Chapter 8: The One Where I Freak Out

No matter how many times my head tells me to stay home, inevitably I get pulled to be by her. She's like a magnet-the strongest one out there. Her force is just something I can't get out of. My head keeps telling me no but the rest of me surprisingly-or unsurprisingly to everyone else-keeps saying to be next to her. And I'm okay with it. Is is me...or my blood? That's the question isn't it?

I love Bella. I do. I've loved her since we first started hanging out again when she moved back. I love her smile, her laugh but now she's starting to disappear. Each day I keep forgetting a little more about her. It's like anything I learn about Kelly replaces something I know about Bella. It's driving me nuts. I should just leave Kelly be and keep focused on Bella, that's what my head says. Just hang out less-but the thing is...not being next to her is hard, really hard to do.

Against my better judgement-sorry brain- I made my way over to a very familiar window. I gave a gentle knock, like always. This time no answer came. Weird. I knocked again. She could've popped out of her room for a sec. I sighed, then sauntered over to the door. I knocked and a few seconds later Eric opened the door. His eyes, wide at first, sunk when they saw me.

"Sorry to disappoint," I sighed. He probably was waiting on Leah, "Kelly around?"

"She didn't come to you?"

"No," I said, "Why-What's up?"

"Come in…"

I followed Eric to the living room, where he sank into a chair next to Joe. Joe had a phone to his ear. "Let me know if you see her," he said before ending the call.

My whole body tensed and all my senses skyrocketed. "What's happening?" I said, suddenly alert, "Where is she?"

"Gone," Joe replied, "She ran out of here about 20 minutes ago."

"We've been trying to find her ever since," Eric sighed.

"What do you mean...gone?" I said, "Why?"

What the hell? Where is she? Why'd she leave? I swear we already figured things out. Was it me...was I coming to close to her? WasI freaking her out?

Eric glanced at me then Joe then back at me. "She-" he paused, "Well we both got some news…" again his eyes looked over at Joe then back to me, "And she bolted," he sighed, "She always does this. When something she can't handle comes her way-Boom. She runs. Same with Mom and Dad."

It can't have been me, not the way Eric kept looking at Joe.

"She can't have gone far," I said, focusing on Kelly, "Where have you looked so far?"

"Everywhere," Eric replied, "Leah was at Emily's and the rest of the pack haven't found her. Not even at the beach. No one's seen her."

"Neither has Sue or your father," Joe added, "They told me they'd let me know if they hear anything."

Gone. She's missing. I felt the air sucked out of me. Is she hurt? Is she scared? Where is she? Why is this happening?

"I have to find her," I said, "Is there anywhere...anywhere else you can think of?"

Eric sighed, "Back at home she used to hide out in her Bug. But she didn't bring that and we already check the Impala-"

I didn't wait or answer. I just ran as fast as I could home. In my gut I knew not only where she was but that she needed warmth- and now. Don't ask me how. I'm sure it's a wolf thing. Or imprint thing. It doesn't matter. I just know what she needs and I'm going to give it to her. As I reached home, I hustled around the back. As the garage came in sight, I bounded toward the door. Throwing it open, I saw the Rabbit sitting there. I rushed over and yanked open the door to the backseat.

Kelly had curled herself in the fetal position, wearing only in a light sweater and jeans. Relief rushed over me but I saw shivers overtake her body. Wrapping her up in my arms, I pulled her close to me, ignoring the open door. All the worry and anxiety melted away. I felt her everywhere to check for anywhere she might be hurt. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Maybe I kinda caressed her face a little and gently ran my fingers through her hair. But it was just protection right? But her in my arms like this...I can't help it. I gently kissed her hair, thanking whoever was listening for giving her back to me. Safe. I have her here safe.

"Eric was right," I whispered. You do have a thing for hiding in cars."

Those bright blue eyes sparkled as she smiled up at me, leaning into my chest. "N-Not my fault. I-I-I f-forgot how c-cold it is without y-you a-a-around."

I held her tight, willing my body to be hotter. She needs to be indoors. My body heat's not enough. I slowly scooted us out the door. Her teeth chattered as I lifted her up, carrying her to my door. I pushed it open, setting her down on the couch. I quickly shut the door, hearing her sniffling. God I hope she didn't get frostbite. I poked around her jeans for her phone. Damn-why are girls pockets so tiny? They stick to them for cryin' out loud…

"Hey!" she protested but I got her phone. I dialed Eric.

"Found her," I said, "She was in my car, at my house."

"Is she...is she alright?" Joe asked on the other end.

"She's fine-just cold," I paused, "I'll keep her here, at my house and get her warmed up."

"And safe," he said, "Please keep her safe."

"I will," I said, "I'll bring her back in the morning. She can sleep in my room and I'll take the air mattress since Rachel is out for the night. Okay? Bye."

I tossed her phone towards her, meeting her eyes. She looked away quickly. To hell with that. She's not about to put me through that and not look at me. I sat next to her, putting an arm around her. "You getting warm yet?"

"Almost."

"You gonna tell me what happened that you decided to freeze to death? I mean...I get to your your house and they tell me you're gone. Then Eric said you have a thing for hiding in cars…"

"I get it," she replied, sliding away from me, "That's how you found me," she paused then groaned, "It's not my fault I didn't think of a coat. I didn't think I'd need one."

She didn't look at me. "Hey," I said, "What happened?"

She didn't say anything, just bit her lip,. Her hands fiddled in her lap. I slid closer to her and gently touched her shoulder. "C'mon," I said, "We tell each other everything, right?"

Kelly sighed but then spilled it all. Holy crap. Joe's her real dad. I didn't know that. You'd think in this small of a town that kinda thing would've been out in the open by now. No wonder the looks...Shit. She leaned back and I froze. She's so close...too close. But I want her here...this freaking close. What's wrong with me? I wrapped my arm back around her, pulling her closer to my chest. Keeping her safe, that's all I'm doing….just keeping her safe. And warm. That too.

We didn't talk. Probably for the best. Her head on my chest like that...how did I ever notice how fast my heart beats with her so damn close? This is nuts! And yet somehow I've never felt so comfortable in my life. Why can't it stop? How can I still love Bella but want Kelly so much? Friends. We're just friends. That's what she wants and it's all I want. Right?

"Thanks," she said, "For being here for me that is. I really don't know what I'd do without you Jake."

"Me either," I said.

Except, you know, not be torn in two different directions.

She moved slightly. "So," she said, "Which way to a bed because I'm super warm now and bound to pass out any minute. Plus you being a superb pillow is not helping at all."

Crap. It hit me like a Mack truck. The way she looked, mussed up hair, twinkling eyes, beautiful smile with those lips-those lips that suddenly I couldn't take my eyes off of. Oh God...I want to kiss her. The urge came from deep down within me and I have no freaking idea what to do. Or...I could just lean in-NO!

"You can-uh-sleep in my room," I stammered, "Where you found me at the party."

"Thanks," her lips curled upward, "You're going to get some sleep too right? I mean...Paul's not here to keep you awake,"

"Yeah...maybe." Doubtful. Maybe never again.

"Well I won't keep you awake." she said.

That's what you think…

"Unless I get cold but I'll yell. Otherwise you're an accomplice to me freezing to death," she grinned, "Night Jake."

"Night."

After she disappeared, I leaned back, wide awake. Holy crap that was close. I was literally moments away from kissing her. Her. Kelly. Kissing Kelly. Not Bella. I turned over and squeezed my eyes shut. I willed myself to think about Bella. Brown hair, brown eyes….

Next thing I know, there she is. not Bella. Kelly. She's doing that damn lip bite and smiling at me. God she knows what that does to me. I can't help it. I pick her up, swinging her around.

"Careful," she giggles, meeting my eyes.

"You're not worried are you?"

"With you?" she raised a brow then smiled, "Never."

Her golden waves framed her oval face with two blue pools glimmering back at me. I lean in and press my lips to hers. Lighting bolts run through my body the minute I feel hers move with mine. I pull her closer. Kelly. I need her next to me. With me...I'm dreaming. I have to be. But there we are, her laughing before I kiss her again. I'm melting faster than ice cream on a summer day. Each sound she makes….I smile back. I can't help it. She makes me happy. I've never felt so happy and...free.

I jolt awake. The sun's shining through the windows and there she stands, right next to me. "Hey," I said, "How'd you sleep?"

"Not terrible," she said, "Though I'd like to know how you did. There's no way that could be a comfortable way to sleep."

"It's better than it looks."

She paused a second. "I should go...I need to apologize."

She did it, damn lip bite. She glanced at me, then her feet and back at me.

"You want me to come with you?"

"You won't mind?"

How can I? All I want is for her to keep smiling...I took her back home. I held her hand. I'm her best friend and I'll stay that but damn that dream still lingered. I tried to focus. Anything. What's she saying? When she held her baby picture, I stared in awe. She was just as beautiful then as now.

"You were tiny," I said.

"Yeah, you would crush me in those huge hands," she chuckled.

"I'm…" I paused a sec, "Gentler than I look."

Our eyes met. No way I'd ever do her any physical harm. I think I made it clear. I wanted to kiss her again. Show her a different side of me...DAMN.

A throat cleared, breaking our gaze. Joe looked at me. Crap. He knows. Who am I kidding? Everyone knows. Everyone but Kelly and that one's on me. I gotta get out of her. And I did. Family should have family time, right. Good call. Just have to figure out a way to forget that dream. That all-too-realistic dream.