Book Five

Of Music & Memories

Chapter One

Summary: Heaven is in an uproar after the drunken ramblings of one of the vessels of The Apocalypse. There are questions being asked and Heaven is demanding answers. Samandriel is one of the angels who have been chosen to go to Earth and search for Lucifer's vessel.

He didn't really expect to be the one to find him.

Heaven was in a full-blown meltdown and had been since the drunken ramblings of one vessel of Lucifer. Michael and Raphael had been seen (and heard) trying to out-scream one another in an argument that had seraphs scattering to avoid gaining their attention.

So far, fifty-some angels had been sent to Earth to perform a myriad of duties, most of them along the lines of "find the vessel of the Morningstar."

Samandriel, of the last flock of angels created by their Father, had never expected to have been chosen for a mission. He was the youngest of the angels, the very last one created by their Father, but that did not mean he was young . Samandriel had been alive when dinosaurs were roaming the Earth. He had been a participant in the creation of the saber-toothed tiger. If shouting "It needs more teeth! Raaawr!" in Gabriel's ear counted as participation. It had resulted in the long canine teeth the prehistoric feline wielded, and much laughter from Gabriel when Samandriel asked if the the length of the beast's teeth was supposed to make up for its stubby legs.

But that was eons ago, no matter that the incident was branded upon Samandriel's memory. Gabriel was dead and had been since The War shook Heaven and sent angels Falling, their grace twisted as they followed Lucifer into the plane that would become known as Hell. Heaven, once a place of laughter and joy, had become the battle camp of an army too tired of the fighting to go on but not knowing what else there was to do.

That left them little choice but to follow orders. Few had desires beyond that, for though returning Heaven to the glory and home it had once been was the wish on many minds, succeeding at such an endeavor required a plan. And in Heaven, the only plan that mattered was the one that ended everything.

Samandriel's wings carried him around Heaven, away from the main areas filled with gossiping angels. The one he sought spent little time among the crowds, preferring stillness and silence.

"Castiel?" he called softly, as he landed lightly on one of the fields. The grass here was a light shade of green, almost jade, and waved in a non-existent wind. Each blade hummed with a quiet song, a soft music that angels had once known the words to and sung along with. Like many things, that had also been lost.

"Hello, Samandriel." Castiel was sitting on the top of the hill, overlooking the forest of trees that stretched seemingly for miles beneath him. "I have heard that you have a mission."

Castiel was considerably larger than Samandriel and he towered over the younger angel. He had three sides to his face and it was the human-like face that looked down at Samandriel, while the lion and bull continued to stare over the landscape. "Should you not already be on your way?"

"I wanted to say goodbye," Samandriel said softly, shuffling his feet. In all honesty, he certainly should have left by now, and if Naomi heard of his hesitation, she would be sorely displeased. Samandriel had always been something of an outcast in Heaven, however, and Naomi was often displeased with him, just as she was with Castiel. Samandriel thought it was worth it to risk her ire to see his favorite brother.

One of Castiel's wings stretched out, curling around his back and tugging him closer. Samandriel felt a smile curl over both sets of his lips and he snuggled into Castiel's side. His brother smelled of a warm summer rain and gentle days filled with laughter.

"I am glad you came to see me," he murmured softly. "Are you permitted to share your mission?"

"I am meant to find the vessel of the Morningstar."

"That is a worthy mission. Do you know where you will search?"

Samandriel shook his head. His ears, long and tapered like a rabbit's, flopped against his shoulders. "I will start where we have last heard his prayers originate, but then I shall go where my grace leads me."

"Then I wish you luck, little brother. May your mission be a success."

Much to Samandriel's surprise, it was.

Samandriel did start his investigation where Sam's last prayers had been heard from. He had not been privy to the prayers himself, having not been one of the numerous angels to whom the prayer was directed, but Heaven had been in an uproar due to the reactions of those that had. Some of the angels, like Zachariah, had locked themselves away. Others had shared what bits they had learned.

Rumor had it that Gabriel himself had been mentioned, though the part of the prayer that discussed him mentioned his death. Considering Gabriel had disappeared during The War that followed Lucifer's Fall, and was presumed to have died either in that altercation or shortly thereafter, the suspicion that the vessel of Lucifer had The Sight was high in the thoughts of many an angel.

Samandriel did not know what to think. The younger angels, and those lower-ranking, of which Samandriel was both, were not told much about the plans of Heaven. Everyone knew that the vessels of the Apocalypse had been born and that the plans had been left by their Father, but the details were dealt with by the remaining archangels. Orders were passed out and Samandriel had just happened to be one of the angels chosen for a mission. It did not make him anything special. None of the messengers were special anymore.

Samandriel had never stood in a garrison. The soldiers were the angels led by Michael, The Commander, who burned with grace like flames. Samandriel's grace was like a soft breeze, barely enough to shake a tree branch, carrying with it the smell of autumn and a world drowsy after the long spring and summer. Like all of the angels whose grace was painted with Air, Samandriel was a messenger of Heaven, meant to follow the orders of The Messenger.

But with Gabriel dead for eons, the purpose of his rank had been lost. Heaven had no need of messengers and like his brethren, Samandriel was nothing but another body for random tasks, to be used when needed and forgotten whenever else.

It was much the same and yet worse, he knew, for Castiel, who was the only angel who remained in Heaven with a grace likened to Water, the element of Lucifer.

He often wondered why it was that the other angels bearing grace like Water had Fallen with Lucifer, yet only Castiel remained. There were some angels who claimed Castiel was a spy and should be cast out of Heaven, but enough people had argued against this belief to put it down. Still, it confused and concerned Samandriel. Being like Lucifer in grace did not automatically make Castiel bad. Castiel was clearly able to make his own choices and had , which was obviously why he had not Fallen with their lost brothers. But why was he the only one that had disagreed with Lucifer out of all the angels who were created to follow him? Why was Castiel alone?

"He's not alone. He has me," Samandriel told himself, as he winged his way across the earth, following a strange sensation in the air that he couldn't quite place. It was familiar but elusive, like a song he remembered the tune of but not the words. He had caught a scent of it with his grace at the park where the vessel of Lucifer had prayed from. It was like the smell of a flower exhaling oxygen, or a tree just after it rained, and there was a sweet undertone to it, like sugar and sunshine and laughter.

It almost made Samandriel giddy to smell it. He did not know if it would lead him to Lucifer's vessel, but his curiosity had grasped him tightly and there were others searching on Earth, as well. He could take a small detour. Naomi would never know.

And Samandriel needed to know what that strange, familiar smell was that made him think, ridiculously, of giant cats and laughter. And home.

Humans were strange, Samandriel had decided, but clever. The four elements that made up the basis of their world were too much for their vulnerable forms, so they built homes to protect themselves. This was not Samandriel's first time on Earth, of course. He had come down numerous times, but this was his first time on Earth since the turning of The Fifth Day.

Once, in its very early days, Gabriel had led a group of them to Earth and showed them how to take a vessel.

There were no humans at that time, of course. Plants and animals roamed the world alone. Gabriel had brought Samandriel and a number of messengers down, as well as a reluctant Castiel, and explained to them how they could tuck their grace around the soul of another creature. He then proceeded to demonstrate by slipping his impressively-large vessel inside the small body of a reptilian creature that would later be named a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

"Look! I have a big head and little arms!" Gabriel exclaimed excitedly, waving the dinosaur's stubby arms around.

The crowd of younger angels burst into giggles and excitedly dashed off, ready to try and take their first vessel. It became a contest, Gabriel declaring that the angel who chose the best vessel and showed the most skill would win. Gabriel, of course, was excluded both for his obvious talent and because he needed to be the judge.

He watched with a proud smile as the messengers who followed him laughed and teased each other as they flew around, investigating the various animals that lived in this strange new world their Father had created.

Samandriel had wandered for a while, simply enjoying seeing his Father's creations, admiring the tenacity of trees that had grown so large and the variety of animals in the world. There were so many! And all of them were different, with different strengths. Some burrowed underground, while others swam (and breathed!) in the ocean. Some even flew like he did, though their wings were vastly different. He was amazed and filled with wonder, trying to imagine how he could possibly decide what he wanted his very first vessel to be. It seemed an important occasion and he didn't want to waste the memory. He needed to choose carefully.

And then he saw him.

All of the angels looked different. They were cosmic entities formed of celestial wavelengths, made of light and thought and feeling, and they each manifested their forms differently. Their consciousness had a part to play, as well as their personality. What they were, who they were, was not hidden. There was no shame in being who you were, for each of them had been crafted by the hands of their Father, created with purpose and love, and to feel shame for who they were was to reject the hands of their Father.

Things had changed since The War, but Samandriel still remembered being young, in the time before Lucifer's Fall, when Heaven was a home and love was not a commodity sacrificed for duty, but the duty itself, and one gladly done.

The true forms of his siblings were all of varying sizes. The archangels tended to be larger than all of them, but this was not always true. Orphiel and Zaphkiel, two other messengers, were both larger than Gabriel, their wings stretching for miles in both directions, Orphiel's many eyes gleamed a rainbow of colors, while Zaphkiel's two faces, one a fox and the other an owl, laughed with glee.

Samandriel, in contrast, was the smallest of all the angels. His form was tiny, barely four feet in height, and soft. As wavelengths of light and intent, angels did not have fur, but that did not stop Samandriel's form from giving of the appearance of smooth, thick hair that flowed like a jetstream, rippling silver and white. His legs were long and his hands small, for the purpose of a messenger was better fulfilled with speed than the ability to hold a sword. His wings were long and narrow, dark silver and smooth - the wings of an albatross, he would later discover. His face was human-like in shape, even before humans had been born, with two mouths that sat beneath a long nose, and eyes that circled his head like a crown. He had six ears, all of them long and tapered, like a rabbit's, though he often forgot to keep them extended and they flopped noisily around his shoulders, tickling his wings.

He slipped his small form into the body of the reptile he had found, and was immediately overtaken by the creature's senses. Angels could hear, of course, for what good was a message if it could not be received? But as he slipped his grace into the body of the creature he had chosen for his first vessel, he realized that he had only be taking in the sounds on the plane where he and his siblings dwelled. He had not been listening to the world .

The sheer noise was overwhelming on its own. Every movement had a sound, from the rustling of gigantic, leathery leaves to the stomp of a great leg upon the ground. Even the breath of the creature, inhaled deep into massive lungs, made a whispering sound as it entered and exited. And when Samandriel, unable to contain his excitement, laughed, it burst out of the body of the creature in a loud groaning roar that sent small creatures skittering away in all directions.

And the smells! The air was thick with moisture, heavy with the scent of vegetation. There was rumbling grumble - a sound and sensation both! - that came from his vessel's organs, and the pang of emptiness and a feeling of want that were both foreign and frightening. He inhaled a breath and the smell of vegetation came again, eliciting another rumble.

What was this strange feeling? Why was his vessel's organs churning? Was it defective?

He stretched the long neck of his vessel around. It took a while. The creature he inhabited was massive, its body taller than some of the trees Samandriel could sense had been alive for centuries. Its movements were slow, but Samandriel eventually dragged its head around to peer at the midsection where the problem seemed to be originating. He did not see a wound on the beast's body, but he searched with his grace nonetheless. Did he need to heal his new vessel? Would that make it feel better and stop grumbling?

He should go ask Gabriel! Gabriel would know if his vessel needed healing. He pulled his grace away from the beast's mind, lifting his wings to fly off, but somewhere his grace faltered against his commands, the creature's mind clinging to his grace, pinning his wings, and Samandriel realized he was trapped.

He strained against the hold the creature had on him but couldn't get loose. He cried out in fear. Would he be stuck in this form forever? He liked it but he wanted his form and his wings . He didn't want to be big and slow for the rest of time!

"Gabriel! Brother, help!" he cried in his mind, sending his thoughts outward to the archangel. Terror made the thundering heart of his vessel tremble like a drum within him and the sensation was frightening. Was the beast aware of the beat of its heart at every moment? Did it understand its own mortality, know that it was finite and would one day die? What happened if Samandriel was inside it when that happened? Would he die, too? Angels couldn't die!

The creature's voice burst in a deep wail that quivered up the long throat. Saliva foamed at the mouth of the beast and he could feel panic stealing its mind, trying to drag his grace down into illogical madness and beastial instinct. He fought it but his inability to escape only made the panic worse and the beast swung around, ignoring his input, sending a tree crashing to the ground with a shudder and Samandriel's - the beast's - tail burned with pain.

A loud buzzing thrummed heavy in the air, burning against his ears. Samandriel whipped the beast's head around even as his angelic senses sought to identify the sound, automatically slowing it down in his mind, until he was hearing each individual beat of the translucent, membranous wings. He blinked in surprise at the dull yellow and dark black of the striped body that came into his view, superimposed over the silver-blue of grace.

Sticky legs, six of them, touched down on the end of his nose and Samandriel blinked, the panic receding at this strange choice. The creature was tiny. The reptile Samandriel had chosen for his vessel, what would one day be named a sauroposeidon by humans scientists, could have swallowed the tiny insect whole. The angel housed in the creature - Castiel, he recognized, as the smell of warm summer rain blended with the humidity of the rainforest - had landed it on his nose with no concern, however, the strange wings stilling.

"C-Castiel?" Samandriel asked, shivering.

" Hello, little brother. You seem distressed."

"I'm stuck!"

"Are you stuck? Or are you lost inside your vessel? It is quite large, Samandriel."

Despite his fear, Samandriel could not help giggling at the image Castiel conjured between their minds, his tiny form an even tinier ball of vermillion light, traveling the length of the sauropod's form in search of an exit, and getting stuck in its leg.

"I'm bigger than you," he said, voice trembling. Was he stuck in the creature's leg? Would he be trapped here forever?

"Watch, little brother. Forgive me… you are still big for now."

"Castiel…" he whined, and laughed. He watched in amazement as Castiel's form condensed, his grace shrinking into a tiny ball, and then seeming to spring out of the insect's body like a cloud of thick vapor. Immediately, the twisting ribbon of light expanded and Castiel's true form rose above even the massive dinosaur, stretching up and up.

Light blue wings running with rainwater unfolded and curled around Samandriel's form, their thick feathers singing with the sound of a summer shower. He noted idly the sensation of the small insect leaving its perch upon his nose, the sound of its wings as it made its way toward another part of the forest, to continue to life of an ordinary insect.

"There. That is much better. You are small again, Samandriel." The human mouth of Castiel's true form turned up in a smile and laughter huffed out from between the lips of his lionine face. "Though I believe you are still larger than Gabriel. You must be sure to tell him so." The tips of Castiel's wings brushed against Samandriel's. "Now it is your turn to leave your vessel."

"What if I can't get out?"

"Then I shall resign myself to a brother who is a reptile." Samandriel sobbed. "Be still, Samandriel. I meant only jest. If you cannot get out, then I shall help you. But first, try."

He did try. And he did get out. They stood together and watched as the sauropod, now free of Samandriel's control, ripped the leaves off a nearby tree and began to consume them.

"It is absorbing that plant, brother," Samandriel said, watching as the large leaf disappeared into the creature's mouth.

"It is eating. These creatures gain nutrients by consuming vegetation and other creatures, turning that into energy. They do not sustain themselves on grace as we do. They only survive because there are other species in this world that they feed on."

Samandriel eyed his older brother curiously. "This is not your first time visiting this world, is it?"

"Gabriel seems to find great joy in dragging me to this tiny planet and introducing me to its denizens. This is only my most recent excursion here. I suspect it will not be my last." His wings extended. "Come. Let us find the others before they become concerned."

When they reached Gabriel, he had left his vessel and was entertaining the other angels with a tale about a tiny mammal that he promised would one day confuse mankind tremendously.

"Humans will separate animals and plants into categories. Mammals have fur and birth their nestlings live. Birds and reptiles lay eggs. Placing these species in categories will be very important to them, so when Father gave us archangels the chance to create a creature each, I had a fantastic idea." He grinned wildly and Castiel groaned, covering his eyes with a hand. "I created this little creature that had a bill like a bird, and webbed feet, and fur like an otter. And then I made it lay eggs instead of birthing its children live. And to top it off, I made it smell weird!" He burst into laughter. "They'll be scratching their heads for decades ! And don't get me started on the coconuts!"

The other angels burst into giggles, even though Samandriel was sure they must all be exactly as confused as he was. The archangels had a larger perspective than the younger angels. They were able to see through time, to see some things as they would be, so whatever an otter was and a coconut surely made sense to Gabriel, just as he would understand what humans looked like and did, but Samandriel could only smile and laugh in confusion.

Gabriel snorted. "Oh, nevermind. I'll remind you of this moment in a couple millennia. Then you can laugh like you mean it." He crossed his arms and pretended to huff in exasperation. "Bunch o' nestlings, the lot of you."

"We are not!" one of Samandriel's nestmates cried out in indignation. "I've fully fledged!" There were choruses of agreement, but Gabriel only huffed and shook his head.

"Brother, you are presently outnumbered," Castiel said with a smile.

"What, Castiel? Am I supposed to feel threatened by this group, fresh from their grace-birthing and still squalling?"

Samandriel clapped his hands over his mouths but it did nothing to contain his giggles. Gabriel side-eyed him with a teasing glare. "What are you laughing at, short stuff?"

"I was bigger than you!" Samandriel cried. His wings spread open and he let out a loud laugh as he cried, "Messengers attack!"

Gabriel went down laughing beneath a pile of angels, their grace reaching everywhere it could, trying to tickle him. Castiel didn't join them but stood back, calling out suggestions of where Gabriel was most ticklish, to Gabriel's shrieks of mock-outrage. The prehistoric rainforest was filled with the sounds of childish laughter, and it lingered for years, long after they were gone, a memory even the world of the humans refused to forget.

Samandriel kept that memory tucked close to him, hidden deep inside his grace where nothing could touch it. He had few memories of the time before The War. Most of the angels, it seemed, had forgotten what life used to be like except for brief moments. No one knew why and no one talked about it, so Samandriel didn't dare mention it. All he could do was hold tight to it and keep it in his grace, letting it play out in his mind in the moments when he was alone.

He wondered, sometimes, why the angels did not all share the memories between them. Surely, if they did, they could paint a picture of their past together . But no one ever discussed it, so he did not know what things someone else remembered, perhaps even about him , that he had forgotten, or what things he knew that had been forgotten by others.

Did Castiel remember, he wondered, that that was the day he was named Angel of Thursday? That Gabriel had declared him the winner of their contest because he had taken a dorudon as a vessel and, as Gabriel had said, "went and did the best backflip ever, little bro!" Gabriel had said that it was Castiel's Day, and then he had stared for a while, in that way that the archangels had, as though he were looking at something far, far away.

"This will be called The Fifth Day by the humans," he told them all, and though there was a smile on his face, his eyes were serious and shrouded with a knowledge older than all of them combined. "This will be your day." He stared at Castiel with ancient golden eyes. "Castiel, the Angel of Thursday."

The laughter had come back, then. The seriousness cast aside in favor of amusement and Gabriel's teasing, but Samandriel remembered the way Gabriel had glanced his way, as though checking on him for injury, and the look of pride he had worn when he glanced at a distracted Castiel.

Samandriel was never sure, but he thought that Gabriel had heard his cry when he was trapped in the sauroposeidon's body, and waited, letting Castiel take the lead. Letting Castiel come to his rescue. Because, he remembered, the way the other messengers reacted to the angel changed after that. He was still an outcast among the healers and the soldiers, who looked at him like they were waiting for him to show his true colors and attack, but among the messengers, Castiel had found a place where he belonged.

Even now, years after The War and with Gabriel lost and Heaven broken, the messengers still held together. They did not have a purpose other than fodder for whatever The Commander or The Healer required, but they had not abandoned each other. They stood together, a family despite everything, and Castiel, Samandriel knew, was one of their fold.

He didn't know if his brother knew that, though, if he remembered it.

I'll tell him when I get back, Samandriel thought, as he swooped low over the dried, brown landscape of a place in the southern reaches of North America, following the strange smell that so enticed his grace. If he did not remember, then Samandriel would be only too happy to remind his brother that he belonged with them, and that he was loved.

As soon as I get back.