Chapter 5: Becoming Closer

After Rachel's grad party, all of the looks Leah gave Eric and Paul gave my sister suddenly didn't seem as funny. Now they just nauseated me. I literally couldn't stay in my house because Paul did nothing but stay there and eat our food. The other day he ate the last bag of Doritos just to spite me. All he said in defense is that 'Rachel said to feel free to make myself at home'. Why couldn't it be his own home, not mine? To top it all off, he wouldn't fight with me anymore. Suddenly the all rage I'll kick everyone's ass Paul has now been replaced with the mellow i-don't-want-to-hurt-Rachel's-feelings-Paul. Great.

I had to get out of my house. I barely stayed there. Because of that, I started to see Kelly more and more often to avoid Paul and his lovesickness for my sister. Little by little we became close friends just due to all the time together. I know it's all about what she needs but I have to admit that part of me needed it too. It's nice to have someone who understands the need to hang out and nothing else.

One night, we decided to have a film night. "You're seriously telling me you've never seen all the Jurassic Park's?" Kelly asked me.

"Nope," I said, "Just the first one. I'm not the movie buff like you."

"You will see all of them but I haven't watched the first in forever. Will you pop it in the blu-ray player and I'll grab the popcorn?"

"Course I will."

Kelly disappeared from the room as I searched through her movie titles. Girl has a serious obsession with film. She's convinced I haven't seen enough and that it's her duty to make sure I do. After I closed the tray I plopped back on her bed. I could smell the scent of her hair off the pillow. Damn wolf thing. I can smell way better than any human ever will but damn if I wish I couldn't. Doesn't help that the vanilla and berries shampoo she uses smelled amazing. I kicked myself mentally. Knock it off Jake. We're friends.

Moments later, she reopened the door with a huge bowl of popcorn. I slid over as she put the bowl between us and sat down. I popped a handful in my mouth as she hit play on the remote. She turned down her lamp so only the lightest glow illuminated the room other than the screen.

Normally, I have no problems sitting this far away. The last few days though suddenly I've been feeling not close enough to her. I glanced at her from time to time, her eyes focused solely on the screen. We only locked gazes once and she merely said "Waaatch. Please?"

As I reached down to grab another handful or popcorn, our skin touched. It only took a second and I felt a tingle up my arm. And now I wanted that warmth and gentle skin in my hand. Friends don't hold hands though. I think Bella pretty much proved that. Damn imprinting. Why can't being close to her be enough?

Halfway through the flick, Kelly slipped out of her spot for a moment before she opened her closet door and started to rummage through. I noticed immediately, curious to what she was up to. After about two seconds I asked, "Hey, you're going to miss the good part. What are you looking for anyway?"

"Sorry," she said as she peeked back at me, "I'm cold so I'm just trying to find a sweatshirt but apparently a goblin has eaten them all— or the dryer. Goblin sounds better."

She cracked a grin then checked the floor and underneath the bed. I realized then what I had to do. When she looked back at me, my eyes looked to the bed then at her. As she ran a hand through her mussed up hair, I smiled and said, "Come here, I'll warm you up for a bit."

She cocked an eyebrow, "What about your condition? Is it catching?"

My condition catching? Only if you're a Quileute. I laughed, "No. Just get over here."

Kelly smiled back, hopping next to me as I moved the bowl out of the way. She slid next to me and I let my arm drape across her. This felt right. And yet, part of me felt like kicking myself because friends do get this close, do they? I'm just helping her get warm. Bonus is being closer to her like my blood craves. But on the other hand this could lead to something that I can't let happen. I love Bella I just have to keep thinking about her. Strangely enough every time I tried to picture Bella my eyes involuntarily looked to the girl right next to me. Knock it off brain.

After a couple minutes Kelly looked up to me and said, "Isn't this kinda weird? I mean…we barely know each other and yet we're completely comfortable being this close?"

I didn't say anything right away. She's right. This is totally bizarre. I'm crossing a line and I need to back up. But I can't move. I feel like I'm glued to this spot and just thinking about letting her go actually hurts. And I'm not talking just in my head. Physically hurts. How is that even possible? After a minute I glanced down at her then said, "It should be but it's not. I feel like we've known each other all along."

"You feel that way too?" she beamed up at me, "Here I thought I was going crazy."

"You aren't," I muttered. But I might be. This is toeing the line. If I keep looking at her like this something is bound to happen… STOP. But then Kelly leaned against my chest, continuing to watch the movie. She smiled to herself about something but I have no clue what. She didn't move for the rest of the movie, and I didn't want her to. I could feel that down to my core. This is getting serious. We watched the next one in the series too and I thanked the stars it was already on the same disc. The popcorn disappeared halfway through and she almost got up to refill it but I said I wasn't hungry. I was but I couldn't let her move. After the 3rd flick however, sighed then sat up and stretched her arms, looking at me, "I think I need to stretch my legs."

"Yeah me too," I lied. All I wanted was to keep her right where she had bee, curled up next to me safe and warm.

"Did I make your arm fall asleep?"

"Nope," I said with a smile, keeping my eyes locked on her.

She slid out of bed and glanced at the clock.

"Time really disappears when we hang out," she said, turning to look at me again, "I know it's late but uh, you maybe wanna go for a walk?"

"Sure."

She climbed out her window and I followed. We walked opposite direction of my house, through the now sleeping town. We didn't talk and maybe it was for the best. I have a real serious problem on my hands. I'm her friend, but that's not it. Tonight, tonight actually made me happy. Happier than I've been and I can't even believe I'm about to think it but even happier than some of the times I've spent with Bella. I pursed my lips. Crap. I bet it's happening. That's what this is. I'm starting to see what they were saying…the starting to fall for her…But I can control it, I can stop it. It's just me not her. I glanced back her to find a smile waiting.

"So," Kelly said, breaking the silence, "You know I typically love our walks with no words but um thinking about it today, you know, how comfortable I am around you I just realized I don't know all that much about you and vice versa. I know before we kinda agreed not to get into anything but if we're so comfortable already I guess I'm just thinking…why not?," she paused to look at me then smiled wider, "By the way, this is me reassuring myself you're not a serial killer."

She wants to know me. And you know what? I want to know her too. Genuinely. She is pretty awesome from what I've already seen. Finally I can figure out why the universe thinks we're meant to be…I chuckled at her comment.

"Other than working on the Rabbit, which is awesome and thank you for showing me some stuff, what else do you like to do?" she asked.

Why'd she have to turn it back on me? Running a hand through my hair answered, "I'm really pretty boring. I am either working on the Rabbit or hanging out with the guys…or you."

"Oh come on," Kelly whined, grinning as she did so, "There has to be more than that. You obviously like action movies, watching and adding commentary. What else?"

She stepped in front me, putting her hands on her hips. "I'm not moving until you tell me all of your deep dark secrets Jacob Black."

They way she said it made me want to tell her every last one. I knew I could and she'd listen to every word. But I didn't need to, not yet.

Grinning, I grabbed her sides and lifted her out of the way. As I set her back down, I replied, "You already know more about me than you think."

"Nah huh," Kelly countered, "What's your favorite color?"

I laughed again, "You can't be serious."

"Fine," she said, climbing up on the tree perch since she always ended up on. I gave her a boost as she said, "You see pretty well in the dark you know. Anyway, I guess I'll start with me. My favorite color is blue. I love animals, especially the cuddly kind but haven't ever had a pet or anything. I listen to all types of music except polka and country, which are my least favorite…"

I raised an eyebrow before I laughed, "Polka?"

"You laugh but Polka is big in the Midwest," Kelly smiled then rolled her eyes, "Um what else? I love to read. Murder mysteries mostly, like Agatha Christie or Dean Koontz. Though, every so often a popular series will reel me in like The Hunger Games but not and never 50 Shades of Grey."

"I wouldn't have taken you for a book nerd," I said. No wonder her and Rachel get along so well.

"I actually wasn't but um," she paused and looked down, "I guess I had a lot of free time when I first got here."

Damn. I really need to think before I talk. She's still hurting about her parents. Again, the strong urge to gather her in my arms almost took me completely over but instead I gripped the tree. We both were quiet for a minute before Kelly began again, "I love movies, action and horror like you nut every once in a while a rom-com too."

Scrunching my nose I said, "Chick flicks?"

"Oh shut up," she said, playfully shoving me or should I say attempting to, "and even though I definite DO NOT miss shoveling it, I do miss freshly fallen snow."

I chuckled, "We still get that here."

Kelly laughed, "In a couple of months' maybe. I just love going out in it, building forts and throwing snowballs then coming in and warming up. Best feeling ever."

I saw it plain as day. Kelly bundled up in a warm coat. Kelly throwing snowballs and building a fort outside. The two of us coming in and me warming her up on the couch. When I looked at her I saw it all and I wanted it even though my head disagreed. Her cheeks reddened from my stare before she looked away and said, "It's your turn. Tell me about yourself before I make up something about you."

I leaned back and said, "I told you, there's not much to me. I'm just a normal guy." I may have gritted out normal. It's hard to be normal when you're practically 7 feet tall, don't age and turn into a wolf from time to time.

"Books?" she asked.

"Not really a reader."

"Music?"

"'Bout the same as you."

"Except you love Polka," she joked, grinning at me.

I couldn't hold back my loud laugh this time.

"Snow?"

"Doesn't bother me."

"Okay," Kelly smiled then said, "Here is my deep question for the night; where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

I sighed, resting my forearms on my knees. Now why'd she have to ask that? A few months ago I'd say with Bella here in La Push, maybe finally convincing her to marry me but now, now where? When I looked at her I knew. Right here with her next to me. And the way she looked at me would be different…be better…I swallowed before I asked, "Now why would you ask something like that?"

"Honestly," Kelly sighed, "because I've got nothing else."

I stayed quiet a second. What can I tell her? What I want to say would run off most girls but the way things are working out for me, she wouldn't run. I couldn't stay sane if she did. But at this point I literally have no idea. I just want her next to me, no matter what. And while that might not scare her off, it's freaking me out. I met her eyes again before I answered, "I don't really know. I haven't really made any plans…what about you?"

"I don't know either," Kelly glanced up at the stars then back to me, "I had college plans but…I'm finally starting to adjust here. I like it here. I don't know if by then I'll be ready," she chuckled, "Besides, what if I have a moment like Leah and just…fall in love?"

This time I gulped again before looking away from her. Oh god. She said it. the l word. That thing I'm trying not to do. I couldn't look at her but she added, "It's probably gonna be Embry since Seth is too young for me. Put in a good word, huh?" she laughed.

"I'm sure you can get away," I said, almost in a whisper, "Rachel did."

Even if the thought of her not here felt like a building collapsing on my chest. But it'd be for the best, for her. That's what matters. I'm just one big ball of pain to be released on her at any given moment. She deserves more. Damn universe. How can I be the best one for her?

"Yeah I know," she said, pausing a second, "Don't get me wrong, Rachel's great but she went away to forget right? Which I get but at the same time she lost contact with you. I can't do that to Eric, even if he is happy like he is now."

I met her eyes again as I said, "You don't have to protect him."

"I kinda do," she disagreed, "He's my brother."

"We protect each other here, all of us," I said, "Including you two. All of us care."

Kelly raised a brow, "Clearly. All of a sudden now that he's with Leah, all the guys have accepted them into the group when it wasn't the case awhile back. Now it's just me who still feels like an outsider…" she said, looking at me, "except with you. You go off and do whatever it is you guys do but it's like only Emily, you and my family give a crap."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, "Everyone loves you. You're no outsider."

Is she kidding? I've never seen someone not from here be so cared for, loved…and not just because she's my imprint. She's honestly just someone that everyone's met and says how wonderful she is.

"Do they? I guess I just haven't really been feeling it…" she paused then said, "Look its fine. I guess I just need to be patient."

I glanced at her and her eyes widened. Turning around she smiled, "Oh my god. It's almost sunrise. We've been here for hours!"

She turned back to me but I couldn't look right away. I have to make her feel like she belongs. She can't feel like she doesn't. Never again. She will always belong here. Our eyes met again as she grabbed my hand and said, "I haven't watched a sunrise in ages. Will you watch with me?"

I smiled and nodded, before pulling her towards me, "C'mon, I know a better spot."

We raced back towards town I led her to my house. "How are we supposed to see it the best from inside?" she asked.

"We're not," I answered, giving her my hand. I led her up to my roof where we sat side by side, leaning back on our palms and knees up. As the sun rose over the trees, I watched he smile grow wider. Her eyes met mine and I mirrored her smile. Finally after awhile she said, "I should probably get back. I should get some sleep. I didn't mean to keep you out all night."

"If anyone kept someone out it was me, or don't you remember how you can't stand in my way?"

Kelly laughed as we stood and I jumped down first. I reached up as she jumped into my arms. I held her for an extra couple seconds before setting her on her feet again I walked her to her window, giving her my arm to help her inside. I glanced around for a second before turning back to face her. "You know," she said, "I've never really been this close with a guy before…friend-wise anyway. It's kinda nice. I never thought it could be this easy."

"Me either," I replied. Though the imprinting is part of that.

"You going to try and catch some z's?"

Raising an eyebrow I said, "With Paul's snoring? Doubt it."

Kelly laughed, "Well you're always welcome here. I don't think Uncle Joe would mind if you were on the couch. Or even in here with me, I know you won't put any moves on me."

Moves… I don't even have any of those. What the hell am I thinking? I would never, not now. Bella. Bella is the one I need to put moves on. Suddenly loud whistling made is both turn in time to see Paul, Sam and Jared heading this way from my house. I turned back to her and said, "I gotta go."

"Okay," she said, "Well I'll see you later probably. I hope you at least get a nap in."

"I'm not tired," I said. And I wasn't. With her I could never be more awake. Still I I turned and ran off towards the guys. Please be news. I need something, anything to distract me from the fact I am slowly losing this battle. But I can't. I have to keep fighting. Why can't my life ever get any easier?