A few days passed, Danny hadn't contacted Alice and she hadn't him. It seemed that all communication between them had completely broken down. Evan had been coming to and from work by bike or Dupe picked him up, all in all it was a pretty sorry situation. Dupe seemed to be a changed man recently; doing his chores without argument even his drinking was less than usual. He spent a lot of time out in the bush doing spot checks with Evan. A tracker can be called upon at any time so Dupe was checking how dedicated he was; Alice thought he just liked irritating the kid. But still, they seemed to be getting along. Rosie and Danny's stepdaughter Liv seemed to be getting along too. They were currently in Rosie's room at the moment; another mum was coming to collect them to go to Jo'burg. So the only people not getting along seemed to be the adults, oh the irony of it!
Alice had to go into the bush and due to Nom and Caroline being away at some convention or buying some linen whether it was she and Thomas were alone…which meant he had to come with her. She headed to the study and saw him frowning as he concentrated on the computer screen, he looked so much like his dad with his face like that…. She wouldn't change her son for the world but how she wished that he had chosen someone else that day on the football field. It wouldn't have gone anywhere and maybe everything that seemed to happen that day wouldn't have happened. Maybe she would have never met someone later, married them and she'd be a normal mum, not this half parent where her own son disliked her and used her Christian name.
Sighing she knocked softly, he looked up and spotted her, he glanced back at the computer screen and she heard a click, obviously an application closing. "I need you to come on a game drive with me." She told him. They hadn't really spoke since what happened at the lion enclosure. It felt like they were miles apart now and she had no idea how to reach him.
"Why?"
"Because it's one of rules, safety." She reminded.
He snorted and looked away out of a window, something brewing within his eyes just under the surface.
"Come on, it won't be long. It'll give you the chance to have a proper look around."
He stood up sharply, "What the point?" he shouted. "I probably won't be around here much longer anyway since HE has decided he wants me I'll end up living over there! I'm being passed around like I'm some sort of toy!"
"Thomas…."
"I heard him when we were with the lions!" he seethed, "Going and telling his solicitor all this stuff! I hate it!"
"Thomas." Alice soothed taking a step towards him, "Believe me when I say we know you aren't a toy to be passed around, neither one of us wants that."
She saw his face twist and contort in anger but within his eyes the vulnerability shimmered. "My mum, she'd have never let this happen! She wanted me! Now I'm just a puppet to be used so you people can have a dig at each other! Do you realise not once during all of this has anyone asked me what I want!
Alice waited a moment and waited until his heaving breaths calmed, when he looked up at her his green eyes troubled, "What do you want?" leaning against the desk, her expression soft.
An array of emotions passed across his face and he dropped his head, she couldn't help herself she put her hand on his head. It was like he had been electrically shocked. His face looked confused a moment then he jerked back. "Doesn't matter does it?" he snapped. "I'll just get shoved around until you lot decide to get rid again!" and he stomped away.
Alice could kick herself as she pounded her hand on her forehead. Stupid! He was much too like his father to allow himself any sort of weakness to her. She walked around to turn the computer off and saw that he hadn't closed the application but minimised it. As she clicked it to close it she saw the smiling face of Lisa Spoor fill the page.
"Oh Thomas." She breathed. No wonder he had been so mixed up and vulnerable. The caption under the picture read Lisa had been one of three fatalities. Only Thomas had survived. She quickly closed the page not wanting Thomas to think she had been spying on him. Maybe she should sort some sort of post-traumatic stress counselling. Seeing people die right in front of him can't have been easy.
She left the study she saw Thomas stood by the front door ruffling his hair, almost on cue Liv and Rosie left the bedroom. Thomas seemed to grow a few inches and smiled cockily at Liv.
Alice had to bite back a smile.
"Hey Alice Joanne will be here soon, she'll be bringing me home at 8."
Alice smiled at her, "I know, I already rang her and funny she told me you told her you could stay out till 11."
Rosie rolled her eyes and sighed, "Was worth a try."
"Try harder next time yeah, remember every excuse you can think of I tried and failed multiple times." grinned at her kid sister.
Rosie rolled her eyes and when Alice turned away she made a face at her back.
Alice looked back almost immediately and Rosie's face froze. "You need to be careful or your face will stay like that kiddo."
Rosie knowing she was beaten turned to Thomas. "Well if it isn't my baby nephew."
His eyes flared and he took the bait Rosie dangled for him, "You're 6 weeks older than me Rosie, give it up!" he hissed.
"You're still younger. Aww ain't he cute having a temper tantrum…" she went to ruffle his hair.
"Fu…." He saw Alice and bit off his previous statement. "Shut up Rosemary!" then he sauntered outside.
This irritated Rosie, "I'll Rosemary him into next week!" she declared and went to follow him until Alice halted her.
"You started it Rosie, just leave it yeah." Glanced at Liv and saw she was watching Thomas as he twiddled with his phone just outside on the veranda.
TEENAGERS! She thought nothing but a mass of raging hormones.
There was a beep outside and Alice saw the girls making a move to leave. Just outside she saw Thomas ruffle his hair and lean against the pole, or at least he tried to he seemed to slip and almost fell over. Rosie laughed as she passed. Thomas glanced at Liv and looked so dejected. The girls left and he pushed his hands in his pockets and sighed. Scuffed the toe of his trainers on the floor.
"You ready to go?" Alice asked after a minute.
He shrugged walked down the stairs and climbed in the truck. Alice made a cursory check to ensure she had everything and began to drive. Silence seemed to stretch as the car ate up the landscape. Alice was pointing out major landmarks to look out for just in case he got lost here one day. He just looked on ahead lost in thought.
"Girls don't really care about your hair you know." She told him.
"What?" he asked, his face confused.
"Girls, they don't really care about what your hair looks like, not the nice ones anyway."
"No one asked you." He muttered, not really putting any heart in it. He crossed his arms and watched the bush as it sped by. "What do they care about?" he asked almost hesitantly, like he didn't want to.
Alice shrugged and bit her lip in thought wondering what she looked for in boys when she was younger…well apart from someone ridiculously good looking…..an image of a smiling Danny filled her mind and she chased it away, "They want someone who will listen to them, not someone who will just nod or agree for the sake of it but properly you know. Someone who will care about them, someone who is more a best friend than anything else. Someone who will be there no questions asked no matter what." She murmured tapping her fingers as she thought.
He rubbed his chin, "So how do you do all that?" looking at her intently now.
"It's something you learn as you grow, you're not born knowing these things you acquire it, usually the hard way." She added on the end sadly.
He frowned, "What do you mean?"
"Well usually you end up hurting yourself or someone you love and you learn from it." She looked from side to side as she drove. The area was unusually clear.
"Who'd you hurt?" he asked impulsively.
"How long have you got?" she asked as the truck came to a stop. She handed him some binoculars. "Keep a lookout for lions while I go look for tracks." She scanned around found no traces of any fresh tracks and made her way back to the truck. If she didn't find any ellie tracks soon she would have to send Dupe on it. The bloody things were big enough so where were they? She started the truck and on they went.
"Did you hurt him?" he asked softy. "You know, the sp…" the again stopped himself at Alice's expression. "Just him."
Alice frowned as memories filled her, good and bad. "We both hurt each other, too many times. We got together when I was thirteen. We were kids learning how to be grownups. So yeah I hurt him and he hurt me we usually got through it though, we thought we were strong. There was this one hurt though; we couldn't forgive each other for…." Her voice trailing off into the warm summer day.
"Me?" he surmised.
Alice smiled though it held no humour.
"Do you remember that day?"
Alice glanced at him and saw he was genuinely curious. He'd never understand that the memory of that day was ingrained on her brain. To this day the smell of burned toast made her feel sick to the pit of her stomach. "The day was Wednesday, they arrived at 9:17. Rosie was staying at our house, they took her too. You were wearing blue dungarees with a blue and white striped t-shirt. You had not long finished your first bottle and still had your bib on. I was going to inflate a little pool we had so you and Rosie could play outside. Then there was a loud knock at the door. You cried. I wanted to go to you but they took you anyway."
He could see her expression, heard the slight hitch in her voice when she spoke about his tears, "It was HIS fault wasn't it? I know some details not all of them but I know it was him!"
Alice shook her head, "It wasn't Danny, we both should have done things differently. Like I say its things you learn from."
While Thomas pondered her words an impala shot from nowhere, Alice slammed on the breaks. "Bloody animal!" she hissed. "You ok?" looked across at Thomas and saw his face was white, his chest shuddering like he was on the verge of a panic attack. "Thomas?" she asked softer than before.
All Thomas could hear was the squeal of wheels against asphalt, his mum's high pitched scream echoing into nothingness, his dads agonising moan slowly getting softer. The crunch of metal, the hissing of sparks then silence, total deafening dying silence.
"Son?" Alice's fault floating from the air.
He'd already vaulted out of the seat and was running aimlessly, trying to get away from the quiet. He didn't see the foliage fly by just the blood, mangled wreckage and his mother's lifeless eyes staring back at him….. He closed his eyes and ran harder until he ran into a tree and fell back with a thud the air knocked out of him.
Lain back on the dusty ground he was gasping for air vainly it felt his arms folded around his face trying to hide from his memories, tears streaming from his eyes.
Alice caught up with him in a clearing of sorts; he had a bump on his head which was trickling with blood, obviously distressed. She walked over knelt down and put her hand on his arm and sat him up, "Hey there, you're ok." She rubbed his arm gently. "It was a shock…."
"She wasn't ok though!" he shouted between gasps. "She died! They both did! It's not ok! It'll never be ok!"
Alice knew in an instant he was talking about his parents.
"She was still, so still and there was bloody just flowing down her forehead and everywhere it wasn't even red it looked black! Her hair was a mess and she always had it perfect when she went out and all I could think was that she was going to get up in a minute see it and start to go mad about her hair and then everything would be ok but she didn't move and I looked at her eyes….." he seemed to go even paler. "Why do films show you that people die with their eyes closed? Hers were open; wide open looking right at me…." His voice cracked. "Looking right through me, like I wasn't even there." He sniffed as more tears surged. "All I wanted her to do was blink just once, just so I knew she was ok. But she didn't and I didn't know what to do!" he cried harder than before, his words becoming intelligible.
Alice knew she was losing ground but she couldn't let her little boy cry like this and not at least try and console him, she knew he would hate her for this later but she wrapped her arms around him and rubbed his hair gently, "Sshhhh it's alright." She soothed, allowing him to get the emotion out of his system. As he began to quiet she loosened her hold by increments.
He looked at her eyes bleak, "It was me." He croaked voice rough. "It was all my fault." His chest heaving.
Alice shook her head "Thomas that's not…."
"Dad was driving, going off on one of his tangents because I was in trouble at school again. They were talking about expelling me mum and dad had to go in for another meeting and he was irritated. He just kept going on and on about all the advantages I had, mum was trying to calm him down but he wouldn't it was just making him worse. I started kicking the back of his seat annoyed that he was talking to me like that, I mean I was his son!" he rose his eyes to the heavens. "The more he went on the harder I kicked. Mum was turned round trying to calm me down when I wouldn't stop she took her seat belt off and reached into the back. Dad took his eyes off the road for a minute and then…" he dropped his head "It all happened so fast. Dad seemed to shout, mum looked and started to scream and then there was an impact harder than anything I've ever felt I clenched my teeth so hard I felt something in my jaw pop." He swallowed hard. "Mum wasn't wearing her belt and she just hit the windscreen." His eyes filled with tears again "One minute she was ok and the next I saw her head just explode." a lone tear trickling down. "Dad was moaning for a little while then he quieted and I just sat there in the back looking at my dead parents knowing that I had killed them. What sort of son kills his parents after all they done for me?"
Alice put her hand on his cheek, "I'll admit I didn't know you mum all that well but from what I do know she would do anything for you. ANYTHING! And I know that she would never blame you for this. I know that in your life I'm nothing at all but I think the best think you can do for them right now is just get your head down, get the grades they know you are capable of and take the world by storm, I think that's what they brought you up to do."
He looked up at her eyes swimming with tears "I just miss her so much." He whispered.
Alice nodded and again rubbed his head gently knowing nothing she said or done would ever make this better, only time and possibly a good therapist, would be able to help him with that. "C'mon." she murmured. "We'll get you home." And she stood up brushed the dust from her knees and held out her hand to him.
Thomas simply stared at her outstretched hand, wondering whether he could trust her. A whisper in his head told him to take it, that he was ok with her, that no matter what she would never intentionally hurt him and that's all a person could really ask for. The voice sounded strangely like his mum and he found himself listening then very slowly placing his hand in Alice's.
Alice smiled gently at him and rubbed his back when he was on his feet. "The truck is this way." Then breaking off all contact together they made the slow trek towards the truck.
A/N slowly but surely you are finding out more about Thomas that is not all the information on thomas' parents yet, there is another piece that is still unknown, yet! Not that know if anyone is still reading this.