7 weeks in

Guilty… guilty… you're guilty.

No., no I'm not. I didn't know, I didn't know about those girls.

"You know that's not true" A voice snapped, and I shrunk into myself. "You killed them all, you are just as guilty as your parents"

"N-No.. that's not t-true"

Blood… screams… pain.

"You neglected them" A voice… mom. "You failed them"

"I-I.. please stop" I whisper, burying my face in my hands. A sob escapes my mouth. Please stop… please make it stop. I want it to go away, all of it, everything.

"You left me" A female voice, younger. "You left me to die"

"No… no y-you're not-"

"Did you really think you could help me? Did you really think you could save me?" The voice continued, sharp, unrelenting.

"I-I tried, ple-"

"You should've tried harder!"

No… no…

"NO!" I cry out, shooting upright immediately. I blink, hand going to my face. Tears wetted my fingers, and I shivered at feeling.

"Mikey?" A voice softly called out, and I snapped my head to the door. I frown at the figure, Yoshi slowly walking in. "I heard your distress" He explains softly. I could do nothing but stare at him with wide eyes. Tears were still flowing down my cheeks but I make no effort to stop them.

Yoshi looks at me with worried eyes, and it looked foreign for him to express emotions so freely.

"Are you alright?" He asks softly, walking over to me and sitting down on the edge of my bed. I glance at him, before looking at his eyes.

"I don't know" I whisper, shrugging. Yoshi hesitates for a moment, but slowly brings his arm around me. I immediately melt into the touch, surprising even myself by burying my face in his hold.

"It will be alright" He murmurs softly, and I sob. Tremors shook through my form, but I couldn't stop myself. You should've tried harder… I should've tried harder. The voice was right, I should've tried harder to stop my parents, to save those girls and get them out. But I was afraid.

I was a coward.

"How about-" Yoshi starts, starting to untangle himself from the hug.

"NO" I cry out before I can stop myself, grasping the fabric of his shirt tightly in my hands. He immediately freezes. "Please don't go" I murmur, keeping my face hidden from his view. He's silent for a second before he tightens his hold on me as well.

"I am not leaving you, my son" He speaks softly. "I was merely suggesting we should go downstairs and get some comforting beverages." I laugh shakily, nodding. That was the thing Don did when he discovered I had a nightmare, which wasn't surprising as he had told me he gave me cocoa because Yoshi and Shen did the same.

Calm him down when he had a nightmare.

"Okay" I agree softly, carefully sliding out of the bed. I shiver slightly at the cold, but I didn't pay attention to it. Yoshi seemed pleased, exiting my room and walking downstairs without making a sound. I watched quietly as Da- Yoshi make the hot cocoa.

"Do you wish to talk about your nightmare?" He asks softly as he puts two cups down on the table in front of me. I stare down at the cup.

"It was just… stuff" I mumble. "My parents telling me I wasn't good enough, and that I didn't deserve this" Yoshi frowns slightly, a thoughtful look on his face.

"And do you believe such claims?"

I shrug slightly. "I know I shouldn't… but I still feel guilty about everything" I answer honestly, Yoshi watches me with a soft smile before sipping from the cup. I follow his example.

"Did you hear other voices?" He asks after a short silence. I glance at him, but the look in his eyes already told me he knew that answer.

"I heard… her" I mumble, staring down. I couldn't even get myself to mention her name, but I knew Yoshi knew who I was talking about. A weird look of sadness crosses Yoshi's face.

"You have not contacted her yet?" He asks softly, and I shake my head. "And you have not contacted her parents either?" He continues, but I just shake my head again.

"It wouldn't matter… I can't see her without explaining my side of the story" I mumble, glaring down at the hot cocoa. "And I'm not doing that to her"

"You are allowed be selfish for once" Yoshi whispers softly, but I shake my head.

"Not to her, it would ruin her life"

"You know that is not true, you-"

"I'm happy knowing she's safe da- Yoshi" I correct myself, rubbing my temples at the mistake. Yoshi smiled gently, reaching out to put his hand on mine.

"I know you may be reluctant to, but you are allowed to call me that" Dad, father.. a parent. "We have continued to foster you because we wanted to, you belong in this family" He continues.

"I know" I whisper, glancing down and refusing to look at him. "It's just weird" I add after a few quiet moments.

"I can understand my son" This time I did look up, and I can feel tears well up in my eyes. He smiled ever so slightly, as some kind of reassurance or something.

"It feels weird calling you or Shen my mom and dad… but" I stop for a moment, biting my lip. "You've been more like parents to me than my biological parenets ever were"

And it may not be the best thing he must've heard, and it may not even mean much, but Yoshi responds by smiling broadly at me with fond eyes.

I may not be ready to call him my dad… but he kinda was already.

TMNT

13 weeks in.

"Up you go Mike" Raph mutters, and I glance upwards. He was standing in front of me, looming over me with determined eyes.

"I'm fine Raph" I say softly, glancing down at my book again.

"It wasn't a suggestion, c'mon" Raph insists, extending his arm. I glance at it warily, shaking my head again. "Unless you've discovered the Loch Ness monster in that lake, you have no excuse not to come with me" Raph snorts, and I turn over the page of my book.

"Funny you mentioned that" I remark dryly, and I can practically see Raph roll his eyes at the comment.

"Off your lazy butt" Then Raph reaches forwards, wrapping his hand around my wrist. I wince at the sudden and restraining contact, but either Raph didn't see it or choose to ignore it, hauling me to me feet. I stumble slightly, but Raph just pulls me from my spot.

"Raph no" I try again, but Raph doesn't listen, pulling me further into the sun.

"Raph yes" The older boy responds, and I glare at him, squinting slightly at the sun. "You're already wearing your trunks Mikey" He eventually retorts.

"That's because it's actually really warm" I snap back and Raph just snickers, giving me a gentle push so I was forced to walk onto the pier. Leo looks to the side, smiling as he sees me. The latter was sitting on the pier, also in his trunks and his feet barely touching the water, body relaxed.

"Raph dragged you here?" He asks, but a smug expression was on his face. I nod, walking over to him and sitting down next to him.

I glance around, not able to hide a little smile forming on my face. It was peaceful here, and I felt myself relaxing even more. It was unusually warm for March, so Yoshi and Shen had made the decision to pack for the weekend and go camping... somewhere. I honestly had no idea where we were exactly.

I had fallen asleep on the way here, but apparently Yoshi knew an abandoned spot in the middle of the forest with a lake we could swim in. And because the water didn't come from the mountains, and didn't go anywhere, it was actually pretty decent to swim in.

"I almost finished your book by the way" I softly add, and Leo glances at me. For a moment he just moves his feet through the water before smiling at me.

"I take it you like the book?" He asks, and I nod.

"Took me a few chapters to get into it, but it's really good" I shrug, and Leo laughs, nudging my shoulder.

"You really like reading don't you?" He asks, but I'm sure he already knew the answer to that. Yes, I did. he has seen me read countless of books, and to be honest, this wasn't even the first book he had given me.

"It was one of the only things that I really liked to do in juvie" I whisper, I still didn't like to talk about that particular time, and the guys knew to avoid it as much as possible. So why did I bring it up? Because it helped talking about it. I felt myself more and more comfortable the more the guys knew.

And it scared me.

"I can imagine, they didn't let you out much did they?" He asks, but there was a gentle undertone in his voice. You don't have to answer it if you don't want to. We've already had our fair share of awkward moments of me not answering questions. But I just shrug.

"We were forced to do a lot of exercise, that sure wasn't fun" I mumble, casting my head down. Apart from that they tried to keep us as busy as possible. They still schooled us daily, so people who were stuck at least longer than the age of 18 would still have a high school diploma.

And for close to a year, that group included me. I had planned on finishing my high school in Juvie, and then go to an adult prison. But juvie was still a prison, my juvie was still a prison for teens with some of the worst crimes. There were fights, they would test you, intimidate you, or rise against guards.

The guards had to be super careful, and generally didn't like any of us. And Leo knew, who looks at me with sad eyes.

"How about we go hiking tomorrow? Just the two of us" Leo suggests, and I glance at him. I was about to say no, but I frown slightly.

"I would like that actually" I say softly, and it wasn't a lie. Leo was really chill with these things, and he really liked nature in the first place. So he wouldn't just be doing it for me, I would just be someone who joined him on his trip. No expectations from Leo, and no judgement if I didn't say anything, or didn't want to continue.

"Great" Leo beams. "I will ask mom and dad tonight if it's okay, but I'm sure it's fine" He says, and I can't help but smile as well. He was a bit in between Don and Raph in terms of presence, Raph being more present, and Don being more reserved. But Leo was definitely the most cheery one out of the three.

Which made sense considering he was the only one who hadn't been in the foster system.

I smile, until I suddenly heard someone approaching us quickly. I tense.

"In ya go" I heard Raph's voice behind me before I felt a hand on my back, pushing me in. I cry out, water submerging me immediately. I splutter, kicking my legs until my head was above the surface of the water again. I could see Leo spluttering as well, kicking his legs to stay afloat but my only focus was on the pier.

"Raph!" I cry out, eyes wide before swimming over to pier and hanging onto it, panting ever so slightly.

"Afraid of the water?" Raph smirks, but the moment he looks down, I could see the slight hesitant look on his face. I just look at him. I knew they were just trying to make me feel included, try to get Mikey involved my therapist had given as advice to my foster brothers, involve him in as much as possible.

But be careful with his psyche.

Especially the last past was hard, I could see Leo, Don and Raph trying to include me, trying to involve me in conversation, bickering and so on. But they also realised that I wouldn't react well to everything. They often feared taking things too fear, and making me do something, or doing something that would scare me.

Right now, however, I just felt a slight annoyance at Raph for pushing me in… but I wasn't mad.. if that made sense.

"Ha-ha" I deadpan, but a tinge of humour was creeping through my voice. Raph smirks at my expression, stretching out his arm to pull me out of the water. A sly smile spreads across my face, and I lurch forwards, grasping his arm and pulling him into the water.

I had to almost dive out of the way so Raph wouldn't land on top of me, but he toppled into the water with a satisfying yell. I snicker as he comes up spluttering, looking at me with a surprised look on his face. But after a few seconds he grins, slamming his hand onto the surface of the water to spray me with it.

"He got you good Raph" Leo laughs, and Raph turns around in the water, giving him a face full of water as well.

"What, you didn't wait for me?" Don huffed, walking onto the pier as well.

"Ya want me to push you in?" Raph snickers. Don glances at me for just a split-second before shaking his head.

"I'll pass" He shrugs, sitting down with his toes slightly reaching the water. And I had a feeling Leo and Raph knew better than to push Don in right now. I sigh, carefully swimming over to the pier and heaving myself out of the water. There's a strange silence as I turn around, sitting down next to Don.

"Mikey-" Don starts softly, eyes wide. "What is that?" He asks, voice tight as he gestures to my leg. Immediately I can feel a jolt of fear run through me, and my hands fly to my shorts, which were pulled up just a tiny bit to reveal the part of my leg I always wanted to hide from them… from anyone.

I straightening my shorts within seconds, covering the huge scar than ran horizontally along my upper leg

"Tell me that isn't what I think it is" Leo utters softly, swimming over to the pier but not coming out yet, just looking at me with a worried expression.

"It's not" I snap, standing up quickly. I was ready to walk away but I quickly found a hand wrapping around my wrist. "Let me go Don" I whisper, throat tightening painfully.

"Mikey please" Don mutters softly, looking up at me with desperate eyes. "Did you do this to yourself?" I shake my head desperately, trying to tug my arm free. But for some reason, I couldn't even put my full strength behind that tug. I couldn't get myself to really try and escape.

"Why didn't ya tell us?" Raph asks softly, climbing out of the water and walking over to me. He looks at me with worried eyes, and I can't do anything but stare back at him. Then slowly, he grasps my right arm, bringing it closer and inspecting both sides.

"Because there's nothing to tell" I whisper, never taking my eyes off my big brother…. my big bro. My arms, both arms clean of any scars that would suggest self-harm. Because I never did, I never hurt myself like that. "I'm not hurting myself"

And yet, I couldn't reassure Don, because I did do this myself.

"Please don't lie Mike" Raph shakes his head, and I notice Leo slowly climbing out of the water as well, but I don't pay attention to it.

"I promise I'm not" It was the truth. It was one time, but not for that reason. The wound on my leg….that was self-inflicted.

But there was more to the story, something I wasn't ready for them to know.

Because it would mean they would find out about her.

TMNT

Her, her her. Who is Her? D: Hehe.

I would love to hear your thoughts :3 As always, 10 reviews for an extra chapter! See ya! *hug*