JACKSON
"Just a second, you've got some lint." I reached forward, pulling it off of her black leggings. "Okay, now you're good."
Her hair fell in her face as she glanced down. "Okay," she murmured. "Just take the picture. Just my belly." April instructed him, straightening up her back and looking down at her stomach. She just had a tiny little bump going so far, noticeable with her shirt rolled up though not yet in baggy scrubs. Thirteen weeks along, the changes in her breasts were much more noticeable – they were larger and much, much more sensitive. I hadn't been able to resist taking advantage of that.
Tapping on my phone screen, I took a few pictures. They pretty much all look the same as far as I could tell, barely any adjustments made, but I knew she liked having multiple copies. She wanted to keep some kind of hard copy of her progress, so we had carved out a few minutes of our time to do this every week.
"How's this?" I passed her phone back over to her for her approval.
"Perfect," she smiled. "Maybe I can post these on Facebook. A little announcement with the scan."
"Sure," I nodded my head. "But there's still one person I need to tell first."
"Of course," April gave a quick nod of her own. "I'm uh, I'm Facebook friends with her actually, so… I should definitely wait until you've done that. I don't want me coming into the family causing any kind of drama."
My mother was a force to be reckoned with. Though expectations throughout my life had always been low from her and the rest of my family because I was so used to them treating me like the pretty one and never a man with any brains, that had taken a slight shift as I had aced the MCAT and got accepted into one of the top surgical residencies in the country. She expected success from me. We had never had the kind of relationship where we regularly spoke to each other on the phone or anything like that, but we still kept one another updated on our lives and the major milestones.
She knew that April and I were together, and engaged. She'd sent congratulations to both of us over it – she had loved April when we were kids and thought that it was adorable and kismet that we had found our way back to each other at a better point in our lives. I knew that she also approved of the fact that April had become a smart and talented trauma surgeon, given how she had told me it was much more respectable than plastics was. Normally, I hadn't minded comparisons between the two of us growing up, but that one does sting a little. There was no doubt in my mind that my mother lode and approved of April. It was just the timing of the pregnancy, having her due date shortly before when we were supposed to take our boards. That was the biggest part of our career, the defining moment, something that couldn't be screwed up. I knew that she would repeat all of that and more to me once I told her, and then to April, too. I wanted to shield April from that and really, I wanted to avoid it happening in the first place. But now that we were out of the first trimester, there was no excuse.
Since she was coming to town with a big case as a teaching opportunity, there would be no more hesitating to tell her. However she would react, it was just going to happen. I knew that she was going to be shocked but, after that, I had to hope there would be some kind of positive reaction. Grandkids were something that she wanted, I was just pretty sure she hadn't expected them at this point in my life.
"There's my baby boy!"
Taking a deep breath upon hearing her voice call to me, I forced a smile across my face and turned to greet her. She's practically right there already and I embrace her with a hug. "Hi, Mom. It's good to see you."
"You look skinny." She squeezed my cheek and I rolled my eyes. "You're not eating enough, are you? Your brain needs those calories too, you know that."
"I do and I'm fine." I cut that conversation in the bud. "April was wondering if you would have time to join us for lunch today. Nowhere too fancy, she just wanted to sit down with all three of us." That should be a good distraction.
"Of course," Mom answered with a nod of her head. "You know that I can always make time for my baby boy, and my daughter-in-law to be. After what you told me about her parent's reactions to the engagement, I don't care if I need to be a mother to both of you."
"Thanks, Mom," I smiled genuinely. "I know that she appreciates that."
It was sad, how the tables had turned completely. When we were kids, my mom hadn't been around a lot because of all the work that she did at the hospital and for the foundation. Sure, I had nannies, but I had been an independent kid. April's parents had been the opposite, ever present with their more at-home friendly career options as a teacher and farmer. Now, my mom was here to support us and her parents were practically nowhere to be seen.
After a busy morning in the hospital, April barely made it out of surgery in time to go to lunch together. She comes running down the stairs in a pair of black slacks and a nice button down shirt. The lipstick that she was wearing was fresh. A huge smile was on her face but it's not for me, it's for Mom.
"Hi, Catherine," April greeted her with a side hug. "It's so great to see you again."
"And you, sweetheart," Mom returned with a smile that I knew was genuine. "Come on, let's get going. I'm sure there's much to talk about. You've got your boards coming up and a wedding. And chief resident!"
"We're definitely keeping busy." I smiled. "Come on, let's go."
We had made last minute reservations at a casual restaurant a few miles away, not wanting to do anything too elaborate. The three of us were seated quickly and all ordered a light lunch. Mom ordered a glass of white wine and I avoid joining her with a beer so April doesn't stick out with her glass of water. Even if we were going to share the news today, I didn't want to push the information out of April any sooner than what she was ready for. But with all of the stories with our final year of residency and the wedding planned somewhere in the future, a date not quite set in stone with everything else going on, there was plenty to talk about and keep my mother occupied.
Forks scraped against nearly bare plates. I couldn't tell if April was genuinely putting off telling my mother about it or if the conversation was really just keeping her. But we had work to get back to and the waitress had come by to drop off the check already.
Trying to make conversation, it seemed like she was just into the conversation with my mother. I knew that April had always admired her as a professional and loved her as a child. It took me a minute to make eye contact with her as she was focused on my mother and I glanced down at her stomach, widening my eyes slightly to get her attention and remind her.
"Mom," I started. "There's actually something April and I want to tell you."
She looked between us. "What's going on here?"
"Well…" April took a deep breath, smiling at me before she looked at my mother. "We're actually expecting. And as of today, we are officially out of the first trimester."
"You're pregnant?" Her eyebrows shot up in her forehead for confirmation.
"Yes, we are." I reached across the table for April's hands, taking one of her smaller ones between both of mine. "And we're happy about it."
"What about your boards?" Mom asked.
"We're going to figure it out. I'll… be on maternity leave still, probably, but we're going to find a way to make it work. I'll use that time to study. I'll work and operate as much as I can between now and then. We will find a way to make it work." April said firmly, not wanting to let my mom get inside of her head. I knew that she was worried about that – she was easily influenced by those who she respected.
"Huh." Her lips pursed together. "I have to admit, I didn't expect this. But if you think that you are capable of pulling this off, then I will support you. But don't think that I won't be involved in this. I will be."
I chuckled, glancing at April with a smile. "I guess I should have seen that coming."
"You should have." Mom chuckled and a smile finally broke across her face.
With her approval in the bag, things seem to come a little easier. I can tell that April was glad to have the approval of someone that she admired for such a long part of her life. She hadn't managed to get her own parent's approval yet, but she still had a strong support system around her. I would make sure of that and now it seemed like my mom was on board to do the same. Whether her family would change their mind or not was hard to tell. I would continue to hope so, but if they didn't, we would be fine.
Even though now that spending time with her didn't seem quite so dreadful with her approval on the subject of the pregnancy, there was still work to get back to. I could tell that April would have liked to spend a little more time with her, but the E.R. didn't wait.
For the next week, I'm pretty sure that I was suddenly no longer the person who texted her first. Every time that she was looking down at her phone whenever she was talking to me, it seemed like she was texting my mother. Apparently, Mom had been happy to share about how her pregnancy with me had been and complain about it, as well as offer a few tips that she thought April might have found helpful. It was nice that she had someone to talk to about it. The only other one in our group who had been pregnant was Cristina, and she had aborted it before reaching the point that April was at.
"Babe," I nudged her with my elbow. "You're not paying attention."
"I am," she muttered, dropping her phone and looking up at me. "Actually, I was texting your mom about something that I think you would like. We were talking about testing for the baby."
"Oh?" My eyebrows raised. I had thought that she was completely against it. She had seemed that way at first.
"Yeah," April nodded. "She didn't have any when she was pregnant and you turned out perfect."
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "But I'm pretty sure that she wasn't exposed to anything crazy in an emergency room during the first trimester. There's nothing wrong with getting some tests done. It's just good to make sure that everything is in order." It was the responsible thing to do as far as I was concerned.
"I already know this baby is perfect. It's me and you." She smiled at me, so sweet that I nearly wanted to drop it. "What can it tell us that we don't already know? The sex, sure, but I kind of like the idea of that being a surprise."
"I'm sure the baby is perfect." I went along with it. "But you're the control freak, the planner. Don't you want to know with absolute certainty? And on the nearly non-existent chance that there is something there, don't you want to know so we can plan accordingly?"
"What are you so worried about, Jackson?" She pulled away from me slightly so she was facing me.
"Neural tube defects." I blurted out. "That's the kind of thing we want to know about. You're a doctor. You know this."
"I don't know why you're so obsessed with the idea that there's something wrong with our baby."
A sigh escaped. Maybe compared to her, it did seem like I was obsessed with the idea of it. If she would just agree with me, then there wouldn't have been the need to have this conversation with her over and over again. There was a small care of miscarriage with any procedure but we had amazing obstetricians here, there was no need for her to be concerned with that.
"I'm not." I shook my head. "But April, strawberry, baby, please, just listen to me for a minute. Right now, where we are, we're planning out everything in our life. We're looking for a new place to live, we're trying to plan a wedding, we're prepping for our careers, and we're working on bringing this baby into our lives. That's a lot. We are going through a lot right now and I think it's important to be prepared for everything coming our way. This is just one more box that we can check off going forward, one more thing to know with certainty. I want that for both of us, to be able to relax and feel safe."
Hazel eyes stared at me for a long moment and she finally let go of the breath that she was holding onto. "Maybe you're right." April began, glancing down at her hands. "But I… okay. I have a thought. I can get on board with the amnio. We have so much on our plates though that maybe we should take something off our plates."
"What are you talking about?" There wasn't anything that could be removed.
"All that talk about a big wedding… that was sweet, but I don't need it. Not right now, at least. Maybe in ten years, we can get our vows renewed and do something big and fancy. But we have so much going on right now, so many more important things. Not that this isn't important, because it is, but we need priorities. Let's just do a small ceremony – your mom, our friends. I don't want to stress about a wedding for the next twelve months. I just want to have our baby and I want to kill our boards." She elaborated, grabbing onto my hand.
"You really don't want to do a big wedding?" My brows furrowed. "I thought that kind of thing was important to you. You've wanted it since we were kids. You don't have to give that up just because we have a lot going on. Especially if you think it's just because I'm stressed, or something like that. You don't have to do that."
"That's not it, I've been thinking about it for a little bit now." She shrugged. "I want a big cake and a day off work. A pretty dress, I want to get dressed up. But the rest of it? I'm happy without it. I want to marry you before this baby comes but without work or anything else falling through the cracks. So let's do it. Let's set a date and keep it simple."
"You promise that you're not just doing this to try and appease me, or anything like that? It's really what you want?" I questioned.
"Yeah," April nodded with a soft smile. "At this point in my life, this is what I want."
So a small wedding – a get-together, really, though I knew she would want her pastor to be there for it. I was fine with that. I had been working around her religion for years and there was no reason that was going to cause me a problem now. We would find the first date that would work for him, get all of it out of the way. Then we could give our full attention to preparing for the baby and getting a new apartment lease signed.
But first things first, the amnio.
At seventeen weeks and two days, Dr. Ryan squeezed us into her schedule. I barely make it out of a surgery in time to meet her there. She was already laying back on the exam table with her scrub top rolled up, growing baby bump sticking out on display.
"Hi, babe." I greeted her, bending down to place a quick kiss on her lips. "How's it going?"
"Good," she smiled, her fingers interlacing with mine.
"We're just about get started, Dr. Avery," Dr. Ryan spoke directly to me as she pulled on a new pair of gloves. "I know that you both know all about it, but I just want to remind you that April is going to need to take it easy for the rest of the day. Take her home, don't stress her out. Now is a good time to catch up with whatever you've been watching on Netflix." She smiled at both of us.
I nodded, taking a deep breath and looking down at her. Even if the results were overwhelming in our favor, I was glad that she had agreed to this. Today would be a relaxing day, and tomorrow would be solely paperwork for her. Then Friday, we would have our little wedding.
"Do you want to swing by the bakery and get some muffins on the way home?" I asked her, placing my hand on top of her head and stroking her soft hair with my thumb.
"Oh, yes." A smile lit up her features and she nodded her head.
"Alright, we're going to get started now." Dr. Ryan spoke. "It's going to be uncomfortable but it shouldn't take too long once we get started. Are you ready?"
"Ready," April nodded.
Keeping a hand on her, I watched the large needle insert itself into her abdomen. On the ultrasound screen, Dr. Ryan could see where it was, but it was turned so that neither one of us could. April's face scrunched up, nose wrinkled. If it hadn't been a clear sign of her momentarily distress, it would have been adorable.
"It's okay," I murmured, kissing her forehead and lingering there. "We're just getting a confirmation that our baby is perfect, remember?"
"I know," she grumbled. "But that might sound better if this didn't hurt."
"I'm sorry, baby." I hadn't planned out that detail. "But certainty is worth it, isn't it?" If I kept talking, then maybe some of it would distract her away from the discomfort of the amniotic fluid is drawn from her uterus. "We can start planning colors for the nursery, too. I know you think blue is cliche for a boy, but I still like the idea of it."
"If we decide to find out the gender. I'm not sold." April shook her head slightly. "I like the idea of a yellow idea. Yellow and gray. Bees, flowers, the sun… like the picture I showed you." She went on about it.
"I remember the bees." I smiled at her. "Hard to forget. You love them a lot for someone who's allergic."
"They're important for the environment." She smiled sheepishly up at me.
"Well, if you do decide that you would like to find out the gender, just let me know." Dr. Ryan spoke up. I looked up and the needle had been withdrawn from April's belly, now a piece of gauze held over where it had been. "I'll ask the lab to try and get the results back for the FISH before the weekend since it usually takes 2-3 days, it might be pushing it. The FISH is very accurate, 98% of the time. But you'll still get the full panel of results in 2-3 weeks which should just confirm whatever we already know." She explained and I nodded along with her works.
Extending my hand to her, I gave her a firm shake. "Thank you, Dr. Ryan," I expressed sincerely.
"Please, call me Connie," she smiled at both of us. "I know you two have an exciting weekend planned and I don't want anything to get in the way of that, let alone waiting."
"Thank you," April spoke. "And I'm glad that you're coming on Friday."
"Well, knock on wood," Connie laughed. "That's assuming one of my other moms doesn't go into labor."
"We'll save you a slice of cake if one does." I smiled.
There was no harm in sucking up to April's OB.
The next twenty-four hours are spent non-stop at April's side. Cramps came for her and there wasn't much that I could do other than rubbing her feet and her back. She was grumpy, but I don't say anything about it. There couldn't have been anything easy or comfortable about carrying a baby inside of you, and especially not a few days after having to get a giant needle stuck inside of your stomach. She was allowed to be grumpy.
More time was taken off work than either one of us planned for. Squeezing it in all at once meant that there wasn't really going to be any taken off between now and the baby being born, other than a day here and there for her as was needed. On the one hand, it was nice to have some uninterrupted time both before and after the little ceremony. Before mostly consisted of me taking care of her and making sure that she didn't overwork herself, but since she was kept out of the E.R. and O.R., there wasn't anywhere for her to go. I was glad that I had gotten Dr. Hunt to side with me on this. He seemed invested in April's wellbeing both personally and professionally.
But on the day of the actual ceremony, despite her insistence that it's not a big deal, she doesn't let me see her get ready. I barely see her at all that morning, she's showered and out of the house before I had even finished my cup of coffee.
My morning goes by quickly and easy. Knocking the scheduled breast reduction out of the was and completing it in a timely manner, it gives me plenty of time to get cleaned up and dressed for the ceremony. It was in the chapel and the little reception with food and most importantly, cake, was to be held upstairs in one of the larger lounges. I'm not sure what kind of dress April picked out, but I put on a formal tuxedo.
"You clean up nice, Avery." Mark clapped me on the shoulder as he snuck up on me.
"Thanks." I turned to face him. He had dressed up already, too.
"You nervous?" He asked.
I took a deep breath before shaking my head. "Not really." It wasn't even a lie. "This is something that I've wanted to do for a long, long time. I thought that it would be bigger than this though, back then. Almost makes all of this seem easy in comparison."
"You say that now," he chuckled. "But you're going to be slack-jawed when you see her."
Mark was right.
Though it was a small ceremony, a few things are kept the same. I wait for her with her pastor and everyone else in the room. There's no bridal or groom party, so it was just me and him standing at the altar. But when the door is opened up for her and she stepped through, suddenly, it was just me and her in the room, no one else.
A radiant smile rested on the curve of her soft lips as she looked at me, her hazel eyes sparkling. She looked happy and buoyant as ever. The white dress that she was wearing was floor length, only going out so far to showcase the growing baby bump that she was rocking. Her hair was pulled away from her face so I could see it without anything to hide behind, no veil obstructing my vein. Her freckles were covered with the makeup that she was wearing, but in my mind, I can still place them scattered across her rosy cheeks and the bridge of her nose. She looked perfect.
You look beautiful. I mouthed the words to her.
There was no one to hand her off to me – frankly, something that I was fine with and tried to talk her into being fine with because it was an outdated and sexist tradition. Instead, she just takes my hand and stood in front of me with the most beautiful smile that I had ever seen in my life. It's hard not to kiss her then and there, especially when it was all that I wanted to do. Her lips looked even softer than usual.
I didn't realize that there were tears in my eyes until I saw the moisture in hers and I blinked, a single tear spilling over. I quickly wiped it away and gave her a sheepish smile. Crying was something that I rarely did, and even if I didn't mind it in front of her, I didn't want the everyone we worked with to see it.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…" The remarks that the pastor makes are kept short.
Even if he had been saying the most meaningful, heartfelt speech known to man, I wouldn't have been able to keep up with it. Not when all I could do was stare at her. When I had been a kid and dreamed of this moment, it hadn't been quite like this – both of us had been younger and it had been a bit wedding, she was in the kind of dress with a train that would've had people making comparative remarks to Princess Diana. I'd thought that was what she would want. But small and intimate, the two of us, my mother… this moment was perfect. I couldn't feel a single regret on doing it this way instead of a more traditional route.
When it comes time for the vows, though, there was an awkward pause before I realized it was my turn to speak. My cheeks burned with heat, everyone's gaze prominently staring at me.
"April…" I started slowly, taking a deep breath and building up my confidence again. There was no one else here, just me and her. "From the moment that we met as children, to this moment, looking into your eyes and seeing you now, not only as a beautiful woman but a strong, kind mother too. I have always loved you. I promise to love you, laugh with you, cry with you and embrace every chapter that our future holds. My first love, my last love, you're every breath that I take and I want to share all my love with you. You are the mother to my child, my high school sweetheart, the love of my life, my best friend and the woman of my dreams. There is no one that I would rather be standing here with."
Tears were sparkling in her eyes again by the time that she finished and her hand came over her mouth to hold back a sob. I placed my hand on her upper arm, rubbing it gently. It took her a brief moment to gather herself before she could begin to start with her vows.
"Jackson, we have had an amazing journey together. From you stealing my strawberries when we were kids, to getting through our residency now. You have been my best friend, my confidant, my entertainer, an amazing boyfriend, and my greatest challenge. You have made me a better person and taught me to be comfortable as myself. You are the love of my life and you make me happier than I could ever imagine and more loved than I ever thought possible. I am blessed to be a part of your life and would not trade a day we have shared for anything. I can't imagine my life without you. So on top of all the other vows that I will make to you on our wedding day, I also vow to always appreciate how lucky I am to have someone who makes me feel the way you do and continue to try as hard as I can to make you feel as special as you make me feel every day of our life. Which today, becomes our life together."
Neither one of us waited for the cue.
April stretched up her toes to meet me and I kissed her hard. The crowd of people laughed at our impatience and when we pulled away, we quickly exchanged rings. Her wedding ring matched her engagement ring, though this ring was much flashier than the engagement one. I hadn't been able to resist breaking the bank for it.
"You may now kiss the bride." The pastor said with a friendly smile.
"About time."
This time when we kiss again, there was an appropriate applause instead of laughter. I wrapped my arms around her waist and her back arched against me so she could bend. Cameras go off with the moment. No professional photographer had been necessary with phones these days. Izzie had promised to get some good ones that would be usable. I trusted her.
The two of us head out together with April tossing her bouquet to Izzie. Everyone would head upstairs to gather for the reception. It was a tradition for the bride and groom to come in after, which meant we had time to kill.
"You look so beautiful," I repeated, tucking one little curl of hair behind her ear. "So, so beautiful."
"And you look so handsome." She smiled up at me. "Oh! Woah." She blurted out suddenly.
"What's wrong?" My brows furrowed. "Is it bad? Is it the baby?"
"No, no, it's not bad." She shook her head quickly and took my hand, placing it on her stomach. My thumb rested on her belly button – I could feel that it had popped out. A few seconds passed before I felt something, a little bit of movement. Then there was the same feeling again. Looking up at April, there was a huge smile blown across her features, even bigger than the one that she walked down the makeshift aisle with. It was a little jab of movement coming from her belly.
Our baby was kicking.
"Oh my god." I blurted out, matching her smile. "That's our baby. That's our baby." I repeated myself. "He's moving." My other hand covered her bump entirely. Another little movement came.
"That's our baby." She repeated my words as her gaze locked on mine. "It feels so cool. Most of the time I think I feel movement, it's gas. But that's… that's distinct. That's a little kick."
"Maybe he'll be the kicker on his football team, huh?" I suggested with a smile.
"Why are you so certain that it's a boy?" April asked with a laugh, slapping my arm playfully. "It could be a girl. The women's soccer team is way better than the men's one. Here, at least."
"So, the kicker on a football team if it's a boy, and a soccer player if she's a girl. Got it." I smiled at her. "Come on, let's go to our reception."
When we went up a floor and joined everyone else in the lobby, we quickly grabbed two glasses of sparkling cider. I could have had a glass of champagne but it didn't mother me to skip out on drinking alcohol if it meant that I was supporting her. There was already music playing and the food was set out buffet style so that people could just come and get it as they want, keeping it as casual as possible.
Instead of speeches, though, we don't bother with that. We have our first dance. As Izzie cued me, her phone connected to the Bluetooth speaker, our song began playing.
"Treated me kind, sweet destiny
Carried me through desperation.
To the one that was waiting for me,
It took so long, still, I believed.
Somehow the one that I needed would find me eventually.
I had a vision of love and it was all that you've given to me."
Maybe it was an unusual pick, but it had been an immensely popular song when we were kids, and we had once joked about letting it play at our wedding. Little did either one of us know that it would be the truth so many years later. It's a bit fast paced for a slow dance, but I let head her in the small dance area, spinning her around. She's graceful even with her belly, not letting it get in the way as we moved by ourselves across the dance floor for a few minutes. A couple people filmed us.
As the song came to its end, we moved away toward the food table. I paused to look around the room with April by my side. Pretty much everyone that we had expected would come had – Dr. Ryan and Dr. Shepherd were nowhere to be seen, which meant the two of them were probably caught up with patients. But for surgeons, this was a pretty good showing.
"I love you so much." April murmured affectionately as she leaned into me.
"I love you too, strawberry." I kissed the top of my head.
"I'm glad things turned out so nicely. I know that you were worried about having a small wedding but… this is kind of perfect, you know? I'm just glad that your mom was able to make it." She enthused. I held back a chuckle. It was clear how much she loved my mother.
When my phone buzzed, I sighed. I didn't want any disturbances but they were inevitable as a doctor. "Just a second," I told her, pulling away as I grabbed my phone from my pocket.
To my surprise, it was Dr. Ryan's name on my lock screen.
"Hello?" I questioned as I answered the phone.
"Hi, Jackson. It's Dr. Ryan." I muttered another greeting but she didn't give me much of an opportunity before she continued speaking. "The lab just got back with the FISH results for your and April's baby. I think it would be a good idea if you would come in so we could go over the results together, in person. All three of us."
Just like that, my stomach dropped.
"Jackson?" April questioned, seeing my face. I shook my head, my mouth too dry to speak to her.
I had to force the next question out of my mouth. "Is something wrong?"
"As I said, I think that's something that we should talk about altogether in person. But... you might want to prepare yourself to hear the results of the genetic tests." Dr. Ryan repeated herself. "But I'm willing to meet as soon as you want to, just let me know and I will do my best to work my schedule around you."
"I–I have to call you back." I stuttered out, wetting my lips and hanging up the phone without another word.
"Jackson, what's wrong?" April asked again. I looked down at her face, so delighted and full of joy from the excitement of the day, and prepared myself to watch it fall apart completely as I told her the truth. Fuck.
"The baby. There's something on the genetic tests."