Disclaimer: Not mine!
"You know, this isn't what I expected waking up to."
That was a reasonable thing for Naruto to say. Why?
Well, I doubt anyone would expect to wake up tied down to their own bed via ninja wire, while this strange exhibitionist lady went through their stuff.
Said home invader turned back towards the blonde, an orange jacket in one hand, a long-sleeved marron shirt on the other one, before speaking up.
"I dig your style change, kid, but you need to destroy these orange monstrosities permanently. Make sure they don't ensnare you in their allure again."
"HEY, DON'T DISS THE ORANGE! IT'S NEVER DONE ANYTHING BAD TO YOU!"
The woman shrugged, tossing said jacket over her shoulder and increasing the pile of old clothes on the floor, before turning back around and rummaging through Naruto's drawers again. She spoke in a conversational tone.
"I expected you to be more freaked out about this than you are. After all, it isn't every day that you wake up to this scene… Unless you're into some really kinky shit."
Anko turned back around, giving Naruto an inquisitive look, her eyebrow raised.
"You're not, are you?"
"Not really" the blonde answered nonchalantly, before continuing "The reason why I'm so calm is that my original self is already on the way to the Hokage tower, to warn the old man about this."
The invader, a special jounin by the name of Mitarashi Anko, froze for an instant, before asking in a hesitant tone.
"W-what do you mean by your 'original self?' "
"What I mean is that I'm not really here. I'm a shadow clone. And by now, my real self is probably over the halfway point to the tower."
A small spike of panic hit Anko, causing her to drop everything else and jump out the window, intent on reaching either the original blonde, or the Hokage tower before the kid, to make sure that the old man didn't misunderstand her intentions.
Now, if you're confused about Anko's reaction, then you should be aware that it was warranted, and had a very reasonable explanation, but in order to understand it, you'd have to understand one fact.
Sarutobi Hiruzen loved his family.
That sounds like an extremely obvious, normal statement. People are supposed to love their families, after all.
What you should understand about this is that Hiruzen took that a bit to the extreme side of things.
The reason he and his son were on less than perfect speaking terms is a consequence of Hiruzen going a bit overboard in his protective streak.
When Asuma had made Jounin, he was very proud of himself. He managed to add his name to the ranks of the great. Granted, he was no Hatake Kakashi, or Maito Gai, but he had finally taken his first step in succeeding to step out of his father's shadow, while simultaneously making him proud.
However, Hiruzen, no matter how proud he was of Asuma, refused to give him any missions above B-rank. Asuma felt slighted by that, as if his skills were being disparaged, as if his father didn't believe him capable, so he decided to join the 12 Guardians of Fire under the direct command of the Daimyo.
And Naruto was definitely family, blood or not.
Now, let's turn the clock back a few years to when Naruto was 8. In the middle of the night, a man had attempted to infiltrate the young boy's home, armed with a kunai and a firebomb, intent on doing the boy harm and then wipe the evidence clean. ANBU's Monkey, Dog, Tiger and Cat who were usually the ones on rotation to protect Naruto had been sent on a special assignment together, and the ones that were supposed to be watching his apartment were 'mysteriously' absent.
Naruto, luckily, wasn't in his room. He had occupied a different apartment in that same building as his base for prank planning, and he was getting something particularly vicious prepared for a merchant who had ran him off from his store. Noticing the movement in his room and knowing that the 'funny people in the masks' shouldn't be in his room, Naruto had done as his Jiji had told him to during emergencies and sent some chakra in a tag he kept on his person at all times.
He was surprised when not 5 minutes later his door was knocked down by an irate Sandaime Hokage, clad in his full black ensemble, a black staff under his arm and a wild look in his eye, looking like a man ready to go to war.
The would-be killer was also very surprised. And in need of a change of underwear.
That day, Naruto learned how much of a badass his jiji was, and a certain fool learned why he should be afraid of old men with sticks.
Legend said that he was still locked within the ANBU dungeons, his mind broken due to his inability to understand the various shapes his body was forced into. Not even the village's best mathematicians could make sense of them.
Anko could attest to this because she made it a habit to show him pictures of Hiruzen whenever she was doing her rounds in the dungeons. He shrieked like a little girl, probably the result of one too many sticks to his stick.
So you can understand why she would be terrified of the kid misrepresenting her actions. Well, her reasons for her actions anyway, the actions themselves were kind of unequivocal.
She knew that the old man wasn't going to send her into the ANBU dungeons, more for the fact that she was the only person good enough at torture to break herself, but just the thought of him giving her the 'I'm not mad at you, just disappointed' look was upsetting. Plus, he could misconstrue it as her taking up her old sensei's habits, and that was a big no-no.
Now you understand why she had made a journey that was 30 minutes long at a jogging pace, in 3.
Bursting in the door to the old man's office, she was ready to start blurting out explanations only to find him sitting on a round table, people like Nara Shikaku, Yamanaka Inoichi, Hyuuga Hiashi, Inuzuka Tsume, Aburame Shibi, Akimichi Choza and the two old farts bearing the title of Elder Advisers occupying the other seats.
Seeing the bemused looks in some (Shikaku, Inoichi, Choza, Tsume and Hiruzen himself), the reproachful ones in others (Hiashi, Koharu, Homura) and the inscrutable one from a certain Aburame, she stopped for a second, articulating what she was going o say, before speaking.
"Is this a bad time?"
Seeing her scratching the back of her head sheepishly, Hiruzen saw just how much she and Naruto were alike, firming his belief in their partnership even further. With a vaguely amused smile borne from that thought, Hiruzen answered.
"Well, not exactly a bad time, only a busy one. Why?"
"Well… the thing is… you see…"
She trailed off, her eyes glazing for a second as she went through her memories of her journey towards the tower via rooftop. She had kept an eye out for the blonde, wanting to spare herself a full run to the tower if possible, yet she didn't see him. She thought he had already made it into the office, but there was a meeting in progress, and she was sure that the kid wouldn't be allowed to be in the room, no matter how much the Hokage loved him like a grandson. Maybe. He wasn't in the waiting room either, and she didn't sense the animosity that usually came from the civilian populace whenever he was walking outside, which meant…
"He tricked me."
Everyone in the room looked at her questioningly, something that Anko missed as she talked to herself at a low volume.
"The reason why I didn't see him wasn't the fact that he was already here, it was the fact that he never came here in the first place. That kid…"
After Anko dashed out of the office, Hiruzen smirked in amusement, before speaking up rhetorically.
"It seems Anko has met her charge."
-Naruto's Apartment-
Naruto rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck, enjoying his freedom from the cocoon of wire he was trapped in. Luckily Kurama had suggested that he keep a spare kunai on his person at all times, and he followed the advice. That, combined with his natural propensity for rope-escaping techniques allowed him to free himself from the bed.
'That was a risky move, that bluff. If she hadn't fallen for it, I would have only succeeded in teaching her the fact that I'm good with clones. Luckily she fell for it. She should have reached the tower right about now, so I should probably make myself scarce from here, circle around to get there.'
'You're probably right, Naruto. You better move.'
Giving Kurama the equivalent of a mental nod, Naruto gave the pile of orange clothing a longing glance before climbing out his window, locking it behind himself and then bolting for the direction opposite of the Hokage tower, intending to make get halfway around the village before approaching the tower from a different direction. He needed to talk to the old man, urgently.
Making his way away from the Hokage tower via rooftop, Naruto saluted a passing acquaintance in the form of a brown cat with a red ribbon under its left ear, getting a raised paw in response, before heading towards the training grounds.
Running away from some crazy woman is no reason to slack off on training.
'You're goddamn right!'
Sweatdropping at his tenant's comment, Naruto refocused on the path in front of him, being surprised by the presence of Team 10 in the clearing he intended to go to. Shrugging and having nothing better to do at the moment (And hoping that Asuma could at least slow down the crazy lady in case she managed to track him down), Naruto called out loud.
"Chouji, Shikamaru, fancy meeting you here!"
Team 10 turned towards the source of the voice, with Chouji waving at Naruto in greeting, Shikamaru nodding and Ino narrowing her eyes, not having forgotten about what had happened in the classroom at the academy.
Noticing the level of animosity that Ino was levelling onto Naruto, Asuma half-shrugged questioningly before lighting the cigarette present between his lips and watching the kids interact.
Chouji, being the friendliest of the team, was the first one to answer.
"Hey, Naruto! What're you doing around here at this time? Shouldn't you be training with your team right now?"
Shikamaru's ears perked up at that, as did Asuma's. Ino, despite her animosity towards Naruto could never resist a good bit of gossip, so she leaned in to listen.
Naruto shrugged, before answering.
"I'm not part of team 7."
Ino smirked smugly at that, speaking up before anyone else could.
"I knew that you didn't have what it took to be a shinobi, dead-last. Your supposed sensei probably saw how useless you were next to my Sasuke-kun, and kicked you out of the program!"
Chouji frowned at Ino's words, as did Asuma, neither of them liking this particular brand of poison being spewed towards someone who did nothing to them, while Shikamaru could only sigh, knowing that things were about to get more troublesome as Naruto would probably retaliate.
Surprising everyone in the clearing, however, Naruto completely ignored Ino in favor of facing Asuma.
"Hey, you're the old man's son, right? Sarutobi Asuma?"
Asuma felt some bitterness seeping into him due to the form of address as nothing other than 'the Third's son', only to be surprised by Naruto's next words.
"The old man told me a lot about you! He said you were a badass that decided to join the fire something or another and that you totally kicked ass at it."
Asuma actually felt a flush come over him as his cheeks were dusted with a light tinge of red, with his students looking at him curiously, not having known about this before.
Scratching the back of his head, Asuma answered sheepishly.
"Can't say much about being a badass, but I did belong to the 12 Guardians of Fire. We worked under the orders of the Daimyo, personally protecting him more often than not. Most of our members either originated from, or belonged to the fire temple monks at one time or another. I myself joined the monks for a while."
Naruto's eyes widened in wonder, before he started firing out questions in rapid succession.
"Did you travel a lot? What was the most dangerous mission you did? How was life in the temple? Did the monks know any odd jutsu? Do you know any kick ass jutsu? Can you teach them to me?"
Asuma's eyes were spirals at this point, trying to keep up with the blonde boy's enthusiasm.
As Asuma was about to answer, he felt someone emitting malice in his field of awareness. Knowing who it was, Asuma wasn't really worried until he heard the sound of metal whistling through the air at the same time as Naruto hopped away from where he was, a brace of shuriken embedded on the ground where he previously stood.
The entirety of team 10 focused at that, forming up with the intent of fighting off their assailant, only to be surprised when a purple-haired woman wearing a tan trench coat and mini skirt landed across from Naruto, giving the blonde a look that could only be considered bloodthirsty. Before any of his kids could make a very terrible mistake, Asuma spoke up.
"Anko, what're you doing here? What's this about?"
Sparing Asuma a glance from the corner of her eyes, not wanting to lose sight of Naruto lest the boy pulls off a vanishing act like Yugao always complained about, Anko spoke up.
"Blondie over here tried to bamboozle me-"
"You mean managed to?"
Anko responded by tossing a Kunai at head level, which Naruto dodged by tilting his head lightly to the side, before continuing.
"And now he's going to pay the price."
Sighing in exasperation, Naruto responded.
"You were the one who broke into my apartment early in the morning. You were also the one who fell for the trick. And worst of all… You had the GUMPTION to diss the orange! You don't diss the orange, lady!"
"Like hell I don't! Those things were a monstrocity!"
"THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GOING DOWN!"
"BRING IT, BRAT!"
"With pleasure! Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"
Everyone was surprised when 10 different Naruto's appeared around the field, all of them either glaring or growling at their opponent.
Ino, Chouji and Shikamaru due to the fact that Naruto was supposedly incapable of making a single competent clone during their academy days, and Asuma and Anko for the fact that the kid was capable of spawning 10 Kage Bunshin without even breaking a sweat, when even people of Kakashi's caliber were said to be capable of using 2, 3 clones at most.
Anko's bloodthirsty grin intensified greatly as she rolled a kunai around her fingers with maximum dexterity.
Naruto, staring Anko down, called out for his clones.
"You know what to do, boys! GO!"
The 10 clones dashed towards Anko, a rain of fists and feet creating a messy melee that team 10's genin could not even begin to understand. Ino gulped when she saw that, glad that she hadn't actually fought the blonde at the day of team assignments. He would probably beat her with just 2 clones.
She really dodged a Kunai there.
Asuma watched the blonde's clones moving, and he managed to see through the visual clutter caused by the many flying limbs and the bright-colored shirts contrasting with the darker, more subdued pants and the environment around them, noticing the fact that the blondes always moved in concert, covering each other's weaknesses and openings, waiting for Anko to misstep in order to capitalize on it.
Anko noticed this as well, so she decided to kick things up a notch. She started dodging, blocking and parrying the clone army's attacks with some inhuman movements, displaying a level of flexibility that would send Jiraiya to pervert heaven based solely on blood loss given the implications. The clones weren't expecting, or prepared, to fight someone that… nimble, and that could be seen in the amount of blows that Anko was forced to block or parry decreasing, and the clones' frustration building. Soon enough the clones where attacking so erratically that they started actually hitting their brethren, dispelling each other in large clouds of smoke.
Ino cheered inwardly at this, while Asuma assumed a focused frown. Shikamaru and Chouji, on the other hand, were openly gaping at the fight. They held no illusions of being capable of handling an assault of that magnitude.
When the last clone dispelled, Anko found herself shrouded in a cloud of smoke. Before she could do much she heard the tell-tale whistle of sharp, deadly steel mid-flight, swaying to the side only to see, through a gap in the smoke, a hissing piece of paper tied to the Kunai's handle. A loud explosion reverberated from the chakra smoke cloud, causing clumps of grass and dirt to rain over the clearing, a black cloud of acrid smoke mixed with dust replacing the original one.
The three genin of team 10 gave Naruto horrified stares, not expecting their teammate to so easily kill another leaf Kunoichi.
"Y-you killed her!"
"Don't be stupid, Ino." Asuma spoke in a sharp tone "Do you truly think that a person of Anko's caliber would've died that easily, or that your own classmate would've so easily and callously killed a comrade?"
"Chimney-kun is right, you know." Anko's voice sounded from behind Naruto, a kunai poised against his throat, getting a trail of sweat to roll down his forehead in nervousness. "The great Anko-sama would not be defeated by a mere genin."
Giving a defiant grin, despite the fact that more than a few beads of sweat rolled down his neck and forehead, Naruto spoke up.
"Wanna bet?"
Before Anko could answer, Naruto vanished in a cloud of smoke, a log appearing in his place while the blonde appeared next to Asuma. He spoke in a solemn tone.
"As the log takes your place, you become the log. The log becomes you. For a moment, you are an extension of the logs blessing unto ninja."
Asuma and Anko simultaneously let out an instinctual "Amen", confusing the three genin of team 10.
Seeing Naruto's unyielding gaze, Anko chuckled evilly before cracking her fists and neck.
"You're good, kid. An over-the-top, loud, vibrantly-dressed genin using chakra intensive jutsu and direct combat wouldn't be expected to pull something like that off. Misdirection… I guess I'll take you more seriously."
Having said that, Anko raised her arm and pointed her hand towards Naruto.
"Sen'ei Jashu! (Hidden Snake Hands)"
A stream of snakes flowed from Anko's sleeve; their mouths open wide and revealing sharp, hooked fangs gleaming with purple and green poison as they rushed towards Naruto. Said blonde's eyes widened before he jumped away at the last second, getting grazed by one of the snake's fangs.
Raising his shirt (And revealing a hard, well-sculpted torso that Ino categorically denies having drooled at), Naruto grimaced at the purple color that splotched around the area he got grazed on. He felt his balance trying to abandon him as the world swayed, but his training proved superior when his body instinctively lowered his center of gravity and kept standing despite the poison.
Anko followed up on the snakes by dashing at Naruto, going for a sweeping kick to the face which the blonde dodged by a hair's breadth, tossing himself towards the ground and rolling to the side, forcing himself back to his feet as he felt the poison stop advancing.
'I managed to stop it from spreading, but it'll take a while to burn it off unless you call on my chakra.
'And continuous physical activity will go against your efforts and spread it further, right?'
'Yup. At least you'll gain a resistance to most poisons of this type. Get exposed enough and it might develop into immunity.'
'Neat, I guess I'll go around weekly asking her to sic her snakes on me. No one will find that even the slightest bit weird.'
'No need to get all snarky on me, kid. I was just saying.'
'Yeah, sorry Kurama, I'm just screwed up by this poison.'
Deciding that Naruto had enough time to recover, Anko dashed towards him again and attempted to hit him with a hammer blow to the head which the blonde avoided by jumping upwards. Seeing Anko jumping after him, Naruto balled himself up and positioned his arms and legs in order to cover as much of his torso as possible.
Anko smirked at this, releasing a flurry of punches, kicks and palm strikes against Naruto's guard.
Naruto weathered the blows as well as he could, but eventually a punch from Anko managed to break through his guard, opening his chest up for an attack.
"YOU'RE WIDE OPEN, BRAT!"
She punished the opening with a hard palm strike, only to witness Naruto vanishing into a cloud of smoke. The blonde reappeared under her, a trail of blood from the corner of his mouth showing that he didn't pull of the replacement on time and got at least a bit of the damage. Re-orienting herself downwards, Anko shot another grouping of snakes towards Naruto.
Naruto made 10 clones and had all of them throw all the kunai and shuriken on them against the snakes, dispelling them and leaving Anko in free-fall towards them.
Not willing to give up, Naruto jumped and made various clones, firing them towards Anko as if they were rockets, forcing the Tokubetsu Jounin to put up an actually serious guard, only to find herself surrounded by Naruto's. She felt herself being kicked on the back by one, going downwards towards another one that pushed off of one of its own kind to gain momentum and punt her upwards.
Anko blocked the direct blow by crossing her arms, but she was pushed upwards regardless. She then felt herself be grabbed by both arms, while another Naruto kicked her in the spine. That was followed up by a hammer blow to the head, tossing her towards the original only for him to uppercut her as hard as he could.
Team 10 watched incredulously as Anko rolled on the ground, beaten and unconscious…
Before she melted into mud.
Feeling the last of his stamina leave him, Naruto allowed himself to collapse on the ground, his clothes completely drenched in sweat.
"That… Woman… Is… A… Fiend!"
Anko walked up besides Naruto's head, giving him an unashamed look up her miniskirt as she crouched and patted his face.
"Aww, is the little baby tired?"
"Screw… You!"
The purplette snorted before answering "Better men have tried, and failed tremendously."
The woman stood back up fully, before walking towards the crater caused by Naruto's exploding tag on Kunai trick, crouching at the edge of it and examining the soil as she spoke.
"That being said, you show some promise. You're determined, clever, resourceful, and you can take a hit. That, and you're a freaking chakra monster. I mean, using clones while having a chakra-disrupting poison inside your bloodstream? That's freaking absurd. I'm going to have fun being your teacher."
Naruto blinked owlishly, before speaking in a blank tone.
"What."
The purplette walked into the blonde's view, rubbing her chin in what seemed to be a pensive manner as she spoke to him "I didn't tell you, did I? The old man made me your teacher."
As Asuma chuckled, Ino rejoiced and Shikamaru and Chouji said their prayers for their comrade, Naruto only had one real way to respond.
"Shit."
-Hokage's office-
"You must be kidding, Hiruzen! T-this proposal is preposterous! You intend to break years of tradition heralding back to the time of our sensei!"
"Koharu" Hiruzen started "Upholding tradition for tradition's sake is as bad as instituting change for change's sake, none of them are optimal, and none of them mean actual progress."
"But Hiruzen" broke in Homura "This tradition has lasted this long for a reason: It works! Under this team structure we've had legends such as the Sannin, Ino-Shika-Cho, and many others!"
"Ah, but then we must ask ourselves… Why can't we do better?"
Seeing everyone's inquisitive looks, Hiruzen elaborated.
"The tradition might have worked for some, but it won't for all. Trying to force our future generations into outdated molds only stifles their talent and progress. How many more Jiraiya's, Tsunade's or even Minato's have been overlooked, handicapped or even killed due to poor team assignments? By being matched with teachers that were either not well suited to teach someone of their particular skills, or whose personality clashed horribly with the students, or with teammates that disliked each other to the point of sabotage?
Other than that we have to look at the issue of proper resource management and overspecialization. As the teams stand, team 7 is slated to be a primary heavy assault team, team 8 is supposed to be a tracking unit, and team 10 is the team of capture and interrogation specialists, but by organizing teams in this manner we ensure that they are exceptionally good at those fields, but poor in all others.
Other than that, by dividing teams in such manner we deprive teams 7 and 10 from tracking specialists, 10 of primarily combat oriented individuals, and 7 of capture specialists. Team 8 is the most balanced one, which is why it should be split apart, with at least each team getting one of its members."
The other members traded looks between each other, trying to estimate about how the others would vote.
"All in favor of the new team assignments?"
After a few seconds of stillness, Tsume raised her hand, followed by Shibi, Hiashi and Hiruzen himself. After a short pause, Inoichi, Shikaku and Choza followed suit.
"All against?"
Koharu and Homura raised their hands at this, disgruntled looks on their faces at being so thoroughly overruled.
"The new team assignments shall be enforced in 2 weeks, in order for the jounin to prepare properly for the new team members they shall be assigned to. Meeting adjourned."
Everyone vacated the table, leaving only Hiruzen behind. The man thought back to Anko's face when she burst into the meeting room and couldn't hold back the smirk that emerged on his face.
That was, until a certain terrifying thought went through his mind.
'What if Naruto and Anko actually enjoy being partnered together? By Log, what have I done? I've unleashed a great terror upon the village!'
Hiruzen could only react in a single manner.
"Shit."
Every single civilian, and most shinobi of the village, felt a simultaneous chill run down their spines, as if someone had just treaded over their graves.
Anko felt a sudden urge to laugh, an urge that Naruto reciprocated. Asuma could only ward himself against evil in face of such malefic laughs, promising much chaos and mischief.
Things were definitely going to get more interesting around the village.
Scene! Another chapter done! In case you're worried about Uzumaki Chronicles, know that there's a good reason It's taking this long. Planning is hard. So far, I'd been writing things on a whim for the most part, only following a 'script' for certain key points. From now on, I intend to cut back on that.
I want to flesh out the members of Naruto's… collective… further, so I intend to give each of them an arc of their own, at least 3 chapters each. I also intend to develop Team Naruto as characters, and the Panthers as summons.
Other than that, I'm working on an endgame. I intend for Kaguya to be a pivotal piece of the endgame, but we've seen how fast and how much Naruto is progressing in terms of strength, plus we've seen people like Jashin make an appearance. I want to expand on this, since we already have the measure of most canon villains. The only member of the Akatsuki whose depth wasn't truly explored, I believe, was Itachi. I intend to change this.
So, expect character development arcs, OC's, new villains, and more!... When I do get around the task of updating.
Other than that, I'm thinking of writing a Jaune-centric RWBY story. Would anyone be on board with it?