Chapter 16: I Confess-About Bella

After she disappeared through her window, I stood there like an idiot. Leaving. She's freaking leaving me. She wants to move on. And here I am stuck. In my head, I kept flashing back to the damn beach. Even thinking that taking on a leech was a good idea. Doesn't she know how dangerous-what that leech could've done-She just put her life in danger and-She is right. She couldn't outrun them but hell she could've tried! If I hadn't been there-

I phased. I can always think better on four legs. No way in hell I could sleep now. Not with my mind a mess like this. It's like one thing after the other!

"Whoa...Jake… you okay?"

"Not now Seth."

"Kinda sounds like the time."

"Don't start Embry."

"Wake up and smell the roses pal, you're in love with her."

"Shove it Jared."

"Enough. Leave Jacob alone."

"Thanks fearless leader."

"It was handled Jacob, Kelly's safe."

"Barely-thing had her in its grasp…"

"We know. We'll keep her safe."

"How did she even get down there-the leech?"

"Came from the water, would've smelled it sooner otherwise. No other explanation. We need more preimeters, more patrols, I can guard her house-"

"Calm down Jake-"

"Sam still calls the shots-"

"This is a problem Sam. I know you can see that."

"I know Jacob. We're handling it. For now, keep her close. Embry and Quil will take the first perimeter then Jared and I. Seth and Paul, take Collin and Brady to the water and see if you can track the scent."

"That's it?"

"Yes."

"And what if-"

"Jake, bud, we got this. Like always."

"Besides...if she's just a friend what are you getting so worked up over?"

I growled "Shut up."

I phased back. God it's up to me to protect her. Always me. Only this time I could hear Sam's words echoing back in my head. '...when you come close to losing her…'I did almost lose her. Hell I am losing her. Not even to the damn bloodsucker. She wants to leave and better herself. And she should. She should have a life. A great one. One where vampires didn't try to-but the thought of her not being around? That empty hole just rushed on back. The two weeks without her and I could barely get by and now she's thinking of going for good….No. She can't. I can't survive.

The whole time at Emily's I watched her. She laughed, smiled….carefree. Like nothing could ever touch her. But when we were apart-God we were both miserable. How is that not gonna happen again? Did she...did she stop loving me? Is that why she's not worried? I gulped. OR maybe...maybe she wants to do that again but with someone else-someone better-

"What's on your mind?" She asked as we started to walk.

"You."

"What about me?" she asked, "What happened yesterday?

What else? Like I can think about anything other than-You leaving and going off to college. You leaving me entirely. You on the beach yesterday. You thinking it's alright to take on vampires like-like-

"I thought we already went over it?" She asked, raising a brow.

"We did," I said, meeting her gaze, "But..it just...it reminded me of her in a way...Bella."

Kelly looked away. She didn't say a word. Probably didn't want to ask knowing how I felt on the subject.

"How?" she asked softly.

"It' not an exact thing," I said, looking away for a sec. I fiddled my hands, "You don't put yourself in danger on purpose like her, " I sighed, "But you don't run from it either.

She paused for a second before slowly looking back at me. "What's the deal with her anyway?" she said, "I know it's...hard and I won't push but...I feel like I'll never understand if you don't tell me anything."

"You're right," I said, my lips curling up for a sec.

She is. She deserves to know. Why have I even bothered keeping it in? If there's one person to make me feel better about it, it'd be here. I can tell her anything. So I did. We kept walking and I told her how I'd always liked Bella when we were much younger, mud pies and all.

"When she came back for high school it was like...finally. I had my shot you know? But she always just saw me as a friend. When it-he came into her life she was just...different. She stopped being...her," I paused. The memories just flooded back. I saw her ditching me more and spending all her time with that-I gulped then went on, "When he left, even though I could've killed him for the hurt he put her through, I picked up the pieces. We hung out and she started to smile again. And I...I fell for her. So...hard. She handled me as a wolf and accepted everything about me. But...apparently she wasn't as happy with me. I would've given anything...but she still picked him."

I sighed. I would've too. Even now though...it doesn't hurt as much as it used to. What the hell is that about. Is is because...well I'll be damned.

"I loved her so much and begged her-literally begged-her to change her mind. Hell we helped them fight off another leech who wanted to kill her but no matter what I was never the one she wanted more, it was always him."

I glanced back at Kelly as I went on, "When I got the wedding invite I just-lost it. I know she didn't send that. He did. Just to rub it in my face. So I left. I needed to get away. Anywhere that wasn't here. I phased and just ran."

"That's what you did for all those months?"

"Yeah," I answered, "I came back for the wedding just to see her one last time. We had a minute where is was just us again and it was...then she told me he wasn't even going to change her right away, that they were gonna…"

I clenched my fists. The anger rushed back but Kelly's gently rubbing on my shoulder made it disappear. I couldn't look at her. The pain I still felt, even though it was smaller still hurt like hell. Then she squeezed my hand and it melted away. How the hell can she do that? One touch and it's just...gone. She's like a damn magician. My healer...my sun.

"I'm so sorry Jake," she said, "No wonder you acted so strange when we met. I had no idea she put you through...this," she paused, "If I'd known, I wouldn't have forced you to talk to me that night and left you alone."

"I'm glad you didn't," I said, squeezing her hand as our eyes met again, "I was gonna leave again that night, was about to when I saw you wandering the tree-line. I wasn't going to do anything but I didn't know you and for a second I thought you might be one of their guests not on their...diet."

"So you were surprised when I wasn't?" She said, lips curling upward, "Guess that explains your face. You looked like you saw a ghost or something when you looked at me."

Oh no. Not a ghost. I saw a future. A future that I didn't think I had. A future I didn't think was possible for me anymore. Happiness. Love. That moment came right back. The second I imprinted. She whipped around and everything stopped. Time didn't matter. Nothing mattered but what stood there in front of me. I couldn't take my eyes off her. Even now, same blonde locks, blue eyes and gentle smile...How could anyone not be in love with her? How can I even question it?

"We barely said anything that night," I mused, "but you still wanted to be my friend."

And suddenly I wanted to be your everything. All day, every day, for the rest of my damn life. Needing it like I need air.

"I needed one," I went on, "So I figured I'd give the newlyweds a days head start. But then getting to know you, realizing how much we had in common," I laughed, "You're the best distraction I could've asked for."

"Good or bad?"

Like that's even a damn question.

"Good," I smiled, "Definitely good. You're my best friend."

Her cheeks started to redden a little and she looked away shyly.

"I thought...I thought she was for the longest time but," I said, musing aloud, "she just used me...to feel better about herself. I'm glad I know what it means to have a real best friend."

Her cheeks got redder. "That's the...nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

And it's true. All of it. I can't believe it never hit me before now. Bella-to Bella I was just someone she called when she needed to feel better. She didn't care about how I was feeling. She said she did but-no. She only cared about herself really. With Kelly, I want her to feel better….and the best part is, it's reciprocal. She wants me to feel it too. We find a way to make each other happy, even if we're mad or anything really. No matter what we always come back and end up twice as strong. We're just committed to making each other smile, I swear.

I'm in love with her. This has to be love. How could I even second guess it? It's so damn obvious. I looked at her and I felt like I imprinted all over again. I saw her more clearly now than ever. The blue pools I got lost in looked exactly like the waves we watched on First beach. Her golden locks were as bright as the damn sun...cuz she was my sun. That smile, the one that always creeps up when we joke about something...oh man. This is it. She is my everything. I will be anything she wants me to be. Anything.

Again she blushed, glancing away from me.

"C'mon," I said, "I'm sure your dad's starved by now and we've gone around the long way."

"He can handle the leftovers," she laughed, "There's enough lasagna to feed an army."

"But not a wolf pack."

We laughed again. As we kept walking, I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. Everything seemed so different now...When she looked at me I felt...different. Happy. God I didn't think I could feel that anymore. Or ever again to be quite honest. I held her hand. It felt right. Our palms together and fingers interwined. God I wanna take her on a date. Anywhere she wants. Or if she doesn't wanna go out...I'll even cook, if she wants me too. I'm pretty sure I suck at it but I'll try. For her...I'll do anything she wants. I can't even stop myself. I want tonight to last forever.

"Uh...Jake?"

Suddenly the scent hit me like a brick wall. I dropped her hand instantaneously as I pushed her against the side of the house, protecting her with my body, "Don't move."

She nodded as I quick scouted around the house with my eyes. Nothing. Nada. But he was here. Not only could I smell it, I could feel it. I glanced back at her. She just looked up at me, no worry, nothing. Calm. "Stay here for a sec, kay?"

After her nod I sprinted off. I smelled it. Can't say it for sure was him but I swear if he even comes close-

"A leech has been here."

"Inside?" she asked, gulping.

"No," I said, taking her hand, "Just out here where we're standing."

Kelly leaned back against the house and closed her eyes, "Drake."

"Maybe, or maybe another one. I should let the pack know."

"Okay," she replied, eyes still shut.

"Hey," I said, taking her other hand in mine, "It's gonna be okay."

"I know," she said, eyes fluttering open and meeting mine, "I just...I don't want anything to happen to Dad. I can't...I can't lose him."

I squeezed her hands, "Let me tell the guys and I'll...I'll stay here."

"You're gonna guard me? Really?"

I rolled my eyes, "Enough whining. I'll be right back."

I phased after she climbed in her window.

"They've been here."

"Where?"

"At Kelly's. Scent is strong outside her window….we need more perimeters...something. I'll stay with her, keep watch."

"We're on it. Embry and I can take the first sweep."

"Seth, Paul, anything from down by the water?"

"Nothing. Was just that one female."

"Let me know...if anything turns up. I'll guard her tonight."

"Oh and Jake?"

"Yeah Paul?"

"This is from all of us...BOUT DAMN TIME."

"Shut up."

When I popped back into her room, she sat on her bed in a tank top and sweats. "You're just gonna sit...and watch?"

I nodded, "Yeah."

"That sounds...kinda boring."

"It is," I laughed.

"I'll stay up with you," she said, a yawn quickly following.

"You're tired," I said, coming to the edge of the bed, "You can sleep. I'll be right here."

"You shouldn't have to stay up alone."

"I will be anyway," I said, "You'll be out in minutes."

She sighed, our eyes meeting again. "Will you…," she asked, "Will you at least warm me up first?"

I slid onto the bed, sitting right next to her. She lay her head on my chest, curling her body against mine. It felt so damn good. So right. Everything about it.

"You sure you don't want me to stay up with you?"

I laughed, "I'm sure."

She closed her eyes. Just like I thought...her breathing slowed in minutes. I glanced down at her laying on me, a smile on her lips. Content. With me. And she's beautiful. God this is crazy. Yesterday I couldn't even tell how I felt. Hell I still didn't even know a couple of hours ago but now...It's like I've known all along. And I have. My blood did, it just took awhile to get it through my thick, apparently very thick skull. I love this girl. I will do anything for her. Be her protector, her friend...anything. Anything she wants I will do it. Tonight, I'm gonna keep her safe and same for the rest of the nights of our lives. The only thing that's standing in the way is the fact I haven't told her how I feel. I have to. But how? I can't just randomly insert it into conversation. Yeah hey by the way Kel I'm head over heels for ya...No. It has to be better than that. As she drifted off, I smiled. Couldn't hurt hurt to whisper it now...but what if she hears it? I don't want to wake her right now...Well I suppose I could do it in a way she won't quite understand.

"Nayeli," I whispered in her ear, running my fingers through her hair."

Well that was easy. Of course it was. She's asleep or at least getting there. But she deserves to hear it when she's awake too. Oh man. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm going to tell her the truth. All of it. She needs to know that I am hers for the rest of time. That fight I thought I had to wage is now over. I can't do it anymore. I'm done. I surrender.