He had told her when he was going to leave. She knew when he was going to leave before he told her. She counted the days down by adding another cut and digging deeply into the wound to do as much damage as she could before the healing did its job and erased all traces of what she had done to herself. She stopped seeing the man she made another Deal with, even going so far as to temporarily forget about him.

After all, he was nowhere near as important as her first born.

She didn't move as her other equally important sons came to stop her, only staring blankly at nothing. She didn't resist as the bloody knife was wrenched from her left hand nor did she respond to the rushed but worried talk around her. She vaguely felt herself being placed on her bed, and the voices got louder, gradually becoming a distinct word.

"Mother..."

"Mother!"

Jenova suddenly became aware of Yazoo's face in front of hers and of the way Loz was holding her tightly.

"We want him back, too, Mother," Loz said miserably.

"Don't hurt yourself for it," Yazoo murmured quietly, trying to hold her gaze so she wouldn't fall back into her trance. "He wasn't going to let any of us stop him."

"Mother!" More arms joined in to squeeze her. "Why are you doing this again?"

"They took him," she muttered. "They took him. They took him..." she trailed off, repeating the mantra under her breath.

"We're going to get him back," Kadaj said with some determination. "Just you wait, Mother. We'll bring him back."

Jenova shook her head, the subtle movement almost missed by her sons. Silent, she stared at a fixed spot on the wall littered with scratches, cuts, and stabs, not taking her eyes off of it until she was finally out of the world and into her own mind again.

She felt nothing when they had taken her the first time. But now, she was destroyed after they took one of the things most precious to her. For that, she had to do something.

Anguish, misery, depression, loss, and mourning emanated from five different individuals and hit him all at once, the pure, raw emotion nearly making him physically buckle. Oh Ramuh how he wanted to turn back and stay, wanted to turn back and live his life with his family and Cloud. He was confident before that the preparations he had made would work, but now he was unsure.

Would his mother and Yazoo keep their promises to help watch after Cloud? Would they make sure to keep Kadaj from unfairly inflicting his wrath on the boy?

Sephiroth stopped for a moment, taking shaky breaths and shuddering before moving on again.

Already his mother had to be stopped from her self-mutilation. Every time she did that, it always brought back very unpleasant memories from when he was much younger and she had begun to change for the worse. He knew his brothers were comforting her by now, but it hurt him to know that he had caused her to relapse into that state.

It hurt him to know that he had caused her to go into a sort of depression that would last for who knew how long. It hurt him to know that Yazoo felt betrayed that he left him when they had always been there for each other since the beginning. It hurt him to know that Kadaj and Loz were angry at him for leaving.

It hurt him to know that he had torn a hole in Cloud's heart.

11 April 1985

Cloud could not sleep. For once in his life, he felt unsafe.

For once in his life, he felt completely and utterly alone.

He turned over, the familiar scent of Sephiroth that was on the sheets and pillow worsening his lonely feeling. Sniffing, the temptation to cry rose again. He was the only to actually burst into tears, but when he faced Jenova again – this time when she didn't look so traumatically scary – he could feel depression rolling off of her and spreading through everyone, infecting him and making him feel even worse. Seeing her staring blankly, not touching her dinner, made Cloud want to curl up somewhere and just...cry.

He couldn't remember much about when his mother left him, but he had Sephiroth with him. He no longer had Sephiroth and, quite frankly, he did not know what to do. His mother meant everything to him, and Sephiroth was his world. He always felt safe next to his best friend, and he knew he never had to worry about anything.

Now that Sephiroth was gone, Cloud's entire world collapsed. It slowly worsened as Kadaj continued to taunt him.

"Little brother" were two words he now abhorred. Kadaj meant no affection and was not playing around when he called Cloud that name. Cloud's worst adversary hadn't done anything to him yet, but Cloud was afraid of what the other would do now that Sephiroth was no longer here to defend him.

Cloud buried himself under the covers, trying to comfort himself without much success. He was extremely tired, but he could not sleep at all.

Cloud...

The voice was soft, nearly inaudible, and the pure familiarity was enough to shock him.

"Sephiroth?" he called.

I'm sorry.

Come back, Sephiroth, Cloud mentally pleaded to the voice. Please come back.

I want to. I really, really do. But I can't. I'm sorry.

No sorry's. Come back!

Believe me, Cloud. I really want to come back. I really do. But don't worry...

Cloud sniffled, his eyes and throat starting to burn with the oncoming tears.

...we are very far away from each other, but I will always be here. Never forget, I am always with you even though we are separated.

When will you come back? I want you here for real.

I do not know when I will be able to return. But I am still here with you. Any time you need me, I am here.

Now Cloud understood. Promise?

Reassurance, comfort, and promises traveled from wherever Sephiroth was and entered Cloud through his mind, and soon the boy felt much better.

I promise.

The kid was drenched in Sephiroth's smell, and it was driving him crazy. He and his brother had drifted apart a bit, but his feelings had not changed since that time.

Oh how he was so tempted to take the kid from his brother's bed and leave him somewhere else so he could take that spot. He'd always wanted that spot, always wanted the spots Sephiroth inhabitated no matter where he'd slept. He'd thought the obsession (he felt disgusted calling it that; it was not an obsession) had abated, but furiously, it came back along with the nightmares once his brother left.

Oh how he was surely losing it. He'd considered himself the sanest of them all, but it seemed he was wrong. The realization hit him hard, and he couldn't believe that he was having a bit of a hard time handling it.

Hunching over on the roof where he had been sitting on his haunches, he put his hands over his head, tangling his fingers in his hair. Breathing harshly, he rocked back and forth a little, having his own version of a panic attack, though it really wasn't one.

He was not giving in. He never gave in and did as his mother did. He never did it before and would never do it in the future, no matter what happened.

After all, Yazoo was not the type to do that, despite what the nightmares and insomnia told him.

Notes:

Started: 2013年12月29日（日）

Finished: 2013年12月31日（火）

I started the year with this fic, so it's appropriate I end it with the same story. Wow, how this has grown. I'm starting to feel a little nostalgic. T~T I will admit, I was not entirely in the right mind while doing this, since it's nearly two in the morning and my brain's not really there even though I can't sleep just yet (caffeine, whoo!). XD I really hope the final scene gave off the right vibe, but I'm really unsure about it. Wait, never mind – I really doubt it did.

In response to ED: Huge apologies for the very late reply! But had it been a boy that Cloud had met and talked to in Nibelheim, the outcome of Chapter 30 would have been exactly the same – however, instead of being told to avoid girls, Cloud would hear a horror story about why he should avoid boys.

The very last fic update of 2013! I will see you all next year. Have a happy Eve, and an even better start to the new year! ^o^