Disclaimer: Not mine!

"Okay, kid, we'll start with physical conditioning!"

"Sure, sure…"

Naruto could only sigh inwardly. After recovering from the fight against Anko he had gone to the Hokage and asked about his teaching situation, only for the old man to tell him that Anko was being honest, and she truly was his teacher.

The old man had seemed oddly nervous as he said it, but Naruto shrugged it off as one of his eccentricities.

So here he was, one day after waking up tied up to his bed by the woman and fighting for the honor of his color, getting taught by her, calling her sensei.

Troublesome.

Great, now he was sounding just like Shikamaru.

Ignoring these inane thoughts as he stretched lightly, limbering his body for his usual workout, Naruto spoke up.

"So, what am I supposed to do? Run laps around the village? Thousands of pushups? Scale a mountain without using chakra?"

Giving Naruto a massive smirk, Anko tutted, before answering.

"Nothing like that, kiddo. You are going to… stretch!"

Blinking owlishly, the blonde gave Anko a flat stare as he asked.

"Stretch?"

The purplette smirked, answering with "Yep!" in the brightest of tones.

"Okay, not to brag, but I made sure to train my body enough to be able to withstand more punishment than a brick wall. Just stretching isn't going to do much for me, Anko-sensei."

Anko's smirk turned bloodthirsty as she answered.

"We'll see."

-15 minutes later-

"DEVIL! MONSTER! FIEND! WHY MUST YOU SUBJECT ME TO THIS TORTURE?"

"I thought stretching wouldn't do much for you?"

"I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'D TRY TO BEND ME LIKE A GODDAMN PRETZEL!"

"Oh come on, you interested the 'Great Anko-Sama'! You can take more than this!"

Saying that, Anko placed both hands on top of Naruto's shoulders and then pushed his torso forward towards the ground he was sitting on, his legs stretched completely and open in a V. She kept pushing, trying to make Naruto bend to the point where his forehead touched the ground without any other parts of his body that were already in contact with the ground leaving it. If possible, she'd make sure the kid was able to head-butt his own junk.

*CRACK!*

"OH LOG!"

Snickering in amusement, Anko eased back a bit, allowing Naruto to recover…

Before pushing down again.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Oh, stop being such a baby!"

- Later-

Naruto winced as muscles that he didn't even know existed screamed in pain. These pain points seemed most focused around his waist, sides, lower back and his leg joints. Cracking his spine, Naruto let out a sigh of relief as he spoke.

"Thank god that's over."

"Over? Who said anything about over?"

Anko gave Naruto a predatory grin even as the blonde shook in his boots, promising him much more pain.

-10 minutes later-

"HNNNNNNNNNNNN!"

Naruto let out a groan of combined exertion, pain and fatigue as he bent forward. Anko had led him towards a boulder and told him to stick his feet to the top with chakra, before bending over forwards. In essence, she was forcing him to do the same motion as one does in a vertical toe touch, except that instead of forcing him to grab his toes, she was forcing him to lay his arms flat on the boulder under him. Maybe get his forehead to touch it too.

Naruto could only suffer through this attempt at turning him into stretchy noodles, with only his willpower and sheer stubbornness preventing him from crying out in pain.

-Even Later-

"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"You're doing great, blondie. Keep breathing!"

Naruto could only whimper miserably as he was mercilessly forced into a split.

'The limits of the human body are remarkable.'

'SHUT UP, KURAMA! YOU WOULDN'T BE THIS CALM IF YOUR DANGLEFRUITS FELT LIKE THEY WERE ONE STEP AWAY FROM SPLITTING!'

"Come on, one… more… push!"

Anko punctuated by pushing Naruto into a full split.

Naruto reacted by blanking out, his eyes rolling back into his head as he foamed out of his mouth.

-Even later still-

"You really are full of surprises, kid. You shouldn't have managed to recover in 2 days, much less 2 hours! That body of yours seems like it can take a lot of punishment…"

Giving Anko a flat stare, Naruto spoke in a dead tone.

"Have any funny ideas and I will kill you. Slowly. And Painfully. You will cry and beg for mercy, and you will be afforded none."

Anko scoffed at that, before Naruto kept speaking in the same tone.

"Or worse… I'll prank you. Publically. Middle of the town square, high traffic time period. As humiliating as possible, in front of all the shinobi I can."

At this point, listening to his tone, Anko actually starting sweating nervously.

"H-hey now, Kid… L-let's not get ahead of ourselves…"

Seeing that his look hadn't changed a bit, Anko starting searching for ways to defuse this dangerous situation. Knowing of the kid's reputation, skills, and having seen first-hand some of the things he'd done before, Anko really didn't want him to target her. Plus, he'd been ages without playing a proper prank around the village.

The post-break prank was always the most vicious.

If you had to get pranked by him, you wanted it to be after he's already pranked as many people as possible. When his supplies, and energy, were waning.

He was particularly sadistic otherwise.

'Wait a second… Sadistic… !'

An idea popped into Anko's mind at that moment. If the kid was feeling particularly sadistic, well what's better than redirecting his focus and efforts into something more useful?

-Later, T&I dungeons-

Hence, Anko taking him to one of her favorite places in the village, beaten out only by the Dango Shack and the Forest of Death. The purplette took a big, deep breath, letting out a satisfied sigh.

"Ah, how I love the smell of pain and despair in the… Afternoon. Doesn't sound as good as if I were to say 'in the morning', but it works."

Naruto walls still completely silent, levelling a flat stare at Anko, behind which she could practically see the gears and cogs turning as he planned the most painful way to humiliate her. Gulping nervously, Anko pushed Naruto further into the dungeons, only to meet up with…

"Ibiki? What're you doing here?"

The bear of a man, clad in all black, and mostly leather, levelled Anko with an unamused gaze as he answered sardonically.

"I still worked here, last time I checked. I should be the one asking you what you're doing here when you're not slated to take any of the shifts for a long time, and you haven't been called in. Especially considering the fact that you've brought in an unauthorized individual."

Anko waved her hand back and forth as she answered nonchalantly.

"While I don't really need to have a specific reason to come here, I came here for a good reason."

Seeing Ibiki's curious gaze, Anko pulled him by the sleeve, distancing them slightly from Naruto so they could escape his ear range and then spoke in nothing more than a whisper.

"I royally pissed off blondie over there, and he has this look in his eye that I don't like. I won't lie to you, Ibiki; I am more than just a bit afraid. He looks like he's about to… to unleash hell week 3, except concentrated fully on me!"

Ibiki winced at that. Anko, the tough-as-nails, crazy, blood-lusting Tokubetsu Jounin had an understandable reason to be terrified.

To know why though, one needs to understand what hell week actually is.

This story harkens back to when Naruto was 9 years old. The boy had decided to take the shinobi graduation test, and he failed. Instead of moping, moaning and sulking like most regular children, and then forget all about it during his academy break until classes restarted, Naruto got angry.

For one entire week, barely anyone saw heads or tails of the blonde, and pretty much everyone loved it. The civilians didn't have to see the 'demon child', the shinobi didn't have to chase after an 8 year old with the ability to completely humiliate even chunin with his preternatural ability to escape from trouble, even the Hokage received less complaints, damage and police reports about him. The only ones to see him at all during that week were Ayame and Teuchi from Ichiraku ramen, and even then it was only twice.

For an entire week, Naruto had eaten ramen only twice! That should have been enough warning for the things to come.

The following week, everyone woke up fine and happy, with expectations of a peaceful day, without any screaming, running or mess.

But then, things started happening. Bad things.

It started with a man finding his own shoelaces tied to each other. And from there on, it all went downhill.

The owner of a bookstore found the books he had in storage completely out of order, with no rhyme or reason. He spent over 5 hours organizing everything, putting it all in alphabetical order and changing the log…

Only to find out that the covers of the books themselves had been switched around. And all of this without any visible signs of the boxes being disturbed, or the books being damaged.

A butcher found his store overrun with roaches, rats, ants and pests of all kinds, and the health inspector just so happened to have received an anonymous tip concerning that shop.

A florist found herself sneezing whenever she entered her store, despite the fact that she did not stock anything she had an allergy to. It got bad enough that her face was red, swollen and splotchy.

A shoemaker found all of his left shoes just one size too small.

A seamstress felt like every single piece of clothing that she owned was full of pins and needles on the inside.

And things just kept getting worse, and worse.

At the end of the week the village was on the brink of anarchy, yet no one, not even the best investigators could find even a shred of evidence connecting any of those events to Naruto. As far as everyone was aware, Naruto was still living a life of seclusion after having flunked the graduation exam.

Hiruzen had actually been forced to beg Naruto to stop his pranking spree, though he didn't really have anything concrete to pin down the boy with.

Seeing the figure of his jiji worn, ragged and tired, Naruto decided to end his vicious spree at the week mark, not the entirety of the break as he intended.

Hell week 2 happened after his second failed attempt. Hiruzen had actually tasked some of his best ANBU to keep tabs on Naruto to make sure he couldn't do a thing, but they couldn't get a thing.

A very vocal and known 'Demon hater' was found in the morning tied up to a pole, naked, except for a bright purple wig.

After that, not even attempts at using the crystal ball for his remote viewing jutsu allowed Hiruzen to catch Naruto in the act. For an entire week, the whole village was once again hit by a spree of particularly cruel pranks, but as soon as the week mark hit, it stopped.

Naruto had remembered his Jiji's breaking point, and he wouldn't go past it.

When Naruto had seemingly failed the academy test for the third week in a row, before the whole Mizuki debacle, Hiruzen was already praying for divine intervention to help him tide over for the duration of the third hell week.

The bottom-line is, everyone who wasn't Teuchi, Ayame and Hiruzen (And later on Iruka) was terrified of hell week. All other civilians were viable targets, as well as more than a few shinobi. The ANBU were either watching Naruto or investigating the crime scenes, which meant that they got very little rest, and Hiruzen had to deal with more paperwork than for the rest of the year put together.

In hindsight, that more than anything else should've clued everyone in on the fact that Naruto actually had the talent for shinobi work. If some jounin could wake up with their hands glued together, wearing only sexy lingerie covered in hears – regardless of their gender – then they could certainly have had their throats slashed open, by the academy dead last no less!

And wasn't that a humbling thought?

So, yes, one could understand why Anko was terrified of having something akin to a hell week focused entirely on her.

Ibiki nodded in understanding, Anko didn't deserve something like that happening to her, so if she found a way to avoid I, who was he to protest?

And that's how the three of them found themselves walking down the T&I building, looking into the various interrogation rooms via one-way glass windows.

Naruto's silence completely terrified both Ibiki and Anko, the two watching the blonde as he looked each of the 'invitees' of the torture and interrogation department.

They were surprised when Naruto stopped in front of a specific window, peering closely at the face of the man completely bound to a chair inside of the room. Ibiki walked up next to him, speaking as he did.

"Moritaka Nabe, chunin of Konoha and academy teacher. He's suspected of participating in a conspiracy to embezzle funds from the Academy coffers, taking bribes to give certain students passing grades, and deliberately failing others who wouldn't join the scheme, depriving the village of more than a few prospective shinobi. Normally either me or Anko would be breaking him right now, or we'd have a Yamanaka diving into his mind, but most of the evidence against him 'mysteriously vanished', with the remaining pieces of evidence being either circumstantial, or inconclusive."

Naruto tilted his head curiously, taking a good look at Nabe, before speaking.

"I know him. I was in one of his classes last year. He taught maths, but he used every possible reason to kick me out of the classroom whenever something important was to be taught. If he didn't have a reason, he'd manufacture one to do so."

There was a pause in the conversation, before Naruto gave a cold smile that didn't reach his eyes, a certain degree of viciousness shining in his eyes as he spoke.

"Let me go in there and I promise that I'll get you a confession."

Anko and Ibiki exchanged looks, before looking back at the blonde. Not wanting that level of cold, calculated viciousness to be aimed towards them, they gave him the all clear to work on Nabe as long as he didn't actually progress into the 'official definition' of torture.

They watched curiously as the blonde made a clone (no visible cloud of smoke to boot!), before the clone transformed itself into a book. A hard cover book, wrapped in pink leather with a few fluffy… things… along the spine… which Naruto proceeded to take a hold of and slide into his pocket as if it were an actual book But that couldn't really be, since the Henge is nothing more, nothing less than an illusion, right?

Right?

The two information collection experts could only gape at the fact that Naruto had seemingly created a real, solid transformation technique. The potential of that jutsu in information gathering… It was simply staggering!

And he was the academy dead last?

With oversights such as these, how was their village still up and running?

Ibiki could only wonder.

-Inside the interrogation room-

Moritaka Nabe had an eventful life. He graduated from his academy days during the 3rd Great War at the middle of the class, just another average joe, a small cog in the huge machine that was Konoha.

Despite his academy results, he managed to show his superiors that he was quite skilled in combat, so he managed to get himself a battlefield promotion to chunin and joined the frontlines. He contributed greatly for the war effort, but a word from a Yamanaka had him branded as mentally unfit for high-intensity shinobi work, which ultimately halted his career.

Nabe was a person that respected power above all else. Having witnessed firsthand that simply being strong in a fight didn't mean being powerful, and knowing that he would be unable to progress in skill due to barriers instituted by the village on the words of a single person that knew nothing about him, he had a paradigm shift.

Strength by itself didn't mean power, influence did.

The big clans had loads of influence, so a word from a member of one of said clans managed to halt his progress. He didn't have contacts, friends in high places, or stupidly high amounts of strength, so he decided to gain power in a different way.

Money. Money money money money money!

The civilians didn't have strength, but they had high levels of influence on the village for the sheer fact that they moved around loads of money. So, he decided to get a lot of money as well.

He started planning and scheming with some of the people in the academy administration, with a few civilian council members covering for them, and they started skimming off the top of most of the Academy's budget, especially budget geared towards the more high-end training equipment.

Well, that was initially the plan, but Nabe wanted more If no-one had noticed their deception so far, then no-one would. And if someone happened to do so, they could either be invited into the fold, or…

Well, money was powerful enough to make most problems disappear.

Case in point, Nabe had simply dropped a few account numbers, made some promises, and most of the evidence against him had suddenly vanished!

'I could use this situation for bigger gains! Threaten to go to the daimyo about this and get a big, fat "shut up" check, then go anyways and get some advancement in my career! I'll no longer have to deal with a bunch of snot-nosed brats!'

Nabe's train of thought was aborted when the door opened. He put on a long-suffering look, expecting it to be a shinobi sent by his 'friends' to release him due to the inconclusive evidence, only for it to change into a sneer as he saw the visage of Uzumaki Naruto sit down across from him, a steel table separating the two.

There was a stretch of silence, with Nabe doing his best to melt the demon brat with just his gaze, while Naruto just sat there, leaning back into his chair, his arms crossed over his chest, a placid smile on his face, though it visibly did not reach the eyes.

The silence hung in the air for quite a while, with Naruto showing no signs of feeling even a tad bit uncomfortable, while Nabe felt his facial muscles cramping, making his sneering all but impossible to keep up. Not wanting to be seen as the weaker party due to this, he decided to break the silence that hung over them.

"What the hell are you doing here, brat?"

Shrugging lightly, Naruto spoke in an airy tone.

"Well, I was apprenticed to someone working here in T&I. I was walking around when I happened to see my old teacher, so I decided to greet you!"

Nabe noticed Naruto's forehead protector for the first time, speaking in a derisive tone.

"Standards truly have fallen if they allow a talentless wretch such as you put on one of those. Makes me wish to toss my own away."

"Careful there Nabe, that can be interpreted as treason, and Konoha doesn't treat its traitors very well, you see. They tend to be sent to the T&I department to be interrogated… such as you are, right now. So, want to tell me what this is about?"

Nabe spat on the ground, before speaking up.

"If this is the best that the village can afford to interrogate me, then standards truly have fallen. Back in my day, a freak such as you wouldn't be allowed to walk around spreading chaos as you do."

While Anko and Ibiki were frowning thoughtfully, seeing this 'interrogation' going nowhere, Naruto smirked maliciously and triumphantly at Nabe, like the cat that ate the canary. When the two interrogation experts noticed this, they focused on Naruto.

The blond started chuckling lightly, before speaking up in a tone one would use when discussing times past with an old friend.

"You know, I remember the second time I failed the graduation exam. I failed the written portion by a single point, a math question if I remember correctly. A math question that I would've been able to answer had I not been removed from the classroom due to 'Disruptive behavior' when Kiba started laughing at Jinne's joke."

Sneering, the man answered.

"Your point being?"

"My point being that there was probably a reason why you were tied naked to a post in the middle of the village. And that the person who did it might've taken the time to look around your apartment, check out some stuff, read your books. Maybe even take something."

He reached into his pants pocket, removing the Henge'd clone and softly placing it on top of the table, within Nabe's line of sight, causing the man to gasp, his skin paling.

Naruto gave the man his cold, dangerous smile again as he spoke.

"Well, in your time, freaks like me didn't get much cherished, did they?"

Having said that, Naruto reached for his 'book' self, opening it and deliberately cleaning his throat before 'reading' what was 'written in the book'.

" 'August 16th: I convinced Nana to at least leave some of her stuff in my apartment. Fed her some bullshit about trust, and moving our relationship to the next level. Stupid bitch doesn't know she's overreaching when chasing after me. I mean, who'd go after such a plain, clingy, irritating dead fish like her? Seriously, that's great when I just want to blow a load, but there's no passion there. She can't even progress into a proper lay!

But that doesn't really matter. Now that I have her clothes, then I can finally get Madame Haruka to do IT.'"

Nabe's face paled further, before gaining some tinges of green, which Anko and Ibiki watched with great interest. Naruto, on the other hand, seemed to be immersed 'reading from the book', which seems to be a log, or diary of some kind.

Unbidden, the blonde continued.

" 'August 20th: I couldn't help it! It was Friday, and Nana went out on a mission until next week! I went to Madame Haruka's without worrying about getting found out. I took Nana's clothes, like I was told. I was lead to the private room and I put them on. I chose that pretty purple dress with the polka dots, but underneath it I was wearing her sexy lingerie set. Not like she's hot enough to pull it off, so it's no real issue. From then on it was 'Mama Haruka' only, and I was her good girl.

Like any good little girl, I did what Mama Haruka told me to. Even when she told me to lay across her lap, lift up my dress and count each paddling. It was so exciting that I wore myself out before the end of the session. Mama Haruka looked so sad, disappointed and… disgusted… that I just couldn't hold back. I had to go back there!

August 21st: I went back to Mama Haruka's. I wore a different dress, this one was a yellow sundress, with a pair of cotton panties, the ones with a teddybear motif and red circles. I didn't wear a bra that day. Mama Haruka paddled me again, but since I managed to hold back, she decided to reward me. She bent me over the side of the bed, tied my arms up behind my back and locked my ankles down to the iron ring built into the floor. She got a big, shiny, plastic... Marital aid… And she told me to lick it, get it nice and wet. Like any good girl, I did what Mama told me to.

She then walked around the bed and spanked my little shame. I loved it.

She spat on my back hole, attached the aid to herself with a leather strap contraption, lined herself up, and…'

Oh my."

Naruto put a face of embarrassment so fake that even a blind person would've seen through it as he kept paging through the 'book', letting out an occasional "Oh my!"

Nabe's face managed to simultaneously be pale as paper, green with nausea, red with embarrassment and purple with anger, which was a really unhealthy looking mixture. Not caring about that, Naruto closed the 'book' before sliding it back into his pocket.

"Well, Nabe, we've established that you're a… put in terms you'd probably enjoy: 'A bad, bad girl'. I know it, you do too. But my word won't really hold much weight against yours for the majority of the populace, now, will it?"

While Nabe started regaining regular colouring, thinking that he'd manage to dodge this inquiry and then just 'make the evidence disappear', Naruto continued.

"Unless the person who, hypothetically speaking, read through your books, followed you around and took photos…"

Nabe got so pale that he didn't look like he saw a ghost, he looked like he was the ghost itself. Naruto kept speaking.

"I'd say this would qualify you as a freak. Just imagine what would happen to your reputation if, and this is completely hypothetical, follow me here, someone started tossing the copies from the rooftops, and made sure to give copies of your literature to your 'old school friends'? You'd probably lose any support you had, no? If there was some type of scheme, then you'd probably be made into the patsy.

Of course, if you happened to have, in this completely hypothetical situation, privileged information to solve the case, this ghost prankster might choose not to divulge all of this, and burn all of it instead. Probably can't be good for his psyche to have reminders of those things."

"I'll tell you everything! Everything you want! Names, dates, amounts! Just make sure that none of that reaches the light of day, I beg of you!"

Shrugging, Naruto stood up from the chair before stretching, enjoying the feeling of his spine's disks popping into place, before giving Nabe the same placid smile.

"Relax, Nabe-sensei, those were all just hypothetical scenarios, none of those are real. I say, you don't look so good. I heard Ibiki-san took a curse in basic aid, perhaps I could call him into the room? And if you felt like talking to him, telling him something specific, well I'm sure all of us would enjoy it. You'd get some weight off of your shoulders, and I'd get to see something I very much enjoy, honesty."

Having said that, Naruto walked towards the door, giving Nabe a backwards wave over his shoulder, before the door closed behind him.

He saw Ibiki and Anko looking at him in a mixture of wonder, terror, pride, elation and glee, before speaking up.

"I promised you a confession, Ibiki-san, so go and knock yourself out."

Ibiki nodded, moving towards the door. His hand froze before he could turn the knob, before he asked Naruto.

"Mind explaining what happened in there?"

The blonde shrugged, pushed his hands into his pockets before answering.

"I've got blackmail on most people in the village. I gathered it as a kid, when I didn't really know what most of it meant, I simply knew that they were hiding it and that automatically made it valuable. I didn't really know what to do with it until recently, but now… Heh, I'm going to have fun~"

The way Naruto said the word 'fun' brought chills down Ibiki and Anko's spines, before Ibiki shrugged it off and moved into the room, wanting the info while it was still hot.

Anko looked at Naruto, seeing him giving her a blank look as he had before, and she started fidgeting in place. The blonde spoke in the same blank tone.

"Don't ever try to damage, or in any way endanger 'Naruto Jr. and the Twins', and I'll forget what you did earlier today."

"YESPLEASETHANKYOU!"

The nerves fading from her, Anko managed to regain her wit and she felt herself extremely proud of the kid in front of her.

"Kid, I didn't know you were so sadistic and vindictive!... No, incorrect, I knew, but I never knew you could apply it like this! I'm really enjoying having a student so far! If you keep impressing me like this, I might just keep you!"

Letting out a put-upon sigh, Naruto followed Anko deeper into the bowels of the T&I department, ready to learn more about information extraction and management from Anko, and probably Ibiki when he finished the interview with Nabe.

-Chapter END!-

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