Mothers Chapter 4

Stray Memories

Buffy's POV

I don't know what to do with myself. I'm sitting here at a table in the Bronze, waiting for Xander to come back from the bar with a pair of drinks and I don't know what to do with myself. He kinda insisted we come here tonight when I called him. I didn't really feel like objecting. It's the only place worth going in this town. We could go to the movies but all they ever play is sappy romance movies.

I can't stand those movies anymore. They're all about falling in love and happily ever after and all that. They don't show the ever after part where things take a bad turn and one of them dies or any of that stuff, except in tragic love stories, which they never play. This town has so much tragedy they only want to see happily ever after in their movies. So rather than sit through any of that we came here, which is only slightly better because I can get drunk.

I look over the crowd to see if he's coming back.

I don't see him. Not that Xander will let me get drunk. I think he still feels bad for the whole cave-slayer thing. Or maybe my mom told him not to let me. Either way he'd probably stop me if I went and ordered myself 5 or 6 drinks, or a pitcher of beer or something.

I lean back in my seat and watch the band.

They're not bad. We've been here a few minutes at least and I haven't heard a single love song. I was worried there'd be nothing but love songs and I'd have to start slaying the band. I like love songs about as much as romantic comedies.

Someone sets a drink down in front of me and I look up to see Xander over me before he sits down with me.

"Thanks."

"No problem Buff, I could buy a whole round for the house if I wanted."

A couple people from surrounding tables look at us.

"But I won't..."

The spectators go back to their own lives, some disappointed. I pick up the drink he got me and stare into the glass a bit.

"So things are still going well, with the construction stuff?"

"Yeah it is. I really think it's what I was meant to do. It just sorta seems to come naturally to me, like slaying does for you."

"That's great Xander, I'm happy for you. And things between you and Anya are still going strong?"

I take a sip of my drink.

"For the most part yeah, we have our rough spots from time to time because of the whole ex-demon thing, but it's not like it is with..."

I look at him as I'm about to take another sip.

"... um, other, people that I know..."

I take an extra big sip before responding.

"Mhmm..."

There's an uncomfortable silence between us, despite the music and dancing all around.

"What about you? How's your mom?"

"She's feeling a lot better, but the doctor says she should be getting better faster then she is. So now I'm even more worried about her then before."

"What does your mom say?"

I kinda laugh at the question.

"She says I should go out and enjoy my life."

He smiles sympathetically at me.

I seem to be getting that smile from everyone lately.

"Buffy, you know what I mean."

I down the rest of my alcoholic drink in one gulp as he takes his first sip of whatever he ordered. I let out a deep breath as I set my empty glass down.

"She keeps telling me she's okay and that everything is gonna work out but I just... I can't seem to believe it. I can't stop wondering when the next horrible thing is gonna happen that's gonna make my life even worse than it already is."

"Your life isn't horrible Buffy. I mean, sure, it's not all sunshine and happy puppies in Buffy city right now but you know it can't rain all the time, sooner later it's gotta let up. Things will get better, don't worry."

"That's what my mom keeps saying, only with fewer words."

He smiles at me and I smile back before looking down at the empty glass in front of me. The lead singer speaks to the crowd at the end of their song.

"We're gonna take a little break, back in a few."

"Well you should listen to her then, after all they always say, mother knows best."

I pick up the drink formerly filled with alcohol that hasn't made me drunk yet. The sound system comes to life and a song that feels kinda familiar comes on. The singer starts singing.

"I'm standing on the bridge..."

I grip the glass tight as the memory of where I know this song comes back.

"I'm waiting in the dark..."

I can't help looking towards the nearest door and some brunette walks through.

"I thought that you'd be here, by now..."

She looks around and is met by some blonde girl who all but jumps into the brunette's arms. The glass in my hand starts to crack.

"Buff...?"

"There's nothing but the rain..."

Then the blonde kisses the brunette and the image of Faith smiling pops into my head.

"No footsteps on the ground..."

The glass shatters in my hand.

"I'm listening but there's, no sound..."

Xander jumps from his seat and comes over to me. The chorus strikes up and I can only think one thing as I see the two girls walk into the club arm in arm.

"Fucking bitch..."

I close my eyes to stop watching them and I'm about to drop my head in my hands when Xander stops me.

"Whoa, hey, you've got glass in your hand girl."

I open my eyes and look at the broken pieces left over from the glass I'd been drinking.

"Oh uh, thanks Xand..."

I drop the big pieces on the table gently and dust my hands off of any smaller shards.

"You okay?"

I look at my hands, no cuts. I show him my hands.

"Yeah, I don't think any fingers are sliced up."

He goes and sits back at his seat.

"It wasn't your hands I was worried about."

Everyone is so worried about me.

"I'm fine, okay? I just, I saw something that..."

I don't finish the sentence.

"Made you feel like crushing glass with your bare hands?"

I take a deep breath and look down at the glass on the table.

"It was just, what I saw, reminded me of..."

Again I stop short of finishing.

"Faith..."

I look up at him with a questioning look.

"The words 'fucking bitch' kinda gave it away."

"Oh... well she makes me angry."

He looks down at the glass on the table.

"And I can understand why. I'm just worried that while you're busy being angry at Faith..."

His eyes drift over the table and the broken glass on it.

"You might get hurt."

I sit back from the table and take another deep breath.

"I'm okay, really."

I punch myself in the shoulder with the side of my fist.

"Slayer here, I can take a lot."

We just look at each other for a few seconds before he speaks.

"All right..."

I need another drink.

"You know, I'm gonna go see if I can get someone to clean this up for us. Maybe get another drink."

"Good idea, I hear broken glass is bad for the digestion."

I smile at him as I get up and head for the bar. I make my way to the bar just as that god damn song ends.

Thank god...

The next song is some rock song I don't recognize. I lean against the bar a bit and wait for the bartender to come this way. I'm there a few seconds and the brunette walks up to it next to me. She waves for the bartender to come over and he ignores her. She lets out a huff when she's sees he's not coming. We stand there without speaking for a while. Then, out of the blue she holds out her hand to me.

"Hi, I'm Fay."

I look at her hand, then up at her and attempt to smile before staring at the bar table.

"I'm Buffy."

It takes her a few seconds but she pulls her hand back.

"Nice to meet you..."

I don't respond. I look at the bartender across the bar, still busy with two or three customers.

God I could really use that drink.

After a few more silent moments, she continues to annoy me.

"So do you come here often?"

"Often enough..."

"I just started coming here with my girl a month or two ago. We actually met here, so we try to come back as often as possible."

Something about the things she's saying makes me clench my fist.

Why the hell is the bartender taking so long?

"That's great..."

"Yeah, she's here with me tonight. We're celebrating our two month anniversary."

I squeeze my fists even tighter to keep from telling her off.

"Congrats..."

"Thank you..."

She actually shuts up and gives me a few moments to myself while we wait.

"What about you?"

I look up at her and fight the urge to push her and tell her to get the hell away from me.

"Are you here with anyone?"

"A friend..."

"So you're not on a date?"

I've known this chick for all of five minutes and she wants to know if I'm dating anyone?

"No, I'm just here for the alcohol."

"Oh... bad break up?"

I look at her and just can't keep from glaring at her.

"Understatement of the year..."

"Well, drinking yourself into a hangover isn't gonna help. Why don't you and your friend join me and B at our table?"

I grip the edge of the bar and I think I'm gonna break a piece off.

If the bartender doesn't get here soon he may need to bring an ice pack.

"B?"

"Bonnie, my girl, I like to call her B, it's a thing. So you wanna invite your friend over?"

"Thanks, but no thanks."

Okay, the bartender obviously isn't coming. I'm going back to my table.

I move away from the bar and start back, she follows.

"Come on, it'll be fun."

"I said no thanks..."

I squeeze my fists together and turn to tell her off, only to be interrupted by some blonde wrapping her arm around Fay's waist.

"Hey baby, what's going on?"

Fay looks at me and then at her girl.

"Oh nothing B, I was just talking to my new friend Buffy."

They kiss and I feel like throwing up.

"I was trying to convince her to join us with her friend."

"Oh that's nice..."

"She turned me down."

"Why would anyone turn down such a hot chick?"

God I hate people in love.

I turn and start going back to my table.

"Hey Buffy, wait..."

A hand grabs my shoulder and I just snap. I spin around, my fist raised, connecting with the girl's face and sending her to the floor, Bonnie all but screams as she rushes to Fay's side.

"OH MY GOD!"

I stop dead, my fist frozen at the end of its swing, Bonnie looks up at me.

Oh god, what did I just do?

"What the hell did you do?"

She starts checking Fay over and that need to throw up comes back.

"Fay? Baby? Baby talk to me..."

I take a step back and put my hand on my forehead.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Xander comes to see what the commotion is.

"Hey Buffy, what's going on?"

Fay starts to move and I let out a sigh of relief in knowing that I didn't kill her.

"I hit her..."

He looks at me a little shocked and then moves close, whispering.

"Vampire?"

I just shake my head, never taking my eyes off Fay on the floor as she starts to wake up.

"Then why?"

Fay sits up and Xander looks at the young brunette girl, and it dawns on him.

"Oh..."

Fay looks up at me, disoriented, and all I can think to say is...

"I'm sorry..."

She just looks away from me. Bonnie speaks for her.

"She was just trying to be friendly. You didn't have to punch her lights out."

I run my fingers through my hair, trying not to panic.

"I know I'm... I'm sorry I just, she reminds me of, someone I don't like very much and..."

"And that gives you the right to just punch me in the face?"

God, how could I do that?

Xander jumps in before I can say anything.

"No, it doesn't and like she said, she's really sorry about the punching. It won't happen again because we're actually gonna call it a night."

He puts his arm around my shoulders and kinda turns around to leave. I turn too but as we leave I turn back one last time.

"I'm really sorry."

And then we turn and leave.

What the hell is wrong with me?

End of Chapter 4