And the winner of the poll is…Love Me Back to Life by over 40 votes! So that will replace this next week.
As for the other two stories Girls Next Door, which came in second place, is a Clew story and will eventually be a Tuesday story but We Ain't Done Anything I'd Take Back started only a few weeks ago and Salvaged & Saved will replace that.
And Supernatural High will most likely replace Swirling Storm Inside however that is a very long way from ending.
Please note there will be no story tomorrow or Monday because I will be with family and won't have time to write.
!WARNING! This chapter contains a possible trigger warning and gets intense at moments.
Ch. 31 The Sun is Shining but not for Me
(CLARE)
"WHO WAS IT I'M GOING TO KILL THEM!" Spinner yells and it brings everyone in the house running over to us.
"What's going?" Adam questions as they crowd into the hallway.
"Clare lost her virginity and she needs to tell me who so I can go kill them," Spinner says.
"It was Jeff," Drew enlightens him and now Spin turns his head to glower at Drew because he's been withholding information.
"You can't kill Jeff and it was my decision Spin," I tell him with a firm yet annoyed tone as I stomp my foot.
"YOU KNEW," Spin yells at Drew.
"I saw her walking the next morning I knew that walk and she said if I told anyone she'd never forgive me," Drew says in his defense.
"Who else knew about this?" Spinner demands and looks right at Adam.
"I'm her twin you know I knew and you know I don't tell anyone our secrets," Adam replies and now Spinner looks at Fitz.
"She's sleeping with me if I'd told you then you would have killed me."
"Why am I the last to know?" Spinner asks.
"I didn't know," Maya says.
"You're not the last to know Spinner and I didn't tell you because if you'd known I knew you'd react just like this. It was my decision to have sex and to sleep with Jeff. I wanted it and I knew what we were doing and if you even think about killing Jeff I will never speak to you again," I inform Spinner then grab Fitz's hand and pull him into my room slamming and locking the door. Then I grab my coat and shoes and start putting them on.
"What are you doing?" Fitz questions.
"Going out for some fresh air. You don't have to come," I reply.
"Right like I'm going to stay here," Fitz responds getting his coat and shoes.
We go out my window so we don't have to walk through everyone else. I have no idea where we're going I just wanted to get out of the house. I start walking toward the park, it's freezing outside and starting to snow but I don't care.
"He infuriates me, they all do," I complain as we walk through the park path.
"They only react that way because they care," Fitz says.
"I know that but it doesn't make it any less infuriating. When Drew lost his virginity Spinner didn't bat an eye. He finds out I'm not a virgin anymore and he freaks out! And why because I'm a girl!"
"Maybe it's not so much that you're a girl and more about the fact that you hid it from him," Fitz says.
"Are you kidding? If I'd told him my plan he would have bought me a chastity belt and locked me in my room and you know it. If you were the one I'd lost my virginity to and I'd come to you to tell you I wanted to lose my virginity you would have been doing all that you could to keep it as secret as possible. It's always been that way. I'm exactly the same age Drew was when he lost his virginity but if Spinner had his way I wouldn't have sex until I was 35 and married. I love my family but sometimes they drive me so nuts. You know he wouldn't have reacted that way if Drew or Adam had told him he lost his virginity?"
"No but I'm not sure how Adam would lose his virginity and Drew's already lost his. You know Paige will talk to him and he'll calm down."
"That's not the point, the point is that he thinks he can run my life."
"He is your guardian."
"Sean's your guardian and he doesn't run your life. It's like he doesn't want me to have a mind of my own. Or he wants me to share Adam's. Brothers are extremely frustrating, all of them. I have my own life and my own needs and my own wants."
"And just what do you want? What do you want right now?" Fitz asks walking over and putting his arms around me.
"I don't know," I reply turning in his arms and putting my head on his chest.
"If you could have anything?"
"I'd want Zig back."
"Yeah me too," Fitz says softly rubbing my back. "It's freezing out I don't think we should stay outside for long. You want to come to my place?"
"No I want to be out, let's go on a date."
"Right now?"
"Yeah right now, let's go out."
"Okay but my car is back at your place."
"We don't need a car let's walk. There's places around here."
"Coffee and dessert at The Dot then," Fitz says putting his arm around me and we start walking again. "You know you're going to have to go back and face Spinner at some point," Fitz comments.
"I know but I need some time to cool down and so does he."
"Do you want to call Jeff and warn him that Spinner might be on the warpath?"
"Yeah I guess I should," I nod getting out my phone and click on Jeff's name.
"Hey," he answers.
"Hi I just wanted to let you know that Spin found out I'm not a virgin anymore and Drew told him it was you. He doesn't know where you live and I'd like to believe that he wouldn't drive all the way to Guelph to hurt you but I'm really not too sure. Just be careful."
"I'll be fine; I guess he didn't take it too well?"
"If by well you mean he yelled and wanted to know who it was so he could kill them then he took it fabulously. I had to get out so I'm at The Dot with Fitz, I'll call you later."
Jeff says goodbye and hangs up just as we reach The Dot. Fitz opens the door for me and we go inside. We order and Fitz pays and then we sit down near the window.
"So does this actually count as a date?" Fitz questions.
"Yes? Why are you keeping track of how many times we go out so you can compete with Jeff?"
"No, I don't want to compete with Jeff I was just curious if it was a date," Fitz replies.
"You are very confounding sometimes," I comment and Fitz chuckles. Just as I'm finishing eating I see Spinner's care pull up outside. "I'll bet he's here for me," I comment slumping down in my seat.
"You want to try and run out the back?"
"No I'm going to have to face him I might as well get it over with," I sigh as Spinner walks in.
"Fitz I need to speak with my sister," Spinner tells him.
"Yeah I'm going to head home anyway. I'll call you later Clare," Fitz says getting up.
"How'd you even know I was here?" I ask Spinner.
"I run this place and they called me when you two came in," Spinner comments.
"Great you have spies everywhere," I groan as I get up.
Fitz kisses my cheek before leaving. Spinner and I go outside but instead of getting in his car he walks up the stairs to the club. I guess we're talking up there, although given the number of people that tend to be at my house that's probably not a bad idea.
Spinner unlocks the door and I go in, walking all the way to the back and sitting in one of the arm chairs. Spinner comes over sitting on the edge of the sofa next to the arm chair. He looks at his hands, then me, and then away from me I guess he's searching for the right words.
"You're not going to ground me are you?"
"No but finding you a chastity belt and removing your bedroom door crossed my mind," Spinner replies and I twist my face at him. "Don't worry I didn't do either one. I just don't know when you grew up and I don't think you were grown up enough to make that kind of decision."
"You're joking right?"
"Clare you're fifteen!"
"So was Drew and don't you dare tell me he's more mature than I am."
"No he's not but…"
"But what?" I cut my eldest brother off. "But he's a guy so it's okay for him?"
"I didn't say that."
"No but that's you're thinking. I've grown up in a house full of boys, three older brothers and all their friends. I wanted to lose my virginity and I wanted it to be with Jeff. I care about him deeply and I wanted it to be him and everything in me told me it was the right time, that it was right. My reasons are my own and I was safe, he was gentle and it was a beautiful memory I will cherish. If I thought I was in danger it never would have happened. You can't control my life Spin but you and Dad, and even Drew and Adam, taught me to be strong and take care of myself. You want me to be independent and be me own person but then when I do anything that is independent you freak out."
"Not always and this isn't just any little thing, losing your virginity is a huge decision. Yes Drew was your age but he and Bianca had been dating a year when they made love for the first time and Paige and I for two years. I just worry that you made this decision lightly and quickly."
"I'm not you, or Drew or Paige or Bianca. I didn't take the decision lightly at all and I didn't make it quickly but I'm not going to explain how I came to the decision that the time was right for me. It's not like I went out and just fucked some random guy I knew exactly what I was doing and what I wanted and went for it. With all the things the media puts out about how women look and act you should be proud that I'm comfortable enough with who I am to do so."
"I am; I am very proud of you but it doesn't change the fact that I worry about you."
"I know and I probably can't stop you from worrying but can you at least try to have more faith in me that I know what I'm doing? I know that sometimes I do things that are…somewhat self-destructive and a little crazy but that doesn't mean all my actions are like that. I do think about most of my decisions. Besides which if there were really something to worry about Adam would know."
"Yeah I know but he doesn't always talk to me about things either."
"If we are worried enough we'll come to you or we'll come to someone in our group. We love you Spin but you've always been like our dad and it's not always easy to come to your parents with everything."
"Yeah I guess not and as long as you go to someone in our group when you need to then I'm okay with it. At least I'll try not to freak out when you tell me things like that."
"Not sure what else there is for you to freak out about, I'm on birth control and Fitz still uses condoms each time so it would be really hard for me to get pregnant. And if I do get married it's not going to be for a very long time."
"Good," Spinner smiles leaning forward to hug me tightly, "let's keep it that way. Come on let's go home."
(SPINNER)
"Hey Sean," I nod to him as he walks in The Dot.
"Hey Spin you heard from Jay at all?"
"No, not in a few days why?"
"He didn't show up for work today and he's not answering his phone. I went to his place but he's not there. I need to go find him something is up."
"Hang on I'll see if I can get someone to cover the rest of my shift and come with you," I tell him just as Clare and Fitz come into the café.
"Hey bro," Fitz greets his brother. "What's wrong?" Fitz asks when he sees Sean's worried face.
"Jay's missing," he informs him and my sister begins to panic.
"What do you mean Jay is missing? Where is he? How can he be missing?" She questions rapidly in a high pitched anxiety filled voice.
"He didn't show up for work and he's not at his place, he's also not answering his phone," Sean tells her.
"I want to look for him too," Clare insists.
"Clare you have 3rd and 4th period still and lunch is almost over," I tell her.
"I have communications technology and media studies and I can easily get the work and homework from someone else in the class. I'm not going to fail if I skip one class and I won't be able to concentrate knowing Jay's missing. When Zig went missing he was found dead," Clare says.
"I'll go with her, I won't miss anything in auto shop I couldn't learn from Sean and Adam or Bianca can tell us what happened in media studies. Anyway it's not like failing a class is going to matter much to me," Fitz says and his brother gives him a harsh look.
"I won't let him fail but we need to find Jay," Clare asserts.
"Alright go, Sean can you call Simpson and explain where our younger siblings are off to while I get someone to cover my shift?"
"Yeah I'll call Emma too," Sean nods.
He walks out with Fitz and Clare and they exchange a few words and then Clare and Fitz walk toward the school to get in his car I'm sure. Because the bell at DeGrassi is going to ring in a few minutes the café pretty much empties out. I call a few employees and one of them says he'll come in.
"I told Simpson and he said Clare and Fitz would be fine. Emma just got out of class but she's going to go by Jay's place again and then she'll check our place. She'll call me after that," Sean says coming back in.
"I've got someone coming in to cover the rest of my shift, he'll be here in fifteen minutes."
Sean nods and I start logging out and getting my stuff so I can take off as soon as my relief is here. When he does show up I thank him and leave with Sean, we take his car and he starts driving.
"Is Clare okay? She kind of snapped the second she found out Jay was missing."
"Man I don't know; I never know with her. Sometimes she seems like she's more on top of things than any of us. Like she knows everything and the rest of us are catching up. Other times it's like she's barely holding on by a thread and that thread is very frayed and slowly being burned away. Although considering that the last time one of us went missing, which was just over two weeks ago, she was shot in the leg and Zig ended up dead I can't blame her. You know it just occurred to me that letting her search with Fitz alone again might not have been the best idea."
"Well they can't run into Vince again and Jay's not involved with drugs. Fitz will take care of her."
"That I am sure of. Which is why I didn't kill him on Sunday when I found out he'd been having sex with my baby sister. So where are we going first?"
"I don't really know, figured I'd just drive around some of the places he hangs out and then just drive around."
"He had the flu last week is he sick again?"
"No I don't think so; he was pretty sick but he was feeling well enough to come into work yesterday. He had spent almost the last week just lying in bed though. Maybe he got sick again or weak and passed out. We'll stop by all the hospitals too."
And that's what we do, drive around but with no sign of Jay anywhere. Emma goes by his place but he's not there, she meets up with Johnny and they go looking. Fitz and Clare check in but they haven't seen him. No one at the ravine has seen him. By eleven and still no sign of Jay anywhere we go back to my house. Emma, Maya, Johnny, Owen and Fitz are here along with everyone that lives here full time. It's like Jay's been swallowed up by the earth, there is no sign of him. Everyone stays here but no one really sleeps, everyone is worried about Jay and thinking about Zig. At about five Sean gets a call on his cell.
"Hi Tony did you hear from Jay?" Sean answers and then his face changes. "He what?" Sean exclaims and then nods and then hangs up. "Jay called at three this morning and quit his job effective right now but with no explanation."
"Okay Sean you and I will go back to his place, the rest of you get something to eat and split up to look for him," I instruct then Sean and I leave.
We go to Jay's place and knock but there's no answer. Sean uses his key to get in but Jay's not here.
"Something's not right his apartment is not usually this clean. Things look…" Sean pauses looking around the place, "I'm not sure but they look wrong and there's his phone."
"Let's go, he's not here and something is very wrong I can feel it," I tell Sean and he nods. He locks Jay's apartment and we get back in my car, I start driving and look at Sean. "If Jay was really upset or worried or really needed to think and be alone where would he go? You're his best friend Sean think hard there must be somewhere."
"I know a place," Sean nods after a moment. He gives me directions and I know what he's talking about. "There's his car," Sean says as I pull up and we park next to Jay's car.
We run down the trail to the end and when we see Jay our hearts stop and we both yell at the same time.
"JAY!"
(JAY)
"Are you sure?" I ask the doctor.
"Yes, I looked at the results twice. I'm sorry Jason I know what a devastating diagnosis this is b…" the doctor is saying but I don't want to hear it. As soon as she told me all I heard was my life ending.
I stand up quickly and storm out, leaving the office and jumping in my car. I just start driving, no destination just driving. I just keep going until I'm nearly out of gas and then I pull off at the next exit. I'm somewhere in the woods near a pond. I get out of the car and begin pacing. I feel like I can't breathe and there's so many thoughts going through my head I feel like my brain's going to overload because of all the thoughts. I can't hold a single one long enough to really ponder it they just race through my mind. Mostly I'm just angry, really angry.
For a while I just pace around angrily, kicking the dirt and throwing rocks. It's all I can handle at the moment. Then I sit there in the dirt watching the water, just sit there staring at the water for hours. The sun goes down, it becomes dark, the moon is shining on the water and I just sit there staring at the moon on the water and this time I have no thoughts in my head.
And then I get up, I know what I need to do now. I drive to the closest town and fill up on gas. I don't get anything to eat, even though I haven't eaten anything in over fourteen hours I'm not hungry. I drive back to Toronto and it's three in the morning which should be a good time to do what I need to. I stop at home first to get all the cash I have stashed and make a phone call. I call work and leave a message on Tony's office line.
"It's Jay I quit effective right now," I say and hang up.
I stuff the cash in my pocket and get back in my car. I drive to a back alley near the ravine where I know some true hoodlums hang out.
"Hogart what are you doing here?"
"I need a gun, a revolver and I'm not going through all the stuff to get licensed."
"I got you, a revolver is not a common request out here but I think I got what you want," he says opening his trunk. He has a couple cases he opens, most of his merchandise is glocks and semi-automatics that hold twenty rounds or more. I see one revolver, looks like a slightly older piece and was probably stolen but I don't care. "Here you go, a Smith and Wesson double action," he tells me handing me the gun.
"Yeah this is good I'll take it, you got bullets?"
"Yeah here you go, twenty shells. I'll sell you both for $300."
"Sold," I reply taking out the cash from my pocket. I count out three hundred and hand it to him.
He counts it and get back in my car driving back home. It's barely four in the morning but I have some things to do. I prepare my apartment and then take my laptop getting back in my car, it's a little before five now. I drive to one of my favorite spots, well drive as close as I can get and park. I open my laptop to do a few things, by the time I'm finished it's a little after seven and the sun is up. I set my laptop on the passenger seat and get out of my care locking it up, then I walk the trail to my favorite spot. It's in the woods near the ravine but up the creek in a more secluded spot. I get out and walk to the edge, looking at the water, listening to it trickle. I take a deep breath and take out the gun loading one bullet into the chamber and make sure the bullet will fire and it won't be an empty chamber, I'm not trying to play Russian Roulette. I place the gun against my temple, I hear footsteps coming but I ignore them as I cock the revolver and put my finger on the trigger…
I don't think it's the worst cliffhanger I've ever left you guys on but it's at least in the top five. I know I'm terrible for leaving it this way but you only have to wait a week for the update which will pick up from right here.