Chapter 14: The One Where I Need Her Back

I need her. Now. The prospect of that thing even coming close to her...NEVER. No way in hell that bloodsucker will ever come close to her-touch her. I will do whatever it freaking takes. I won't hesitate like the rest of the,. She's safe-with me. It's my job anyway. Guess it's time to stop avoiding this and deal. I have to protect her at all costs.

I went to her window. Locked. But I saw her there on her bed, a book in hand. I was about to knock when I heard one come from her door.

"Not hungry," she said, eyes continuing to focus on the book.

The door opened and I saw Eric walk in.

"C'mon, Kel, Dad's getting worried about you."

She glanced over at him for a moment before looking down again. "Nothing for him to worry over."

"Look," Eric said, sitting on the edge of the bed, "I know you're hurting…."

"Please," she glanced over then away, clenching her fists, "Don't. I can't. I can't do it."

"He's not doing so well himself you know."

"He's the one who jumped on it," She set the book down, "Please, I just-I can't. Not with Drake and all this...I just can't okay? I just want to clear my head of everything. If I don't...If I don't I'm just going to keep wallowing in self-pity. I just need some time alone...please?"

Eric nodded. "Fine," he sighed, standing, "It won't last forever. We all know he feels something for you."

"Yeah," she scoffed, "Disgust."

"Kelly-"

"Look, I know you're just trying to help...but…," She sighed, "But Jake doesn't want me like that and he never will. The sooner I accept that the sooner I can...I don't know-move on? But I'm not there yet and I can't get there if everyone keeps getting all up in my face and stuff."

"Okay," Eric said, "I'll cut it out. I just worry about you."

Kelly sighed, glancing at him, "For now...just worry less okay? I'm gonna go to bed."

Eric nodded and left the room. She made sure the door was shut before she collapsed on her bed again. She stared off for a moment before chucking the book across the room. She buried her head in her hands and I watched her chest heave. Oh man. Even the thought of me makes her cry. I felt the wrenching in my own chest: guilt, shame...all of it. What did I do? Can I even...fix it? I messed up. I messed up big time.

I went home. She's safe...from the leech. For now anyway. But what about me? Shit. Did I do damage that I can't fix again? How the hell did this happen? O h right...I'm an idiot. This whole thing is just going to crap and it's all because of me. Maybe I shouldn't see her...yet. I decided to stick it out a couple more days. We scared away the leeches and kept them away at least. But immediately my thoughts always rush to her. I'm worried about her. I need to know she's okay. That she feels safe and isn't afraid. Let's be honest. It's more than that. It's me. I can't do it anymore. I can't be away from her. I need her. I went back to her window. Locked still. Is she worried about the leech...or me? I swallowed. I don't know if I'm ready for the answer. This time, I walked around to the front door and knocked. Joe opened the door.

"Oh," I said, "Hi Mr.-"

"Jacob," he said, cutting me off.

Well that's not a good sign.

"I uh...is Kelly...here?"

"She is," he replied, not moving.

Oh man. I'm in trouble. He's looking at me like he's about to grab the shotgun...I gulped.

"Can I...can I see her?" I swallowed again.

"Depends," he said, never breaking his fixed gaze on me, "Look, we all make mistakes Jacob...but that girl in there….that's my little girl. I've only just got her back. And I know I'm not a picture perfect father but I am tryin' my best."

I swallowed again. He stared at me then went on, "Now she works all the time and then comes home, barely eats and I've heard her cry more than once these past two weeks. I want you to be sure if I let you in this door that she's not just someone you're going to up and leave. She deserves more than that."

"I won't," I said, "I swear she...she makes me happy and I hope...I hope I do the same for her."

"You do," he said, "Every time you stay, she's happy."

I held in a breath. Crap," You-You know about that?"

"I wasn't born yesterday Jake," he smiled, "I allow it because she's happy. That's all that matters to me: her happiness. I can only hope you feel the same."

"I do."

"Then go and make her happy again."

The second Joe stepped out of the way, I hustled in. I went to her door, feeling my hands shake the whole damn time. Her door in front of me...shit. What if she doesn't want to see me? What if she slams the door in my face? Can't say I don't deserve it. I do. I definitely do. I'd rather see her pissed off than sad. If I see her cry one more time I'm gonna-stop. Focus on the task at hand. I clenched my fists for a brief second then knocked.

"Still not hungry Dad, but thanks." I heard.

I kept knocking. I heard some shuffling in the room.

"I swear I'll be fine I just would rather not talk right now-."

Kelly's eyes widened as she opened the door. I met her gaze and she stepped back. God it was so good to see her. Her hair was slightly disheveled and I saw the faintest traces of bags under her eyes. I gulped. Those were my fault. I stepped forward and she stepped aside to let me in. She shut the door and we both sat on her bed. I sat on the edge, glancing at her. What the hell do I say? Think. Have to think of something. Anything. Well anything that's not going to piss her off. Or make her cry. I glanced to the window. "Sorry," I muttered, "I uh...I would've come through the window but it's kinda shut off...and I didn't know if you even wanted to see me.

She smiled slightly, "I always want to see you Jake. We're friends."

Friends. That word again. The word I thought we were. Are we? Are we really just friends? She loves me and I...I don't even know what this is I'm feeling. Imprinting and all that comes with it or...I don't even know. Could it be love..I'm such an idiot. I have no idea what I'm doing.

She swallowed as our eyes met. Biting her lip she said, "Look, uh , I'm glad you're here but um," she paused, "I'm not...ready. Not yet. I still need some time," she paused again, "I uh-still feel-"

"I know," I said, kneeling on the floor in front of her. I took her hands in mine, looking back into those baby blues I'd been missing. No. She's not going to feel bad. Not anymore. "This has been the hardest two weeks of my life. I know it's not enough time for you to…" She glanced away from me but I squeezed her hands, "You know but I can't do this. I can't not see you," I paused until she looked at me again, "I'm sorry about how I acted. I was a little…"I raised a brow, "dramatic. We're best friends. That's all I ...want but...I should've been better about it. I can't abandon you like that, " I paused, squeezing her hands again, "You deserve more than that."

Kelly shook her head, "Don't. You were honest with me and that's all I wanted. I know you can't feel the same way…"

The hell I can't. I'm starting to. She looked at the floor and I felt the feeling again in my chest. The wrenching guilt that keeps eating at me. It's not that I can't I just-but I can. And my blood wants me to. I could just kiss her now and she'd smile again...but I can't...not now. Not...yet.

"I've missed you," she said, looking back at me, "A lot. I've never been so close to someone that when they're not around...it actually physically hurts."

God I felt it too and so did she. That strong freaking pull like we're two magnets and we have to be together no matter what. Is it all the imprinting or is there something else? I swear it can't be just that...I stood up and pulled her into my arms. "Me too," I said, "I still want to be...friends," I looked down at her, taking in those two blue pools staring back at me, "As for the rest I'll just...deal. As long as you can deal with me."

"Agreed."

I didn't let go and neither did she for a few moments. It felt so right just to have her there, in my arms. This was my chance...why didn't I just tell her? I could get it over with and there wouldn't be anything left. She'd be happy...at least I think she would be...right? She does love me after all...But I can't. I'm still not sure. I really have no freaking idea how I really feel. How the hell do you know for sure? I mean… my blood knows but how do I know? Me? I mean I was so sure with Bella but now I don't even know about that. Do I even know what love is?

We sat back on her bed and I said, "I heard about... that guy. Are you okay?"

Leech. Always after a girl I'm into. What the hell is up with that?

"Better now that you're here," she smiled.

That damn smile. God I've missed her. Every cloud and storm in my head disappeared and let her sunshine shine right in and warm my soul. I felt right at home with her across from me. We talked. And talked. All night practically. Nothing really in particular just talking about everything that's been going on. She told me about work and I told her about pack stuff...normal. When I finally did leave, well, I know I will never ever be separated from her again. I couldn't survive it. We both need each other...maybe more than either of us thought. Hell I need her more than I ever thought. She really is something I can't be without. And I will keep her safe no matter what. But what in the hell does that damn leech want with her?