Something was up, Karkat decided. Something was most definitely up. Ever since he'd woken up this morning, Sollux had been acting way fucking different. There were no snarky comments, no attempts to cover his lisp, and weirdest of all, no direct eye contact. At all. Not to mention the fact that he, Sollux, lazy fuckhead, had been awake before him.

Karkat huffed from his position on the couch, watching Sollux die for the hundredth goddamn time on Call of Duty. Also a sign something was fucking up. It could've been the crying from last night, but the handful of times his best friend had cried on him in the past hadn't involved all this bullshit! "Sollux!" he finally shouted, sick of waiting for some sign of just what the hell was wrong.

The older adolescent jumped violently, the controller making a swift and sudden journey across the room. "Chritht KK!"

Karkat blinked. "Alright, what the fuck," he stated, "you never pay attention to my yelling when you're playing video games. Why are you acting so goddamn weird?"

Sollux glanced up at him with a scowl and opened his mouth to snap back, only for his expression to quickly morph into an embarrassed flush at Karkat's expectant look. "I- uh- Shit- bathroom." He stuttered out, jumping to his feet and nearly tripping in his haste to leave the room.

Karkat stared after him, eyebrows knitting together in confusion. What the fuck? Karkat pursed his lips and glared at the ceiling as if it had the answers hidden in it. Had he done something to upset him? Was Sollux angry? Did he finally get sick of him want to leave? The small troll blanched and sat up with a start as the last question manifested in his head. He knew that his friend would leave eventually to get on with his life but.. Karkat sighed heavily and sat up, dropping his head into his palms. But nothing. He couldn't keep Sollux here forever.

The black-haired adolescent stood from the couch, and took a hesitant step towards the hallway, before his stomach dropped and his eyes suddenly stung fiercely. Alone. He would be alone again. And Sollux would be gone, and happy with someone else. Karkat felt his heart constrict in his chest, and he slumped back onto the couch, shuddering as a feeling similar to being dunked in ice water encompassed him. No, he didn't like that at all. But did it really matter what he liked? Did it matter that he loved Sollux? No, it didn't, Karkat realized. Because, as evidenced by the major fuck-up of a relationship he had caused, Karkat knew that entering a relationship with his best friend would only end in him screwing it up again.

A half-sob, half-sigh escaped him, and Karkat allowed the tears to fall freely. His heart throbbed, and his breath caught in his throat as the enormity of the loneliness and despair finally dropped onto him. He would be alone again with nooneelse. Every fiber of his being demanded that he stay there on that couch, that he just continue to let Sollux be uncomfortable if it meant he stayed. 'How utterly fucking selfish..' he thought bitterly.

"Pathetic.." he muttered quietly, forcing his feelings back into a small corner of his mind.

Karkat stood again and roughly rubbed away the tears on his face with a sweater sleeve. He still had a little time left with Sollux, and he'd be damned if he spent it blubbering like some pathetic mope. A sardonic grin graced his features and he shook his head lightly. "Might as well give the fucker a going away present, yeah?" he posed to no one in particular.

"Idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot…" Sollux repeatedly in a droll tone, in tandem with the light banging of his head on the grey wall of the bathroom.

Why couldn't he just act normal, he thought to himself sourly. It's not like he wanted to be a weird, nervous-ass wreck in front of Karkat, but it seemed like his brain had other ideas. Everytime Sollux so much as looked at his the object of his affections, his traitorous thoughts dredged up the whispered words of the night before, and his head got disgustingly mushy and his heart sped up, and he couldn't stop the goddamn blush that flooded his face.

Hence the bathroom hideout.

With an annoyed groan, the adolescent pulled away from the wall. This wasn't helping. And Karkat was probably losing his shit out there. As a matter of fact, Sollux was surprised the tiny ball of anger hadn't come pounding on the door yet. His small chuckle at the thought quickly died as his brain reminded him that Karkat hadn't been that person for quite a while. And probably wouldn't be for some time, he realized with a frown. 'Which is why I'm staying to help him.' he told himself firmly.

In addition to simply wanting to stay with Karkat in general, the possibility of something happening again was.. Terrifying, to fucking say the least. Enough so that just thinking about it brought the sudden, powerful urge to find him and confirm that he was still breathing and not bleeding and dying again ohgodwhatifhewasdyingrightNOW. Sollux inhaled sharply and shook off his paranoid thoughts, twisting around and marching towards the door. 'I'll just quickly pop out and check on him..' he thought uneasily.

But before he could even touch the door handle, the door swung open to reveal a scowling Karkat with one of his hands tucked behind his back. Sollux, who had jumped back in shock, huffed and raised an eyebrow in question at his shorter friend. "What the fuck KK, why'd you- hey wait, shit, have you been crying? What's wrong?" There were slight red rims around his eyes and his face was redder than usual, but just as he opened his mouth to voice more of his concerns, Karkat took his hand from behind his back and thrust something large and yellow towards his chest. The taller one's brow furrowed and he held up the bundle of cloth, unraveling it from it's bunched up state.

Sollux's jaw dropped once he finally saw the pale yellow sweater in full. He had completely forgotten that his favorite bee hoodie had been ruined with.. the blood of his dying best friend.

"I had Kanaya sew the bee bullshit on, otherwise I would've given to you sooner.." the smaller troll mumbled, digging his nails into his wrist with nervous anxiety.

Sollux couldn't believe his ears. Here Karkat was, a shell of himself, dealing with the aftermath of a suicide attempt, yet still doing something so fucking nice for him of all people. His heart swelled in his chest, a warm tingling sensation that coated his body from head to toe, and a stupid, goofy grin grew on his face. Karkat really shouldn't have been surprised about what happened next, because Sollux sure as hell wasn't when he yanked his best friend forward, yet gently, ever so gently covered the confused troll's lips with his own.

Warmth.

Utter warmth flooded through his body, so much more intense than before, an inferno that concentrated wherever Karkat's soft body touched his and- wait. Did he just-

Sollux ripped away from Karkat so fast his head spun, realizing with dawning horror that the smaller troll had become a wide-eyed statue. A bright red wide-eyed statue. "Karkat..?" he asked hesitantly.

His chest tightened painfully and it became marginazlly more difficult to breathe when Karkat gave no answer, instead angling his gaze towards the ground. Here it came, Sollux realized mournfully. The gentle yet firm let down, shoving him back into his soon to be painfully awkward best friend box. What he said in his sleep last night was only that- sleep talking. Not feelings or affection.

Karkat bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut tightly while trying to right his unsteady breaths. That- That was something unexpected that he'd wanted for such a long time without even knowing it. Hell, he'd been ready to give Sollux up because he thought he would leave. How fucking stupid that idea seemed now. But was he ready? Was it normal to trapeze himself into another relationship so soon? Would Sollux be okay with the underlying mountain of depressed feelings he'd been carrying for years? His friend could barely even talk about the suicide incident- was that telling of their future interactions if they got together?

So many questions and so little answers, Karkat thought wryly. Yet, he had always been a follow-his-heart kind of guy, for better or for worse he realized with a wince, and right now, his heart longed to reciprocate. And so he took a deep breath, and did.

"I'm not sure this is a good idea.." he paused, his heart squeezing as Sollux's face fell, "..but I want to try. I like you Sollux. A lot. And we can try, we can make it work, it's just.." Karkat blinked rapidly to stop the tears from pooling in his eyes, "..we have to talk about it. We can't just ignore what happened like we have been. And.." he paused, unsure how to word what he wanted to say without alarming his best friend. "Those fucking feelings of wanting to.. wanting to off myself haven't magically gone away now that I'm out of the hospital. They've been there for a long goddamn time and we can't just ignore them, because that led to this, not to mention I'm still not over Dave, and.." Karkat trailed off and blew out an exasperated breath, throwing up his arms and gesturing to himself before continuing; "Do you get what I mean?"

He looked up hopefully at the taller troll, who was frowning in deep concentration, and Karkat bit his lip, worried. "I think I understand," Sollux began slowly, "and I'm willing to talk about this shit with you. I want us to work, I mean fuck, I've been waiting for this to happen for YEARS, so of course I'm willing to put up with some extra bullshit standing in our way."

Karkat let out a relieved breath and wrapped his arms around his best friend (boyfriend now?). "Thank fuck you said that honestly." He didn't really think he could handle another rejection right now.

"Now kiss me you fucking idiot."

And so Sollux did.