Be sure to visit my page on the DeGrassi Saviors website to vote for which story will replace Waiting on a Spark that hasn't Happened Yet when that ends. You have three choices and there are brief descriptions for each story in the poll. The poll will remain up until the last chapter of Waiting on a Spark that hasn't Happened Yet goes up which might be as few as four weeks or as many as ten it all depends on how much goes into these last few chapters. Currently Love Me Back to Life and The Girls Next Door are almost tied, the leading story is ahead by only a couple of votes.

Ch. 28 Shadow of Emotion

(ADAM)

"The loss of a life, any life, hurts us all but the loss of a young life is especially tragic," the pastor says and Maya turns into me before she begins bawling.

It's Saturday and we're all at Zig's funeral. His family is barely holding it together, Spin and Paige along with Sean and Emma spent a lot of time with Zig's family this last week. They brought food and helped plan the service, it kept them busy and I think it was the way they dealt with their grief. The rest of us have been dealing with the grief in our way. Tris spent a lot time with his boyfriends, doing what I have no idea but we hardly saw him all week. Jenna and K.C. spent a lot of time together and a lot of time with Joey and Caitlin preparing to bring a new life into the world. Lucas spent all of his spare time with Mia, while Johnny and Jay took a couple days off for a motorcycle trip. Owen threw himself into physical activities, girls or sports or working out in the weight room. Drew became very family oriented, coming right home from practice and work he'd spend time with me and Clare before Bianca, he also got more protective and worried about us but that might also have something to do with Clare getting shot as well as Zig. Bianca's been spending a lot of time with us, a lot with Drew and the rest of her time on school. Fitz has been glued to my sister's side since she came home from the hospital on Halloween. Clare, well I'm not actually sure she's dealing with anything as she's sort of retreated into herself. As for me I've been kind of avoiding by taking care of everyone else. Mostly I've been taking care of Maya, she's been at my house all week and she's gone between being off and silent to bawling randomly, she'll burst into tears for seemingly no reason at the drop of a hat. She's not handling Zig's death well and I'm very worried about her.

"I invite anyone who would like to say a few words about Zigmund to come up to the podium."

Zig's parents are sobbing, Maya hasn't taken her head from my chest, Clare is staring blankly into nothing, Tris is holding his boyfriends. I'd go up but Maya won't let go of me but Jay is getting up anyway.

"Zig was a tough kid, he didn't back down from things and I liked that about him. He didn't come from money or have much of anything but there was this spark in him that drew people to him. He wasn't the smartest kid but he was great on the guitar and he loved to play music. Music was his way of fighting without his fists. Zig we'll miss you buddy, it's not going to be the same without you," Jay says and sits down again.

Spinner says a few words, then Emma and the pastor finishes. Sean, Drew, Spin and Jay are pallbearers and we follow them out to the cemetery. As Zig's casket is lowered into the ground we all say a prayer and toss some dirt on the coffin. Since Zig's parents have a small apartment everyone is gathering at our house for the repast. Clare's follow up appointment is later today after the repast so she still has to stay off her leg. She has crutches but Fitz has been carrying her around a lot.

The repast is only a couple of hours, long enough for people to eat something and talk a little. Zig's parents thank Spinner and Paige for hosting and for everything they've done and then they leave. Fitz and Spinner take Clare to her appointment, Tris leaves with his boyfriends to go to Zane's house and Jenna isn't feeling well so K.C. takes her home and Jay gives them a ride.

"I don't want to be here; can we go out please? There must be a party somewhere," Maya says to me as everyone begins to leave.

"Yeah if you're sure that's what you want," I nod. "We're going out for a bit," I tell Paige.

"Be careful," she says hugging us both before we leave.

We start walking down the block and it doesn't take us long to find a party. We know most of the kids here because they go to DeGrassi. Maya gets a drink the first chance she gets but considering we put our friend in the ground today I don't blame her. We sit on the sofa and she sips at a couple of wine coolers.

"I think you need some water and something to eat, I'm going to the washroom and get you some food and some water after. Do not move from this spot," I instruct her.

She doesn't say anything just nods a little and drinks the last of her wine cooler. I find the washroom but have to wait in line, when I'm done I grab a bowl of chips and a bottle of water for Maya. I return to the living room but Maya isn't on the sofa she's dancing, not with anyone in particular just dancing but a few guys are watching her. She also has another drink in her hand.

"Maya what is that?"

"Umm something in coke," she replies.

"Something? You don't know what you're drinking? Give me the glass," I command but she turns away from me.

"No my wee drinkie," Maya wines and quickly swallows the rest.

"Maya what are you doing? You don't even know what was in that drink."

"I don't care what was in it this is the happiest day of my entire day."

"Well whatever it was it's got you completely snockered," I comment and Maya begins laughing hysterically.

"Snnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnockered, that's a funny word. You're funny Adam, you're my funny boyfriend."

"Yeah that's me your funny boyfriend, maybe we should sit down," I comment pulling her toward the sofa.

"No I want to dance, let me have a good time why don't you want me to have a good time," Maya whines.

"Yeah let the girl have a good time," some guy says pushing me away from Maya with one hand.

He's about twice my size but that's never stopped me before. I clench my fist and strike a punch right on his jaw. He looks kind of surprised and stumbles back a bit. He's one of the few people here I don't recognize so he doesn't go to DeGrassi or he'd know better than to mess with either of us. Maya's not paying attention at all she's dancing to some song in her head because her rhythm is completely different than the music that's going. The guy recovers from the punch and hits me in the eye, it's a hard punch and I'm sent stumbling back and now Maya shrieks.

"Adam, oh you're hurt! You have a booboo right here" Maya says in a sad voice kneeling down beside me for a brief second before hopping up again, "I'll get you shome ice."

She gets up and disappears into the crowd, I get up and try to follow her but my eye is quickly swelling shut. When Maya doesn't return after a couple of minutes I go to the kitchen to look for her. I don't see her in the kitchen and I know I'm going to need some help it's going to be hard to handle her this drunk let alone with one eye. I send a text to the group telling them where we are and that Maya's drunk, I know at least one of them will come. While I'm waiting I look in the freezer and find a pack of peas, I put it on my eye and go out front to wait for whoever's coming. I only have to wait a moment before Owen walks up with Johnny.

"Shit you got punched," Owen remarks when he sees the frozen peas on my eye.

"You have a keen grasp of the obvious," I shoot back in a sardonic tone and Owen shoots me a look.

"Let me see," Owen says taking the ice from my eye.

"Who hit you?" Johnny asks while Owen looks at my eye.

"Some guy, Maya was drunk and dancing and he thought she should dance while I thought she should sit down."

"You'll have a nasty shiner for a while, your sibs and probably Paige will flip but you'll be alright. Come on let's go find Maya before she gets herself into too much trouble," Owen comments.

"I'll check the back," Johnny says.

Owen holds onto my shirt; guess he's worried I'll get hit again. I set down the frozen peas while Owen and I begin looking through the first floor for my girlfriend. When we don't find Maya anywhere on the first floor the three of us go upstairs. She's not in the washroom, closet or master but the other bedroom is locked, it's the only place Maya could be and we all know how to pick locks. Johnny even has a lock picking tool he keeps on him and he uses it to open the door. When the door opens my stomach drops. Maya is on the bed with Harry, a kid from school who hangs with the druggies because he is one, she's making out with him and he has his hand up her shirt. I try tell myself she's drunk but it doesn't stop the pit in my stomach from growing or the pain I feel.

"HEY," Owen yells scaring Harry and he breaks the kiss to look at us. "YOU BETTER GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER!"

Harry takes his hand away but doesn't move off the bed, he's just looking at us like a deer in the headlights. Maya laughs for a minute and then rolls over and falls asleep. When Harry doesn't move Owen storms over and hauls him off the bed tossing him at the wall. Then Owen picks Maya up and hands her to me before taking out his car keys and dropping them in my hand.

"Get her out to my car we'll deal with Harry," Owen says.

I start taking Maya downstairs while I hear Owen and Johnny lecturing and hitting Harry, telling him to stay away from Maya. She's still asleep and I put her over my shoulder to open the car door. I get her in the backseat, she lies across it and I sit, after a few minutes Johnny and Owen come to the car.

"We took care of Harry, if he even looks at her again he's going to hurt," Johnny tells me.

"Good," I nod.

"You want me to take you to your place?" Owen asks.

"No let's take her home, with my eye and how drunk she is she should probably sleep in her own bed," I reply but I'm really just hurting so much from what she did I don't want to be with her tonight.

Owen nods and we drive to the Guthrie's apartment. Owen parks and we get out of the car, Johnny carries Maya upstairs and we knock.

"Fuck what happened?" K.C. asks with fear in his voice when he opens the door and sees his unconscious sister.

"She's drunk, she just needs to sleep it off," I tell him.

While Johnny takes Maya back to her room and helps Jenna get her into bed Owen and I tell K.C. what happened tonight. Johnny comes out a moment later and we say goodnight to K.C. and Jenna before going back to Owen's car and he takes us all back to my place.

"What happened to your eye?" Spinner demands.

"I'm fine, I'm going to bed," I reply before grabbing some ice and walking back to my room.

I lie on my bed and try telling myself that Maya was drunk and didn't know what she was doing. I try but it's not quite working, she was cheating on me and drunk or not I begin to think she wanted to.

(FITZ)

"You're healing up nicely Clare," the doctor smiles wrapping her leg with a bandage. "You should keep the crutches for a few more days, your leg will be pretty weak. You can begin to put weight on it again a little at a time but don't strain it too much it will take time for the muscles to heal. If you have any questions or concerns come back in and if she's in a lot of pain you can treat it with over the counter medications."

"Thanks Doc," Spinner nods.

Clare slides off the exam table and I put an arm around her waist for support. I help her out to the car and Spinner drives us back to their house. Jenna and K.C. went home and Jay drove them, Adam and Maya are out but everyone else is home.

"I'm going to lie down," Clare says. She begins hobbling to her room and I follow her. She makes it to her bed and lies down. "My leg hurts I think I have some pain pills left from the doctor can you check please?" She requests.

"Yeah I'll grab you some water," I reply going out to the kitchen to get some water.

Everyone but Drew and Bianca are in the living room, the TV is on but people seem to be more spaced out than actually watching. Paige tells me there's still plenty eat and I should take a plate back to Clare's room so I grab a water bottle and make a plate of finger foods. I set the plate on Clare's desk and grab one of her pain pills handing it to her with the bottle of water. She swallows the pill, hands me back the water and then curls over staring into nothing. She stays just like that, entirely motionless, doesn't say a thing, doesn't cry, if her chest didn't rise with her breaths I'd think she was dead. She remains that way for hours, I hear Owen and Johnny leaving and then returning with Adam sometime later. When I go out to use the washroom I hear Owen telling everyone Maya was drunk and fooling around with Harry which explains why Adam shut himself into his room. Clare appears to have fallen asleep when I return to her room. I sit at her desk and eat the food, get out my phone and start playing a game, it's mostly just keeping my mind from thinking.

Zig has been dead a week and we've all fallen apart a little bit. Maya's lost it, Clare's become like a walking coma and Tris is pulling away from all of us and attaching himself to his boyfriends. I know we're all grieving but I just hope when the grief passes we all come back together.

There's a sudden knock on the window and it startles me. No one I know would knock on her window all our people would just walk through the front door. Whoever it is knocks again so I set down my phone and get out my new switchblade, Sean gave it to me when I lost the other one on Halloween. I put my phone on the flashlight app and open the curtain while I shine the flashlight out the window to see it who it is. Jeff squints at the bright light and I turn it off setting down my blade and phone before I open the window.

"What are you doing here?"

"Hey Fitz, sorry for just showing up but she hasn't answered my calls, texts or e-mails in a week. Anya told me about your friend dying and I was worried about her," Jeff tells me.

"Yeah she's not handling it very well or it triggered something else in her I'm not really sure. I think she's sleeping but you can come in, maybe it will do her some good," I remark and move back from the window so he can come in. He crawls in and we both sit on Clare's bed, I brush the hair back from her face and shake her gently to wake her up. "Clare, wake up Jeff's here he came to see you," I tell her.

Her eyes open and she looks at Jeff, he grins at her and she turns away, "What are you doing here?"

"You weren't reply to anything I was worried about you," he says.

"My friend died I'm sad and I didn't want to talk apparently you didn't get the hint," she snaps at him rolling over again.

"Clare that isn't nice he drove all the way here to see you because he was worried," I censure her.

"Then he's a fool and so are you for sticking around," she replies sharply covering her head with a pillow.

"She's not doing so well is she?" Jeff asks as we get up and start walking toward her window again.

"No she's not coping so well and I don't know if it's more because Zig died or she got shot."

"She got shot? Anya didn't tell me that."

"Anya probably didn't know; it was just in her leg. She lost some blood but she had outpatient surgery to remove the bullet and had to stay off of her leg for a few days. Her leg is fine but she's not."

"Yeah I can tell, I guess I know she's alive now," Jeff sighs.

"She's grieving, going through something in her head and trying push people away I'm sure she'll realize she needs people and wish she hadn't told you to leave," I tell him.

"Yeah well if she does come to that realization tell her to call me," Jeff says before climbing out the window again.

I close Clare's window and sit on her bed again, she keeps the pillow on her head and eventually I realize she's fallen asleep again. Despite what she said I stay with her all night and wake up the next morning when she gets up to use the washroom. I rub my eyes and follow her out, she comes out of the washroom just as Adam comes out of his room and we both see that he's got a black eye.

"Adam! What happened?" Clare exclaims rushing to her brother's side.

"I'm alright some jerk hit me at the party last night."

Paige says there's breakfast but neither Clare nor Adam is hungry and when I use the washroom and go back to her room I find her door locked. I could easily pick the lock but obviously she doesn't want me in there or she wouldn't have locked the door. I can also hear Adam's voice in the room so I know he's with her. I go into the kitchen to get some breakfast and drive home to change clothes. I don't stay long because I want to be back at the Mason's in case Clare needs me or something else happens, I don't want to hear about it after the fact. Emma and Sean are both at work, Paige doesn't work on the weekends but Spinner is at work and so is Drew. Bianca, Owen and Johnny are in the living room when I get back and Paige is in the kitchen baking, I think she's just trying to keep busy. I sit with Owen and the others in living room, we're just watching TV and occasionally talking. At one point Paige goes back to tell Adam that Maya is awake with a terrible hangover. Adam doesn't respond but a short time later he and Clare leave her room.

"We're going out," Adam announces as he and Clare grab their coats and leave the house.

"Back by curfew and be careful, Clare take your crutches you're not supposed to put too much weight on that leg yet," Paige says.

"We'll be fine, we're not going far and I can give her a piggyback," Adam replies.

"Call one of us if you need a ride," I tell them and Adam nods before they leave.

We watch TV for a while longer, Paige brings us cookies but when I notice that it's beginning to snow outside I decide to go look for Clare and Adam. Bianca comes with me, we take her car but knowing Clare and Adam are on foot we know they couldn't have gone far. We check the ravine first and a couple people tell us Clare and Adam walked down toward the water. In fact we find them at the water, Clare is sitting on a rock and keeping from putting weight on her leg, Adam is leaning next to her and tossing rocks into the water.

"Guys it's starting to snow you should come home," I tell them.

"I want to stay here," Clare replies.

"Well you can't because you can't walk very well in the snow and Adam can't go very far in the snow with you on his back," Bianca replies.

"Fine we'll come home then," Clare says sliding off the rock but when she puts weight on her leg she hisses.

I run over and pick her up, "I got you."

She opens her mouth with her eyes narrowed into slits like she's going to snap back a snarky response. But then her face relaxes and she bites her lip putting her arms around my neck and her head on my chest. Bianca grabs Adam, she puts her arm around his waist and we walk back to Bianca's car driving back to their place. Bianca puts Adam in the living room and says he needs to eat something while I take Clare back to her room.

"I don't know why you're being so nice to me still," Clare remarks as I put her on her bed.

"Because I know you were upset and grieving and didn't mean those things," I respond.

"I'm not worth it," she comments leaning against the wall and looking down at her hands. I sit next to her and tip her chin up to look at me.

"If I didn't know you were worth it I wouldn't still be here, and if Jeff didn't think you were worth it he wouldn't have driven here from Guelph last night," I remind her.

"I'm sure he went home and just why were you so friendly with your competition?"

"Because I thought him being here might help you. You want to tell me what's been going through your head since Halloween?"

"Zig shouldn't have died," she responds quietly.

"No he shouldn't have died but Vince is in jail, he confessed and he was sentenced," I remind her.

"To fifteen years, fifteen years for taking our friends life. One year for every year Zig was alive, that's barely justice. Vince should have been sentenced to life."

"Yeah I know but at least he's in prison and hopefully he's getting beat and raped in there," I comment. Clare doesn't say anything just looks away again. "It has to be more than just Zig's death that has you so upset you haven't even cried. You want to tell me what else is going on in that head of yours?"

"Nothing," she replies slumping down and I sigh.

"Okay I'm going to get you some food because you've hardly eaten a thing all week. I think you should call Jeff, not that I want the competition but if you push him away now you'll regret it later. I don't want you to break down again because you pushed him away without meaning to," I comment handing her phone to her.

She takes the phone and looks at it a second before putting in the password and scrolling through the contacts. I leave her to talk in private for a few minutes and go out to get her something to eat. I hope whatever is weighing on her mind goes away soon or she at least talks about it.

Update next Saturday will begin in Clare's pov probably talking to Jeff. It will also include Adam confronting Maya and probably school on Monday.