A/N: "Kayo, that kills people!" ain't got nothing on Scott this episode. Total disregard for Brains' discomfort.
(Fun fact from last chapter: I was so enamoured with my in-depth scenario that I didn't even stop to consider all the possible mundane things that could have gone wrong!)
"S-sure thing." Brains was reacting uncharacteristically well to being drafted for a rescue mission. "I'll set up a video link and be r-right beside you. V-virtually, anyway." There it was.
"No, not virtually, really! I need you to be on that train."
Scott's brain must have been addled by the technical onslaught Brains had levelled at him earlier. That was the only explanation for his insistence. "V-very funny, Scott."
Brains was still reticent. Time to resort to jokes. "Come on, think of this as a vacation."
Humour. Scott clearly wasn't giving up. I might have to go along with this. "Oh, yeah." Brains left his seat. "With no extra charge for sudden dismemberment."
Brains didn't notice his hand bump a control. Both of them noticed the result: the minor maintenance arm emerged from the mobile lab at speed and sent Scott careening through the air.
This, Scott mused as he rapidly approached the near wall of the main hangar complex, is going to hurt.
"This will be just like going down the slide at a playground!" Scott shouted over the wind. Well, it wasn't really weather-wind, but you tended to get something awfully close to it when sticking limbs out of fast-moving aircraft. "Remember how much fun that used to be?!"
"Always gave me a rash!"
Yep, Brains was still not particularly enthusiastic about this whole mission thing.
"Hey! What if we tried a psychic link? I saw it in a m-movie once!"
Scott tensed. Brains suggesting psychic links? Maybe this had been a bad idea.
As he contemplated his next move, the out-of-control locomotive beneath them suddenly accelerated. Thunderbird One lurched as it throttled up to keep pace. Brains overbalanced, overcompensated, lost his grip on the zipline, and went tumbling out of the recovery bay, screaming all the way down.
Scott managed to get the engineer off the locomotive and slow the thing enough to get the passengers of the next train out of danger, but the skyscraper in Unabara it subsequently wrecked really didn't help matters.
"Hey! What if we tried a psychic link? I saw it in a m-movie once!"
Scott shoved Brains down the zipline. This might have ended well if the out-of-control locomotive beneath them hadn't picked this moment to suddenly accelerate. Thunderbird One lurched as it struggled to keep pace.
"Oh no, it's speeding up!" Scott realised with a sinking feeling that it wasn't enough. "Brains, hold on! I'm gonna have to detach!"
The improvised zipline dangled from underneath Thunderbird One as Scott detached the grapple at the end from the speeding train. The shock as it lost tension and swung backwards caused Brains to lose his grip and fall, screaming all the way down.
Scott managed to get the engineer off the locomotive and slow the thing enough to get the passengers of the next train out of danger, but the skyscraper in Unabara it subsequently wrecked really didn't help matters.
"There are some things you don't have to try!" cried Brains, halfway along a zipline between Thunderbird One and the runaway train. "Substituting an anode for a cathode-!"
"Guys."
"-using a plasma torch as a toothbrush-!"
"Guys."
"-or this!"
"Guys?"
"Brains, you can do this. Just get down there."
"Guys!"
"Tell MAX I love hiiiiim!"
"Thunderbird One!"
John's tone of voice was so urgent it finally made Scott look up. Unfortunately, it was a bit late for that, and Thunderbird One made a very pretty fireball as it impacted the mountain.
"-using a plasma torch as a toothbrush-!"
"Guys."
"-or this!"
"Thunderbird One!"
John's tone of voice was so urgent it finally made Scott look up. "What's the matter, Thunderbird Five?"
"Up ahead!"
Yes, indeed, up ahead. A mountain. With a train tunnel.
"Tell MAX I love hiiiiim!"
"Hang on, Brains!" Scott detached.
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Thunderbird One switched from hover to powered climb at a pace that no other aircraft (except possibly Thunderbird Shadow) could hope to match, and soared up and over the mountainside.
Brains stopped screaming halfway up as he was dashed against an outcropping.
Scott managed to get the engineer off the locomotive and slow the thing enough to get the passengers of the next train out of danger, but the skyscraper in Unabara it subsequently wrecked really didn't help matters.
"Hang on, Brains!" Scott detached.
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Thunderbird One switched from hover to powered climb at a pace that no other aircraft (except possibly Thunderbird Shadow) could hope to match, and soared up and over the mountainside, Brains screaming in terror all the while.
The screaming gradually petered down to hyperventilation as One resumed its hover over the train.
"Okay, Brains, let's try again." Scott was either incredibly mission-focused and/or incredibly tone-deaf. "I promise there are no more mountains."
"The square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the remaining sides!" Brains was still reining in sheer unbridled terror to the point where his panic-flooded brain mis-simplified the Pythagorean Theorem. "Cosine equals adjacent over hypotenuse!" Breathe, Brains. Breathe. He breathed. "Sine equals opposite over hypotenuse!" The record in his brain stuck. "Sine equals opp-"
"Thought you could use some company!" With that, Scott shoved him the rest of the way down the zipline. Brains slammed into the locomotive at the bottom and was swung to the right by his momentum, straight off the side, screaming all the way down.
Scott managed to get the engineer off the locomotive and slow the thing enough to get the passengers of the next train out of danger, but the skyscraper in Unabara it subsequently wrecked really didn't help matters.
"Thought you could use some company!" With that, Scott shoved him the rest of the way down the zipline. Brains slammed into the locomotive at the bottom and was swung to the right by his momentum, barely keeping his centre of gravity on 'safe' ground.
"Square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the remaining sides. Cosine equals adjacent over hypotenuse. Sine equals opposite-whoah!" as Scott pulled him into the hatch.
Finally, blessed safety. Well, as safe as a speeding locomotive could be.
"Scott, whatever you're doing's having an effect."
"I'm using Thunderbird One's thrusters to slow down the train!"
Thunderbird Five factored in this new information. "...but it's not enough. Can you give it more thrust?"
More thrust was summarily given. Thunderbird One strained at its grapple cable as it began to seriously pull the runaway train via said cable. Unseen by anyone involved, the train fitting in the grapple claws began to pull away.
"It's working! More, Scott, more!"
And there was more. The scramjets wouldn't work at these speeds, but Scott set everything else to full throttle. Was it just him, or was the countryside going by significantly slower?
"This is brilliant!" Brains sounded remotely comfortable for once. "Why didn't I think of it?"
The grappled fitting tore off. Scott and Brains struggled to remain steady as the train accelerated again, relieved of its parasitic load. Brains lost the battle and fell over the side.
Scott managed to get the engineer off the locomotive, and it didn't collide with the next train, but the skyscraper in Unabara it subsequently wrecked really didn't help matters.
"This is brilliant!" Brains sounded remotely comfortable for once. "Why didn't I think of it?"
The grappled fitting tore off. Scott and Brains struggled to remain steady as the train accelerated again, relieved of its parasitic load. Thunderbird One vanished over the horizon in less than a second.
"That's why!" said Scott to nobody in particular.
They both turned to look over the top of the locomotive at the passenger train ahead - and it was no longer very far ahead at all.
"Scott, I'm controlling the switcher from up here now," said the welcome voice of Thunderbird Five. "The minute the other train passes it, I'm going to put you on the other track."
"Not the minute, John, the instant!"
And there was nothing to do but wait as the three-body problem crept closer to resolving itself, one way or the other. The seconds went by far too fast as the train in front drew inexorably closer.
At the last second, the locomotive engineer realised there would be a collision, and pressed the power cutoff. He was relatively safe, strapped into his seat. Scott and Brains, unrestrained on top of the train, were first thrown clear over the front of it as their inertia took control, then started to fall as gravity pushed inertia out of the figurative flight deck.
"Not the minute, John, the instant!"
And there was nothing to do but wait as the three-body problem crept closer to resolving itself, one way or the other. The seconds went by far too fast as the train in front drew inexorably closer.
The passenger train entered the switch just metres ahead of them, and John threw the switch - a fraction of a second too early. The last passenger car was thrown off the rail, and they could only watch from the other line as the rest of its train dragged it along, the car rapidly being twisted and crushed into an unsurvivable metal mess.
"Not the minute, John, the instant!"
And there was nothing to do but wait as the three-body problem crept closer to resolving itself, one way or the other. The seconds went by far too fast as the train in front drew inexorably closer.
The passenger train cleared the switch just metres ahead of them, and John threw the switch - a fraction of a second too late. The switching mechanism ground to a halt halfway through its movement as a heavy locomotive entered it. The gap between the fork in the rails was too narrow, but that didn't matter with this much inertia in the equation. The locomotive and all three aboard hurtled off on a one-way ticket downward.
"Not the minute, John, the instant!"
And there was nothing to do but wait as the three-body problem crept closer to resolving itself, one way or the other. The seconds went by far too fast as the train in front drew inexorably closer.
The passenger train cleared the switch just metres ahead of them, and John threw the switch - and they were through.
But of course there had to be a bloody city at the end of the spur line.
Scott devoted his attention to manipulating the emergency circuit panel on the side of the train, and remembering Brains' instructions on doing so. As such, it was difficult to blame him for not noticing he'd chosen a bad anchor point for his safety line. The metal plate in question, weakened by the whiplash of Thunderbird One's dramatic departure, gave way as he completed his task, sending him falling towards the countryside - with insufficient time to grab the rail.
Well, crap.
"You wanna play?" John rhetorically asked the (for lack of a better word) 'virus'. "Let's play."
He engaged the program.
Thunderbird Five shut down.
"Good news, Thunderbird One. The control of the train's computer has been restored."
Thunderbird One didn't respond.
"Scott?"
John checked his sensors. The train was (1) stopped, (2) not on its rails, and (3) in a skyscraper.
"Scott, come in!"
"Good news, Thunderbird One. The control of the train's computer has been restored."
"That's great, John! How?"
"The thing in it, this - artificial intelligence - it had game architecture. And when it thought that I was willing to play, it got distracted just long enough for me to get past it."
Scott stood in silent awe of John's videogaming prowess.
"You'll have control of the train now."
And snapped back to his surroundings. "That may be a bit of a problem, Thunderbird Five." Turned around. "Brains! We need you to hook everything back up the way it was. Very quickly."
"...how quickly is very quickly?"
"You can do it. I know you can! All it takes is a little confidence."
"Confidence isn't the problem. T-time is. I don't work well under pressure."
"Then I'll do this myself!" Scott grabbed two random wires and connected them.
The electrical explosion did stop the train, but far too abruptly, knocking out all three occupants by impact with walls ahead of them. Had they remained conscious, they might have escaped the subsequent fire.
"Confidence isn't the problem. T-time is. I don't work well under pressure."
"Then I'll do this myself!" Scott grabbed two random wires and-
"Scott, stop! You can't connect those two! Are you trying to get us all killed?!"
No, I was trying to motivate you, and it worked.
Brains fell into his zone, swiftly reconnecting the computer as they sped through Unabara. Scott worried it wasn't swift enough. As the last signal before the terminus approached, Scott made ready to press the cutoff. Brains was too absorbed in his work to notice.
As they rounded the final corner and Unabara Central sprawled out before them, Scott calculated they were out of stopping distance.
"Brace for cutoff!"
Brains looked up from the connection he'd just made. "No! Wait-!"
The electrical explosion did stop the train, but far too abruptly, knocking out all three occupants by impact with walls ahead of them. Had they remained conscious, they might have escaped the subsequent fire.
Brains fell into his zone, swiftly reconnecting the computer as they sped through Unabara. Scott worried it wasn't swift enough. As the last signal before the terminus approached, Scott made ready to press the cutoff. Brains was too absorbed in his work to notice.
As they rounded the final corner and Unabara Central sprawled out before them, Scott calculated they were out of stopping distance.
Of course, that was when Brains delivered. The moment the computer came back online, the engineer engaged the dynamic brakes and Scott slammed on the emergency brakes.
The emergency brakes exploded.
Several people on the platform of Unabara Central claim to have seen the horror on Scott's face as the locomotive sailed through at a speed of still-far-too-fast and obliterated the buffer at the end.
Brains moaned in discomfort from the jumpseat.
"Brains," Scott admonished from the pilot's seat, "I know you're a stay-at-home kind of guy, but once in a while everyone has to-"
Brains threw up.
"...yeah."
Come to think of it, those cookies weren't sitting well in his stomach.
Scott only felt worse by the time Thunderbird One arrived at the danger zone. It took him several attempts to hit the train with a grapple, and he was sympathising with Brains more than he'd expected as the latter looked to be having second thoughts about this whole mission thing. Before he could go around and offer proper encouragement, the train accelerated, and he was forced to send Brains rearward (to his comfort), detach the line, and catch the accelerating train. This presented a whole new world of problems.
"Scott," said Thunderbird Five, "watch out for that mountain."
Scott groaned and detached again.
"Incidentally, are you doing all right?"
"I'm fine. Never-ooooh - never better."
"That sounds like something you'd say about Grandma's cookies."
"Funny you should mention -" Scott aborted the sentence to try and keep them down.
"Scott. Look at me. You need to accept-"
John wished Scott hadn't looked at him as the latter lost his battle with his insides. Brains, still waiting at the back of One, went particularly wide-eyed. Taking in the sorry state of them both, John made that hardest of calls: "Thunderbird One, you are in no state to complete the mission. I'm ordering you to abort and seek medical treatment."
"John, there's-" Scott paused as One started swimming around him, "-we can't just-"
"Scott, look at yourself."
Scott did. The sweaty, dizzy, vomit-covered body in his seat didn't look up to scratch.
"If you continue, you won't get anything done, and you'll risk yourself and Brains. I'll pull Thunderbird Two over here. You abort. Now."
They all knew they didn't have the two hours required for Two to cross the Pacific.
Scott tried in vain to clear the dizziness.
"On second thought, you're grounded immediately. I'm setting your autopilot back to home, and I'm rescinding your mail-order privileges for two months if you touch it."
Scott's last utterance before dozing off sounded suspiciously like "cut Grandma's instead".