Title: Owl's Barbecue

Premise: Aristocats and Rock-A-Doodle. The Grand Duke of Owls and his henchmen invite Duchess's kittens to supper. WARNING: Slight Crack, brutally killing kittens. Not for the eyes of the innocent. Featuring a special guest star appearance by Lord Shen.

Personal Comments: I remember watching The Aristocats many times as a kid. I think my brother and I both really enjoyed it somehow. But recently, I watched it while interning with a class of third graders. Looking back now, it's a so-so, somewhat weak movie, but my biggest complaint now is that the three little kittens' voices (and characters) are so damn annoying!

And then I thought of how some people say the main character cat from Rock-A-Doodle was pretty annoying (Nostalgia Critic), and how the owls wanted to eat him, and so this little drabble popped into my head.

Hey, another thing: Did you notice the guy who played Thomas O'Malley also played the dog (Patou) from Rock-A-Doodle (I knew his voice sounded familiar!). He also plays Baloo in The Jungle Book (which I noticed first), and Little John in Disney's Robin Hood.

High up in the air, Toulouse, Marie, and Berlioz were all hanging by their pelts from the beaks of three very large owls. All three little kittens were horrified. Just ten minutes ago, they had watched these fierce beasts peck and claw their momma, madam, Papa O'Malley, their mouse friend Roquefort, and even Scat Cat and his pals to death!

Since then, they were carried off by the owls to who knows where. They had tried to ask questions and whisper to each other, but one pygmy owl, no bigger than they were, had ordered them to shut up, and threatened to stab them with his pocket knife if they did not. Toulouse had already tried to talk back too much, and got stabbed in the left paw as a result. The only noises they made now were sniffles, trying to hold back tears and screams.

Finally, they flew over a seemingly barren swamp land. Below them, the kittens could see a large picnic table down in the marsh on a mudbank. A candle stick was on the table. Sitting in one of the many chairs, they could see a large owl, large than their captivators, wearing a black cape and glancing at a pocket watch.

"Who is that?" Marie whispered.

"Quiet!" The owl holding her grunted through his clenched beak.

"Alright, kitties," The pygmy owl suddenly called out bitterly. The kittens all looked up at him. He was flying backwards, laying back as if on a lawn chair. "Time you all got some answers! Alright guys! One, two, who!"

And suddenly, they all started to descend towards the picnic table. Below them, the large owl looked up, and smiled.

The owls not carrying the kittens suddenly started singing as they swooped down.

We are the creatures of the night

And we have brought you up for dinner.

There's plenty of food to go around

When the food is... you!

They carelessly dumped the three kittens onto the table. They all gulped at that last note.

"Who? Us?" Berlioz squeaked.

"Yes, you!" One owl snapped back as he shoved an apple into Berlioz's mouth.

Just then, they saw the owls bringing over a large charcoal grill. A few others tossed some charcoals into it. Another owl lit the grill aflame with a lighter. The devilish spark burned in the eyes of the kittens.

We thought a barbecue would be nice,

And we're so pleased that you could join us.

We're glad you're home,

Trick or Treat!

Fa la la la la la,

How Sweet!

The head owl leaned over from his seat, again looking at his pocket watch.

"Now's the time, say your prayers," He said. After two seconds of silence from the terrified kittens, he said with an evil smirk, "Time's up!"

Another owl each grabbed up a kitten, and carried them over to the grill.

La la la la la la,

How sweet!

Fa la la la la la,

Let's eat!

And with that, they each slapped a kitten into the flaming charcoals of the grill.

Shrieks of horrid pain ripped through the swamp. None of the three kittens have ever known such horrible pain as the burning of their flesh against the coals. They screamed and cried and begged to be saved.

The frantically and desperately tried to scurry out of the grill, but the head owl suddenly appeared before them, now dressed in a white apron, and holding a long, pointy, sharp-looking grill fork.

With the fork, he stabbed each kitten repeatedly. Blood spewed out all over the charcoals, stained the apron, dripped down on the ground.

The head owl cackled as he continued to stab the kittens. The sight of the fresh, juicy meat being cooked just before his eyes, accompanied by the kittens' screaming with their final breaths, all whetted his appetite.

About half an hour later, the owls were all enjoying the grilled bodies of the kittens.

"Pass the barbecue sauce," one owl grunted. Another one happily passed it.

The Grand Duke was munching on the ribs of Marie until he put them down on his plate for a moment to speak to his men.

"Well done tonight, gentlemen," the Duke announced. "These kittens are quite tasty. My only complaint is were these all the kittens you could catch?"

"Well, Uncle Dukey," Hunch answered. He was munching on Berlioz's leg. "You said that you were in the mood for kittens only. We just killed the parents and left them behind."

"Ah, I see," The Duke muttered. "Well, next time, try to find more, if you can." He took another bite of his ribs. "Excellent choice of Paris, Hunch, I must say," He continued after swallowing. "I always did have a thing for French Cuisine."

"I say, is there any left over?" Said a new voice.

All the owls turned behind the table to face a peacock and a wolf.

"Ah, Lord Shen," The Duke greeted his old friend. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"We've heard you gentlemen were having kitten tonight," Shen answered with a smile.

"Yeah. I freakin' love kittens!" The Boss Wolf at Shen's side growled hungrily.

"Oh. I-I'm terribly sorry," The Duke shook his head. "We barely have enough for ourselves. I hope you'll understand."

Shen hung his head in disappointment.

"Eh, don't worry about it, Lord Shen," The Boss Wolf said as he patted his lord's shoulder. "We'll just stop at Taco Bell on the way back to the base."

"Ah, yes." Shen smiled again. "You always know how to cheer me up, Juugo." And with that, the two partners turned and left the owls to their barbecue.

The Grand Duke of Owls went back to munching on his ribs.