Disclaimer: Not mine!
Sarutobi Hiruzen, the Third Hokage, war veteran, God of Shinobi and all-around badass could only sigh in exasperation at the scene in front of him.
'What is this scene that stumps the man called "The Professor"?' you might find yourself asking.
"Nope."
The scene was Uzumaki Naruto, the resident prankster, grandson figure and Jinchuuriki, when he was in one of his stubborn, unyielding moods. Usually Hiruzen was proud and thankful for Naruto's resilience and willpower, but not today. Rubbing at his brow and letting out a sigh of irritation, Hiruzen spoke up again.
"Naruto, please explain to me why one of my calmest, most collected jounin came into my office one step away from strangling you."
Naruto could only snicker in amusement, ignoring the dark looks that Kakashi was shooting him. His eyes still glinting in amusement, the blonde managed to curb his mirth and answered with a level of vicious satisfaction that could not be missed.
"I taught him what happens when he tries to force me to do something I don't want to."
Kakashi's right arm twitched, his uncovered eye glaring balefully at the blonde. The fact that he was covered in feathers, with twigs in his frazzled hair, and covered in a green goop smelling of 5 day old underwear and fermented foot sweat with white wine vinegar just made it even funnier.
Breathing in deeply, Hiruzen could only do his best to not lose his patience, before speaking.
"Please, explain from the beginning."
-Earlier that Day-
"YOU'RE LATE!"
"Well, There was this lady, you see, and she asked me to help her with her groceries, but on the way there I saw a cat on a tree, and – hey, where's Naruto?"
Sakura crossed her arms, letting out a huff of irritation before answering.
"He showed up here on time, waited for an hour and a half, and then left. Said he was going home. Maybe I should've followed his lead, seen as you're 3 HOURS LATE!"
Seeing that Sakura was one step away from decking him in the chest, and seeing that Sasuke, leaning against one of the training posts, was doing his best to keep his hands from either reaching for his weapons or shooting a Jutsu at him, Kakashi decided to vacate the premises, give them time to cool down.
"Sure, whatever… I'll go pick up blondie, and then you'll have your test."
Before Sakura could say anything further, Kakashi vanished in a cloud of smoke.
-Naruto's Apartment-
"I thought I told you to be at the training field."
Ignoring the scolding, mildly reproaching tone of Kakashi, Naruto tied up the filled balloon that were in his hands, putting it together with all the already filled others, before taking off his surgical mask, rubber gloves, headscarf and overalls. Washing his hands with copious amounts of soap, Naruto finally responded to Kakashi.
"You said to be at Training field 7 at 7AM. I was. I waited for an hour and a half, and since you didn't show up, I left."
Pulling his book out of his pouch, Kakashi spoke.
"Well, you're forgiven for it today, just be sure not to leave a team meeting early again."
"I can't leave team meetings early, because I'm not part of your team."
Kakashi's eye left his book at that, a lazy, half-lidded gaze settling on Naruto's back.
"Excuse me, what do you mean you're not part of my team?"
Shrugging, Naruto answered.
"What I mean is that I don't belong in team 7. I'll ask the old man to put me in another team, or to send me to the reserves until next year."
Kakashi's tone conveyed none of the panic he felt rising internally.
"And why would you do that, when it would mean taking longer to get the Hokage seat?"
Naruto pulled a leek out of his fridge, covering it in peanut butter and honey, before takin a bite. Taking the time to chew and swallow, and either not noticing or ignoring Kakashi's cringe, Naruto answered.
"First of all, your info broker is behind on the news. The Hokage thing has fallen through, if our meeting yesterday on the roof didn't clue you in on that. Second of all, I have various valid reasons to not want to be a part of team 7.
One of them is standing behind me right now. You're supposed to be a jounin, yet you're constantly late, you shamelessly and hypocritically complain about me leaving early, and are constantly reading porn in public, yet you had the guts to call me weird. Honestly, your shenanigans aren't endearing, they're annoying.
Second, I can't work with Sasuke and Sakura. Or, more accurately, they cannot work with me. There's a… clash of personalities stemming from our time in the academy that would make it impossible to work together. I dislike Sasuke, which I am sure he reciprocates, and Sakura dislikes me, though she has a reason to.
Plus, I can't see team 7 working. Sasuke is obsessed with getting stronger and being paired with the academy dead last, moi, probably goes against that objective in his head. Sakura worships the ground Sasuke walks on, so despite the fact that she should be the smart one, she'll keep quiet if it means pleasing Sasuke. And with me being the dead last, they won't respect anything I say, no matter how logical it sounds, or how good of an idea I have. If we became a squad, it's likely that Sakura would die in our first C-rank."
"You're being quite pessimistic there, aren't you? I'm sure that if you try hard enough, the three of you can get some good teamwork, so let's go on with this test."
Not allowing Naruto to respond, Kakashi placed a hand on his shoulder before vanishing in a cloud of smoke.
-Training Field 7-
A cloud of smoke attracted the attention of Sakura and Sasuke, and they watched as Naruto forcefully shrugged Kakashi's hand off, shooting him a glare. The jounin ignored this, setting an alarm up and placing the clock on top of one of the training posts.
He turned towards them, before speaking up.
"Now that we're all here…" He ignored Naruto's intensified glare, and kept speaking "we can begin our test. I have two bells on my person, and your objective is to get them before the alarm goes off for noon."
Sakura spoke up at that.
"But, sensei… You only have two bells, and we're three."
"Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you… One of you won't get a bell. That one fails the test, and gets sent back to the academy."
"Well, that makes things easier. Sasuke and Sakura can get the bells, I'm leaving."
The other two watched Naruto in surprise, not expecting him to so easily ignore the chance to become a full-fledged genin. Kakashi, on the other hand, frowned beneath his mask. He needed to find a way to get Naruto involved. Teaching him was the best way to honor his sensei's memory, but how… Ah.
"So you're going to ignore this one-time opportunity to fight me all-out, with no consequences?"
Naruto froze mid-step, his right leg suspended. They watched as what seemed to be a wave travelled up his spine, before he put his foot back down. He looked back at Kakashi over his shoulder, and then intense look he gave the jounin had the man abnormally nervous.
"You mean it? Fight you all out; however I want to, with no consequences?"
Kakashi ignored the voice in the back of his head shouting at him that it was a bad idea, and swallowed the unnatural amount of caution he felt towards a genin before answering in his usual tone.
"Zero consequences."
He watched a malicious smile blooming on Naruto's face and felt a chill go down his back, a chill that was replicated in Sasuke and Sakura's spines as well. Walking back towards the rest of team 7, Naruto rubbed his hands together and let out the mother of all evil cackles, raising Kakashi's hackles.
Shrugging this off, Kakashi kept speaking.
"Remember, if you want to get a bell, you're going to have to fight for the kill. Test… START!"
He watched as Sakura and Sasuke vanished into the foliage, while Naruto stood across him.
A new evil smile bloomed on the blonde's face, before he spoke in a sing-song tone.
"You're going to regret this~"
And then, he vanished in a cloud of smoke.
Ignoring the odd feeling of terror he felt in the depths of his soul, Kakashi proceeded to reach into his back pouch and pull out his orange book, opening it and reading in the middle of the clearing.
He felt a form moving around the underbrush, trying to find a good position to attack, and another form just keeping still, watching him.
'Sasuke and Sakura… Then, where's Naruto?'
He thought about stretching his senses to search for the blonde, but was surprised when Sasuke dashed at him aiming a punch at his book-covered face. Kakashi dodged by leaning his head to the side, book following the motion, before blocking Sasuke's follow-up roundhouse kick with his free arm, pushing the black haired boy back a few paces.
Sasuke responded by reaching into his Shuriken pouch, tossing a brace of them and running after them, kunai in hand.
Kakashi reached into his own kunai holster, deflecting all the shuriken before blocking Sasuke's attempt at slashing him with his own kunai, giving the boy a look from behind his book.
Sasuke released his Kunai, freeing his hand from the clash and going through handsigns at impressive speeds for an academy graduate, but before he could breathe in to finish his fire Jutsu, he found a foot in his gut, forcing his breath out of him and leaving him on the ground, gasping, the chakra that he had previously built up dispersing uselessly.
Getting his breath back, Sasuke hopped backwards, reaching into his pouch with both hands and getting as many shuriken as he could, before tossing some of them at Kakashi, which the man dodged or deflected. He was surprised, however, when other shuriken impacted into the first few, redirecting them around him. Very soon, a good cloud of sharp, whistling steel flowed around Kakashi, sparks emerging from each deflected projectile.
After a set of deflections at a particular angle, all of the shuriken flew towards Kakashi from various different angles, piercing into him…
*POOF*
Before a log took his place.
Seeing the spot where Kakashi emerged at, Sasuke decided on a strategy. Going through a few handsigns, Sasuke made three illusory clones, each of them going towards Kakashi from a different direction, one from the left, another one from the right, and the third one straight ahead.
Kakashi ignored the attacks of the illusory clones, allowing their limbs to ghost through him, only to be surprised as he saw a shuriken fly through the clone right in front of him. He moved his head away from the flying star of death that the village decided to allow moody pre-teens and teenagers to buy legally in unregulated amounts, only to notice a second one moving in the first one's shadow. He moved his book-wielding hand, deflecting the shuriken with the metallic plate on the back of his glove, before his eyes widened as he saw Sasuke in the air across from him, his hands in a tiger handsign, his chest puffed up.
Deciding that he didn't want to turn into Kaka-toast, the jounin put his book away before speeding through his own handsigns. The large, red-hot ball of fire sped towards him, only to be met with a waterspout.
The two Jutsu nullified each other, leaving Kakashi within a cloud of steam. Sensing motion from beside him, Kakashi shifted lightly only to witness Sasuke's hand lightly graze one of the bells. Deciding to not let the kid's head swell up more than it already was, Kakashi took him a bit more seriously.
He kicked Sasuke out of the steam cloud, before engaging him in taijutsu. He snapped rapid punches and kicks, and watched as Sasuke's guard weakened under his blows. Seeing an opening, Kakashi slammed a palm blow into his gut, knocking the air out of him again and pushing him into another section of the clearing.
Catching his breath, Sasuke managed to stagger back to his feet before looking around him, trying to detect where Kakashi would be attacking him from.
The Uchiha looked to his left, right, and then above, not catching a glimpse of Kakashi.
'Not to the sides or above, then from where-!'
His thought process was interrupted when a pair of hands wrapped around his ankles, before he felt himself being dragged down into the earth all the way to his neck, only his head free.
Looking up, all Sasuke could see was a smug, irritating cyclops, giving him a condescending eye smile.
"Well, it seems like you're up to the neck in trouble, ne?"
Sasuke glared at Kakashi, a large number of curse words cycling through his brain, yet the only thing he managed to let out was an indistinct grunt.
Chuckling, Kakashi reached back into his pouch for his book, shifting his focus to detect his other would-be students.
'There's Sakura, but I still can't detect Naruto… Well, there's still time on the clock, he'll show up eventually. For now, let's have some fun with Sakura. Now, what should I… Oh, yes, that sounds good…'
-With Sakura-
The pinkette was still at the starting point, sitting inside a bush, next to a tree. Her mind was trying to parse through what she saw of the fight between Kakashi and Sasuke, yet she always managed to get stuck on images of the boy. She envisioned Sasuke's movements, each time his shirt moved and fluttered in the wind, giving her sight of more skin, either down his neck, or up his stomach.
Her mind started conjuring up even more images of Sasuke. Brooding, brooding while looking out a window, giving her a cold look, shirtless, shirtless while drinking from a water bottle, shirtless while covered in sweat, pouring water from the bottle onto his own body, the droplets gliding down his pale skin…
A twin trail of blood spurted from Sakura's nose, before she felt herself falling backwards and letting out perverse giggles, her delusions keeping her in an incapacitated state.
Kakashi, from his perch, on top of a tree branch, could only sweatdrop in exasperation. He hadn't even done anything to Sakura, she incapacitated herself via whatever her mind conjured.
And he was even going to use the Demonic Viewing Jutsu on her! So unfair!
Shifting his focus from Sakura, and definitely not pouting, Kakashi tried to find Naruto's presence around Training Field 7, only to get zilch. When he changed to trying to sense his chakra signature, he felt an instant migraine.
Everywhere in the clearing was Naruto. Naruto on the ground, Naruto in the trees, Naruto in the bushes, Naruto in the water, Naruto everywhere! How much chakra did that boy have? How didn't he explode things just by using the academy 3? What the hell was going on?
"You're probably asking yourself why you feel so much of my chakra, all around you, right?"
Kakashi reacted instantly, jumping away from the branch he stood on and turning to face his attacker even as he threw a Kunai at him, only to watch the boy his blade impacted vanish in a cloud of smoke.
'Kage bunshin… What's he playing at?'
"The answer to that, Kakashi, is that I've been setting up the ultimate tort- trap course, just for you. Teach you to call me weird."
Naruto, the original one standing across from Kakashi at the entrance of the clearing, punctuated his statement by biting into a whole lemon.
'You're eating lemon peel, and you're complaining about being called weird.'
Ignoring this thought, Kakashi responded to the blonde.
"The ultimate trap course, you say. Give me your best shot, maybe you'll almost get me with one or two of your best traps."
Chuckling evilly, Naruto spoke while shaking his head.
"Oh, Kakashi, you have no idea."
After saying that, Naruto made a cross handsign, creating 10 copies of himself, which dashed at Kakashi at full speed.
The Jounin was surprised by the clones' speed, above what he expected from Naruto, prompting him to put away his book before hopping backwards and away from the branch he was perched on.
His feet touched the ground for barely a second before he hopped away, watching as a balloon burst onto where he previously stood, a yellowish-green sludge spreading at the point of contact, its rancid smell intense even from where he stood. His distraction was almost punished by a sweeping kick to the face, which he barely avoided by swaying backwards, before blocking a follow-up back roundhouse kick, retaliating by slamming a punch into his attacker's side, causing it to burst into a cloud of smoke.
Out of the smoke cloud, three more balloons sailed towards Kakashi, which the grey-haired cyclops barely managed to avoid.
He was then attacked by 5 clones. Their taijutsu wasn't flawless, far from it. Kakashi could spot openings in their moves, openings borne out of inexperience with the movements, or in general, attempts to do moves that their bodies weren't conditioned to use, and other such things, yet they fought in a way that made him unable to counter. If one clone had an opening to his left flank, another one was ready to attack Kakashi if he tried to capitalize on it.
'His clones are aware of the weaknesses in their moves, and are using them as bait. If the first attack misses and I attack, I leave myself open for another to hit. If I don't, they can keep attacking freely, making any attempts at Taijutsu into a battle of attrition. I don't think going into one of those with an Uzumaki Jinchuuriki is a good idea.'
Dodging another barrage of punches and kicks, Kakashi hopped backwards and started going through handsigns for a fire Jutsu, only for a smoke cloud to explode under his feet, shrouding the clearing.
Trying to target Naruto from the curtain of smoke, Kakashi tried to sense for his chakra.
Big mistake.
Naruto was already planning for this, so as soon as he used the smoke bomb, he dug deep into his reserves, grabbing into even the last dregs of chakra. He felt it pooling, coalescing and swirling around him in a visible, almost palpable cloud…
And then he pushed.
Naruto flared his chakra violently, causing a small pulse to travel throughout the clearing, causing Sasuke and Sakura to pass out from the pressure, leaves and branches to sway, small animals to lose their consciousness.
The pulse was so strong that it managed to travel throughout the entirety of the village, though it weakened exponentially after 10 meters of distance from the point of origin, averting an emergency response from the ANBU. Everyone with the ability to use chakra in the village felt a twinge in their awareness, causing them to turn towards the source of the pulse, but not enough to cause them to panic, or rob their attention if they were completely focused on something else.
But Kakashi, who was focusing completely on sensing Naruto's chakra…
Alas, poor Kakashi. We knew him well.
Blue. Blue, blue, blue and more blue, that was all that filled his awareness. He saw blue, he heard blue, he could've sword he even smelled and tasted blue. The mother of all migraines wished it was as intense as the pain that assaulted Kakashi's head.
The pain was so intense that he could've sworn that he had 15 Yamanakas rooting through his brain, all the while Akimichi Choza jumped up and down over the real, physical thing. He felt as if 100 flash bombs burst behind his eyes, all at once.
As Kakashi reeled, trying to regain his focus, and control of his senses, Naruto did his best to keep on his feet, copious amounts of sweat flowing down his forehead. Pulsing all of his chakra at once seemed like such a good idea inside his head, but he could've done without the crippling exhaustion brought on by a lack of chakra. It was something that he hadn't ever felt before, and something that he could've done without.
Luckily, his clones got empowered by the passing wave of chakra, because he wouldn't have managed to do anything else to Kakashi before the man regained control of his senses.
There is a reason why the man is a jounin, after all.
The clones capitalized on Kakashi's dazed state, pelting him all over with the balloons, covering him head to toes in the awful concoction. The copy ninja, regaining his sense of smell and feeling his migraine increasing from the assault, attempted to run away from the blonde to recuperate, and then return to kick his ass seven ways to Sunday under the guise of a test. As he moved towards a section of the clearing, he felt his path being blocked by clones, more balloons flying his way. He changed directions, running into the only area void of clones…
Into Naruto's trap field.
The blonde, for his part, was greatly entertained by what happened. Despite the nigh-crippling exhaustion (which he was recovering from faster than he expected he would, probably thanks to Kurama), he could still watch Kakashi's torment.
'Call me weird, won't you? Make me wait an hour and a half for something you scheduled, show up 3 fucking hours later. You're going to learn that messing with Uzumaki Naruto brings consequences. There's a reason why ANBU's Mantis and Hawk are terrified of me, and it sure as hell isn't because of the fox!'
'I'd like to believe that my name was still enough to bring terror to the hearts of mortals, thank you very much.'
'Oh, no offense meant to you, Kurama. You're still terrifying as hell, especially when you go into training mode.'
'Speaking of, I felt that flare of chakra you released. You lost over 35% of the chakra you had built up during release. You'll need to do more chakra control exercises. I have this thing with kunai, lead weights and cooking oil in mind…'
'Please keep your terrifying training regimens for after I beat Kakashi.'
'Whatever you say, kid. Just get ready to sweat.
Pushing those thoughts aside, Naruto refocused on Kakashi's plight, and he felt an influx of memories, courtesy of a dispelled clone.
Kakashi had already fallen in the pit of quick-dry cement, walked through the valley of hanging socks, leg warmers and green spandex suits (All pilfered from this dude with huge eyebrows and left overnight in a cramped, locked cupboard), got more than a few bumps and bruises with swinging logs and twigs, had a run-in with this cat with a bow on its ear that all but shredded his clothes and stepped on a turd.
His hair was a mess, his clothes were a mess, and he felt like a huge bruise, smelled like a public bathroom in a hot, summer day after an Akimichi all-you-can-eat marathon cranked up to 11, and he still felt the effects of the Naruto chakra bomb.
In three words:
Kakashi was pissed.´
As his senses started returning to normal, Kakashi could only watch as a blonde dashed by him, cut the bells free, and then run as if the hounds of hell were at his heels.
He was starting to reach for his headband, deciding to take Naruto seriously, son of his sensei or not, when the alarm sounded.
'SHIT, there goes my chance to kick his ass! Unless… Oh, hehehe, ahahahahahaha! MWAHAHAHAHA!'
Kakashi cackled mentally as he made his way back towards the alarm clock, followed by Naruto, who's eyes were tearing from how much he laughed, an utterly annoyed Sasuke, still clearing clumps of dirt from his shirt after having been dug free by a Naruto clone, and a Sakura who alternated from looking at Sasuke perversely and giggling, and turning her nose at Kakashi, trying to keep her distance from him due to his smell.
Kakashi, seemingly unperturbed by everything else, beat everyone to the punch as he spoke up.
"Congratulations, team 7 passes."
Sakura and Sasuke looked at each other, before looking at their teacher. Sakura was the one who spoke up for both, however.
"Not that I dislike that result, but… Neither me nor Sasuke-kun got bells, and I doubt Naruto-Baka managed to get a bell if neither me nor Sasuke-kun got them as well, so what gives?"
Naruto responded by growling, before pelting Sakura's head with the bells.
"I got both bells, all on my own. Suck it."
Sakura and Sasuke turned simultaneous scowls towards Naruto for different reasons. Sakura for the fact that Naruto threw the belts at her and rubbed her failure on her face, and Sasuke because the dead last managed to get the bells and put Kakashi through what seemed to be absolute hell, when he barely grazed the bells while giving it his best.
Well, that and the fact that Naruto knocked him out with his raw chakra alone. The implications of the difference in chakra capacity between them weren't lost on him, and if his fans understood them, they'd probably emigrate towards the 'We love Naruto' camp.
Wait a second… That was a brilliant idea! If Sasuke advertised Naruto's chakra capacity, maybe the fangirls would leave him alone and congregate around the idiot! Then, he wouldn't have to worry about getting stalked daily, or wearing a triple-locket chastity belt to bed!
Elsewhere in Konoha, Hyuuga Hinata felt a sense of blind rage and her vision tinting red for just an instant, before it receded as fast as it came. Despite it receding, she suddenly gained a level of animosity towards Uchiha Sasuke.
Kakashi continued speaking up after that.
"And there you have it, the meaning of the test was teamwork, and Naruto shared his bells with Sakura. You pass. I want all of you here tomorrow at 7 for physical training and sparring against me."
As Kakashi prepared to shunshin out, get cleaned up and fantasize about what he'd do to Naruto to get even, Naruto's voice called out.
"Not so fast! That was a good plan, Kakashi, but you won't get me that easily. I'm not giving you the opportunity to get even! I'm not a part of team 7."
"Like hell you aren't!" Kakashi growled out aggressively, actually scaring Sasuke and Sakura with the amount of animosity he was projecting. Naruto seemed to not be afraid of it, instead relishing in the animosity, embracing it like a well-worn coat, as he answered.
"Well, then I resign from team 7. I'll see if I get transferred to the reserves."
Kakashi didn't give him the time to even stand up, bridging the gap between himself and the three genin in an instant before placing a hand on Naruto's shoulder and wrapping an arm around Sasuke and Sakura's shoulders, forcing them to touch the green goop and get a good whiff of it, before moving them all to the Hokage's office in a shunshin.
-Present, Hokage's office-
"And that's pretty much what happened."
Hiruzen turned his gaze towards the disgruntled forms of the rest of team 7, all of them glaring hotly at Naruto, and did his best not to laugh at the smug blonde's antics.
'To think he went as far as stealing Gai's dirty laundry… That's some dedication.'
Ignoring the tittering in the corners of his office, which he knew were the ANBU's efforts to suppress their mirth at seeing the always late, unflappable copy-ninja who made it a habit to annoy others getting some of his own medicine, Hiruzen cleared his throat, before addressing Naruto.
"Well, now I understand why team 7 is here, but I still don't understand why you don't want to be part of team 7. Mind explaining to me why you'd rather go on reserve than work with them?"
"Because being part of team 7 would probably end up with me dying."
Everyone sobered up at that, while Hiruzen linked is fingers together, propped his elbows on top of his desk and leaned forward, his linked fingers covering his mouth. His gaze turned serious as he said a single word.
"Explain."
Everyone straightened up perceptibly at the tone used, their 'not die' reflex being triggered.
"Starting with individual skills, Sakura is too weak.
She's deceptively strong for her size, but she has low stamina, agility and chakra capacity, plus, her taijutsu is too stiff, cookie-cutter. She can't improvise, or deviate from the academy taijutsu style in case her opponent does something unexpected.
She doesn't have any ranged options other than kunai and shuriken, which she's only average at, and even if she were to learn a jutsu to bridge this gap, her low chakra capacity would mean that she couldn't pull it off often enough for it to be reliable.
It's too easy for her focus to stray from what's in front of her, and this will happen more often than not when Sasuke is involved. This lack of focus makes her an unreliable strategist, and she doesn't have any other secondary skills to make her useful.
Sasuke, for how much of a bastard he is, has some real skills.
From what I saw during the test, his taijutsu is good. The only thing that hamstrings it is the fact that it seems predicated around reading the opponent's moves and countering, and that requires either the sharingan, or great analytical capabilities, none of which he's developed yet.
He has good mid-range options. I saw him use the Fireball Jutsu, and I don't doubt he has others he's keeping hidden. His skills with projectiles are good, and I can guarantee it because I saw him bounce dozens of shuriken off of each other into stabbing Kakashi.
He'd be a shit strategist because his arrogance makes him see himself as the most capable member of the group, which means that he'd disregard any team members that excelled beyond him in areas he's interested in, and give himself the central role. His stamina is good for short bouts of combat, but since he's used to beating opponents quickly by a mix of good speed and strength, and superior skill, he can't plan for long fights. He's proud and arrogant enough to attack Kakashi head-on during our test, without having any alternative plans or support available."
Hiruzen nodded lightly at that, his focus fully on Naruto as he processed the information, before asking.
"What about you? How would you assess yourself?"
"Me? I'm good. Many times better than I was at graduation day. My physical capabilities are better than anyone else in my graduation class without the use of chakra or ninjutsu. My taijutsu is still coming along, it's something that I'm building up as I go along by copying and adapting snippets I see from other fighting styles, but it still has a few holes. I usually cover these holes through copious use of Shadow Clones so that the opponent can't explore them, and even if they can strike faster than my clones can cover me, they can't really tell which one is the original me and which ones are clones due to the fact that I'm constantly replacing myself with my clones, and doing my best to hide outside of the enemy's awareness.
Ninjutsu-wise, I only know the Replacement Jutsu, the Transformation Jutsu and the Shadow Clone Jutsu, but the Shadow Clones are very versatile for various things, including trap setting and scouting. Since the clones are self-aware, the can choose to replace with me in case there's an attack heading my way that I'm unaware of. They also have an unlimited effective range, being limited only by how much chakra I pump into them, meaning that they can engage at ranges away from me, covering for mid-to-long range fighting.
My strategies are… unorthodox. I can think about what I'm capable of doing, but I'm not sure I can extend that to others."
"That's individual skills down, are there any other factors?"
"I already told Kakashi earlier, but interpersonal relations. With me, Sasuke and Sakura trying to work together, there would be too much dissent and friction. Sasuke would automatically assume he was the leader and try to order the rest of the team around. Sakura would just follow his lead, but I wouldn't really stand for it. In any scenarios where planning would be required and Kakashi were either unavailable, or unwilling to do so, we'd be screwed. Sakura, even if she had good or effective plans, would ignore them in order to defer to Sasuke. Sasuke wouldn't be able to accurately plan things due to overestimating his own skills, underestimating those of his teammates, and the fact that his strategies are too tuned to direct combat, no misdirection, nothing else of the sort. If I proposed something, Sasuke would reject it out of principle, as would Sakura, even if it were a good plan.
Even while fulfilling specific directives from Kakashi, there'd be too many clashes between me and them.
Plus, Kakashi's personality is off-putting. He ordered us to be in training field 7 at 7AM, and he only showed up at 10, then he had the guts to try to scold me for leaving after waiting for him for an hour and a half. He's somewhat condescending, and tends to ignore what people say just because. He can't pull off the annoyingly endearing like I do, with him it's just plain annoying."
Everyone in the room sweatdropped at that, even as Kakashi curled up in the corner, doodling on the ground with his finger.
Unbidden, Naruto proceeded.
"Those are just the problems with team 7. In my opinion, this team should be outright scrapped. The four members of this team would ideally never be put together. Unfortunately, Kakashi and Sasuke have to stick together because of the eye thing, but I and Sakura should go to different squads."
Hiruzen took a second to muse on Naruto's words, while everyone else in the room was reacted differently.
Sakura was a mix of worried, hurt, annoyed and melancholic, having her shortcomings exposed in such a way so publically, in front of even the Hokage, and worse, Sasuke-kun, knowing that she had absolutely nothing to say to counter Naruto's words, and that 'even the dead last was better than her'.
Sasuke was a mixture of smug and self-satisfied, for having had his skills recognized and listed as they were, annoyed that the dead-last knew noticed the weakness of his taijutsu, and angry about being called a shit strategist and the implied slight about his stamina.
Hiruzen continued to move the conversation forward.
"If you were to assign the squads, how would you have done it?"
The ANBU in the room whom were used to the exuberant though not very bright child that Naruto was were left gaping at his serious and analytical behavior, but they were joined by Kakashi, Sasuke and Sakura when the Hokage directed the last question towards Naruto.
After all, Sarutobi Hiruzen, the professor, Sandaime Hokage of Konoha and God of Shinobi wouldn't even consider asking for advice in team balance from Uzumaki Naruto, the academy dead-last whom had failed his graduation exam twice before… would he?
"I'd move the members of the other squads around. My clones were watching the other teams from the moment Kakashi sprung that test thing on us, so I know that teams 8, composed by Yuuhi Kurenai, Aburame Shino, Hyuuga Hinata and Inuzuka Kiba; and team 10, composed by Sarutobi Asuma, Akimichi Chouji, Nara Shikamaru and Yamanaka Ino managed to pass.
The teams that I'd suggest would be Akimichi Chouji, Inuzuka Kiba and Uchiha Sasuke under Hatake Kakashi as team 7; Aburame Shino, Haruno Sakura and Yamanaka Ino under Yuuhi Kurenai as team 8; and Hyuuga Hinata, Nara Shikamaru and Myself under Sarutobi Asuma as team 10."
"Very interesting…" The old man murmured, before giving a short response. "Justify your choices."
Oh god, he really was trusting Naruto with team assignments, wasn't he?
By the serious look in his eyes, they could see that Naruto's words were being taken as more than just a hypothetical scenario; Hiruzen was taking the blonde seriously. Naruto, never one to disappoint, started on his response.
"Kakashi is a very socially awkward person, as far as his habits and hearsay paint him, and he's also a genius, so I see him as a hands-off teacher. It would work well with my proposed team 7, since Akimichi Chouji and Inuzuka Kiba predicate their fighting styles entirely around their clan jutsu. They would learn from their family, and training with Kakashi would just allow them to try out the new things they learn, and iron out the kinks. Kakashi should be able to notice their weaknesses and tell them about it, prompting them to work hard to get over them. Sasuke probably has access to a hypothetic jutsu library of some kind, from which I definitely did not take anything in the last week or so, and which would allow him to learn and progress at his own pace until he awakens his sharingan. When he does, Kakashi could teach him new things via 'cheating eyes of hax' and then just have him working on basics like chakra control, strength and speed to help him adapt to the moves he cop- excuse me, learned – from Kakashi.
Team 8 being composed by Shino, Sakura and Ino under Kurenai makes sense since Kurenai is said to be very strict on Kunoichi that don't work hard, in order to make sure that they don't fall to one of the many perils of the occupation that they are more susceptible to, such as kidnapping, slavery and sexual exploitation. If someone can break the fangirl out of Sakura and Ino, it's probably Kurenai.
Shino is a very smart, very logical person, so he'd probably take up the position of leader. The fact that Sakura and Ino are afraid of him will make sure that they don't put up fuss over it. His taijutsu is good, covering short range quite well for our approximate skill level and age group, and his Kikaichu bugs will cover mid and long range combat. I heard rumors of Aburame clan members breeding Kikaichu capable of draining poison from their user and friendlies, and to administer poison to enemies. They also lend themselves quite well to trap setting, and non-lethal disabling via chakra consumption.
Sakura has pretty much no redeeming qualities other than her unexpected explosive power and good chakra control. Kurenai would probably have to 're-forge' her, and if she adds a few genjutsu to her arsenal, all the better. Then she'd have something that she could use reliably for anything more than short range, without depending on tools, or losing out due to her low chakra capacity.
Ino is almost in the same boat as Sakura as far as Taijutsu goes. Her clan style doesn't lend itself to taijutsu, so she didn't really focus on that, something which Kurenai would have to make sure she understood. Aside from the academy 3, she can use some of the Yamanaka mind-based jutsu. Those are unreliable at mid-to-long range, especially in single combat, since whiffing them means leaving your body defenseless until your consciousness returns. The fact that her Jutsu have much to do with navigating the mind, and that she's learning them from Yamanaka freaking Inoichi, means that she'd probably have an easier time with genjutsu than most, especially those geared towards manipulation more than damage.
Team 10 also makes sense. Hinata is a close-range specialist, with her Jyuuken allowing her to disable, or even kill her opponents with a few finger pokes. Her Byakugan allows her to act as a scout, giving Shikamaru and me the time to set up traps or defenses against possible attackers. Shikamaru's taijutsu is amongst the worse among the graduation class, being above only Sakura and Ino. The meat and potatoes of combat for him is his clan's shadow-based jutsu, which are most effective at mid-range, requiring a high chakra cost and more or bigger shadows to increase its range, and his tools. Shikamaru is smart, stupidly so. He's the smartest one in our graduating class in terms of traditional strategy and planning, so he probably already knows about his shortcomings, and has an array of tools and strategies prepared to cover them up. I'm currently mostly a taijutsu user, with a focus on Kage Bunshin, but I throw those around like candy. I can use them to scout, set traps, combat, and to cover my teammates when needed, to get heat away from them. If I pump enough chakra into them, they can even replace themselves with my teammates, allowing them to take any life-threatening damage in their place, with minimal loss. In case of emergencies, I can just summon as many as I can, and run away with my team in the midst of the chaos. My chakra capacity also makes Ninjutsu a very likely, if not mandatory, branch for me to follow. I can use those, in conjunction with my Kage Bunshin to increase my effective range and to make sure team 10's enemies regret trying to fight us.
Since Asuma is a Nin-taijutsu fighter as well, good at close range with his trench knives, capable of expanding to mid-range with his flying swallow technique, and rumored to have an array of fire and wind jutsu for longer ranges, he's the best possible pick to teach team 10. He can help Hinata shore up on her Jyuuken difficulties, like Kakashi for Kiba and Chouji, he can help Shikamaru improve his taijutsu and strategy, since as far as I'm aware he's a very intelligent fighter as well, and he can help me get better with my Kage Bunshin assisted taijutsu, and with learning new jutsu. His personality is said to be laid-back outside of official matters, but focused when needed, and he's said to be a very hands-on tutor, so he'd benefit all members of this version of team 10."
Once again, everyone in the room with the exception of Hiruzen was giving Naruto incredulous and gaping looks, while the Hokage just closed his eyes and seemed pensive. When he opened his eyes, he gave Naruto another serious look, before asking.
"Where did you get all of this information?"
Here the blonde broke his serious demeanor, slouching lightly as he scratched the back of his head, a small, sheepish chuckle drifting out from his lips.
"I kind of… Broke into the academy, and looked through the records. Plus, I may or may not have clones following around each of the jounin sensei announced by Iruka-sensei."
Seeing Hiruzen's flat look, and completely missing everyone else's incredulous ones, Naruto blushed lightly before speaking in a flustered tone.
"Hey, I need to know this kind of stuff if I'm going to be the strongest man on earth, okay!? I need to know who I have to surpass!"
Hiruzen leaned back into his seat, his posture relaxed and his hands reaching into his desk. The old man chuckled at Naruto's antics, even as he tried to ignore the part about breaking into the academy if just to stave off a headache. He reached into his desk, pulling out a scroll, some ink, his pipe and some tobacco. Giving the nervous Naruto, the disgruntled Sasuke, nervous Sakura and disheveled Kakashi cursory looks, Hiruzen nodded and started writing something on the scroll.
"You have given me much to think about, Naruto. I am currently writing down your suggestions and I will look at them from different angles alongside a few trusted people. If we find them to be better than the current assignments, we may well follow your suggestions. But, regardless of whether that happens or not, your request to not be a part of team 7 has been granted. While this re-evaluation of the team assignments is being made, Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura will be serving under Kakashi, while you will be working with someone different. Swing by here tomorrow morning to get more information. That will be all. You may leave."
Naruto turned towards Kakashi, sticking his tongue out childishly before speaking.
"You can't beat me up under the pretense of training now, Kakashi! Serves you right for underestimating me!"
He followed that up by sticking out his tongue at Kakashi again, before rushing out of the office.
Seeing Kakashi's crestfallen look, Hiruzen let out a mild chuckle, before speaking up.
"Do not worry, Kakashi. Naruto may think he dodged the proverbial Kunai, but he's got more in store for him than he knows. You will be avenged, Kakashi, since Naruto will be learning under… her."
The way the Hokage said 'Her' sent chills down Sasuke and Sakura's spines, while Kakashi's eye gained a renewed glint of hope, his previously drooping hair sticking up again while he spoke with unrestrained glee.
"Sir, you mean…"
"Yes, Kakashi, that's exactly who I mean. I dare say that Naruto shall be meeting his match."
Kakashi gave the Hokage a radiant eye smile, bowing at him in utmost respect for his deviousness, before making his way outside the office, a confused and spooked pair of Sasuke and Sakura following after him.
Anyone who saw Kakashi on the way home could attest to the fact that despite the disarrayed clothing, green slime and the smell hanging around him, he seemed to be glowing more than a pregnant woman.
Naruto, in his apartment, could only shiver, while a certain purple-haired Kunoichi frowned thoughtfully at the mission scroll she had received via messenger hawk, stamped with the Hokage's personal stamp.
Mitarashi Anko had just been assigned as Uzumaki Naruto's teacher for the foreseeable future.
The combined population of Konoha could only feel a massive, simultaneous chill run down their spines, it being the universe's way of warning the world against mixing the two destructive and disruptive forces that were Naruto and Anko.
Hiruzen, from his seat behind his desk, could only cackle gleefully.
-Chapter End-
Okay, this took quite a while to write, both for the fact that I am very low on time, with classes restarting, and doing my best to write something that isn't trash even after my break. I hope this chapter is of the same quality, if not better, than anything else I've written before.
That being said, I'm leaving here a little warning for anyone worried, or interested about it:
Naruto: Uzumaki Chronicles is NOT abandoned, in Hiatus, or anything of the sort. I am actively working on it, writing and rewriting, often times deleting upwards of 2 or 3 thousand words at once if I feel a segment isn't good enough. I don't know when it is going to get updated exactly, but it will, eventually. Hopefully before the end of the month, but I can't really promise on that.
If you like the story leave a follow, favorite and review, as it helps increase its popularity, and the amount of people seeing it. I am FrancoGamerxz, signing out!