Mothers Chapter 18

Promises

Faith's POV

Well here I am.

I walk through the automatic doors of the hospital and head towards the right room.

I'm here for the main reason I came back to Sunnydale... to see Joyce. I'm not exactly sure what's going to happen when I see her, but it probably has something to do with what might happen when she goes into surgery tomorrow. I hope she makes it through this, but from what Giles said and the bits and pieces I've gotten from the nurses, the outlook isn't so good.

I turn down one of the hallways.

What surprised me was getting the call from B. Of all the people to call me, I wouldn't think it would ever be her. Not that the conversation was much of anything, she kept it really quick and simple. After the whole awkward opening moment it was pretty much just 'My mom wants to see you, come by tomorrow'. When I asked why she said 'Because she wants to see you, come by tomorrow or don't come by at all. Are you coming by or not?' And that was that, I said yes and she hung up. So now I'm here, to see a woman who means more to me than my own mother did. I wonder why Buffy was the one to call me, why would she go along with it?

I look down the hall and there she is, talking to someone. A female someone by the looks of it.

Well, they're between me and Joyce so I might as well say hello, no matter how cold the response might be.

I make my way over to them and Buffy notices.

"Hey B..."

Her eyes narrow as she turns to me and her arms cross her chest.

"Hello..."

"Who's your...?"

The brunette she's with turns to me and I can't help but pause and smile.

"... friend?"

I see a short moment of surprise in the friend's look.

I really can't blame her.

I look her over and I can't help but notice something familiar about her.

She's got dark hair, slightly tanned skin, brown eyes, and a lot of curves. If I didn't know better I'd say I was looking in a mirror, give or take a few years.

I look at Buffy for an answer.

"None of your business."

I saw that coming.

I hold out my hand to her friend.

"Hi, I'm Faith..."

She takes my hand and shakes it.

"My name is Fay..."

I almost wanna break out laughing at the sound of her name.

Buffy has a sexy brunette friend named Fay?

"I guess you've got a type eh B?"

She glares at me even more.

"Shut up Faith..."

Fay speaks up.

"Buffy and I aren't together. I'm with someone else and it's serious."

I smile at Buffy.

"I didn't really ask."

B kinda leans back into a defensive posture.

"Don't worry Fay, there's nothing between Faith and I anymore. You don't have to worry about making her jealous."

"That's true... Buffy can get her nookie anywhere she wants."

B just scoffs and rolls her eyes. Fay looks between the two of us.

"Okay well, I'm gonna go back to work now. I hope everything works out with your mom tomorrow."

She leans in and they hug before my freak twin leaves. Buffy turns to me, the glare quickly returning.

"So... you're here then."

"Seems that way doesn't it?"

After a few long moments of silence I move to go past her but she stops me.

"Look, Faith..."

We look each other in the eyes.

"I might be letting you see my mother, but only because she asked. Nothing has changed, I still hate you."

She said that with a lot less venom this time.

"No worries B, I'm pretty sure that message got through during our little chat the other night."

She looks toward the door only a few feet from us.

"Just go if you're going."

She steps out of the way. I take a deep breath and glance at her before heading to the door.

I guess this is it.

I push the door open and go inside. I make it in a few steps and just stop as I see Joyce. She seems frail and weak as she sits in her hospital bed. I'm not really sure what to say or do as I stand there. She looks at me and smiles.

"Hello Faith..."

I smile back.

"Hey..."

She motions to the chair next to her bed.

"Please, sit down if you like."

I walk over to her and sit down. We fall into silence together.

"So, you wanted to see me about something..."

"Yes, I did. But before I get to that, I want to talk to you about a very important topic."

"What's that?"

"Dawn..."

My eyes drop at the mention of Dawn's name.

"Okay..."

"I want you to know that I'm not holding any resentment towards you when it comes to what happened with Dawn."

She isn't?

I let my eyes meet hers.

"You aren't?"

"No..."

I thought for sure she'd hate me.

"You're not angry?"

"I was... upset for a long time. I trust you can understand why."

I take a deep breath.

"Yes..."

"But I knew from the moment you and Buffy told me the truth about my youngest that it may end the way it did. I also knew that it would probably be you who did it. I've managed to make my peace with what happened and with your part in it. You're like a daughter to me and I could no more hate you then I could Buffy or Dawn, no matter what you've done. I didn't want to go into surgery tomorrow without making sure you knew that."

My eyes sting with tears as she continues.

"I do have one question for you though. What happened up on that tower? Why did things turn out the way they did? I know Buffy couldn't get up there because her ankle, but I don't know anything beyond that other than the ritual started somehow. That... and how it ended."

"Right..."

She deserves to know. Dawn was her daughter after all.

"I... I was too late. I managed to stop Glory, but when I got up to the top I was too late. Her minions had already started the ritual. I got there and... Dawn's blood was pouring into the sky and the portal was opening."

I can't help but feel bad at the look of pain on Joyce's face.

"Do you want me to stop?"

She takes a deep breath.

"No, please go on. This is important to me, it's one of the reasons I asked you to come back to Sunnydale."

I pause for a moment to make sure she means it.

"Well, as I said, I couldn't get to her in time. She was already bleeding when I got there. I took out the demon minions anyway, and then it was just Dawn and me up there."

I close my eyes as the image of Dawn chained to the end of the tower's plank flashes in my head.

"I went to her at the edge and broke the chains off her wrists and she immediately grabbed me as she cried. I held her tight. We stood there at the end of the tower together, holding each other as we both cried. She said she was sorry, I told her it was okay. I told her that none of this was her fault and that I loved her. I told her that we all loved her and she said she loved us too."

I feel kinda choked up as the memory of holding Dawn at the edge of the tower comes back to me. I can hear her voice in my head.

"She called me Mom..."

There's a moment of silence as we look at each other.

"So I kissed her on the forehead, told her I loved her, and... then I pushed her."

Joyce stares at her feet for a while.

"If only I could've gotten there earlier, been a little faster up the tower, maybe I could've stopped it from happening. But I wasn't. I got there too late. I wish there could've been a way to save her Joyce. I really do, but..."

"There wasn't."

Our eyes meet in silence.

"I know what you're trying to say Faith, and I know that you loved Dawn with all your heart the way a mother should. She knew she was loved at the end... I can take some comfort in that. But I also know that in your heart you know that what you did was the right thing to do, and one of the most important things about being a mother is to follow what your heart tells you to do. I can understand that, and I know that Dawn would understand too."

A noise comes from behind me and I look to see the hospital door swinging slightly to the sound of footsteps. Joyce and I look at each other and we don't have to say anything to know who it was that was standing at the door listening.

"It's all right... she had to hear it eventually."

I guess she's right.

"It's good that she heard that. She's been fighting what she knows is true ever since it happened. I've been trying to get her to understand ever since. I hope that hearing it will help her accept it. It's the only way she'll be able to truly move on."

We fall into silence for a few moments. I look down at the floor.

"And that's actually the other reason I asked you to come back to Sunnydale."

It is?

My eyes come back to Joyce's.

"Buffy needs your help."

My help?

"I don't know if you've noticed, but Buffy really doesn't want my help."

"She may not want it, but she does need it. Ever since you left, Buffy has come apart emotionally. Dawn's death and the fact that you were the cause is all she can think about. She keeps trying to move on, but she never does. She's had no place to focus her anger. She's been in a lot of pain for a long time. But she was in denial about it. Since I asked you to come back there's been a change in her. She's had a place to focus her feelings and it's helped her."

"You want me to stick around to make her angry?"

"Not exactly... I think the anger is slowly passing. Having you around has forced her to truly deal with what happened, and as much as it's hurt her, I know that in the end she'll be better for it. She'll be able to let go. Eventually she's going to need someone to talk to and to help her move on. But depending on how the surgery goes tomorrow, it may not be me who will be there for her."

What?

"Joyce, you're gonna be fine. The doctors are gonna fix you up so good you'll be doing back flips in no time."

She smiles sympathetically at me.

"Faith, as much as I want to believe that I'll be fine and everything will be all right. You and I both know that there's a chance I might not."

I look down at the floor as she speaks.

As much as I hate it, she could be right.

"I won't leave my daughter with no one to help her when she needs it. Xander, Anya and Giles, they can be there for her on many levels, but I know that Buffy would never completely open up to any of them. She'd always hold something back from them, and that's why I need your help."

"I'm not sure that I can help."

"I know that you can be there for me. You can get to her in a way that no one else can. I've seen it since the moment you came to town, and it only deepened once you fell in love. You share a deep connection, even if it isn't love anymore. You're connected in a way that no one else can understand. I believe that this connection is what can help you get through to Buffy in a way that the others can't."

I feel a frail hand on my shoulder and I just have to look up at her.

"I need to know that she'll be taken care of. Buffy may be strong and self-sufficient, but she does need help from time to time, even if she can't ask for it. That's why I asked you to come. I asked you once to protect my daughter and ever since then, you've been doing that. But now I'm asking for a different reason. I'm asking because I need you to be there for her in case something happens to me. I want you to make that promise to me."

She pauses for a moment.

"But I won't make you do anything you don't want to. I made the same request of Angel before he left for Los Angeles. I know that he will watch out for her any way he can. But I'm asking you because I know that you've shared more with Buffy than Angel did. I'm not trying to guilt you into doing anything you don't want to. I want you to do this because you want to, not because you feel obligated to do it because of my condition."

I take a second and sit back.

She has been in a lot of pain. I could see it in her every time we were close, no matter how much she yelled and screamed at me. She does need someone's help. I wouldn't even know where to start though. Not to mention, I don't think she'll want my help. Then again, she didn't want my help the other night, but I did. And this is really important to Joyce. I can't just leave her daughter alone in the world, it wouldn't be right.

I reach out and put my hand on hers.

"All right, I'll help her if I can."

She turns her hand in mine and squeezes it as hard as she can. I barely feel it.

"Thank you."

End of Chapter 18