Chapter 3
Mercy
'You've got a hold of me'.
She's got me completely stuck on her. That kiss that final bloody kiss.
We didn't agree on anything she just said she'd call. So that's me I'm sat here waiting, waiting for her to call. I'm there if she needs me I'm her waiting.
Alec thinks yet again that I'm being stupid that me waiting jumping every time that the phone rings.
I need an answer I need to know, does she want me or not. Is there a chance for us or is it just him, will it always be him?
'Don't even know your power'
I'm on my knees and she has no idea, I'm going absolutely fucking insane. I can't even look at another girl three goddamn weeks later and I'm still think about clary, her wildfire hair, emerald eyes.
'I stand a hundred feet
But I fall when I'm around you'
I'm a mess a fucking mess. I haven't shaved I. A week my five o'clock shadow is rough against my skin. My eyes look dull, bored and I'm so damn tired. I'm too scared to sleep in case I miss her call.
I'm whipped and I know it.
My apartments a mess looking around empty pizza boxes stacked near the door, beer cans, bottles scattered across the place.
My bin full of paper plates and plastic cups. Alec came over a few days ago with those, told me if I were going to sulk and live in a mess he wasn't going to clean it up. So instead of creating a mountain of pots he opted for the disposable kind.
Was I disposable to her, could she through me away? My body shook at the thought, the thought she didn't want me.
Checking my phone once again, no calls, just a few messages from Isabelle asking what the hell was up and Alex telling me to get myself together. They didn't understand.
Crap, my phone was in one percent battery. I dived off of the couch on to the floor where the charger was plugged into the socket, just in time.
My phone started to buzz, vibrating in my hand. It was her, Clary effin' Fray was actually calling.
I scrambled to the accept button, sliding down so my whole body was against the floor staining up at the ceiling.
Her voice was quiet shaky.
"Hey Jace."
"Hey Fray,"
All noise on the other end stopped.
"How have you been? I'm sorry for the time I just needed to hear your voice, I needed to talk,"
I lied, " Good, how have you been?"
"Shit" my heart dropped the elation of her wanting me fading.
"Yeah me too Fray, me too,"
Her voice jumped louder than before, " why?" It were as though she demanded I tell her.
"You Clare if I'm being honest, I need you and I can't.." my eyes tearing up. I didn't cry.
"Oh Jace I'm so sorry, it's all my fault this whole mess." Her voice was shaky, threatening to let all her barriers break.
'Show me an open door, Then you go and slam it on me.'
"Show me an open door, Clare please give me something."
"I want to Jace I really do, but I can't I can't just leave him, it's not right no matter how much I want to,"
My eyes were burning now my cheeks stained.
"I can't take anymore"
Her voice was broken now, I could hear her sobs, "what, what do you mean?"
Closing my eyes with a deep breath, I had to say it, "I'm saying baby, Please have mercy on me, tell me now,"
Take it easy on my heart.
I was begging now praying to someone up there, someone bigger.
"I'm so sorry Jace I didn't mean to.. I …" she was choking up I couldn't take it.
"Even though you don't mean to hurt me
You keep tearing me apart" I wanted to floor to consume me, drag my body under. Anything was better than this, better than waiting.
"God I'm so sorry I .." I could hear her sobs through the phone tearing me apart.
I wanted to comfort her to say something.
"I just want to hold you Clare. Please let me take it all away, forget."
I could hear her take a deep breath, then the line going silent. Everything stopped cause for just a second I thought she'd hung up. But nothin could prepare me for her next words pulling me back again.
"I want that too Jace, I want you." Her tone was apprehensive despite her bold words.
"I'd drive through the night Just to be near you, baby."
"Then do it, please." Her challenging words slipped into more of a beg, nothing was stopping me now, she wanted me even if only for tonight I'd break all my morals I'd let her destroy me.
'Heart open, testify'
My mind was on auto pilot running on inhibitions, over thinking every words. My body was begging for her just to feel her touch.
I barely knew what I was doing, scribbling a hotel address on the back of my hand grabbing my coat rushing for the door.
I looked a mess, but if I made her wait she might change her mind. Room 334 running through his mind. (A.N. Page number of their first kiss in City of Bones.)
The phone still to my ear unprepared to miss a word.
Her voice cut off my thoughts, "Tell me that I'm not crazy"
"Damn Clary if anyone's crazy I am, you should see me really you're driving me insane."
She let out a light chuckle through the phone, my heart soaring.
"I'll see you soon, okay."
"Okay."
It took me ten minutes to get her the longest ten minutes of my life. My whole body was burning, I had no idea what to say.
My mind hazed walking from the parking lot through the foyer, like I could feel her presence pulling me closer.
The elevator was quick with no awkward moments thankfully, well apart from the fact my dazed mind took me to the wrong floor. I was on the second floor no wonder it was so quick.
I presssd the button calling the elevator, tapping my foot as I waited. I snapped unable to wait any longer deciding to take the stairs, a little like in those action movies me running up the stairs to I get the girl but I knew that there was no chance that I was walking away from here tonight with the girl.
I knocked on the door nervously opening and closing the door trying to prevent sweating palms.
She was the epitome of beauty stood there openin the door. Her wild fire hair was cascading down her back. Her shoulders bare apart from a simple silk strap the met a v neck floral silk shirt that was boarded with pastel pink lace, pairs with matching short shorts. Her face was free on make up, her eyelashes still wet from tears a light pink blush tinting the apples of her cheeks.
"Jace,hey um come in." Her voice was clear snapping me out of my trance.
Shutting the door behind me she moved towards the bed hesitantly sitting down on what she clearly made her side.
Me patted her hand down on the bed next to her beckoning me towards her. I suddenly felt like nervous young boy when it was his first time. My cheeks reddend at the thought.
As much as I wanted her, we needed to talk.
My mouth went dry making my way towards the bed slipping my shoes off as I went.
She lay in her side turning to face me. She politely asked if I wanted anything to drink, declining her offer I slid down matching her position our faces inches apart.
She reached out gently brushing my cheeek bone with the pad of her thumb as though killing me to sleep. I moved my hand from my side to her waist tugging her closer.
Her eyes pooling with small tears but happiness shine through like the east river reflecting the cities lights.
She slipped her hand to the back of my head toying with my hair. Tracing patterns in my hair her eyes flickered down to my lips before slowly tugging my lips down to hers.
I was lost. Her hands running though my hair pulling a groan from my throat, her gentle moan as I tugged her bottum lip. I pulled her closer, rolling us so she was beneath deepening the kiss. My tongue traced her lip begging for entey which she eagerly granted.
I had the sudden urge to hold her hand. Running my hand up her arm to her wrist pulling it gently up above her intwing my fingers with hers. I could feel the cool metal on my skin burning. I could feel it growing like a growl in my throat as I slid my finger up her gently removing her ring.
Breaking the kiss to pull her hand to my lips to place a kiss where the ring once was, she let out a small giggle a smile playing on her lips.
I placed a final peck on her lips then her head before turning around my back against the head board pulling her up between my legs.
She rested her head back in my chest with a sigh, looking up at me with a small smile. Her eyes flickered back to the engagement ring now resting on the bedside table and then to me before bring her lips up to mine.
I had to know, see what was inside her beautiful mind.
"Can I ask you something?"
Her eyes bore into mine nodding "of course anything." She snuggled back into my chest clinging to me.
"Do I have a chance? What am I doing here really, where is this going?" Her eyes dropped intwing our fingers toying with the tips of mine.
"I'm not asking for a lot , Just that you're honest with me" she brought our hand to her lips kissing them sweetly.
"I want this to go somewhere Jace, I want this, I want us. It's just so confusing and frustrating."
"My pride is all I got, so please if you're going to choose him tell me now, please"
She nodded slowly, pulling our hand to her chest. Stroking my thumb over her hand as an attempt to tell her it was okay she could choose him.
She shook her head at me, hopelessly looking down.
'Consuming all the air inside my lungs'
She kissed me again pulling me closer. Her body turning so she straddled my hips. Her hands snakes around my neck. Pulling every breath from my lungs using all my energy to put every emotion I have ever felt for her into this kiss.
'Ripping all the skin from off my bones'
It burnt through my boiling my blood the thought that he might touch her like this. Nipping at the skin on her neck as her hands pushed under my shirt. Intoxicating me.
'I'm prepared to sacrifice my life'
I knew damn well that I was going to fight for this girl words I'd repeated over and over again in my head. I'd fight as long as she wanted me too whether he knew or not.
'I would gladly do it twice'
No matter how many time Alec told me I was stupid, how many times I'd cry I'd do it all again for this feeling, for her.
Her kisses gettin hotter and hotter, her body pressed against mine.
"I'm a puppet on your string, I need you to set me free"
Her eyes looked up into mine, a tear escaping.
"I can't."
That was all it took to completely loose myself in her tonight with her skin on mine.
A.N. Thank you for reading! Review! Mwah!