Chapter 15: That Time She Gave Me a Heart Attack

Normal. Normal again. Well normal for us anyway. I stayed. I know I shouldn't but I just couldn't stay away from her. Not just because I had this intense desire to be near her. No. I can't stay away when that leech is after her. Even she doesn't know why he can't leave her alone. If it's this damn attached she's more than a meal. But what the hell does he want with her. Drake. Some random leech with a few cronies. Suddenly he wants her, is obsessed with her. I'll be damned if it comes any closer. And even though I swear that hole just up and disappeared, the one I'd felt since we've been apart, I really didn't want to make it more awkward. But I guess I can't help it. I mean a few nights later, we're there, watching movies like we've done hundreds of times it feels like and I look over and her eyes are shut. I sit there and think...God she's so beautiful. How have I not seen it? Like really seen it? With her hair fallen just like that...I gently covered her with a blanket and tried to be quiet as I headed to the window.

"Don't go," I heard. When I turned those eyes were fixed on me, "I'll be fine. I swear."

"You'll be out in seconds," I smiled and chuckled.

I almost touched the window pane until she begged, "Stay….please?"

And just like that she pulled me back. Not like I was really going to fight her on it. Not when I didn't want to be apart from her. How can I say no? Especially when those eyes meet mine like that. So I just smiled and got right back next to her where I had been. Where I want to be, let's be honest. And just like I predicted, she was out in moments. I watched her sleep, not in a creepy way. More of a holy-crap-I'm-in-love-with-her way. But again, I don't even know what love is. I'm good at the pain part. Definitely know that comes with it. But I still can't tell if I look at her this way because my blood has finally won over...or if it's me. I'm in trouble. If I...no. I can't wreck this. I only just got her back. I shouldn't even be holding her next to me like this. Keeping her to my side...Why can't I leave? My head hurts. So does my body. Except being next to her it's like I've never felt better. I can't feel any pain when she's next to me. It's like it just magically melts away.

I can't believe I fell asleep, I didn't even realize I was dozing off. I felt her fingers push aside some hair from my face. God her touch was so soft and gentle...I loved it. It felt...amazing. I opened my eyes but she'd already rolled back over and went back to sleep. I gently moved away, just to the edge of the bed. This is going to send all the wrong signals...or the right ones. Dammit. C'mon God, can't you give me a heads up here? Do I love her? Something anything….sincerely yours, Jacob Black.

Kelly shifted. I turned to face her, smiling when I saw the one at me. "Hey," I said, "How'd you sleep?"

"Good for once," she said, gently touching her dreamcatcher, "It hasn't always worked lately...not since…."

I swallowed, glancing away a minute. Yeah. Since I broke your heart in two. How the hell can I make it right?

"Anyway," she said, "Thanks for staying and keeping me warm. I can't stop being cold lately….I hope this didn't make things ...you know...more awkward between us."

"It didn't," I answered. Did it? No. God I hope not. Because I honestly don't know how to make myself stop.

"I didn't wanna give you the wrong idea either," I said. Or did I? I'm still not absolutely sure myself, "but I couldn't just go."

"I know what you mean."

Of course you do. You love me. And I...God maybe I am in love with her. Cuz I feel it too. I can't be without her. Isn't that what it is? Or is that just crazy super dependent and toxic behavior. I sighed inwardly.

"So tell me the truth...how's my hair?" She asked.

Perfect. Gorgeous. Amazing…Until I give it a quick run through of my hand, "Worse now."

We laughed. She was still stunning with hair in every direction and the grin peeking out from under it. She hopped of the bed and grabbed the brush, fixing it. I couldn't stop watching. I was mesmerized. Each time she went through her hair, her sweet little smile as the brush reached the ends...We smiled at each other in the mirror. It's this...moments like this where I feel like...maybe it's not as hard as I think it is. Maybe I should just go ahead and say it. I'm in love with her. But still I'm not sure...Oh God I might have to ask for advice...but from who? Have the pack would make fun of me...normally I'd ask her but I don't think that's gonna work in this case.

The next day she had to work. Me? Nothing. Well the pack and I searched for Drake and the cronies Kelly said were with him. Nothing new. They're gone and so there again I'm alone and all I do is think. And think some more. And where should I go if that's all I'm gonna do? Our thinking spot on First beach. Then after I'm done...or she's done...well either way we'd find each other. We do that pretty damn well.

Everyone...they're all so damn sure. And I've seen it...who couldn't? They showed me in that damn picture and even now it's not uncommon. Sam and Emily, Jared and Kim, Quil and Claire, Eric and Leah….now me and Kelly. It's all so easy for them though. They just gave in. Even Leah. All the pain we lived with her over Sam just...poof. Gone with imprinting. But I still got someone else with a damn hold on me. Or does she? Is it Bella standing in the way of being happy? Or is it just me? Before Kelly, I can't even remember being happy. Like truly happy. With her? Damn it's like every damn day. And it could be like that. All the time. Every day. I don't know if I could handle it. Could it?

But I made a promise. Bella. Does she even care? She's the one who wants to be a -but I promised. Can I really go back on that?

Suddenly I caught a scent. It's back. I jumped up, looking around. Kelly stood a ways down and I saw a female bloodsucker by her. My heart stopped. It's too close to her. Way. Too. Freaking. Close. I phased immediately.

"GET DOWN HERE NOW. KELLY'S IN TROUBLE. THERE ARE PROBABLY MORE!"

I didn't waste any more time. I made a beeline for her. I watched as she dumped something on it then lit it up with a match. I tore into the leech followed by Embry and Quil. I didn't care. Immediately I let them finish the female thing off, heading directly to her. Too damn close...that leech could've-I couldn't even think about it. As soon as I phased back she was in my arms and I squeezed her, hopefully not too hard. Too damn close. I didn't even want to think of what could've happened if one more second had passed...

"Can't. Breathe."

I released her, slightly. "Why...why didn't you run?" I asked, squeezing her again, gulping, "She could've killed you!"

My heart raced. She's safe. She's in my arms. It's over….over. For now. There are others out there. Drake. He still wants her. Wants to hurt her. So it's only over...for now.

"If I can't outrun you, what makes you think I can outrun them?"

I sighed, "Fair point."

She's right. If she ran...but if she had I could've got the leech sooner I-

"Exactly."

"You okay?" I asked, frantically checking her for even the smallest scratch. Nothing that I saw. If that leech harmed one damn hair on her head...

"Fine."

How is she so damn nonchalant about this?

"What did she say to you?"

"That Drake still wants me. He's chosen me or something. Whatever that means."

"Why does he...want...you?

"Beats me."

No. My heart stopped. Not again. To hell if I'm doing this again. He wants to turn her. He wants a damn partner. That's the only damn explanation why'd he'd keep coming back, why is obsession is so damn strong. I clenched my fists. NEVER.

"It's getting late," she said, "I should probably get some sleep."

How can she be so damn calm? If I hadn't been there-what that thing would've-could've done to her...I couldn't speak on the way back to her house. Here she's being so freaking calm and I'm freaking the hell out. I can't help it. I almost lost her. For good. Two weeks nearly killed me being without her but forever…I can't even think.

"Thank you. Tell the guys thanks too."

"It's our job," I muttered.

"I know," she said then paused. I met her eyes...seeing that damn lip bite. She always did it when she was nervous...or about to say something I wasn't gonna like. "I uh...I want to tell you something," she said, "Something I've been thinking about."

I raised a brow.

"So I've been thinking lately that um," She looked at the ground, sneaking a glance back up at me, "I've been thinking of going to college. I'm probably gonna do my generals online so I can stick close to Joe for awhile yet and save some money but um-after I think…," She paused again, glancing at the dirt again, "I think I'm going to go somewhere else."

I felt a lump in my throat, "You're gonna….you're gonna leave?"

"Not forever," she said, "Just to, you know, get away. I've wanted to for a long time, probably do Washington State like Rach or Seattle."

The air left my lungs. I couldn't move. This can't be happening. No. NO. She can't. Why...why leave? Why now?

"Don't take it the wrong way Jake," she said, "La Push is my home and I'll come back but...I need to do this. For me, you know? Not only cuz I want to do something with my life but because" she paused, "because I need to...move on."

I felt like she stabbed me in the gut. Move on. Rachel's words came back. 'She'll eventually move on…' Rachel was right. She's not gonna wait...why should she? Not like I ever said anything to give her a reason to-

"You're never gonna feel the same for me and...and I'm not going to follow you around hoping you will," she said, "I'm gonna go and maybe...maybe the best way to move on is….to fall in love again," she paused, "with someone else."

I gulped. 'With someone else' As in not me. She's going to leave. Find another guy. Another guy is going to laugh with her. Smile with her. Watch movies with her. Kiss her…someone thats NOT me.

"What about Drake?" I asked, trying to keep some semblance of composure, "You don't think he'll follow you?"

"Well...I'm gonna be here awhile yet and you guys will take him down so I'm not worried, no."

Problem solved, for her. Everything's working out. For her. She's just going to pack her bags and find a bigger and better future.

And I'm not part of it.

My stomach dropped.

"Well…"she said, "I'll let you get back to them. Thanks again. We'll talk about this later I just thought I'd let you know...cuz I was thinking about it. Night Jake."

"Night," I uttered.

That's all it was. Just another night. But it's the night she's decided I'm no longer an option. And me? It's the one I just realized she's been my only one...and I'm about to lose her.