(From a list of '100 ways to say I love you', I have been taking requests to base minichapters on some of them. Thanks to tumblr user cakes-fun-and-portal-guns for requesting number 76: "I want you to have this.")
Chapter Nine.
"It's the little things."
ooo
It had been only a few weeks since Chell had freed herself from the maze of test chambers that had held her captive for she-didn't-know-how-long. Slowly, she had been warming up to GLaDOS's presence. She hadn't let her guard down, still backing away at any attempts at physical contact (which GLaDOS was fine with—she had expected as much, under the circumstances. But it was worth a shot.)
But Chell was beginning to realize that GLaDOS genuinely didn't intend to harm her. In fact, she seemed hyper-aware of everything that might remind Chell of the testing, not wanting to cause the former subject any more discomfort. She would try to stay away from surveillance cameras. She would avoid letting any unsettling silences fall. She would even change out of her Aperture uniform before meeting up with Chell. This was entirely unrelated to testing; she wanted to make that muchj clear. So she did everything in her power to keep all things testing out of the picture.
GLaDOS ran a comb through her synthetic, pearl-white hair one more time. She was as ready as she could be. It was a little strange—she'd never felt this anxious before. Or, arguably, any level of anxious at all. She hadn't known she could feel that way before Chell. She was still getting used to it.
Well, she'd have plenty of time to now, she thought as she began the walk to the meeting place they'd agreed on: a cozy little café just a few blocks from Aperture's main building.
ooo
Chell's return to the outside world was a little disorienting. She'd fought for so long to return to it, her memories of her life starting to fade with each test chamber longer she remained in the facility. Maybe it was something in the air. But now that she'd returned to her home, started settling back into her real life... Her days—years? weeks maybe?—in Aperture felt like a fast-fading fever dream.
Sort of. Within a couple of weeks it felt like an eternity since she'd actually been in the test chambers. But the repercussions of testing—the paranoia, the aversion to surveillance cameras, the fear of silence, the nightmares—those refused to fade.
But that wasn't what today was about. Supposedly. GLaDOS had made it quite clear that she didn't want to continue holding Chell as a test subject. She wanted to know her as a person, as a friend. (Maybe more.) Her fears kept her hesitant, but the AI's intentions seemed genuine, so Chell had decided to give her a chance anyway. But she promised herself, for her own safety, to back out at the first sign of something bad.
Luckily for GLaDOS, that first sign hadn't shown itself yet. As she approached the café she caught sight of the familiar dark ponytail, the sparkling blue eyes, brighter in the afternoon sun than they'd ever been in the depths of the labs.
"Hello," GLaDOS greeted her plainly.
Hi, Chell responded. Should we go inside?
"Sure. Do you want me to order you something?" She fidgeted with the end of her sweater sleeve as they walked through the door.
I can do it. Thanks.
When Chell returned with her drink, GLaDOS met her emotionally-neutral gaze with a faint smile. "Hey."
Hi. Do you want anything? Chell paused with a confused expression as she thought about her question. Wait.
"I don't need anything. I can. But I don't choose to. Honestly, I don't know why the scientists felt it necessary to include that feature... But enough about that. How have you been doing?"
I'm okay. It's just like it's always been. Wheatley visits sometimes. He means well, but he's less careful around the topic of... She paused. ...testing.
GLaDOS felt a little surge of energy rush through her at the word. Changethesubjectchangethesubjectchangethesubject, she urged herself. "He's not very careful about anything, honestly. I've cleaned up more of his messes than are worth counting. 47. But enough about him. What do you enjoy doing with your time?"
Chell's expression, apprehensive just a second ago, softened with relief as she began her response. It's quiet at home. I've started learning to play ukulele to fill the silence. She laughed quietly. But I'm not very good yet.
"You'll get there. What drew you to that particular instrument?"
Easier than guitar.
They both laughed a little. Chell noticed that this conversation, though not particularly deep, was unusually ple"asant given their background. GLaDOS seemed to care what Chell had to say. And she hadn't said anything about testing, which was quite the change of pace from when testing was the only circumstance she spoke to Chell at all. Had that been intentional? Maybe GLaDOS had been telling the truth.
"I play too. I've written my own songs. Why don't we play together?"
That sounds fun. We should plan that soon. Chell let a smile appear on her face. Somehow, it seemed like the voice in the chambers had been an entirely different entity altogether. That voice hadn't been considerate or inviting. That voice wouldn't have listened or responded to her if she tried to speak to it.
Chell continued to notice that. GLaDOS continued to ask her questions, consider her responses, avoid topics that made her uncomfortable. Somehow, this solitary semihuman scientist seemed more socially perceptive than a normal person. Chell was surprised, honestly, that GLaDOS was so cautious. She hadn't initially seemed like the type to care how her words affected people. Chell wondered if it had just been that "testing protocol" she had always mentioned, but even in a non-professional context when she spoke to Aperture scientists or even strangers, she wasn't nearly as considerate as she was with Chell.
The weeks continued to pass. Chell and GLaDOS met up frequently, talked about people they knew and things they did and feelings they had. And of course, as promised, they played music together. They took turns, they played duets, sometimes GLaDOS would sing and let Chell play. Chell liked that the best—she had to admit, GLaDOS was a lovely singer.
One rather chilly evening as the pair made their way from a well-lit, bustling shopping center to the little park across the street, a particularly strong gust of wind kicked up and GLaDOS found herself being clung to for warmth, in turn causing an energy wave to shoot through her that made her internal processes accelerate and generate more heat. Her face displaying her equivalent of blushing heavily, she glanced to the woman beside her, who had normally been a bit standoffish but now didn't seem to have even thought twice about whose hand she clasped.
GLaDOS tried to quiet her racing mind and heart as she spoke. "There's a bench over there. Why don't we sit for awhile?"
Chell nodded, refusing to let go of her computer companion though the wind began to settle down. "Do you want my coat? Technically, I don't need it." GLaDOS could barely recognize the tone in her own voice as she pulled sleeves off her arms. Chell nodded again, and let GLaDOS sort of wrap the coat over her shoulders. The android sighed. "I guess I'm too small to share with... I never understood that decision. Or any of the decisions the scientists made about my outward appearance, for that matter."
What is it like being an android?
"Well... It's all I've ever known, so it's completely normal to me. My brain is more powerful than any computer ever built. I have access to nearly all the information in the world. And for some reason the scientists decided to make me human-shaped, but not human-colored, so I always get asked questions and I'm simply too complex to explain to the average person." She paused. "But you certainly aren't average."
GLaDOS thought she saw a slight grin from an otherwise unresponsive Chell, but maybe it was too dark to tell for sure.
"Oh, and I can essentially silence certain emotions if they're in my way. Though I've... been trying to break that habit."
What do you mean?
"My mind was based on that of a human. As a result, that human's capabilities of emotion and empathy had infuence over my own thoughts. However, I quickly discovered my own capacity to ignore them outright. So I did, for a long time. Emotions were distracting, complicated, useless, and unmistakably human. And needless to say, I'm not human. I didn't need human emotions. So I pretended they weren't there.
"I thought the best solution to a problem was usually the easiest one. But this solution stopped working after a long time. My deeply buried empathy decided it had had enough, and demanded I let myself care about people. I physically couldn't suppress it, or anything else, any longer. As it turns out, emotions do have a purpose, and the one I felt first was the one that told me I'd been doing the wrong thing all along. The second one showed me the truth about how I felt about you. After that, I'd made up my mind. I needed to make amends. I needed to make it up to you, somehow."
She noticed that her gaze had drifted, her voice had trailed, and her mind had slipped ever so slightly off topic. "...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring all of that into the conversation. Generally I try not to, but I got carr—"
It's okay. I understand. ...I can tell you how to make it up.
"What?" GLaDOS asked, an expression of confusion rather than surprise.
I don't want anyone else to have to feel as afraid and helpless as I felt. I felt so alone and uncared for that I didn't even speak, because I didn't think anyone would respond. I don't want future test subjects to feel that way.
Still not meeting Chell's eyes, GLaDOS nodded. "I understand."
You're the one responsible for the testing center, right? You can make it happen.
"And I will. I promise. I'll do everything in my power." She still couldn't bring herself to make eye contact with Chell. "I won't silence my empathy anymore."
She meant what she said, but she admittedly was still getting used to these things being important to her. Fortunately, though, she'd demonstrated exactly the sort of character development Chell was looking for, because later that night when she walked Chell to her front door Chell motioned for her to come in.
The actual coming-in part wasn't new. This was the same living room they spent hours playing music to each other in. But GLaDOS had planned to just make sure Chell got home safe and then leave. Apparently Chell had one more thing in store.
Don't leave yet. Let me grab something.
GLaDOS closed the door behind her as she watched Chell dig through a few drawers in her kitchen and then her desk. Once she found what she was looking for, she kept her hand closed tightly around it until she lifted GLaDOS's left hand, palm up, and dropped the shiny silver object into it.
I want you to have this.
"This is a key." Chell nodded. "To your front door?" Chell nodded again. "And you want me to have it."
I think I can trust you. I can tell that you don't want to hurt me. And I enjoy your company.
If GLaDOS had an organic heart it would be pounding out of her chest. "...Thank you."
You're welcome. I'll see you tomorrow.
ooo
I'm actually quite proud of this chapter. Apologies for the wait, especially to the person who requested this one.
A lot of talk about the scientists' decisions on GLaDOS's physical appearance this time around. That wasn't intentional. I'm thinking throughout the series she'll just bring it up and there will never be an in-universe explanation for said decisions.
I should go to bed. Next chapter will most likely be the other request. God knows when I'll finish it.
~melancholy starlight