JACKSON

"We're so going to be late," April whined, her lips brushing against mine.

I let out a groan as my arms wrapped around her slender waist and pulled her in tighter against me, turning my head so I could place a few open-mouthed kisses on the soft curve of her neck. A soft moan passed through her lips and I sucked gently just along her collarbone, careful not to leave a mark.

"Don't worry about it, strawberry." Another soft kiss was placed on the curve of her neck. "We'll be fine."

A delighted noise fell from her lips and I pulled her against me tighter. She was right that there was a good chance the two of us would be late to work but it was worth it, as far as I was concerned. She could be convinced.

Mark had stayed true to his word about keeping our relationship private – or at least, not talking to anyone other than me about it. It seemed like he was pretty obsessed with it. When we were young, I certainly hadn't been bothered talking to her to anyone who was willing to listen. I had been a crazy kid in love. Now that I'm older and can see things with a little more clarity, I realize the importance that privacy had. It was definitely something that the hospital tried to take away from all of us. There was always someone around, never alone no matter where you were, and more often than not, that someone was happy to pass along whatever they had seen or heard. It was worse than high school had ever been.

But despite the trouble that comes with the constant lack of privacy, it was a lot more enjoyable than high school had ever been. I get to be with her and I get to do the thing that I love. Surgery was a high like nothing else in the world. Well, almost like nothing else in the world. It's a pretty difficult tie between her and the work that we both loved. But neither one of us wanted to choose one or the other. Not when we could have both so easily.

"I told you so." Her elbow jabbed against my ribcage carefully as we rushed into the doors of the elevator, pushing against the button three more times than necessary. "We're late for rounds!"

"It's fine. Being late one time is not going to determine who's chief resident." I reminded her, wrapping my arms around her and giving a squeeze until the elevator doors open again.

"Maybe not for you. Everyone already likes you. Sloan worships you." She clucked her tongue.

"People like you too, April. You're not an ugly duckling anymore." I walked side by side with her to catch up with the other residents. "Besides, Hunt likes you a lot and you've been doing a lot of good work in the E.R. Didn't you say yourself that checklist system that you've been working on has actually worked?"

"Uh huh." She wet her lips. "But I'm pretty sure everyone still hates it."

"All doctors hate paperwork no matter what it is." I reminded her. "That doesn't mean that it's not necessary and that it doesn't do some good. You know that." I'm tempted to touch her again, managing to restrain myself.

April gave me one more glance as we reached the group. "You always have to be right, don't you?"

"Kepner being wrong?" Alex interrupted. "What a surprise."

"Karev, shut up." Dr. Bailey got her word in before anyone else had to tell him to back down and admittedly, it's more satisfying than telling him myself would have been. "Avery, Kepner, you're late. Don't do it again unless the two of you plan on forfeiting your chances at being chief resident and getting on my bad side. I'll let you choose which one is worse." A threatening look was all she needed to get a nod and silence from the both of us.

As the end of this year was drawing to a close, that meant the pick for the chief resident was close. Which also meant that between the six of us, the competition was tough and something that absolutely none of us were going to shut up about. Everyone wanted it. It would look good for applying to fellowships all over the country, which I assumed all of us were going to do. It would also look good on paper when we went to take our boards in a year. Time was flying by faster than I had anticipated it to. It seemed like just yesterday, she had been walking in these hospital doors wearing scrubs for the first time. But I was grateful for her presence here and the fact that it had been longer than that.

"We're switching up services today. All of you could use a little diversity," Bailey continued. "Kepner, you're on peds. Yang, you're in general. Karev, Adamson, neuro. Grey, trauma. Avery, cardio."

Oh, shit.

When I had first started as a surgical intern, cardio had been my top pick. That was coming from the legacy of my family, of course. Harper had done so much for the medical industry and I would have been a fool to not show some kind of interest despite the way that my family had never pushed me into becoming a surgeon in the first place. He had reeled me with stories of seemingly impossible surgeries when I was a child. I had eaten up every bit of it. That had changed as I had actually started working here and fallen in love with plastics, found the deeper emotional connection that it had for so many people who weren't born with the body and the confidence that I had.

Now, however, my disdain for it had nothing to do with the fact that my interest had merely grown away from it and everything to do with who the department head was. I'd avoided a lot of interaction with Dr. Riggs since the awkward breakup between him and April, and I had figured that it was a good thing for all of us. Today was going to be a long day.

Grabbing a tablet and giving April a long, knowing look, I headed up toward the cardio wing. Hopefully, there would be some kind of long surgery today that would separate us for the majority of the day. That was all that I could hope for.

"Dr. Riggs," I cleared my throat as I announced my presence. "I'm on your service today."

"Where's Yang?" He questioned, his brows furrowing me.

"Dr. Bailey is having everyone switch from their usual services today." Realistically, it was probably some kind of challenge that had to do with chief resident. "So you'll be dealing with me today."

"Huh." Riggs looked me over before letting out a sigh. "Fine, alright. I've got a mitral valve replacement for you to take if you want it." That was easier than I expected. Or at least, it would have been, if it weren't for the fact that I hadn't actually done one of my own before.

"I've never done one of those on my own." I hated that I had to say that out loud. It was borderline embarrassing. "But I'd love to take lead if I can."

He looked annoyed. "Fine. This is a teaching hospital, after all. But you've got a high standard to live up to, walking around in Yang's shadows. Not a lot of people can measure up to that woman. Hell, no one can."

Maybe he just meant it in a surgical manner. That would have been fair – she was a pretty clear pick as chief resident. I wasn't sure how the fact that she was sleeping with one of the department heads would affect her odds, given that everyone knew about it, but otherwise, she clearly had it in the bag. But knowing that he had cheated on April by sleeping with her, and now he was so clearly saying those words to my face… it sets off something inside of me that I don't like.

"Thank you for the opportunity, Dr. Riggs," I said through gritted teeth.

"Catch up on the patient's history. I'll see you in OR 3." He replied, turning on his heel and walking away.

A relieved breath escaped the moment that he was out of earshot and I looked through the file, making sure that everything on it was completely committed to my memory. I didn't want to screw up a thing while I was in the same O.R. as Riggs. I was almost positive if I did, he would make sure that I wasn't able to live it down, that it would affect my chances of being chief resident. He already had a bias against me, known by everyone, but I didn't want to take too many chances.

The patient is a woman in her early fifties, kind eyes and happy to chat my ear off if I gave her the chance. I don't mind social patients even if she was praising Riggs and Yang the entire time. At least she didn't shove me away at the first chance.

I take care of the rounds that I have to do on other patients before I make my way to OR 3 and help to get the patient prepped and ready for surgery. Riggs came into the scrub room near the end and began to scrub in. Once everything that I could do inside before was taken care of, I go to join him by the sink, beginning my thorough four-minute scrub. It's a habit but something about working with him today made me more careful than usual, making sure every bit of my hands and forearms are as sterile as could be. It was unnecessary, a bit of paranoia even. But I didn't want to screw myself so close to this particular finish line.

"I assume you've familiarized yourself with the technique by now," Riggs spoke to me as we stood side by side.

"Of course." I nodded before beginning to recite the procedure step by step.

He headed in there before I did after he finished scrubbing. Two minutes later, I shook off excess droplets of water from my hands and stepped in the O.R. back first, letting the scrub nurses get the gown and gloves on so I could begin.

"Scalpel." The command is made with confidence and Bokhee handed it over to me.

Cutting through skin and muscle, taking care of the ribcage, I get to where I need to be. It was always something else to see a beating heart inside of a human being, even if it was a faulty one. I try not to admire it too much, not wanting to take longer than Yang would have. I wanted to do this as perfectly as possible, live up to her expectations and beat them, if possible. I knew that she was damn good with everything that she did, but that only served as motivation to do the best job that I possibly could. And yeah, maybe it would have been nice to rub it in a little, even if he didn't know with any kind of certainty that April and I were together. I wanted him to know that April was with someone better than he had been to her, even if I'm not as far in the field as he was currently. But I was April's age, not his. There was a perfectly reasonable explanation for that.

But things only go well for so long.

I don't know where exactly it happens or when things begin to go wrong. Had studied up on the procedure as thoroughly as possible. My stitches were neat and as close to perfect as I thought stitches could be – that hadn't always been the case for me, but Sloan had made sure to beat that out of me given that it was absolutely necessary for plastics. I had thought that with how good I was, I might be able to show off a bit. But that wasn't the case.

Riggs had trusted me enough to leave me be once I had gotten started with the bulk of it and as another cardio trauma had come in. It was a good feeling there, getting the chance to show off, knowing that he was going to come back to some successful procedure. That was what I wanted to happen. Not what happened.

Her vitals crash before anything else could happen and then the obvious bleeding started up moments later. Getting my hands inside of her, I do everything that I can. Fresh blood is hung and stitches are thrown in to try and repair the damage that was there, eyes squinting as they tried to find some kind of mistake that had been made. There was nothing obvious there despite how I tried to find the flaw, knowing that there had to be some kind of explanation for why she was suddenly crashing in the middle of surgery. But no amount of squinting in the attempt to find the error while working quickly to try and save her life. Whatever it was, it wasn't easily visible.

Shocking her heart doesn't work once it stops beating. Cardiac massage has no effect either. Everything that I try doesn't work and things rapidly become clear that my hopes for today were falling apart in front of me.

"Avery!" Riggs shouted as he busted into the O.R., a mask covering his face. "What the hell happened?"

"She started coding!" My voice is a little more panicked than I would have liked. "There was nothing I could do!"

"You've got to be kidding me," he exasperated.

"There was nothing I could do, I tried everything. Shocking her, cardiac massage, I did everything–"

"I left you after the hardest part. It should have been an easy win." He countered.

He wasn't wrong.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Riggs, I don't know what happened." I sighed. "She just coded and I couldn't get her back after that." An autopsy might have shown a definitive cause, but only if the family requested one.

"Goddammit," Riggs swore.

"He did everything that he could, Dr. Riggs." One of the scrub nurses, Angela, spoke up at my defense. I shot her a quick look of appreciation.

"Well, I sure hope so." He glared at me. "Because that's what you'll be telling the family." Without another word, he walked out.

Another sigh escaping, I close up the patient and make sure that she would look fine in case the family chose not to have an autopsy. Maybe it's guilt or something else, but I take a little more time than what I had to. It's compensating. I know that consciously and yet, even recognizing it, it doesn't stop me from doing what I was doing.

By the time that I had finally scrubbed out of surgery and tore the lain surgical cap off of my head, I want nothing more than to go home with my girlfriend and get my way back to plastics. At least there, I knew that even if I did screw up, I wouldn't get the same brutal shit from Sloan that I had just gotten from Riggs. Sure, there was blame placed when it was necessary, but he never went over the top or yelled at me when it wasn't useful. He was smart. A good teacher, even if it was picky about his students.

Telling her daughter is brutal.

The daughter was a young, twenty-something student who breaks down crying almost immediately, barely giving me the chance to get the words out of my mouth. As she collapsed into her arms, I'm overwhelmed as I hold her and get her to sit down. It's not my fault despite the insinuation that Riggs had made about it. I know that even if it's not as always to feel that. Some losses always hit harder than others. It was an inevitable part of the job.

I get back to the apartment before April does, to my surprise. It's a nice opportunity to collapse on the couch and try to think of nothing else in the world. But it's not easy. I keep replaying the surgery over and over again in my head. There was still something that didn't settle right.

When the front door opened, I don't shoot up to greet her like I might have normally done. It's easier to just stay laid out on the couch for a few more seconds. I knew that she would want to comfort me about what happened but that wasn't what I wanted right now. A few answers would do me some good, but that would have to wait for an autopsy or some kind of a second opinion that didn't come from Dr. Riggs.

"Hey," she spoke up. "You look tired."

"I am," I admitted. "I am."

"How did cardio go?" She set down her bag and sat on the arm of the couch.

"My patient died on the table. Telling her daughter wasn't easy." I wouldn't say much more than that. "What about peds? How did that go?" Hopefully, her day wasn't half as bad as mine had been.

"It was alright," April smiled. "I had a good idea for a patient that Robbins really liked. She likes me. She likes that I'm perky. She's probably the only person in the hospital that does."

Her words were enough encouragement for me to sit up, pulling her onto my lap and pressing a soft kiss to her lips. "I like that you're perky." I murmured, nipping at her bottom lip and letting my arms wrap around her small waist. Holding her certainly took some of the weight off my shoulders immediately.

"Maybe you're not so tired," she muttered against my lips.

"Maybe not." I chuckled.

Capturing her lips between mine again, I can't help but deepen the kiss there and pull her in tighter against me. She responded eagerly, shifting so that she was facing me more directly and pressing her frame into mine. She was soft and warm, all-consuming and yet at the same time all I wanted to do was consume her. It was getting more difficult with our relationship to worry about not getting hard any time we were like this.

"I want to go public with our relationship." The words come out of me spontaneously. It's not that they were untrue, but telling her was unplanned.

"Huh?" April pulled back, blinking and wetting her lips.

"I want to go public." I ran my fingers through her hair. It was so soft, even after a long day at work. "I want to tell people that I am dating the cutest and perkiest and smartest resident there is. Then in a few weeks, you can tell people that you're dating the chief resident."

"You'd make a good chief resident," she remarked with a fond smile. "You're a good leader. Good with people. Much better than I am."

I cut her off with a kiss. "Nope. You're not allowed to compliment me if it means deprecating yourself."

"Do you think that we could really go public? Without it being a big deal?" April asked.

"Why not?" I shrugged my shoulders. "You're no longer the new girl. It's been a while, we're approaching our last year. There's no weird power dynamic unlike a third of our group, which is conveniently taking out our only competitors for chief resident. That might be our only complication, you know? But if we come out before, it doesn't matter." With Yang and Grey in their messy relationships with our bosses, there was no way for them to become chief resident without it reeking of bias.

Her lips pressed together in a thin line. "Okay." A bright smile opened them up. "Okay. Okay. Tomorrow, you and me are going into work together, and we are holding hands and we are going to kiss in front of everyone as if it is the most natural thing in the world."

"Sounds like a good plan to me." I leaned forward and stole another kiss.

"One more thing." Her forehead tilted forward and rested against mine.

"What's up?"

"If we're going to tell everyone that we're together…" April started slowly, her hands on my shoulder and rubbing circles with her thumbs. "Then I don't want to be a virgin when we do that. I got enough crap for it the first time around and even if they have no business in my sex life, our sex life, it'll be much more comfortable for me."

If my jaw had hit the floor, it would have been less surprising than the words that she had. I'd thought about taking her virginity plenty of times – I had always figured that I was going to be the one to do it when we were teenagers and now, knowing that she was still one, it had just been the most logical thing. But I hadn't expected it to come with this. Hell, if I had known that was a part of the deal for her, I would have suggested going public a lot sooner.

"Are you serious?" I questioned, pulling back just a bit to look at her properly.

"I am." She nodded. "I told you, it's not… it's not about marriage. It's about the right guy. And that's you, Jackson. That's you. It was never anyone else. No one ever had a chance."

I kissed her hard again, pulling her in with a renewed sense of energy.

"Jackson!" She laughed against me, slapping my chest. "I mean it. But not on the couch."

"Easy fix." My arms around her waist shifted to grab her rear and haul both of us from our seated position on the couch. Her legs hook around the small of my back and I carry her back to her bedroom. Women always preferred their own bed, in my experience. "I can't believe we're really doing this."

"I can."

Setting her down gently on the bed, my lips don't leave hers for minutes, just laying there and kissing her. Even if this was a moment that I had dreamed about too many times as a young and horny teenager, I didn't want to rush a single thing about this. She was the woman that I loved, the woman of my dreams in every possible way, and I want her to have the first time of her dreams. True and romantic, good. Not the kind of rushed first time that most girls got to have. I wanted hers to be as special as our relationship was.

One hand was on the back of my head and I could feel her nails scraping gently against the short curls there, pulling me in. After a few minutes of kissing her lips, I travel along her jaw, peppering a few kisses there. It's tempting to leave a mark but that would be too much conversation at work.

"Jackson…" There was a whine to her voice. "I'm not going to break. I promise."

As if to prove my point, her fingers move to the buttons of my shirt and begin to do them quicker than I would have expected from a virgin. Of course, it made sense – we both had to do that for work. But her nails suddenly raking down my chest feel too damn good.

"Your turn." She sat up slightly as I pulled the shirt off of her. She's got the same freckles across her collarbones that she did when she was a kid.

But now, she's a woman, and I was going to treat her like one.

Pulling her bra straps out of the way, I press open-mouthed kisses against her collarbones and the tops of her breasts. She shivered beneath me, back arching up off the bed. I use the opportunity to snake my arm beneath her and unclip it, pulling it out of the way altogether. I don't leave her exposed, though, my mouth quickly covering her nipple entirely. I tease it with only my tongue and a little suction, listening to the salacious noises that come from her mouth, squirming. A hand covered her other breast, teasing and tweaking the nipple between my thumb and first finger.

"Beautiful. Utterly beautiful, strawberry." I murmured, pulling off of one with a pop.

"It feels so good." She groaned. "So, so good."

I switch the treatment of the breasts, covering the other perky nipple with my mouth and teasing it until she was making the same sweet and needy noises that she had been before. Her legs squirmed against the mattress, brushing against mine as they bent and straightened out again.

One of my hands remained on her breasts to continue to give it attention before I place a few more kisses along the pale skin of her ribcage and her hipbones. There's a birthmark on her right hip. It's not shaped like anything really, kind of triangular. If you squinted at it hard enough, I'd like to think that it kind of looked like a strawberry. I placed another kiss specifically on it before I unbutton and unzip her jeans slowly.

"Are you still okay?" There's a bow on the top of her panties. I place a kiss on it.

"Don't you dare stop." She made the words a threat.

Sitting up on my elbows for only a moment, I pull off her jeans. Even back on my heels, I can see the wet spot against the cotton of her panties. If I hadn't already been straining against my zipper before, I sure as hell was now.

April was the one to hook her fingers around her panties and push them down her legs, only able to reach above the knee. I pulled them off the rest of the way for her, tossing them aside. Unsurprisingly, hair covered her, but I couldn't have cared less. Eagerly laying back down onto my front and pushing her thighs apart, I kissed the inside of her thighs first. Her folds were glistening already without me having to touch them. I hooked one thigh over my shoulder and felt her foot rest on the back of my scapula.

Using my fingers to spread her folds open for me, I don't leave a bit of her untouched or wanting. Every fold and crevice is met with my tongue and lips, her fingers tightened around my head when I brushed my nose against her clit. She was whining and squirming against me, incapable of staying still as my face became covered in her wetness.

One finger eased gently inside of her tight heat, curling it and seeking out that spot inside of her. She lets me know unintentionally when I hit it, hips bucking against my face and a sharp gasp escaping. All of the noisy moans only get louder in volume as my lips wrapped around her clit and gently teased it with my tongue, circles and little flicks in every direction. A second finger pushed inside of her, stretching and scissoring her. There was no warning when an orgasm hit her – she might not have even realized what it was. Her voice jumped an octave as she moaned out my name and her walls tightened around my fingers, clutching tightly onto me as she rode out every wave of pleasure.

"Did I just…" she couldn't even get the words out.

"Uh-huh." My fingers pulled out of her, sticking them into my mouth and sucking them clean. "So damn sweet."

"Really?"

Moving up toward her, I placed a kiss on her lips, giving her a little taste of herself. I linger there even after our lips part, brushing my nose against hers before resting my forehead on top of hers. Like this, my cock is pressed against her thigh, the only barrier of separation being my boxers.

"Huh," she breathed out and I could feel the air. "Are you still gonna?"

"As long as you still want to."

Her hand reached down and she pushed down my boxers. I assisted with stripping down, kicking them off. My hips jutted forward unintentionally and I let out a moan as her thumb hit the slit before wrapping around my length.

"Fuck," I swore.

"Was that not okay?" She stilled.

"No, no," I shook my head, kissing her hard. "That's fuckin' great. God, that feels so good."

April smiled and pumped my length twice. "Your face does this thing when I do that. I like it." She observed. "I want you to do it. I want you inside of me."

Fuck, hearing that feels good.

My hand replaced hers as I lined up gently with her entrance. Her eyes met mine as I slowly moved my hips forward and eased myself inside of her. I watched her lips open – just a little at first and then all at once as a high-pitched whine escaped from her. Slowing to let her adjust, I waited until the nod of her head came to begin moving.

Her walls felt like hot, slick velvet as I began moving slowly inside of her, one hand holding onto her face to make it easy to kiss her and the other holding myself up so I don't crush her. She was just as loud as she had been before, moans barely drowned out as I kiss her again. A hand grabbed my ass and squeezed it like she was pulling me deeper inside of her. My hips jerked involuntarily, thrusting into her a little harder. Coming would be easy. Holding back wasn't, not as good as she felt around me. It was everything that I had ever dreamed of and more.

Releasing her face, I reached down between our hips and let my thumb find her clit again to begin rubbing quick and tight circles. The combination of events is enough to get her the loudest that she had been. When she reached a second orgasm, it hits quicker than the first does and there's a gush of liquid against both of our pelvises. She squirted. The last thing that I would have guessed would happen, and yet the best thing that possibly could have.

"Fuck, fuck!" I swore loudly as an orgasm of my own came over me, thrusting into her once, twice before I came. Grabbing a fistful of the sheets that I was holding onto, I barely keep myself from outright crushing her as my hips sank down, heavy against hers.

A few seconds passed, both of our chests heaving before any other noise could occur.

"Wow." April breathed out.

"You are so–" A kiss. "Goddamn–" Another kiss. "Amazing."

"I really do love you." She smiled.

"I love you too." One more kiss. "I'm going to go get a towel so you can clean up a little. There's just a little bit of blood." Totally normal. "Unless you want to take a shower?"

"Shower. In a second." She breathed out.

Laying down next to her, I tuck a little hair behind her ear with a soft smile. Her cheeks and chest were both more flushed than I had ever seen before. Yet she still looked utterly beautiful.

Giving her a chance to shower without any other disturbances, I wait until she was done before getting in the shower myself and cleaning up. There's still dinner to worry about, of course, and now I was pretty sure that both of us had worked up an appetite. But going public meant plenty of dates without having to worry about running into anyone else we knew, going to the places that we knew other people went to, and generally doing whatever the hell we wanted to do. It was a layer of freedom like nothing else, beyond just finally being able to have sex with her.

The next day when we finally get a chance to walk into work with our hands held together, the stares are there. It makes April just a little antsy but it doesn't stop either one of us. Even though Mark hadn't told anyone about us, no one seemed surprised by the fact that the two of us are together. They shouldn't be, really. We'd always had a natural way of being around one another.

"Dr. Avery," Riggs addressed me. "Now I know why you were so distracted during surgery yesterday."

What a douchebag.

"That has nothing to do with it," I cleared my throat. "Unless you'd like to try and blame all of the patients that have died under your care on either an inability to focus or April. The latter of which would be incredibly irresponsible and sexist."

That shuts him down for a little bit.

There was no surprise with the clap on the back and inappropriate remark that I get from Sloan about our relationship. Neither one of us brings up the fact that we had actually slept together but it seems like he managed to know. If anyone was going to have some kind of freaky and inappropriate sixth sense about that type of thing, it would be him.

A week later, though, there was a big distraction that kept everyone away from focusing on either one of us. The rotations in specialties in order to get a little apparent diversity under our belt were just as much to give all of the attending a chance to assess us, without all of them just choosing whoever was on their specialty. The mentor-mentee bond did put down a bias. The six of us were stretched across two patient beds as we waited for the chief to pen up the announcement, not just for us, but for everyone else in the hospital to know, too. It was a big deal.

Dr. Hunt approached quickly and looked at all of us waiting, giving a slight huff and shaking his head. He penned it to the board and all of us got to our feet, quickly gathering around.

"Seriously?" Karev whined, standing in front of me and blocking my view.

"Ugh," Meredith complained.

"Oh my god." April blurted out.

Peering around once Karev was out of my way, it became clear what the paper said.

SURGICAL CHIEF RESIDENT: DR. APRIL KEPNER.