Chapter 17: The Truth and a Kiss

I sat on the edge of the bed. Light poured through her window. My heart raced in my chest. My hands not only sweat but shook a little. I swallowed. How? How am I going to do this? What do I say? Aw man. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Why can't it be easy? It should be shouldn't it? I mean, I love her. She loves me. I should be able to just say the words...I groaned, running a hand through my hair. She deserves more. More than just I love you. She deserves an orchestra and flowers and...the world. I keep thinking back about when I told her about imprinting...that damn smile….what she said… I just want to make her happy.

I felt her shift and smiled. I turned back to look at her. "You're awake," I said.

"I've been up all night like you," she said, tossing off the blanket I'd put on her, "didn't you notice?"

I grinned as I replied, "You'll have to teach me how to stay awake with your eyes closed."

"It's a gift," she chuckled before asking, "Anything happen?"

"No," I shook my head, "He knows I was here and you're protected."

"He's always known that," she sighed, putting her pillow back, "Even when you weren't around."

"He's gonna try to get you alone again though," I said. Damn bloodsucker.

"Never gonna happen," she said, moving closer to me, "I'm always gonna have you nearby."

I glanced back at her. How can she be so calm? "You're not scared at all…," I said, "are you?"

She shook her head. "You guys will protect me."

"You really trust us that much," I said, "Or is there something else?"

"I do, I really do," she said, nudging me, "Having you around doesn't hurt either."

Kelly sat so close to me now, I could feel her breath with mine. Our eyes met. It was another one of those moments. A moment where I just knew I needed to be here with her, now. I almost leaned in to kiss her. Why waste words? Maybe this would be better. Show her how I feel...

"So," she said, breaking the silence, "It doesn't look like it's going to rain just yet."

"It's still cold down there," I replied.

"Well," she chuckled, "I do plan on putting on a shirt but even so...I'm sure a certain wolf wouldn't mind keeping me warm. He's my protector after all."

I smiled, more than I had before. This is it. My chance. But not here. I need a place, a different one….somewhere with something she'll love…..then it hit me.

"How about Third beach instead?" I said, "It's kinda a hike...but it's worth it. I promise."

"Sounds great."

We headed out and walked. I could feel my nerves. I just had to wait for the right moment. The waterfall. That's it. That's when I would tell her. I'll show her something beautiful then tell her that she's just as beautiful, she loves corny romantic lines like that...

"You know I've never been a huge nature fan. It feels...I don't know...cool….Oh shut up. Let me have my moment."

I raised my brows. Huh? I turned to face her, "I didn't say anything."

"You didn't have to."

"Actually," I said, tossing a rock and trying to focus on what she had in fact said," I was gonna say…. it's pretty great you've taken a liking to it. That's mainly what tourists come here for anyway...before they leave again."

"I didn't really have a choice about living here."

I'm an idiot. Why'd I have to say that? "Thats-That's not what I meant. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you-"

"Don't,", she said, grabbing my hand, "...it turned out to be the best thing for me. I'm not who I was then anyway," she dropped my hand, "I like the peacefulness."

"When it is you mean," I sighed.

She snorted, "When I'm not being stalked by a vampire? Please. That barely registers on my radar."

I glanced at her about to trip. I grabbed her before she fell.

"Thanks," she giggled up at me, "I'm very smooth as you can see."

"You okay?" I asked,.

"Fine," she answered, "Guess it's too much to ask for some sun huh?"

"We're lucky if we get that here."

"Well the sun's overrated anyway...I'm the palest Quileute ever."

I laughed, shaking my head, "Does it matter?"

"Well it'd be nice to not get mistaken for a leech."

I grabbed her before she tripped over a root. Our eyes met, "You could never be mistaken for that."

"Don't be so sure."

We laughed but walked. I held her hand. I just wanted her close. Not just because she was somehow struggling to walk but to keep her near me. I hate that the bloodsucker wants her. I want to tear him to bits. And yet she didn't seem like it bothered her. She could get killed and she just went on-no worries. Me? I'm freaking out. I'm crazy for her-about her. If I lost her-I don't know what I'd do.

I felt a nudge, "C'mon, I had to say it."

I turned to face her, unsure. Crap I wasn't paying attention again.

"If you can stop daydreaming for a second, I'd like to know if we're close."

"Sorry," I said, surveying where we were, "There's just a little bit left."

A soft rain gently pelted the leaves. I couldn't talk. I want to say all the right things but it's never been something I've been really good at. The last time I did something like this...I screwed it up. When we finally reached the beach, I knew no words were needed for the moment. She ran down, twirling around. I followed, taking her hand in mine again. I swear there's nothing better to watch then her, right now, happy.

"I love watching waves when no one else is around," she said, "Thank you for bringing me here. I think this is my new fave beach."

I smiled. Here's hoping what I'm about to say keeps it like that...

"That's not all this beach has, c'mon," I said.

We walked down a ways until I stopped. I pulled her in closer to me, pointing. Her eyes followed my finger. "Look over there," I said, "See the waterfall? It falls right into the ocean."

She gasped, squeezing my hand. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Her eyes widened when she saw it. I swear she looked just like a kid getting a new toy. That happiness...and this time I made it happen.

"Thank you," she smiled, glancing at me then back at the water, "I love it here. And you're gonna laugh but...it's kinda romantic too…"

I swallowed. It is. Ans she sees it. I wanted this. Right? This is it. I'm gonna tell her. How should I start…?

"Don't rush to deny my corniness…"

"Huh?"

"I'm trying to be funny," she said, "You could give me a pity laugh."

"Sorry," I said, "Guess I was gone for a sec there."

Kelly stepped in front of me. "Is something wrong?" she asked, "That's the second time you've missed my attempt at humor. Are you okay or am I really not funny?"

I chuckled, "You're plenty funny."

"So then what is it?

My heart raced as I looked at her, her eyes not leaving mine. Honesty. That's what we agreed on right?

"It really doesn't bother you that a leech is after you?"

"I told you. I know you guys can handle it."

"And," I paused, "You're not worried anything will happen to me...like I might get hurt?

She rolled her eyes, "You? You can take anything Jake, I've seen it."

I sighed. God she's so perfect. She believes in me. The rain came down harder as she stepped closer to me. "What's with the 20 questions," she asked, "You can't tell me you're losing confidence in everything you can do."

I stared at her, "I've never...never had anyone have so much faith in us, the pack, before. I mean, Emily, Rachel and the rest do but that's because they're imprintees. Even my Dad worries about me getting hurt but not you," I stepped closer, "Never you. You don't...you don't give it a second thought."

"There's no need to," she shrugged.

"More than that," I said, staring into her eyes, "You're always here. No matter what. I've had other people there for me but you...you've always been there," I paused, swallowing, "Even, even when I've treated you the worst."

"That's what friends do," she replied, looking away momentarily.

"I've never had it like that," I confessed, "I've never had anyone so willing to sacrifice everything for...for me. It's really opened my eyes these last few days."

Her eyes flashed back to me, "What-What are you saying?"

"I don't want you to leave."

There. I said it. Part of it anyway.

"Jake," she said, stepping back a second and looking away, "I told you, it won't be for awhile …" she glanced at me then looked away, "I have to do it.

She paused a few moments. "You can't do this," she shook her head, "I'm not gonna sit around and wait. I need to move on, need to...fall in love-again."

"No," I said, squeezing her hand, "You don't. That's what I'm trying to tell you," I pulled her closer to me, "When you told me that you wanna leave...sure I want you to do college but-when you told me you want to love someone else-I can't deal. I can't let you go love someone else when," I paused and gulped, "I didn't see it," I said, running a hand up her arm, "Now I know...why I can't let you."

"Jake…."

I couldn't let her say no. Not before she knew the truth. Words weren't working. Big surprise. Words aren't what I'm good at. I'm good at reacting, action. I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers. All the months of torture finally over to experience nothing I've ever known or will known again. The minute our lips touched I felt lighting striking the ground...hell lighting striking me. I shook from head to toe as it rushed over me. Heat, more uncontrollable than when I phased for the first time, surrounded me, ran through my veins. And for once it felt like everything finally fell into place. Everything vanished. It was just us. Me and her and it was the best thing imaginable.

I pulled away a second for us both to catch our breath. When our eyes met again and I saw her lips, open and swollen from my kiss... I had to go in again. I pulled her in closer to me. Her arms wrapped around my neck. I teased her lips with my tongue and she opened her mouth for me. Visions flooded my mind. I saw her laughing, all of us on the beach. I saw her biting her lip like she knows I like and at me, beckoning me forward with a finger. She lay back on her pillow as she said, "I love you Jake." Every single image held every ounce of happiness that I'd ever wanted. I started to glow again and it felt...good. I could barely take it all in. When she slid her hands down my chest, I groaned. Not in pain...oh no..but pleasure. It shocked my body in a way I didn't know it could. She knew exactly what to do to me….could read me the right way…She's my match, my soul mate.

God it felt amazing. I almost felt light-headed. I slowly pulled away, reluctantly. All I wanted was our kiss to keep going on forever. And it could and it would once I told her the truth. We're meant to be. It couldn't be more clear now. We pressed our foreheads together, neither of us opening our eyes. Before I opened my eyes, all I could think of is why the hell did I wait? This was better than anything I could've ever asked for. She's perfect. She loves me. I love her. Why...why did I deny myself this? As much as I tried, no other images appeared. I knew the reason but suddenly that reason didn't matter. I couldn't even think of her. Not her face. Nothing. She was just gone. Bella? Gone. Well I'll be damned. It's like she's been erased and crazy enough, I'm not even sad about it. I'm...holy crap. I'm happy. Really freaking happy. This is a whole new occurrence for me. It almost feels too good to be true. Is all my pain over? I...I can't believe. I've finally let her go and I'd glad. I'm...free.