Chapter 10: My Birthday Party
January. Birthday. Another year gone by. Another year older though I don't look it. The whole age thing not being an issue is kinda nice. Just wish Bella saw it that way. Too bad she just wants to stop hers altogether. I still don't get it. Why does she want to do it? What the hell is the damn appeal of being a leech? Not even just that. Why does she want...him? Why why why….all the damn questions that circle in my head.
So the pack decided to throw me a surprise party. With wolf telepathy it wasn't much of a surprise. That and they know I'm not huge into parties and yet somehow there's one in my honor. Everyone in town is invited practically. I know she'll be there at least. I guess I can deal. As much as we should spend time apart I want Kelly around. Man I'm a mess.
Thankfully since the snow's been falling we've been going out more as a pack. Tracks and scent through the snow have helped us get rid of a couple leeches coming too close to our land. Good news. Well...almost. If we're out at least I've been distracted. When we're not…
Let's just say I have too much time to think.
I've been trying and really trying hard to not look at Kelly. Not in that way. I've been trying to forget the urges to kiss her, be close to her. My brain is on board but the rest of me is not getting the message. It doesn't matter how much I try. That damn picture proves it. Everytime I look at it, it's a reminder that my damn blood has made a decision, not me. I was for sure I'd imprint on Bella. Hell, I thought I had! But when I lived imprinting through Sam's mind...I knew it didn't. I practically begged for it after everything that happened with her and it didn't matter who. I searched high and low….I never, not for a second, thought it would really happen. Pssh. Careful what you wish for. Thank God she just wants to be friends. That I can handle, at least I can control everything else I'm feeling. If she wanted anymore- I'd be in trouble.
Not like I haven't been noticing how much more I feel. I did feel it the moment we met-that damn lightning bolt and incredible pull. The minute she whipped around I swear I felt my heart stop and beat harder and faster than it ever has. And sure...imprinting means you find the person right for you….but damn does she have to like every freaking thing I do? Everyday, literally, she will do or say something, I swear and it's like BOOM! I can feel it all over again. It's like a rush when you're zooming down a rollercoaster. I hear my dad's voice in my head saying, 'See, you're meant for each other. Why not just let it happen?
I can't. I just can't. I love Bella. She's the one for me. I know it too. I made her a promise. I would love her until her hearts stop beating. Hell even after. Besides, who said if you imprint you have to fall in love? Why can't we be best friends and stay that way forever?
Shaking the snow from my hair, I opened the creaky door to Emily's to a bunch of grinning faces.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" the chorus of voices shouted.
"Thanks," I muttered as Sam pushed a chair towards me. Mountains of food surrounded all of us. Too bad with our group it'd be gone in 10 minutes. Crazy thing? Even though I don't see her, I've been starting to feel when Kelly is around. It's super weird...and also calming. Just knowing she's around...What the hell is wrong with me?
"K old man, you ready for the cake?" Sam goaded.
"Sure you guys don't want the rest first?"
"It'll be gone in 2 minutes," Emily said.
We all chuckled as Rach and Kelly came out with the cake, smiling and beginning to sing 'Happy Birthday'. I groaned only because they all sang off key on purpose.
"Well the cake's great," I chuckled, "Not your singing."
"We could howl," Seth chimed in.
Laughing again, Rachel added, "C'mon and blow out them candles-we want some cake!"
"I helped her make it," Kelly said, "So I second that!"
I smiled then glanced to the candles. I have to make a wish, but for what? The last couple haven't come true. Hell I don't even know if this one will. I glanced across the room. Our eyes met. Her eyes, warm and flickering like the candles….happy. Kelly smiled back at me and suddenly I just knew. Her happiness. That's it. A quick huff and the flames disappeared.
"Now we know who blew down the little piggies houses!" Seth cracked.
We all laughed again, doling out the cake pieces. Kelly came close as I devoured my piece. "How is it?" she asked.
"You need to ask?"
Her cheeks reddened a little as she smiled, looking away for a minute. "You should get some of the rest before it's gone," she said.
"Well if they don't, save some for me."
"You'll eat at my house?"
"Only if Eric and Joe are good with that."
"I think they'll sympathize with the Paul situation."
Seth strolled over to us, "Hey guys, why don't we go outside? It's too nice to be cooped up."
Kelly turned to me, "You wanna?"
"Sure."
"I'll be here," Emily said, "No one else to clean up after you guys."
"Do you want help Em?" Kelly asked, moving over next to her.
"It's fine," she smiled, "I got a wolf who owes me one…"
Sam wrapped an arm around her waist, drawing her in for a kiss.
I opened the door, "And with that, we're outta here."
"Happy Birthday!," I heard again as I led her out.
More snow fluttered to the ground. Kelly smiled, twirling in it. Damn she's beautiful. The way the snow fell on her hair, her twirling like that...STOP. She scooted over and stood next to Seth, Embry, Collin and Brady.
"Where'd everyone else go?" Kelly asked.
"Something about 'it's so romantic'" Brady clutched his chest.
"Basically, they ditched us," Embry laughed.
"Might as well walk too then."
"Okay Embry," Collin joked, "No moves on the birthday boy-man!"
"I'll try not to," Embry replied, hands up.
Brady and Collin went inside once we got close to home leaving just Embry, Seth, Kelly and me. Seth whined about about having too much energy so Embry pounced him on to help. I watch alongside her, both of us placing bets. Watching the two of them wrestle still was amusing. Seth is just this young kid trying to be tough but Embry still can hold his own. I saw her drop her glove out of my peripherals but my eyes went right back to the match at hand. Seth landed a good hit on Embry. "Oh c'mon Embry," I groaned.
"So Jake…"
"Yeah…" I turned to a chestful of freshly packed snow and a grinning Kelly.
"Oh yeah?" She ran but I was still able to pack a snowball and catch her right in the back of the neck. "You had that coming."
She didn't let up. She grabbed another but now Seth and Embry caught on as I saw a couple more fly her way. I stopped dead when I saw Seth's hit her face and bring her to her knees. I raced over, pushing her hair out of her face, "You okay?" I asked only to be met with a snowball up my nose. Oh it's on now...She ran. I ran faster. I grabbed her, pulling her down and rolling her over. "Had enough?" I grinned, laying atop of her.
I knew I shouldn't but I kept leaning closer...wanting needing to be closer…
"Okay," she answered, looking up at me, "You win. I'm not a match for you. I'm no wolf girl."
What? Is she freaking serious? How the hell can she think that?
"Yeah you are," I said, "You've always been one."
Our eyes met and I swear...seeing her like that with her eyes glittering and the snow falling all around us. Everything fell away and suddenly it was just us...-I need to get a grip. Then I did something I know I shouldn't again...I caught a glimpse of her lips-those soft, beautiful and open pink lips and instantaneous I could feel mine on them. And it felt...amazing. The dream-how does it feel so damn real? I've never had a daydream like this...We'd melt the snow in an instant. And I want it-but I can't. Then why the hell do I want it so damn much? And this right here is why being a wolf is such a pain in the -
Embry cleared his throat. I backed up off her, coming back to reality. Phew. That was close. I offered her a hand to help her up.
"Me and Seth are gonna go," Embry said, grinning at me.
Are you freaking kidding me?! Now? "So soon?" I gritted out, shaking my head slightly.
"We're both starving again and my house actually has food. Paul's probably cleared your stash."
Liars. Kelly chuckled, "Seriously? You two ate a half hour ago."
They shrugged, still Embry only grinned at me. I'm gonna kill him. Both of them. They know I need a distraction...need to be away from her not be alone with her...not with the dreams I've been having…
"Werewolves can't help it," Embry said, "You better get inside Kel, your jacket and pants are soaked through."
I gulped. That was my fault. I gritted my teeth. Shit. I laid on top of her. I got lost looking into her eyes then at her mouth...focus. Damn. Damn damn damn.
"You're not wrong. I can already feel it. Guess it serves me right for buying a jacket more for fashion than insulation huh?"
Or for being not being able to have a friend with any shred of self-freaking control. A light hit came to my arm, "Thanks a lot."
I turned back to Seth and Embry, eyes wide, pleading them to stay but they just laughed. Great. Guess I'm on my own. "You started it," I told her.
I took her home. To my house. Like a good friend would do. I went to grab her a shirt and some bottoms while she tossed her stuff in the dryer. This is all my fault. What if she gets sick? Aww man I am so freaking screwed….When I popped back down the stairs, the sight I caught stopped me dead in my tracks. I know my mouth hung open. She only wore a bra and panties, basically a swimsuit but all I could see was skin...beautiful lightly tanned skin...soft to the touch. And I wanted to. I wanted to touch it-kiss it STOP aww hell I am a guy for crying out loud! It's natural to react like this...right? Then it hit...the freaking daydream from hell. I could see my hands trailing up those arms and legs, her giggling the whole time then shivering with small bumps appearing as I trailed further upward…
"Yes I have girl parts," she snorted, "You gonna hand me those clothes?"
I swallowed, as she took them from my hands. I'm going to die. Distraction. I need a distraction. NOW. Then the pants didn't fit. So then she stayed in just my freaking t-shirt. Hair down, slightly messed up and beautiful legs trailing down from my shirt...Movie. Distraction. Right. Die Hard. Action movie...no romance, perfect. Until she curled up next to me. I swear I'm on freaking fire. I'm going up in smoke and she has no idea. This is it. This is how I die. Friends. We're just friends. Damn bloodline. Movie-focus on the movie.
Midway through the movie I paused it so she could check her clothes in the dryer. They aren't dry. Crap. I'm an idiot. I'm crazy. Why the hell would I say that? Of course I can't let her go home in wet clothes in the middle of the night in winter...but stay here? Looking like that and my self-control barely hanging on my a thread...Where...Oh you know, my bed of course! Crap Rachel's coming back tonight. Whatever I can take the floor. She doesn't want to stay here. It's not me though...right? The mess isn't from me, it's from Paul. Why then? Why am I fighting it? I can survive if she goes...No. She'll freeze-No I can't-I won't let her.
I took her hand and lay back on the bed. God I'm an idiot. I patted next to me, "It'll be easier if we sleep...side by side."
"You're kidding?"
I wish. Oh how I freaking wish but no. This is quite possibly the worst idea I've ever had...or the best.
"You tell me all the time how you barely fit and now you want me there too?"
She doesn't want to. Just let her go. NO. Then she bit her damn lip for a second then climbed next to me. Her face sat inches from mine at first. "You really think...we'll get to sleep like this?"
I sure as hell won't. "Doubt it," I said, "But at least you won't freeze."
She rolled over, readjusting. Her back pressed up against my chest and she melded into me like a freaking puzzle piece. I groaned.
"You okay?"
Not a chance in hell. There's no way I can sleep like this. Hell I don't even know how I can not make this awkward. Friends. Just friends. Aww man. I had good enough senses before I was a wolf but now. God help me. How does she feel just right against me? I'm barely holding on to anything resembling self-control. All I want to do is-NO. Stop. Bella. Think of Bella. What if this was her next to me like on the mountain?
I closed my eyes but no matter how hard I tried to picture the brown eyes I love, blue pools and blonde hair filled my head. But it's fine-we're just friends. That's it. I can handle that. Right? Thank God she just wants to be friends. Anything more and I'd-who the hell knows. Tonight I want anything but. Who the hell knows what tomorrow will bring.