I don't know what it was about the show but it spoke to me and obviously, I came to like Soujiro's character and one has to feel his story was unfinished the last you see of him. So I looked up other stories people wrote about his continued journey and that's how I got ideas for my own. I'm VERY much intimidated by what people know, not just about the show but about the history and culture and how wonderful their stories are, and it made me want to forget trying to write my own, but before I knew it, I had a plot formed and an idea for a beginning, middle and end. I have loved writing this story very much and I hope you guys are liking it. That being said, I would like to thank those who have reviewed, faved and followed this story, giving me hope that it's probably not as bad as I may fear it is. A few of that being:

Hopewords

Kaoruca (for some reason I am not getting notified when you leave a review but you have reviewed the most so I look out for your reviews, though I don't expect a review for every chapter XD )

And a mysterious Guest who has also left reviews XD

FanFictionAnimeLover

TOSoldtimer

And anyone else who happens to be reading. Thank you for giving me hope as an okay writer! I don't like asking people to review and kind of want them to be moved to review without me asking. Whether that's wrong or not, I'm not sure, but of course I love to hear what you may have to say and it means so much. ^-^ Thank you very much!

"Maybe you should just drink from the bowl again. You need to get some rest," Soujiro tried suggesting to his adoptive sister. He yawned, getting tired because of the late hour.

"No Sou! You're not leaving until I'm as good as you are at using chopsticks. Now, show me again." Her usual demanding voice caused her to break into a series of coughs.

Soujiro shook his head at her but continued instructing her with a patient smile on how to use chopsticks. He had kept to his promise earlier in teaching her how to use them while on the road by using small twigs they had at their disposal in the woods. It gave her something to do while they traveled as she practiced the basic grip and motion to work the sticks to pick up food. Now that they had real utensils to use and food, he was having to refresh her memory.

"It's going to be the same thing I've been showing you the last hour."

They had been inside the humble home of the Ochies for the last four hours now that was just outside a rural village. Thankfully, they didn't travel straight through the village but on a beaten path that led straight to the Ochies home. Masumi spared them the walk through the village having a feeling Soujiro didn't want to draw attention, which they would have with the side of his face covered in blood, and the fact they weren't from there. Up until now, it had been difficult for Soujiro to accept their hospitality, but it proved to be worth it for Koharu's sake. As soon as they arrived, Ayaka took it upon herself to to draw Koharu a bath and get her cleaned up. She even lent her an old dress of hers from Koharu's age that was faded, but Koharu loved it and all the more when Ayaka rebraided her hair with Koharu's ribbons making Koharu feel like she was wearing a full ensemble meant just for her. Koharu's opinion of Ayaka started to change and as long as Ayaka didn't verbally attack Soujiro, Koharu found that she could actually like the woman.

While Ayaka cared for Koharu, Masumi took it upon himself to help Soujiro care for his head wound by fetching a bowl of water with a rag so Soujiro could at least clean his face and the wound itself. When Masumi saw the open wound for the first time after Soujiro absorbed and cleared the blood, he insisted on Soujiro wrapping some bandage around his head for the night so not to risk reopening the wound and getting it infected. He gave Soujiro plenty of space while he tended to his own wound and only offering medicine and supplies knowing full well that Soujiro was uncomfortable here, but the man feared what would have happened to the two youths had he let Soujiro stubbornly push him aside. Soujiro wouldn't have had to save their lives at that point had Masumi saw the state the two 'children' were already in, but because Soujiro had intervened successfully, the man felt he needed all the more to give them all the care he could.

After Soujiro addressed his own wound, Masumi brought him some hot tea and left Soujiro alone while he went off to prepare a meal for them. It was probably the most difficult and awkward for Soujiro when he was left without Koharu to do all the talking.

When Koharu finally did return with Ayaka, she was too happy to show off her faded kimono to Soujiro with her hair done up neatly with her ribbons. She did it just to see that smile she knew she would earn from him. Even Masumi couldn't help but notice how lighthearted Soujiro became when she was present by his side again. Ayaka still continued to give Soujiro the cold shoulder, but at least stayed quiet.

When dinner was finally ready, Ayaka felt best that Koharu should head to bed already and her meal be taken to her instead of her sitting at the table with everyone else. She gladly volunteered to take the meal to Koharu and keep her company until she was finished, but Masumi felt otherwise. Koharu even made it clear she wanted Soujiro to stay with her and when Ayaka started to voice her opinion against it, Masumi got the final word on the matter. He knew Soujiro was uncomfortable here and felt better letting Soujiro continue to care for her knowing they would both be more comfortable in each other's company.

Koharu was now settled in her bed with Soujiro sitting beside her and trying to refresh her memory on how to operate her chopsticks. She knew how to hold the chopsticks and maneuver them, but she still couldn't figure out how to eat with them. Whenever she tried to pick something up, it would slide through her weak grip on the sticks and she sometimes dropped a stick into her bowl in the process.

Soujiro yawned again. "You have to strengthen your grip. It will come eventually. Keep trying." He sat his bowl aside and decided to ask her something he had been putting off since seeing she returned with Ayaka from the bath house. He had not considered the Ochies being potential caretakers until Koharu came back as happy as ever wearing a plain kimono and her hair done as nicely as he ever had seen it because of Ayaka's motherly touch. "What do you think of the Ochies?"

Koharu smiled. "I didn't think I would like Ayaka, but it turns out she has a soft side that she likes to hide. Kind of reminds me of someone else I know," she raised a brow as she tried to tease coolly. She attempted to take a bite of fish from her chopsticks only to have it slide through her weak grip. She bit into the end of the sticks instead.

Soujiro chuckled softly in response.

"Masumi seems fond of you, at least," she attempted to pick up some fish again. "He alone makes all this worth it. Even when I first tried to intervene when those thugs attacked, he wanted me to just run and leave them because he thought I would get hurt. Silly, old man. " She chuckled and then shrugged at the thought. "He didn't know I had you, but I guess it's the thought that counts."

Soujiro was still smiling but looked away to avoid her eyes as he spoke the next words. "I was wondering how you might feel if they wanted to take care of you. You could be happy here, right?"

This time, the fish and a chopstick fell back into her bowl. "Sou! How could you even consider that I would leave you?" She coughed as she raised her voice.

"You understand I have to try," he continued to smile. "Whether your believe it or not, it would be better for you." He touched his hand against her forehead reminding himself how he wasn't a fit caretaker for her. She was still burning up.

"It wouldn't be for you." She clutched his hand away from her head to hold. "I don't want to have to think of you out there alone and therefore, I couldn't be happy here. So that settles it. I stay with you."

"You're so naive." He broke into another yawn and retrieved his hand to cover his mouth

Seeing his weariness, Koharu finally relented and gave up on using the chopsticks for now. Soujiro, however, wasn't exactly in a rush to leave because doing so would mean forcing himself to exchange pleasantries with the Ochies. He supposed it wasn't that bad unless Ayaka made it awkward. He had been thankful that Masumi suggested he stay with Koharu instead of Ayaka. At least Masumi was trying to make his stay comfortable.

When Koharu finished, he took her bowl and stacked it in his before having to retreat from the room. He was met with Masumi coming just down the hall and happily relieved Soujiro of the dishes and gave him some new clothes to borrow until his could be cleaned later. "These were my son's. I hope they fit."

"He's not going to mind?" Soujiro risked asking.

"Not at all. I'm sure he doesn't even fit in them anymore, let alone need them any time soon. He's a police officer working in Tokyo now." A look of alarm struck Soujiro's eyes and he failed to conceal the stress from the man. The man raised a reassuring hand. "Don't worry, Seta. Like I said, I'm not here to judge. Even if I did tell my son about you, I'm sure he'd be thankful for what you've done for us."

Soujiro very much doubted that. After all, the law was the law and the policeman's job was to enforce it regardless of the circumstances. He could take comfort from the fact Masumi didn't plan to reveal he had sheltered him and didn't care to remind the man that he only intervened with the thugs when Koharu was in trouble. In the end, Soujiro did end up saving them and now was receiving the needed aid and care both he and Koharu needed.

"I'm sorry you weren't able to properly clean yourself up," Masumi continued to chat. "The girls certainly took their time in the bath house and you took a little longer than expected to finish your meal. It's much too dark and chilly to use the bath house now."

"Yes, sorry. I was giving chopstick lessons," he almost chuckled out loud at the choice of his words. "It ran a little late."

It did make Masumi chuckle. "I can tell you love your sister very much. She's fortunate to have you."

Masumi failed that time to see how those words affected Soujiro. They had simply stunned him. Masumi had mentioned something he never considered with Koharu, or anyone else for that matter. What bothered him that most was that Masumi spoke so casually about it and made it sound so obvious that Soujiro had it. Had Masumi been speaking to the former Teken who refused to feel, Soujiro would have laughed out loud in his face. Love would have been a sign of weakness to him. Even now it sounded silly to him, but as a wanderer set on a path to discover truth, he had to force himself to keep an open mind.

Masumi was already walking passed Soujiro and gesturing him to follow. "Come. I'll show you to your room, Seta."

"Soujiro, " he uttered softly.

"What was that?" Masumi didn't hear because of how softly Soujiro spoke.

He turned to face his elder. "You can call me Soujiro." To continue treating Masumi coldly would make him no different than Ayaka. It was simply uncomfortable for him to open up to others and trust them, whereas, Ayaka made you feel you had to work to a certain degree to have an approved standing before her. And if saving her life wasn't good enough, Soujiro didn't care to think how one possibly got such approval from her. Though, she seemed fond of Koharu already.

Masumi smiled kindly at his words. "Then I'll show you to your room Soujiro."

It was right across from Koharu where he could be allowed to care for her closely while they each got to have their own space. Masumi didn't linger and left Soujiro alone so he could change into his borrowed clothes until his own could be washed and allowed to be able to sleep. As he adjusted to his new clothes, he couldn't help but wonder how small he must really be or wonder if Masumi's son had been tall for his age. He decided it was the latter. The clothes were loose on him and with his shirt heavily stained and probably ruined, he had nothing to help fill the clothes out. It wouldn't have bothered him too much except that he mainly wore the shirt to conceal the scars given to him by no other than his adoptive family. The scars were mainly visible from his back, but he had one that stood out on his shoulder. His thoughts were pulled to the past as he pulled the gi over his scarred shoulder. His adoptive brother had nicked him in the shoulder while swinging his sword carelessly. He had been aiming for the bag of rice Soujiro had been carrying and cut his shoulder deeply along with the bag. Most of the scars, however, came from his adoptive father when he used his cane or even a whip to beat him with.

It doesn't matter, it's in the past, nothing can change it. Soujiro had to keep chanting those words whenever his mind was pulled to the past he tried so hard to forget.

He tried to focus, instead, on more positive things like finally being able to sleep in a real bed. He could rest comfortably knowing Koharu was just as comfortable as he was right now, despite being sick, but at least she could recover properly and be warm. While he could find some comfort from such reassuring thoughts, his past still would be call to mind and overpower the positive thoughts meant to fend off his dark past. Why are they being brought to mind now? They often were strongest at night where he could do little to keep his mind preoccupied with other things. He began to wonder if it was because he was preparing himself to let go of Koharu if he had to. He hadn't even returned back to her room that night. As much as he would never admit it out loud, he liked having her there with him. He was preparing to be alone again. Alone with his thoughts and past that constantly haunted him...

It was sometime within the night when he heard the door to his room slide open. He looked over his shoulder to see Koharu tiptoing towards him. She gasped in alarm at being spotted and froze in her current position. "Oh good, you're awake?"

"I am now." He whispered out loud as he dropped his head back against the pillow. He had already been up, but it wouldn't stop him from guilting her because of the late hour. "Is something wrong?"

"I can't sleep," she confessed. She had hoped that since Soujiro often had sleepless nights she might find him already awake and be able to stay with him. She felt some guilt disturbing him, but was already relieved that she was no longer alone. It was the worse feeling for her to be alone and awake at night and it was a feeling she had not had to deal with since traveling with Soujiro.

"Just keep trying, okay?" He mumbled out, trying to at least act out he was still half asleep.

"And you didn't come to say good night," she quickly added.

She cringed when she heard him spit out a sigh. "O-yasumi, Koharu. Go back to sleep."

"And I'm still cold."

"No. You're not staying with me," he quickly made it clear with her.

"But I really am cold."

It was at that point Soujiro began to wonder if he made her a little too dependent on him. He was determined to remain firm this time. "My answer is final. Go back to your room."

She still lingered, however. He continued ignoring her, hoping that would be enough to make her eventually leave. Instead, she risked approaching him more closely and knelt down beside him and touch her hand against the nape of his neck. Her touch was more like a cold touch of a blade about to cut into his skin. It caused him to jerk and twist in a desperate effort to separate himself from her frozen touch, which he succeeded, but at the cost of falling off the side of his futon onto his stomach and taking his blanket with him.

"See? I told you so," she said as she rubbed her arms to add to her act.

His fist tightened as he remained flat on his stomach against the floor. "Koharu-" he started in angrily. His fist then relaxed. "Fine." He couldn't deny now that she really was cold and that she would not sleep, let alone, get well being that cold. "But you have to go back to your room before the Ochies wake up. I don't need to give Ayaka another reason to despise me."

"No problem, Sou," she smiled and turned on her heel to fetch her blanket. He stood over his hands and knees and had to readjust the gi he wore to cover his scarred shoulder. By the time she returned, he was sitting off to the side of the futon, subtly holding onto the front of the gi because it was even more loose as he sat hunched over. She helped herself beside him and threw her blanket over his before pulling the covers snug against her.

"All right. Please, just go to sleep," he said, looking down at her eyes one last time. He took a moment before laying back down the furthest he could from her. Even as he lied back on his side, Koharu risked grasping his hand with both of hers to warm her frozen hands. He grimaced at the cold touch, but fought against his natural instinct to push her away and decided to just close his eyes. He hated to admit it that he found comfort with her by his side even now. Instead of his mind drowning in the misery his past would spring upon him, he could focus on helping her. Somehow, Koharu being there made him not feel so trap.

He opened his eyes again still having to maintain his patience when she opened his palm to align her own hand against. "Your hands have always felt strange to me." She then prodded her thumb into the callous of his palm.

He gave into a smile but kept his eyes closed to discourage a long conversation from forming. "You'll find that is the case with any swordsmen…or anyone that works with their hands," he mumbled out.

"Your sword caused it?"

He gave a weak nod.

"Does a sword hurt your hands when in use?"

"It might at first. That's why your hand builds callous. It adapts," he put simply for her to understand. He then folded his fingers over her smaller hand and lowered it back between them. "That's enough. Go to sleep."

There was only a brief moment of silence.

"Sou?"

"Go to sleep," he said in a more impatient tone of voice.

"Why didn't you want to rescue the Ochies?"

He opened his eyes to meet her wide, curious eyes and came to terms that he probably wasn't going to get any sleep. "It's just not who I am," he said after a moment of silence.

"But you're so good at it. I just don't understand. You nearly were killed because of me but you took the risk anyway. But the Ochies, you saved them in a matter of minutes and so easily, but you hardly cared."

"I'm not clarifying it with you." He felt Koharu's tight hold on his hand slack in response to his words. It sounded harsh to her, but he thought it would have been obvious why he went out of his way to protect her, even as far as risking his life for her, but he hardly cared lifting a finger for anyone else, no matter how easy it may have been for him. Koharu thought he was still stuck in his old ways and beliefs. She was half right. He caved and tried to explain. "I don't regret saving the Ochies, but you already know first hand how hard it is for me to let people in. I made you feel like you had to earn your stay with me and that's not what I intended. I don't consider myself above others. I don't help them because I know I'm not a good person, but most people aren't. It's not worth it for me to serve others and turn my ear to every cry for help for that reason. I've lived my whole life serving others and I'm through with that. I'm not living to serve them anymore." Despite how well Shishio had treated him, Soujiro still served as his right hand man.

In the end, no one could convince Soujiro that Shishio wasn't good to him. Before becoming his right hand man, Soujiro had been raised like a nobleman's son and educated in every way. Shishio still gave him everything and despite being the strongest not mattering so much, Soujiro was still strong because of him and he could be grateful for all of that and respect his former master for what he had done for him. But in the end, he was still just a servant to Shishio.

Koharu still couldn't grasp why he felt that way about the world and felt a pinch of anger towards him. Not enough to get up and leave his side, but Soujiro was still surprised when she released his hand and turned her back to him. He was even a little hurt by it because she had to truly be upset to intentionally turn a cold shoulder against him and miss a chance he was willing to lend a hand to her. He sat up slightly on his arm. "Is it not enough I do what I can for you?"

Koharu didn't respond. She was disappointed and felt like he was wasting his talents because of his bleak view of the world. She loved what he did for her, but it still felt like he was wasting his talents, especially if he was only willing to use them to protect her. When she made no effort to even acknowledge him, he fell back against his side to fall asleep. It was going to be a quiet night after all.

Koharu awoke the next morning to the sound of a sword being drawn. Her throat felt raw and as much as she wanted to cough, it felt like it would set her insides on fire. She sat up on her side to see Soujiro already up and sitting off towards the corner where the light was strongest and holding his sword in front of him. He was using it like a mirror as he tore off the bandage around his head to inspect the head wound. "Relax, it's just me." He spoke up having seen her form maneuver in the reflection of the blade. He lifted his bangs aside trying to inspect the wound to see if it stopped bleeding for good and on the right path to recovery. "You should probably head back to your room." He said as he let the bangs fall back over his face.

She could sense the glum he was in. She stood with her blanket and approached him carefully, and tried to put on a carefree smile. "H-how's your head?"

"Better."

He was back to answering her in short, abrupt responses. Koharu bit her lower lip. What have I done? "I didn't mean to upset you last night. I just want to understand. I feel sometimes that I still hardly know you." She jumped when Soujiro seemed to slam the blade back in the scabbard.

He looked back over his shoulder at her and she breathed in relief when he smiled. "It's okay. Just go back to your room and rest." He seemed to really be pushing her to do so.

Koharu was only suspicious for a moment but figured it was best to obey. Feeling that things were still okay between them, she lunged at him playfully to wrap him in another gentle headlock to try and earn another smile or laugh from him.

"Koharu!" Soujiro seemed to cry out in a alarm.

"Got you-" She started playfully before Soujiro reacted by ramming his elbow into her stomach. She let out a choked cry as she was thrown against the floor and let out a painful cough she had been trying to hold in. She looked up in shock that he had reacted so violently, but her attention was quickly diverted to where she accidentally pulled down the side of his gi and saw where the scars started on his left shoulder blade. She only saw it for a fraction of a second before he grabbed the fallen sleeve and pulled it back up.

He turned to face her having been repulsed by his reaction and the sound that came out of Koharu because of it. "Are you okay?"

"Your back-" the moment she drew attention to it, his expression darkened so that she hesitated to continue. "What happened? It's covered-"

"It's nothing." He stood up. He exhaled to try and keep himself calmed.

"Someone hurt you?" She kept pushing it.

"Drop it, now, and get back to your room." His voice shook as he spoke.

"I deserve to know," she raised her voice, which led her to start into another series of painful coughs. She continued. "I told you what happened to me."

She grunted with a cry when Soujiro suddenly took hold of her arm and started forcing her across the room. "That was your decision."

"Sou! That hurts!" She twisted out of his hold and fell back on her rear in front of him. "I told you so you could understand me. I can't understand why you are the way you are sometimes. I deserve to know!"

"Not if your wish to stay with me. What is it going to be Koharu?"

She balled her fists angrily. "I told you not to threaten to leave me! You won't!"

"Then you've got to accept who I am. Leave it alone."

"No Sou! You can be better!" Even as she blurted it out, she knew it was wrong and covered her mouth. She shook her head in a state of regret. She wanted to apologize, but knew it was pointless. What do I do? The anger that had been slowing lighting up his eyes changed quickly to ones of being shocked and hurt. I did it again. I hurt him. He started in towards her and Koharu reacted with a frightened shriek while raising an arm to defend herself.

Soujiro froze in his tracks just as the shoji door to his room slammed aside to reveal a protective Ayaka and then Masumi, who was just now catching up to her. "What's going on?" He demanded, but was sincerely concerned.

The only thing they saw was Koharu on the ground with her arm raised against Soujiro, but Soujiro looked just as shocked at the couple. The anger was quick to replaced the shock in his eyes and he continued to trudge past Koharu. "I need a moment. Excuse me," he started to exit room.

"No, Soujiro. Wait-" Koharu started once she realized he was never going to lay a hand on her.

Just as he started to cut between Ayaka and Masumi, Ayaka threw a backhand slap across Soujiro's face. "Creep! What did you do to her?"

At once, Masumi grabbed her arm that assaulted him. "That's not going to solve anything!"

"Just get out of my way!" Soujiro yelled as he shoved Ayaka into Masumi to have an open path and ran.

"You might as well as not come back!" Ayaka continued to scream.

"No!" Koharu leapt to get feet. Ayaka knelt down and clutched around Koharu's waist to stop her in her tracks. "No! It's my fault!" She cried out to the couple in a stream of tears already. "I overreacted! He wasn't going to hurt me."

"Ayaka!" Masumi ranged in his voice of authority. The moment Koharu felt Ayaka's hold on her weaken, Koharu broke through her grasp and ran after Soujiro, but he was long gone by now.

"She's clearly confused!" Ayaka argued.

"You had no right to touch him, let alone barge in unannounced."

"He could have been hurting her."

"He wasn't! They were fighting. It's not unheard of with siblings. Why are you painting him to be some sort of browbeater?"

"I have a hard time trusting anyone carrying an illegal weapon while underdressing their younger sibling in clothes meant for boys." She couldn't understand how Soujiro got to be so skilled with a sword and obtain a real sword while Koharu was poorly dressed. It would seem Soujiro had the means to obtain what he wanted, but didn't care what happened to Koharu. She was poorly mistaken.

Koharu had attempted to go after Soujiro even after he was no longer in sight but barely got out the front door before she stumbled and fell on the cold ground. She shouted for him even though she knew it would do nothing to bring him back. I'm sorry. I just wanted to understand.

She had played right into her worse fears. She had driven her best friend away from her. She had told him he wasn't good enough and then humiliated him. It was not what she meant, but it was still how it all came out. "Please come back, Sou." She looked over her shoulder when she heard the heavy steps of Masumi's from behind. She shook her head sadly. "It really was my fault. I told him he wasn't good enough. It isn't true. Sometimes, I just don't understand him."

"Calm down. I'm sure he'll be back. You, however, shouldn't be out here." Masumi took her carefully on his arms to get her off the cold ground. He carried her back up to her room.

Just before Masumi was going to place her back in her bed, Koharu had a thought. She jerked in his hold. "Did Soujiro take his sword?"

"Uh, I can't be sure. Why do you-" He had to quickly put Koharu down as she squirmed to get out of his hold.

She ran across the hallway back into Soujiro's room to where she found his sword still on the ground where he last left it. She stumbled after it and snatched it up in her arms. "He will come back. He'll have to for this, right?" She turned to face a concerned Masumi.

"I suppose. Swords like that aren't easy to come by, especially in these days."

Koharu's face suddenly saddened. Not because of what Masumi said, but because she realized again, Soujiro left his sword. Whether he had been planning to leave her for good or not, it wasn't like him to just leave it behind. He practically slept with it. She fell to her knees in distraught still clutching the weapon. "I really did hurt him. He was so desperate to get away, he didn't even take his sword."

"Fights happen, Koharu, especially between siblings. Soujiro was probably right to run otherwise, he probably would have acted on his anger towards you, and my wife. If that's the case, it was very wise of him." He then tried to add a touch of lightheartedness to the conversation. "It's never a good idea, in my opinion, to anger a swordsman."

"Well, I do it more than I like to admit," she stood and started to leave while still holding the sword. She stopped, feeling now that she was holding the sword hostage. She wanted to hold onto it knowing Soujiro would come for it. He would have to come to her to get it. She held the weapon up sadly. I'm holding onto it because I'm fearing that's all he'll come back for. I shouldn't force him to face me for it. With that, she sat the sword down on his bed. Instead, she would leave him the option to take his sword without ever seeing her again. The thought of it was already making her eyes brim with tears, but she knew if he decided to leave her, she couldn't blame him now.

Soujiro had kept running despite hearing Koharu desperately call out to him. He knew, even now, she didn't mean her last words. They weren't even the reason why he ran. He wouldn't run just because his feelings were hurt. He had just been pushed to an edge he didn't feel strong enough to stand near anymore. He was even scared. Emotions were still new to him and Koharu was trying to force something out of him that had been the cause of his suppressed emotions. He was already emotionally unstable, especially now. He was scared of becoming the Teken again. He didn't feel so unstable that he might lose it and kill them like he had with his first adoptive family. The difference here was that Koharu and the others weren't trying to kill him first, but Soujiro still knew too well how to suppress his emotions. Kenshin had broken him, but it didn't mean Soujiro had to stay broken. He could become the Teken again, if he so wished, like Kenshin could become the Battousai again. The first step would be to not feel again. That's what had allowed him to kill without thought before.

Even now, he wanted to not feel. He hated what he was feeling now. He felt angry at the world. Angry with his parents for not wanting him, anger at being rejected by the rest of the family, anger over Shishio when he didn't come to his aid when he needed it most, anger at Kenshin for breaking him and setting him upon this miserable path, anger towards the Meiji government for calling him a criminal but wanting to employ him for the skills that made him so in the first place. All this anger had bubbled fourth at once from Koharu insisting in him giving what he couldn't and a slap in the face that brought those memories to life. He knew he was the strongest out of them, but Ayaka's slap had brought feelings of helplessness and weakness he had felt as a child when he really could do nothing but take the beating. If anything, that's what made him run. Those feelings she spurn from within him were the ones that had made him not want to feel in the first place.

But he had to be angry now. If he didn't let out the anger, he'd only suppress it and risk falling back into his old ways. Then, he could end up hurting Koharu, or worse...

I guess this is improvement, he thought as he was finally calming down. He was now sheltered within the branches of a tree having buried his head into his knees when he had gave way to tears. The tears were still from the anger he had felt so strongly from before. He would still have to wipe a tear away every so often, but had managed to keep his head raised over his knees.

Kenshin had never meant to cause Soujiro to release his emotions and Soujiro had released them by banging his head and fists into the ground like a madman. Everyone present at that moment probably thought he belonged in an asylum, probably even more so than a prison. That was ten years of suppressed emotion, however. He guessed he had somehow let it build all over again, but now he was able to let it go before it got to such a degree like it did when fighting Kenshin, and he felt this was a more natural way to do it. This was what he had to do to not become the Teken again.

I'm a mess, he thought as his head fell back against his knees. He had run in his bare feet and now was using his hands to cover over the front of his feet to keep feeling in his toes. He really almost felt like that helpless child he once used to be, especially without his sword. He had not even thought to take it with him.

When he lifted his head again, his eyes focused on a snowflake drifting towards him. He reached his hand out to catch it and it melted on contact against his skin. He looked out towards the depth of the woods to see more large flakes of snow starting to fall. He wasn't alarmed and found it to be more of a refreshing sight than the rain. The air was cool and crisp and there was beauty he could see in the snowflakes that he couldn't find in the rain. Still, he knew it would be foolish to remain too much longer out here. He was in clothes more fit for summer, without shoes and without his weapon. For those reasons alone and against Ayaka's wishes, he would have to return, but it didn't mean he had to stay with them anymore. He would leave as soon as he could, with or without Koharu.