Chapter 22: Longest Car Ride of My Life

I want to puke. Well not want. Feel like I might though. I can barely focus. I stared at the clock. 10:30 A.M. It would take a little over an hour to get to Port Angeles, to the airport...less if I gun it...Like I'm gonna be able to stop myself. I've always been kinda a lead foot anyway. I'm gonna wanna get there. As soon as I can. Wait for her to come out. Hope she doesn't run the other way. But I can't leave yet. It's too early. She's probably not even on her flight yet. Well she probably is. At least at the airport right? I don't know how long it takes...a few hours? I wonder what she's thinking. Is she happy to be coming back? How's she gonna feel when she sees me?

Everyone was getting the party stuff arranged. Joe was really cool about it, even said it was a great idea. Every once in awhile I have one of those. Too bad they can't happen more often. Maybe then I wouldn't be in this damn mess. I kept checking the time. I'd swear it's been an hour but it's only been 5 minutes. 10:35 A.M. Oh man. It's gonna take forever, I just know it. I helped get tables and chairs set up. Emily and Rachel were already in the kitchen, cooking. I don't even know what all they're making. Doesn't matter really, it'll disappear in minutes with the pack. I saw Rach smack Paul's hand away a couple times from the rolls. I laughed. Everything's set. She's gonna be welcomed home all right. I just hope she's ready for it. Ready to see me. Great, now I wanna throw up again.

"You ready?" Embry asked, coming up beside me.

"I have no idea," I said, "I hope do. What if she runs the other way?"

"She won't," Quil said, "You're meant for each other. Besides, you're not the only one she's coming home to."

We saw Eric and Leah sneaking a kiss as they set out the paper plates and cups.

"Yeah I know," I said, looking back at Embry and Quil, "She'll wanna see her dad and Eric first."

Embry shook his head, "You don't think she'll want to see you?"

"I don't know," I said, "She's either gonna turn and run back into the airport, slap me then turn and run or-"

"Or maybe, she'll just be happy to see you?" Quil said.

"I'm not gonna get my hopes up."

"When are you gonna head out?" Embry asked.

I glanced at my phone. 10:45 A.M. "Not until 1:30."

"Well staring at your watch is gonna make you go crazy," Embry said, "You wanna run a perimeter?"

"We should anyway," Quil agreed, "Leech is probably watching."

"Let's go."

We ran the perimeter but nothing turned up. Nothing. Part of me was glad. I didn't want to have to deal with the leech today. But Quil's right. Bloodsucker is taking note. I can feel it. He's just waiting to make his damn move. But he'll never touch her. Not Kelly, not Eric, not Joe. He can keep his damn obsession away from her. Strong-willed...what the hell did that have to do with anything? How the hell did the leech even find her? I sighed. 12:30 P.M. Oh thank God. Only an hour and I can go. I'll have to try not to speed. Not like the rabbit is really a speed racer or anything but-it doesn't matter. All that matters is she's coming home. She did say La Push was her home. God I hope so. I just wish it could be ours. Like we could make one, together. I sighed. I should probably figure out what the hell I'm gonna say.

Finally, I headed toward home to get into the Rabbit. Everyone wished me luck. When I slid behind the wheel and turned it on, I sighed. This is it. I'm going to get her. I hopped on the 110 after hitting Forks. Great. I have about an hour to figure out what I'm gonna say. I really hope she doesn't just run. That's just the thing though, I have no clue how she'll react. It's like I told Embry and Quil, there's only 3 real scenarios I can think of. The first, she'll run back inside, hop on another plan and disappear again. The second, she'll hop in a cab and avoid me altogether and I'll get to drive home alone. Or the third, which is she'll slap me then do #1 or #2. I sighed. I gripped the wheel, feeling my heart pound with each mile I went.

I just want to see her. Memories came back. Happy ones. Like the last time we went to Port Angeles together. She was just across from me, smiling. That was a while ago. It feels like forever. I remember...she sang to me, hung out my window….so wild and carefree. Her squeezing my hand...I didn't like Lady Gaga but now I can never not like that song. Before I knew it, I saw the airport coming into view. My heart started racing faster. Oh God. This is it. I got out, leaning against the Rabbit. I gulped. I checked my phone every millisecond. Thanks to the truckers I got stuck behind, I'm here on time. 3:02, 3:05, 3:10...I'm not ready. Not ready to have her run again. And this time I'd have to watch. Shit. I can't deal if she does. I'll lose the little control I have if she does. I shoved my hands in my pocket. Maybe she already spotted me...that's why it's taking so long...she ran already…

Just when I'd given up hope, I saw Kelly walk through the automatic doors. She sauntered out the door and all time stopped. There she stood, suitcase in hand, scanning the cars. Her hair...she cut it. Not that short, just to her shoulders but...damn. She looked beautiful. More beautiful, if that's even possible. Every dream I'd had since she left...damn nothing compared to seeing her again. I swallowed hard. Still perfect. Now I just had to wait for the moment when she saw me…

I didn't wait long. Our eyes locked moments later. I gulped. She's gonna run. I slowly stepped towards her, cautiously. She started coming towards me. Oh my God. She's not running. She's coming to me. Why isn't she running? Maybe she's going to slap me first...We were about arms length apart when I swallowed, then said, "Hey."

"Hey," she answered, out eyes never leaving each other.

"Don't," I said, "Don't be mad, kay?," I gulped again, "Your dad called...well I did and he...he thought it'd be better if I came...so we could talk."

There. Out in the open. Thank you Joe. I want to be here. But does she? Oh man. And then she did something that never came up in any of the scenarios I thought up. She wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me.

"It's good to see you," she said as she squeezed me. I couldn't move, not right away. She's...maybe she's not mad anymore. I swallowed and relief poured over me. I squeezed her back. Her in my arms...it felt so...right. I even lifted her, twirling her slightly. Happiness, what I felt after I kissed her...it all came rushing back. The other cars honked, ruining the moment. I let her go, grabbing her bag.

Kelly didn't say anything else-neither did- like I want to risk ruining this? I have her in my car, next to me. Thankfully the growl from her stomach broke the tension.

"Hungry?" I chuckled, "We can stop somewhere...to eat."

Her cheeks reddened as I glanced over at her, "Are you," she bit her lip, "hungry too?"

"You have to ask?" I laughed, raising a brow, "I'm a wolf remember?"

All that time I couldn't think about being hungry since she's been gone disappeared.

Suddenly the very idea of food was a very good one. I'm freaking starving. Thank god Em and Rach will have more when I get back.

I stopped at Tony's Pizzeria, my smile never leaving my face for a second. We sat at a table and I couldn't stop looking at her. It felt like a dream… her sitting her with me. Much better than the dreams I've been having. She didn't talk, just played with her straw. She barely looked at me. Shit. She might still be mad.

"How was your flight?" I asked.

She shrugged. "It was okay. Wish I wouldn't have had to pay for snacks," she sighed, "That's why I'm so hungry, cuz I couldn't afford it….I wish the pizza was done already."

Before I could say anything, the waiter appeared, pizza in hand. He ignored me, smiling and leaning in a little too damn close to her. "Anything else?" he asked with a grin.

I glared at him as she said, "No thanks." She smiled, glancing down before back at me, "What?"

"Nothing," I said. Just trying to not go punch that guy in the face. "What are you waiting for, dig in."

She only ate two slices. I ate like a starving man...which, hey, was half true. Hadn't eaten a ton in about two weeks. But I did feel guilty. She had to be hungry. Mouth full of pizza, I pointed to the last two but she just shook her head, smiling. I scarfed down the rest in no time. I left a $20 dollar bill and led her out. Once we were back in the car, I just drove. The minutes ticked by and the miles flew. I could barely focus on the road. I just wanted to apologize, tell her how big of an idiot I am...tell her I'm crazy about her, just her. She glanced at me here and there. I gulped, putting my right hand palm up by the gear shift. Please. Please take it. Something. A finger even.

Kelly didn't moved. I felt gutted. Oh man. I did do damage that maybe can't be repaired. Shit.

"I missed you," I confessed. I turned my head to look at her for a second before turning back to the road. How...How can I make this right?

"I missed you too," she answered.

Relief. Maybe...maybe she does still feel something for me.

"Did you...get my messages?" I asked, glancing at her again.

"Yeah," she answered, "Sorry...sorry I didn't answer I just-Well I just needed to be alone for awhile."

Of course she did. I broke her damn heart when I was just trying to-I'm so stupid. Of course she wouldn't answer. After the hell I've put her through why should she? When I glanced again, she bit her lip staring out the window. She's done with me. She just doesn't know how to say it. I blew it. My stomach sank.

"Did you-Did you have to leave completely?" I asked. I heard my own voice crack. Shit. I gotta try to hold it together. But I can't. I can't lose her. "I knew-I knew you had to be alone so I...I let you have the space you needed. But when your dad told me you left…" I gulped, reliving that moment in my mind. The flowers and chocolates dropping from my hand, "I thought...I thought you weren't ever coming back. Especially after this week. I thought...I thought I lost you…"I swallowed again, glancing at her, "I know I deserve every bit of it and I'm...I'm sorry. That's all I can say. It's not enough...but I am."

"I could never leave for good Jake," she said, "I told you, La Push is my home."

Home. It's her home. I squeezed my eyes shut for a second. At least she won't leave again.

"Honestly," she continued, "this trip has opened my eyes up to that even more. I don't want to be away from you...or anyone for that matter," she squeezed my hand, "You didn't lose me, you just had to deal without me for a little while."

Her words...I didn't lose her. Oh thank God. I swallowed. I sighed in relief before glancing over again. "Yeah I uh-I didn't do so good this time either. I could barely function," I paused, "Sam actually had to pull me off patrols for the leech cuz I...I couldn't focus. I can't help it," I looked over at her again, "I can't stop thinking about you. I wanted to apologize so bad in person...not any other way. I would've...gone anywhere, done anything you wanted if...if you gave me a chance."

"I know," she replied, "that's why I asked my dad to keep it a secret. Not just so I could think but to be safe…" she paused, "I'm still...hurt Jake."

I gripped the wheel tighter. Shit. I want to make it up to her. Hell I want to take it back. She's the one damn good thing I got and -

"...I love you Jake and it's the kind that...that throws you at first and then takes you over bit by bit until you think you've lost yourself completely…" She said, "I've never felt this way...about anyone. Not even Dan. I think us being friends has a lot to do with it because we just 'get' each other. And without you I feel...incomplete...somehow."

We both feel it. I know I do. But to hear she does. That damn pull. She's always felt it there like I always have. There's never gonna be a time we won't be drawn to each other. Magnets. We're two magnets that keep coming closer unable to resist the other.

"...so when you kissed me...it was the best moment of my life. Take any cliche from the book and that's how I felt. But then...you said her name and I just...it felt like a big joke, a joke that was one me. So I ran...and I'm not proud of it," she sighed, "Then back home-before practically assaulting me-at my parents headstones my ex said something that made me think…"

"Wait…," I said, "He did what?" I gripped the steering wheel tighter. That bastard.

"Don't worry," she said, trying to calm me. To hell with that. If he hurt her...touched her…

"...I don't wanna run anymore. Not unless it's to you. Whether you're my friend or," she paused for a second, "or something else, it doesn't matter. The truth is...I can't be without you Jake but that's part of a bigger problem…"

I gulped. What? What else could there be?

"I can't depend on you like this," she said, "It's not healthy. I need to be a better friend to everyone else…"

I glanced at the road. If I told her...maybe she'd see why. Maybe then it wouldn't seem totally unhealthy. Maybe she'd understand….hell it's kinda natural in our case…

"You're still my best friend Jake and you always will be, that's a promise," she smiled.

I met her eyes and felt it all over. I'm in love with her. Totally. Every damn piece of me wanted her. And maybe now we can be-

"So here I am," she smiled and I smiled back, "Back at home where I need to be. But...I will never be her replacement. It's important that you understand that. The only person I can be is me and that's it…"

You're not a replacement, a substitute...nothing like that. You're the only person I want in my life. Period.

"Geeze, speed much?"

I chuckled, "Kinda needed to."

Okay, not really but that whole conversation….guess I wasn't paying attention.

I glanced at her. "I have so much to tell you but," I glanced back at the road as we pulled up to her house, "It's gonna have to wait. You got a welcome home party to get to."

Damn me for having one good idea.