nora exclaims.

Jaune pouts, just a bit. "Its a bit of a shame, since I miss hanging out with Ruby. She gives really good advice."

Weiss tries not to snort. "Oh, you- think so?"

When Weiss gets there, Yang's in the room, reading a comic book. Weiss says hi, and Yang responds warmly, but without looking up. Weiss jumps into the closet to change in three seconds (theatre skills).

Though it turns out Jaune must have had similar training, because he knocked on team RWBY's door just as Weiss was about to leave.

He's wearing a much bolder outfit now; asymmetric leggings, a skirt that gives up partly through before becoming a real skirt again, and a top that looks like 2/3rds of like 4 different tops that somehow actually comes together rather well.

Jaune's eyes widen and he smiles. "Woah Weiss, you look really good in that!"

Weiss tips her hat and strikes a pose. "Thank you, Jaune. I was going for a sort of, 'moody boyband prince' look. I have to say, you look super adorable in that."

Jaune twirls around. "~wai~ Thank you! I was going for the sort of 'vagabond princess' look."

Yang then turns around and doubletakes.

"You look," She pontificates, "Absolutely ridiculous."

Weiss smiles and tips her hat again. "Thank you."

Yang stands up and puts her hands on her hips. "Well, I was going to say, maybe you should button up that shirt a little more, but you don't really have anything that could fall out of it-"

"Hey!" Weiss says, in mock annoyance. She's good enough friends with Yang that she can do that. "I'll have you know that a flat chest is a symbol of rarity and a mark of pride!

"Preach it, sister!" Jaune exclaims. He closes his eyes and stands up straight and puts his hand to his sternum. "When you get hugged by someone with a flat chest, you're held closer to their heart!

"Well, when you're right you're right; that is true," Yang says. She walks up and gives Weiss a hug. Weiss smiles and returns the hug.

"So, you want to join us, Yang?" Weiss asks.

"I think I'm good, but thank you," Yang says.

At that point, Blake gets back to their dorm. Blake looks a little distraught, but, like, she's trying to hold it in.

"Hey Blake," Weiss manages to say, perfectly normally.

"H-hey Weiss," Blake says. Weiss can't help but notice that Blake looks her up and down, twice, and then turns to the wall and blushes slightly. Weiss tries not to read too much into that.

"So what's up?" says Yang.

Blake bites her lip. "Have any of you seen Ruby?"*

"She said she'd be out this afternoon," Yang says. She tilts her head to the side. "She didn't mention that to you?"

"Well, yeah, she did," Blake says, "But I was wondering if maybe she got back already..." Blake coughs, "Did she say where she was going?"

Yang tilts her head to the side. "She did not. Maybe she has detention again with Prof. Goodwitch?"

"I asked her, but she said Ruby rescheduled her detention for another day..."

"Um," Weiss ventures, "We're going to the mall- Jaune and I, I mean- and you're welcome to come with us, if you want."

"N-no, that's okay," Blake says. She rubs the back of her head. "I better wait for Ruby to get back."

Yang looks between Blake and Weiss and grits her teeth awkwardly. She turns to Blake and puts a hand on the Faunus's shoulder. "Hey, Blake," Yang says, "this comes from a place of respect, but, maybe you shouldn't put too much of your hopes or pour too much of your free time onto my sister..."

And Weiss decides to respect Blake's autonomy, so she ducks out of the room. She does wish Blake luck before she leaves, though.

Its a short bus ride to the mall, and Weiss and Jaune do the idle chatter thing.

"So how are you and Pyrrha?" Weiss asks. "Has she gotten, less," she pontificates, "nonconsensual lately?"

"Oh!" Jaune blushes "She's- she's really charming, usually, so, like, I've gotten to know that side of her a bit more... It's nice. I mean, we're not, like, together together, exactly, and we haven't- you know- but like. It's... nice."

Weiss nods.

"She's been teaching me how to fight, too. I mean, some of its clearly just an excuse to flirt with me, but like, I've definitely learned a lot! I kind of need a lot of work when it comes to combat..."

Weiss nods. "I definitely had to practice a lot before I could consistently not stab myself with my own sword." It's only a little bit of an exaggeration.

Jaune chuckles. "Heehee. And she always has her hands clasped behind her back when she talks to me one on one, so it's like, I know she's trying."

Weiss refrains from making a disparaging comment about their mutual friend. "Okay, cool."

"So how are you and Blake?"

Weiss smushes her mouth together. "Pretty good," Weiss states. She opens her mouth, and then she closes her mouth. "Mmhmm. Yep."

"pikapika~. That bad, huh?"

"Wha- no! No, that's not what I meant. I mean, we talk to each other again-"

"{gata} It was that bad before!?"

"Well," Weiss looks out the window, "I mean, relationships wax and wane, right? We had a bit of a falling out, but now we're mostly good. And I think a part of it is that now I have other friends to hang out with, to get my mind off of things." Weiss says. She pontificates. "Like you."

Jaune clutches his cheeks. "~wai~, thank you, Weiss! I'm honored to be your friend!"

And Weiss leads Jaune into a clothing retailer with a good track record of contracting to factories with a good track record of humane labor standards, and they try on clothes.

It's pretty fun. Weiss relearns some of the fashion knowledge that had fallen out of her head, and it's interesting getting such a different perspective on clothing. Jaune knows how to put seemingly disparate articles of clothing together in a way that works. So he's better at picking out casual outfits, while Weiss's expertise has been more in formal wear. They cover each other's weaknesses.

And after they each purchase another link in that slothful Ouroborous of mall clothing, they leave the store.

A pair of teenagers bump into them, all smiles, and they saunter towards the pair of hunters.

After raiding their third store, Weiss and Jaune decide to sit around awhile.

"You know," Weiss ventures, "I studied social interaction when I was growing up?" In lieu of knowing how to actually talk, you could just get really meta.

"Really?" Jaune says.

"Yes. The art of persuasion and subtly influencing people to do what you want and whatnot," Weiss says, "And you could say that I kind of spent the last year not really talking to anybody, so I forgot how to do it naturally. But I still remember bits of my training, so. I guess that sort of informs my speaking habits.

"Huh." Jaune says, "Well, I have seven older sisters, so I never really had the option of not talk to anybody for a long period of time-"

"Seven?" Weiss exclaims, slightly horrified, "I just have the one. She used to drive me crazy,. Can't imagine seven."

"Well, a few of them were already grown up when I was a kid, but yeah. I got a lot of passive-agressive put-downs." Jaune says, "And a lot of hand me downs."

And as their last stop before they head back to Beacon, Weiss and Jaune make their way to the food court, and they bump into a couple of women who look like they just walked out of a goth clothing store (Which, at any given time, was very statistically probable, because they were only a few shops down from one of the goth clothing stores).

They make eye contact and they wave, and they start approaching Weiss and Jaune.

The shorter of the two pontificates. "[XI:22] Among those friendly Powers who him receav'd With joy and acclamations loud-"

Weiss nods. "Ruby. Cinder. How are you?"

"We're doing pretty great, little dood." Cinder sloppily salutes Weiss. "How are you and- I don't believe we've met?" she says to Jaune.

"Yeah," Jaune bows. "Jaune Arc. We have a class together-"

Cinder's brow rises just a bit, for just a moment. "Aw yeah, dood," she holds out a fist. Jaune awkwardly fist-bumps it, after a moment, "Normative gender expression is a construct designed to shame the proletariat into submission. Right on."

"Ahaha, sure..." Jaune says. Cinder tries to do some kind of complicated handshake with him.

Weiss coughs. "So, what are you two doing here?"

"[IX:1093] What best may for the present serve to hide The Parts of each from other, that seem most To shame obnoxious, and unseemliest seen, Some Tree whose broad smooth Leaves together sowd, And girded on our loyns, may cover round Those middle parts, that this new commer, Shame, There sit not, and reproach us as unclean.-"

"Same as us, then?" Weiss says. "Honestly, I figured you got most of your clothes from graverobbing."

Ruby chuckles and shrugs.

"And you," Weiss says to Cinder, "from some sort of non-GMO, organic, free-range, grain-fed, cruelty-free independent clothing retailer you need to hike up a mountain to get to-"

"Excuse me?" Cinder says, "How does that provide the greatest amount of utility to the greatest amount of people?"

"Well, it seemed more your speed than the Mall-"

"Malls are mostly built as a tax haven, you know," Cinder looks into the distance, "And in modern time as corporate greed slowly topples from the decay inherent to corruption, the monuments to their avarice slowly die, taking their dark prosperity and the livelihoods that depended on them, and their edifices exude the solemnity of twilight loneliness."

Weiss didn't say, 'You've been hanging out with Ruby, haven't you?' because, obviously, that was the case. They were hanging out now.

"[XI"738] To thir prepar'd ill Mansion driven down To chains of darkness, and th' undying Worm, That from thy just obedience could revolt, Whom to obey is happiness entire-"

"Oh. Huh," Jaune says, "I hadn't noticed that."

And a brief history lesson and some chanting later, Cinder and Ruby go on their way, and Weiss and Jaune return to Beacon.

- PRESENT DAY -

"Well, that was exciting!" Weiss said, after the tooth fairy portal-ed them back home.

Blake herself was catching her breath. They had to make a break for it, at the very end. "seemed simple."

The tooth fairy adjusted her glasses and breathed deeply, to cover up that she herself wasn't out of breath (but Blake could tell, because she was a ninja), "Consider it your try-out's. We couldn't do anything too unduly dangerous or mission-critical."

Weiss tilted her head to the side. "Try out's for what?"

The tooth fairy smirked. "Why, the conspiracy of good, of course."

Weiss tilted her head to the other side. "There's conspiracy for good?"

"Well, there's certainly many conspiracies for evil," The tooth fair said. She pontificated. "Which is why we need one for good, to balance it out."

"makes sense," Blake said.

"You make sense, Blakey!" Weiss exclaimed. She hugged Blake, rubbing her cheek against Blake's hair.

"that, ironically, didn't make any sense," Blake deadpanned, as she weathered Weiss's hugs.

Weiss adjusted her hug to free her left hand to stroke Blake's hair. "That's because you used up all the sense, Blake! There's none left for me! None at all."

The tooth fairy clicked her mouth. "And of course, there's plenty neutral conspiracies. Surely as a Schnee you know this?"

Weiss stopped snuggling Blake, and she looked at her feet. "My parent's don't let me help them with any of their conspiracies..."

"Well, that won't do, a talented young woman such as yourself," said the tooth fairy, "You should get your own conspiracy, just to show them."

"Huh, okay! Can I join yours, then?" Weiss said.

The tooth fairy snapped her fingers, and in a bubble of glitter appeared her business card. Weiss applauded at the spectacle and accept the card.

"We'll be in touch," said the tooth fairy. She winked.

Blake blinked. She sighed, and her heart felt heavy.

Of course the tooth fairy only asked them to do a super cool secret mission because Weiss's parents were important. And the only reason Blake got invited too was because she was friends with Weiss...

Blake wiped her eyes, because she wouldn't let it bother her, because she was a ninja, and ninjas were immune to despondency.

But when Blake looked up, the tooth fairy was offering her a card too.

"And of course, we could always use an master-class agent of darkness and death."

Blake tried not to smile. She accepted the card with mature stoicism, and they parted ways.