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This chapter contains possible trigger warnings read with caution.

Alright enjoy this chapter!

Ch. 49 The World is Cracked, The Sky is Torn

(MAYA)

"Maya we need to go," K.C. calls to me.

"Coming," I reply splashing water on my face. I take a deep breath to stop from shaking and for a second think about staying home again. I'd stayed home from school the last three days and as tempting as it was to stay home there was something I had to do today.

"We're gonna be late for the bus, if you're still not feeling well you should stay home," K.C. tells me when I leave the washroom and grab my backpack.

"No I'm okay, let's go."

K.C. puts his arm around Jenna and we leave the apartment making it downstairs just as the bus pulls up. I spend the entire ride thinking and barely notice when the bus stops at school. When we get inside I see our gang in the foyer, even Owen is with them this morning and he's usually with the Ice Hounds. When Adam sees me he smiles and I wish I could return the smile, I attempt a smile but I'm sure I don't quite manage it. He still comes over and puts an arm around my shoulders.

"How are you feeling? I was worried about you," Adam says and my heart aches.

"I know I'm sorry I was really sick and could barely leave the bed," I apologize meekly unable to look into Adam's soft blue eyes. "I need to go to my locker and speak with my teachers about the days I missed," I tell him.

"You want me to go with you?" Adam offers.

"No that's okay, I'll see you at lunch," I reply and turn to him to kiss his cheek.

I leave his arm and go to my locker waving to Clare and Fitz along the way. They seem to have slipped from the group for time alone. I switch some books around in my locker and then go searching for the Ice Hounds, I don't see them in the halls or anywhere and when the bell rings I go to class, of course I'll see Danny in class but I can't talk to him there. When I get to class Danny looks at me and then looks away, I start to go to his desk but as I take a step a hand holds my arm.

"You're back, how you feeling?" Tris asks.

"Better," I reply sitting at my desk next to Tris.

I don't get a chance to talk to Danny all morning because he leaves class as soon as the bell rings and the teacher asks to speak to me. I'm late to my PE class and I don't see Danny and the boys. I change quickly when PE is done and wait outside the boy's locker room. When Danny comes out I catch his arm, he looks at me with a smirk and I begin to shake.

"You were the one that said you didn't want to see me anymore," Danny says. Knowing Tris will be coming out of the locker room at any time I keep hold of Danny's arm and pull him down the hall. I find an empty classroom where we can talk alone.

"Things have changed, I'm pregnant Danny. I skipped my last period and confirmed it with a pregnancy test."

"So?" He shrugs and I feel my blood beginning to boil.

"What do you mean so? The baby is yours," I spit back.

"How do I know that?"

"Well Adam can't get me pregnant."

"But you cheated on him with me more than once, how do I know you didn't do the same with someone else?"

"You are the only one I've ever had sex with, the baby is yours!" I spit at him. I'm so angry my jaw will barely open and my words drip with venom and desperation.

"I don't believe you, and even if I did it's not my problem," Danny replies in an icy tone, his brown eyes seem hollow, stern and distant. Without another word Danny turns and leaves the room. He truly doesn't care and I'm alone in a mess I dragged myself into

When he's gone I break, sinking to the floor in the dark classroom, brining my knees to my chest I dissolve into hopeless tears.

(ADAM)

"I don't want to go home I feel fine," Clare insists as we leave science class for lunch.

"Your appointment is tomorrow, until then you go home at lunch," I assert as we walk to our lockers.

"Not until tomorrow afternoon and I've been doing great the last couple of days," she argues.

"You're not missing much and Spin said you could go to the Ice Hounds game in Hamilton tomorrow night," I remind her.

"I still say that I'm well enough to stay through the afternoon," she remarks stubbornly as she gets a book from her locker and I put my books in mine.

"You can have Fitz take you to The Dot for lunch and argue with Spin about it," I comment.

"I might as well argue about it with my locker. Spinner says he has to hear it from the doctor and you know how stubborn he is with that sort of thing," she sighs.

"Yeah he got it from Dad, we all did. It's only two more days and I'm sure by next week you'll be back for full days. And now that I know you're in good hands, I'm going to go find Maya," I tell her as Fitz wraps his arms around her from behind.

Fitz grins at me, Clare smiles turning to him and I go in search of Maya. She's not at her locker or the girl's locker room, Tris is eating with Zane, she's not in the caf with everyone else and when I call The Dot Spin says she's not there either. I try calling and texting Maya but she doesn't answer. I start walking back to the caf to ask K.C. if he's seen her but I find her in the nurse's office, she's sitting on the table and she looks upset.

"Maya what's wrong? I've been looking for you, and texted, and called," I tell her in a worried tone as a brush a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I'm sorry my phone was off. I'm not feeling well I don't think I was ready to return to school, PE class was a bit too much I think," she says in a soft voice but her words tremble. Not just her words her body shakes, she looks at the floor and won't look into my eyes.

"You want me to take you home? I can take Drew's car."

"No it's okay Lucas is coming to pick me up because Mom's at work. You should go eat lunch, I'll call you later," she insists, "if I feel better," she adds with a shallow breath.

"I love you," I say tilting her head up to place a gentle kiss on her lips but she turns her head away.

"I might get you sick," she says as the reason she turned her head and I want to believe her but I can't. I nod slowly and begin to turn but she catches my hand, "I love you too."

She meets my eyes this time and I smile. I leave the nurse's office and go to the caf to have lunch with the others. I tell them Maya feels ill again and Lucas is on his way to get her. I don't eat very much at lunch, I know something is bothering Maya, more than being sick and I wish she'd talk to me.

When Clare and Fitz are done eating he takes her home to rest for the afternoon. After lunch I walk with K.C. and Jenna to music class, we leave our backpacks in our lockers because we don't need them in music. I retrieve it after music class for last period forces of nature class. I ride home with Drew after school, as soon as we're in the house we both go to Clare's room and go in. She's on her bed, her homework on her lap but her eyes fixed to a point of nothingness as she's lost in her head. She hasn't heard us come in yet so when Drew puts his hand on her leg she jumps.

"You feeling okay?" Drew questions.

"Yes, I'm fine I was just thinking," she replies giving us a reassuring smile.

"You haven't talked to Fitz yet have you?" I censure her.

"Talked to Fitz about what? You're not pregnant are you?" Drew questions.

"No Drew I'm on birth control remember? And it's nothing," Clare replies.

"You know sometimes you two need to clue us in on your little world," Drew complains making Clare and I laugh. "I'm going to get a snack," Drew says shaking his head and leaving Clare's room.

"Our birthday is soon, I'll talk to Mark after our birthday," Clare insists.

"Our birthday is still ten days away; can you really spend ten more days in turmoil?"

"Have you talked to Maya yet?"

"She's been ill," I reply slowly.

"When you talk to Maya I'll talk to Mark," she asserts.

"Let's do our homework in the living room, are you hungry?"

She shakes her head but follows me to the living room anyway. She sits on the sofa to finish her homework and I grab a snack before beginning on mine. Bianca and Fitz both stayed after school, Fitz to use the weight room because wrestling tryouts are soon and Bianca has a project in her business class she's working on with Fiona. Owen has hockey practice, Tris went to Zane's, Maya was home sick and K.C. and Jenna went home to check on her so for the moment it was just the three of us at home, an incredibly rare occurrence. We're not alone for long before Bianca returns, followed shortly by Spinner and then Fitz and finally Paige comes home just before dinner is ready.

I don't hear from Maya at all except for a text later that evening telling me she still doesn't feel well. I try to call her and text her but she doesn't respond. I sleep pretty fitfully that night, I'm not the only one either I can tell Clare is awake but we stay in our rooms tossing and turning for most of the night. I get up with alarm the next morning but I feel drained and have an eerie feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach that I can't seem to shake. Generally, I get this feeling in regards to Clare, she looks tired when I see her, clearly her mind and heart still in strife and discord over Fitz and Jeff. Convincing myself that what I feel is for Clare as it always is I'm determined to stay close to her today.

(CLARE)

"You're healing well Clare and doing much better. You can resume normal activities although I'd still like you to take it easy for the next couple of days. However, I see nothing wrong with you resuming full days at school on Monday. Just take things slow and don't do too much too soon," the doctor tells me.

"So everything is alright then?" Adam asks. He came with me to the appointment, Spinner let him even though he's missing third period to do so.

"Yes, Clare is perfectly fine, minimal scarring and scar tissue she just needs to take things slowly," the doctor assures him.

"Thanks Doc, will she need to return for further follow-ups?" Spinner questions.

"No, the last of the stitches will dissolve in a few days. As long as she takes it easy the next couple of days and takes things slowly she'll be just fine."

Spinner thanks the doctor again and we leave, he takes us all home. Spinner insists I rest until we leave for Hamilton so I go to my room and Adam follows me.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong now?" I question Adam as I lie on my bed.

"I just have a bad feeling and when I have this feeling it's always about you."

"I'm fine Adam you heard the doctor."

"And what about you and Fitz? You haven't talked to him yet," he comments.

"You haven't talked to Maya either," I counter.

"Maya's been sick and Fitz isn't. This feeling I have it's never wrong and it's always about you because we share such a bond."

"I'm not going to talk to Mark tonight it's the game. Maybe tomorrow. Don't worry Adam I'm not having any dangerous thoughts and though I'm still conflicted over Mark and Jeff I'm happy. Stop worrying Adam," I try to assure my twin but it doesn't seem to work.

Despite my assurances he stays with me for the remainder of the afternoon. Everyone returns home right after school, Paige comes home early; Jay, Sean, Emma, Tris, Zane, Johnny, Samantha, Anya, Vanessa, K.C. and Jenna all come to our place to go to the Ice Hounds game in Hamilton together. Owen and Jeff of course went with the team on the bus. K.C. says Maya was still feeling ill and sleeping off a fever so she wouldn't be joining us. Neither will Lucas as he has to work and Mia declined because she wasn't feeling well due to the pregnancy. We take four cars, Anya and Adam ride with me and Mark. Though I know Adam is still worried about me and worried for Maya he talks with Anya during the drive and at least for the drive he's content and happy.

Anya sits next to Adam in the arena, they continue talking and even flirting though I don't think my brother is aware that he's doing so. The thing that makes me most happy is that the burden of worry he had been holding all day has lifted. No longer troubled by Adam's worry I sit back to enjoy the game, I take Mark's hand and interlace our fingers. We don't talk much but there's lots of chatter around us, I listen to the conversation between Adam and Anya and watch the screen above the ice showing adds and players stats. When the team comes out to the ice I wave to Owen, he waves to all of us. I wave to Jeff and Dallas as well, but I don't know many of the other players even though I have classes with a few.

The game is exciting and as much as I want to jump up and cheer every time the Ice Hounds make a goal or even a good play I refrain. Mostly I refrain because when I try Mark holds to me firmly. I still clap and yell, that I can do without too much strain. It's a fairly close game but the Ice Hounds win 3-2 and then they skate around the ice in jubilation. The team will be going back by bus and probably celebrating when they get back to Toronto. Adam and Anya ride back with Mark and I again, we talk about the game on the drive back. It's not until we're at the house and Anya goes home that Adam seems worried again.

"I can text Owen, find out where the celebration is," Mark offers.

"No, I'm sure Spinner won't let me go I'm supposed to take it easy still. Anyway, I want to be home with you tonight," I tell Mark.

"I'm going to call Maya," Adam says going into his room.

"I have to use the washroom I'll meet you in my room in a few moments," I say to Mark.

He smiles and kisses me gently before going into my room while I go to the washroom. After I pee and wash my hands I pull up my shirt to look at my scar. I wrinkle my nose at the sight, it's a big one and it looks pretty nasty. I fix my clothes and open the washroom door to find Adam waiting with a despondent look on his face.

"Maya didn't answer," he tells me and I hug him tightly. I know he's worried that his relationship with Maya is over.

"I know how you feel about Maya but she's not the only girl out there Adam," I remind him.

"I know," he nods trying to smile. "I'm going to shower," he tells me going into the washroom.

"What's wrong?" Mark asks when I come into my room.

"Maya didn't answer and Adam's worried, I'm more worried about him. In spite of his flirting with Anya he still loves Maya. I also believe he thinks she's still the only girl that will be with him for who he is," I sigh sitting on the bed and cuddling up to Mark.

He kisses my forehead softly and wraps me in his arms. I stay there for a while, a million thoughts in my mind and yet none at all. When I hear the shower turn off Mark and I get ready for bed. I undress, getting into bed and encircling Mark's arms around me when he gets in bed. I can feel Adam's despondent anxiety and worry for him but I'm exhausted after a long day and little sleep last night. I fall asleep to Mark softly stroking my back while in his arms. I wake up early the next morning with a jolt as if being suddenly yanked from a dream, but if I dreamt at all I remember nothing. Mark is still fast asleep, I slip out of his arms putting on his shirt and my robe before going out to the living room. Adam is awake too and it doesn't look like he slept at all.

"Hungry?" I ask.

"No but I'm sure everyone else will be awake before too long and I'm sure others will come over once they're awake. We can make pancakes," Adam says.

He's trying to keep busy but I know how worried he is. We start making pancakes and Spinner gets up, then Paige. The others wake up when the smell of pancakes on the griddle begins wafting through the house. As we all sit down to eat people begin to arrive at the house, Owen is first and grabs many pancakes as he sits down at the table. K.C. and Jenna are next, they get some food and sit in the living room because we ran out of room at the table.

"Where's Maya?" K.C. asks.

"She's not here, she was home sick," Adam replies and suddenly goes pale with worry.

"We thought so too but when we got home last night she wasn't there, we assumed she'd come over here to be with you," Jenna says.

"She didn't come here, I tried to call and she never answered," Adam tells them. Everyone has stopped eating now, different levels of worry on their face.

"I'm sure she's fine, maybe she went to Lucas' place or Sean's," Paige speaks up.

"I'll call Lucas," Adam says.

"I'll call Sean," Mark offers.

Adam has his phone with him but Mark goes back to my room to retrieve his. They call but when they shake their heads we know Maya isn't there. We call Jay even though we're sure she wouldn't go there if she was feeling ill because it's too much risk to Jay. He says he hasn't seen Maya, we call Johnny and Tris and but no one has seen her and now we're all worried. After calling everyone they all come over to our house to look for her. Jeff comes over with Anya but Samantha spent the night with Johnny and she comes with him. Even Dallas, Craig, Dave, J.T. and Peter from the Ice Hounds come to help us look, having heard from Owen or Jeff.

"We'll split up, take different parts of the city, someone should stay here in case she does come here. And someone should stay at your apartment K.C. in case she returns," Spinner says taking charge.

"I'll wait at the apartment, I'm not really up for a search through the city," Jenna says.

"We'll wait with Jenna, she shouldn't be waiting alone," Tris offers for him and Zane.

"Clare you should st…" Spinner begins and I cut him off.

"No Mark and I are going with Adam," I assert with a strong voice as I have no intentions of waiting around the house with Maya missing.

"I'll stay here," Paige volunteers.

"Alright but take it easy, go in Fitz's car so you're not walking. The last thing we need is for you to overdo it," Spinner orders.

"I'll go with them," K.C. speaks up.

"We'll drive from here to Queen Street and look along the way," Mark tells them

"Bianca, Owen and I will take the ravine and the school, we'll go on foot," Drew comments getting his and Bianca's coats from the closet.

K.C. kisses Jenna and we go out to Mark's car. Mark starts driving slowly to Queen Street, he stops a couple blocks down and we get out to look through DeGrassi Street Park. Mark walks with his arm around me, K.C. and Adam a few paces ahead of us.

"I knew something was wrong, I knew she wasn't just sick I should have done something," Adam says angrily.

"I just thought she had the flu or something, I was more worried about her getting Jenna sick. What kind of a big brother am I? I was hardly paying attention to what was going on with her," K.C. censures herself.

"You were concerned about your pregnant girlfriend that makes sense. Anyway, I should have forced her to talk or gone over to talk to her, seen her. I knew she was avoiding me and we needed to talk but I was afraid of why. I let my cowardice get in the way and now she's gone," Adam berates himself.

"I didn't even know something was bothering her, I should have checked in or done something, anything," K.C. says beating his fist into his hand. Before the two of them beat themselves down any farther I know I must stop this. I get out of Mark's arm running a few paces to catch up with them and putting a hand on each of their shoulders, they stop walking and look at me.

"Listen to me both of you, Maya ran for reasons that were hers and hers alone. I speak from experience, whatever she's hiding from she has to work out or she needed space to think. She didn't run and she's not hiding because of something either of you did, even if she's hiding from one or both of you right now it was her decision and blaming yourselves is not going to help us find her."

It's not often I'm the rational one and censuring Adam, he even seems a little surprised. He and K.C. exchange a look but they know I'm right. With sheepish faces they lower their heads and nod.

We walk through the park without any sign of Maya and return to the car. We stop a few more times on the way to Queen Street looking in stores, parks, alleys, anywhere Maya could hide. When we get to Queen Street I think of when K.C. went missing after hearing from their father.

"Have you heard from Kevin recently?" I ask K.C. using his father's first name as they never refer to him as Dad or anything but Kevin.

"No nothing, if Maya had heard from him she would have said something to someone, contact from Kevin is not something we hide. Not from each other anyway."

We drive up and down Queen Street checking various shops and things but we don't see her. We drive for hours, getting out every so often to look on foot. Periodically we check in with the others but no one has seen or heard from Maya. K.C. didn't want to worry his mom at work but in the early evening she calls him.

"Hi Mom I…what?" K.C. gasps into the phone and we all look at him, even Mark looks back in the rearview mirror before pulling over to the side of the road. "Go to the Mason's everyone will head there, we'll meet you there," K.C. says into the phone but his voice is empty, it doesn't sound like his voice as if whatever his mom told him stole his K.C.'s own voice.

"What is it?" Mark asks before Adam or I can speak.

"Maya's dead," he whispers so quietly we almost don't hear him but the weighted words carry in the silence of the car. The heavy words hit our hearts and they sink, K.C. shatters into tears. Adam goes so pale it seems as though all the blood in his body were siphoned out with K.C.'s words.

I want to ask how and when and why but my mind and my mouth fail to work. I want to climb in the back seat to hug my brother and my friend very tightly but not a single muscle in my body seems to move, I can't even seem to blink. Mark begins driving again, heading to our home. As he begins driving I look out the window releasing a breath my lungs had been holding since K.C. told us. Knowing that neither K.C. nor Adam will be able to inform the others I send a text to Paige.

Clare: Maya is dead. On our way back. Please tell the others.

Paige: I'll tell everyone, drive safe and I'll see you four soon.

Aside from K.C.'s sobbing the drive is silent but when Mark stops in front of our house K.C. stops crying. He stops on one breath as if a faucet were turned on and then off. Adam still looks pale, nearly catatonic and doesn't move at all as Mark turns off the car. I get out of the car and open Adam's door to help him out, as I start to bend over to get Adam out of the car Mark runs over and takes my waist.

"I'll get Adam you go in with K.C., you're supposed to take it easy. Strain yourself and get hurt and it will be all the worse for all of us," Mark says with his lips next to my ear.

I know he's right, I kiss his cheek as he lets me go. I run around the back of the car and to K.C. hugging him tightly before we walk inside. Spinner is home already along with Jay they must have been close to the house when Paige got a hold of them. Lisa is here as well, everyone hugs K.C. but his mother hugs him last, as mother and son embrace they begin crying again. Spin and Paige both hug me and just as I sit on the sofa with Jay Mark brings Adam in. I get up to hug Adam but he doesn't even move. I'm intensely worried about my brother, K.C. and his mom are clearly grieving but that's expected and healthy. Adam on the other hand has switched off, if not for his body's instinct to stay alive I'm certain his heart would have stopped beating, and his lungs would cease breathing.

"Come on Adam," I insist taking my brother's hand and pulling him into my room.

Mark comes with me and we sit Adam on my bed. I sit next to him and put my arm around my brother. Mark sits next to me, I don't know what to do to console my twin except to hold him so that's what I do.

"How?" Adam asks quietly and it's the first sign that he hasn't total snapped.

"I'll find out," Mark says getting up.

"Adam whatever happened it's not your fault," I try to assure my brother.

"I knew something was wrong."

"You couldn't have known she was going to die Adam."

"But the feeling I had yesterday…"

"You thought it was for me and even if it was intuition for Maya you're not psychic Adam you had no way of knowing she would die," I assert just as Mark comes back in the room. I look at him and bite my lip, he's got a melancholy frown and his eyes are filled with a mirthless fog, glossed with tears.

"They don't know how yet but she was found in Small's Creek, she'd been there all night. She had no coat, wasn't dressed for winter and for now they're assuming she died of exposure but they'll do an autopsy. More people have gathered and the others are on their way if you want to come out to the living room," Mark says and I look at Adam. He takes a moment before nodding slowly.

We go out to the living room and see Drew, Owen, Bianca, Spin, Jay, Dallas, Jeff, Sean and Emma are back. They're all hugging or trying to console K.C. and Lisa but they hug Adam when he comes out. Tris, Zane and Jenna are the next ones through the door, more hugs and then Jenna walks directly to Adam with something in her hand.

"I found this in Maya's room, I didn't think anything of it until we heard from Paige that Maya was…" Jenna's sentence trails off and she holds her breath before uttering the word dead. Releasing the breath she holds an envelope to Adam, "It's addressed to you."

Adam goes pale again and takes the letter, I see him shaking, he doesn't take his eyes off the envelope but walks to his room. Everyone had their eyes on him and I know he wants privacy but I follow him to his room. He closes his door and I wait in the hall, wait to console him or talk with him, I can only guess what the envelope contains and what Maya left for him or if she even meant for it to be found. For many moments nothing but silence from Adam's room and then a crash, an echoing crash that sends a foreboding chill through me. I throw open the door but Adam's room is empty, his window open and the frigid January wind blowing Adam's curtain. Whatever was in the envelope it sent Adam running, he's running to destruction. I feel incredible despair and scalding fury from my twin. Worried about what he's running to or what he will do I turn and bolt for the front door before I'm caught by Mark and Drew.

"Clare what are you doing? Where are you going?" Mark asks.

"Adam ran, whatever was in the envelope he ran and he's angry and hurt I'm worried about him," I tell them trying to get out of their grasp. Hot tears of fear and fret flow from my eyes.

"We'll get him stay here," Drew insists before he and Owen run through the door. Spinner and Lucas follow them and I only hope they find Adam before he does something in anger he cannot take back.

"Let me go," I tell Mark pushing him away. I can't go after Adam but I can find out what upset him, I go back to his room and look for the envelope. Mark and Jeff both follow me to Adam's room. I find a crumpled paper on the floor and I go over picking it up. I untangle the paper and flatten it against my hip as Mark and Jeff come to either side of me and read the letter with me.

Adam,

By the time you read this I will have taken my own life. I've made a horrible mess of things, a mess of my own doing and things that can't be taken back or fixed. Rather than face the hate and disappointment I choose to end it now.

I wish I had the courage to tell you this in person and to face you but I don't. I cheated on you Adam, more than once. I sought comfort and in another boy's arms, turned to him for anger fueled sex and yes lost my virginity to him. I was not conscious or careful a part of me didn't care. I'm pregnant.

I have not been happy in a long time. I am going to the last place I remember being truly happy, a very long time ago. I'm taking enough morphine to end it all, I don't want to live any longer I want peace. I'm sorry for the pain I will cause everyone and for the mess I made. I'm sorry for the lies and for what I did to you.

In time you will forget me,

Maya

So, he was deeply betrayed by the only girl he ever loved and took her own life rather than face her mistakes. I know now that every word of the letter stabbed at Adam, how hurt he was and how the anger exploded causing him to run. Adam's world has been crushed, shattered and ripped apart. Things he thought to be true venomously turned false in a few short sentences. A letter that while showing some remorse and regret also bites viciously. Maya may have intended to take her own life but she may unwittingly be taking my brother's as well. With this terrifying thought I drop the letter to the floor, it floats down on the cold wind blowing through the window. I turn to Mark burying my face in his chest and sob with fierce helplessness, praying that Adam is found before he too does something he cannot take back.

Yes I know I'm terrible with cliffhangers. Update soon picking up from around here in either Adam or Drew's pov most likely and including Maya's funeral. Next updated will be Hold Me Now & Don't Let Go.