Chapter 23: Can She Forgive me? Guess I'll Find Out

"It was supposed to be a surprise," I said as we got out of the car. I sighed, "But I figured you wouldn't want more than one today."

"Shows what you know," she said, smiling and shaking her head, "I love surprises, just when they're good ones."

I started to walk her to her door. "And what was I...," I asked, glancing at her, "...a bad one?"

Our eyes met again. She smiled. "Jake," she said, "You should know by now, you're always a good one."

I gulped. That had to be good right? So...so maybe she does forgive me? Maybe not fully but-Oh man. I want to tell her. Now. Everything. I could just say the words. But before I had a chance, she opened the door. Her eyes widened and she gasped as she saw everyone and then she smiled. She spotted her Dad and Eric and rushed over to them. I let her, catching Rachel and Emily's gazes. Instead of the pity glances from the week before now they smiled at me. I smiled back. She's home. Here. It was finally processing through my brain. Now if I could just tell her how I felt maybe...maybe things could be better again...I looked back over where she was but she wasn't there. Where'd she go? I scanned some more. Then I saw her talking to my dad. Oh crap, what's he saying to her? Dad don't tell her anything I haven't yet...

"Hope he's not trying to steal you away," I chuckled, approaching them.

"As easy as that would be," he snorted, "I have my own."

"You wish it was easy old man," I said, as Sue came up behind him.

He only grinned at me, giving me that look. The she's-the-one-for-you-tell-her-now look. I gave him the -give-me-a-chance-to-then look back. Sue and him both smiled as they mingled into the crowd.

"What'd he say to you?" I asked as they disappeared.

"Nothing really…" she said, looking away.

Crap. Dad what'd you say? You didn't make her feel bad did you...Oh man...

"Sorry…" I apologized.

"Don't worry," she said, "I already feel guilty. I know it wasn't just me...who got hurt."

Our eyes met again. She does feel guilty...doesn't she? She didn't want to hurt me even after…I don't deserve this girl. I hurt her and she still feels bad for leaving. This isn't how it's meant to be is it? Us hurting each other? It can't be...Now if I could just find the words-

"Well, well glad to see you back," Seth said.

"Thanks," Kelly replied, smiling at him.

"So-how'd it go? Back home that is?"

"It was okay... ," she said, putting her hands in her pockets, "But it's not my home. La Push is."

"We're glad your back," Sam said, "None of us more than Jake."

She smiled, glancing back at me. the pack got her into conversation about her trip. She told about what she did there, old friends, and what ended up happening with her ex. I watched her as she spoke but noticed some things. Her hands never left her pockets. Her eyes never stayed too long on anyone and usually ended up back on the floor. What's up? Is she uncomfortable? I mean, it's just us, the pack. We're all her friends. She smiled here and there. After awhile she disappeared to the bathroom. The second she was gone, they came at me.

"So-you guys work it out?"

"Not quite," I sighed, "Only got started when we got back into town."

"Just be honest with her," Emily said.

"Tell her-everything." Rach added, "Don't leave anything out this time."

"I want to," I sighed, "Hard when she's being surrounded by people. But it's her party."

"You know" Emily said, "We won't take offense if you need to get her alone for a few minutes."

"Yeah...we can give you two some time," Rachel grinned.

"Thanks," I said, "I'm gonna go see if she's done. Maybe...maybe I can get her alone for second or two."

"Just tell her already!" Rach and Emily said together, giggling afterward.

When I got to the bathroom, the door was open. Crap. Where'd she go? I scanned around but didn't see her. Then my eyes caught on a familiar door. I went towards her bedroom, gently pushing open the door. Moonlight shone in through her big window. It shone off her hair too. God, I can't get over how beautiful she is, no matter what kind of lighting she's in. How did I never notice before? Her back faced me as she looked out the window. I approached her slowly. This was it. I finally got a moment alone. Don't blow this one, you idiot.

"Needed a breather?" I asked, shutting the door behind me.

"You could say that," she answered, glancing back at me. She met my eyes and smiled before looking back out her window, "There's just so many people...I don't know...I guess I'm just surprised at how many people like having me here."

"You're not the outsider you always claim to be," I said, crossing the room.

"I'm starting to get that," she replied.

I came up behind her. I swallowed. She's not moving. Am I making her nervous...uncomfortable? Having her so close though...I needed it. I missed her so much. Did she miss me too? She said she did but-Nevermind. I gotta do this. I slowly reached for one of her hands, gently pulling her from the window. She turned, meeting my eyes. God she's so beautiful. This is it. This is the moment. Truth time. I gotta spit it out.

"Now that we're alone," I said, glancing back at the shut door before back at her, "I wanna tell you what I didn't get the chance to in the car."

Kelly looked towards her feet, gently pushing my chest with her palms, "Jake, it's fine...you don't have to give me the speech," she sighed, "I know you'll always love her and I've accepted that I just-I can't pretend to be her for you...Anyway just forget it….I'm not going anywhere. We can be what we've always been: best friends."

Where the hell did she get the idea she has to pretend anything for me? No way. She does feel guilty...for loving me! For not being Bella! To hell with that. I don't need Bella, I need her, Kelly Price. She started to turn and I grabbed her hands. I dropped to my knees in front of her. "God I've messed this up so bad…" I swallowed, her eyes looking down toward me, "You're missing what I'm trying to tell you Kel," I squeezed her hands, "When I kissed you, I wasn't thinking about her, it was the first time I didn't. She was...gone and I was okay with it, You-you've been on my mind since we met. These last couple of months...even more than before," I paused, "The day that female bloodsucker was after you and you fought it...I lost it. I just knew I had to protect you, keep you safe no matter what. I wasn't mad at you- but myself. If I'd lost you-I'd blame are my best friend and I have to protect you."

Her eyes never left me and I heard her breathing pick up a tad. I swallowed. Here it goes… "Then when you said you were gonna leave...and love someone else-I broke. I couldn't let you-can't let you and not just because Drake's out there," I paused, squeezing her hands again, "I can't let you go and love someone else cuz...cuz... I love you Kel. I fell for you, my best friend and knowing that, when we kissed, in that split second Bella disappeared for good. I only cared about you...about us," I stood. Her eyes followed me, widening. I closed the last bit of distance between us, pulling her closer to me and leaving us practically nose to nose, "I kissed you that day wanting you, only you…" I swallowed hard again, "So I'll be damned if you tell me you only want to be friends now," I caressed her cheek, "Not when I know you love me still."

"You," she said, chest heaving slightly, "You love me?"

I smiled, wider than I had in a long time. "Yeah."

She started to wobble for a second but I kept her steady with my arms around her waist. "You okay?"

"Fine," she said, glancing back at me, "Better than fine. Maybe a little bit of shock."

"Let's see...if I can fix that-," I said, leaning in.

Before I could press my lips to hers, two palms pushed gently at me. Rejected. She doesn't want to kiss me….shit...she doesn't forgive me. God I'm such an idiot. Of course it's not just fixed. I stepped back. "I really…" I shook my head, "I really screwed everything up...didn't I?"

"Hey," she said, "It's not that its just-that was hard and I-I mean I've waited for you to say you love me for so long I-I don't know. This is all I want to hear but-"

"Tell me what I have to do to prove it," I begged, taking her hands back in mine. I searched her eyes, gulping, "Whatever it is, I'll do it. I'll do anything."

She stared at me for a second then said, "Will you wait a little?"

Well it wasn't never. But how little is a little? I gulped again. "That's...fair," I said, "Better...get you back out there before everyone wonders where you've been hiding."

I turned, facing the door. Gutted. Why the hell did I think she'd just forgive me? I squeezed my eyes shut a sec. At least she's here. She's not going anywhere. But damn it still hurts. I should've known everything couldn't be magically fixed by 'I love you'. Hell I didn't even tell her I imprinted. Who knows if that would even change anything. I felt a hand tug on mine. I turned back to face her. "Jake," she said, "I still feel the same about you, I swear. Don't give me the puppy dog look...please?"

I smiled, gently pulling her into my arms. We shared a gentle hug. "I'll give you all the time you need," I said, softly kissing her head, "You're worth waitin' for and..I'm not gettin' any older."

Yet. The minute she tells me she wants me...I'll stop. I want this, a life with her. Nothing more. God I just want it so bad I don't know if I can be patient. But I have to. I said I would do anything...that's my anything. She smiled up at me before opening the door. She still loves me. That was music to my ears. That I can handle. She's not gonna leave. And she does forgive me...a little bit at least. Once we were out the door, I let go of her hand. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. I could've held it forever though, it felt so good.

"There you two are," Emily smiled, glancing at me then her.

"She is the guest of honor you know," Rach elbowed me, "You can't just hog her to yourself Jake."

"Says who?" I chuckled, "It's not like I'm getting any complaints…" I said, glancing at her, "...at the moment."

"That's because you're lucky," Eric said, "Show her the picture Leah sent you."

"What picture?" Kelly asked.

I grabbed my cell, bringing up the pic of my nose after Eric hit it and then his hand after hitting me.

"What the hell?" she asked.

"When he found out you were gone he was pretty mad," I said, "He punched me without a second thought."

"You deserved it," Leah snorted.

"That's why I let him," I shot back.

"No more please," she said, glancing at Eric's hand and inspecting it. Sighing she said, "It's over now. I'm here to stay, for good."

"Don't be too mad," Eric said, "Jake still came through. I owe him my life."

She turned to me wide eyed, "Drake?"

"He was gonna hurt Eric," I said, "Or your dad to get you to come back. I-we," I said looking at the pack, "handled it."

"He's bein' modest," Eric said, "If I hadn't had Jake there…," he turned to Leah, squeezing her hand, "It was the one time we were apart since we imprinted-"

"We know."

"Still," Eric said, "Thank you."

"Yes-" Kelly said facing me, "Thank you."

"I'd never let anyone hurt you," I said, "Or your family."

He hand slid in mine, squeezing followed by a smile. Maybe I am forgiven, just a little. And that...that's worth everything right now. I may not be able to kiss her...but I can hold her hand and she wants to hold mine. If this is all I get for now I'll make it work. It's better than the nights I've been having, missing her. The pack stayed and we hung out. Her hand never left mine. I guess she actually liked having me around a little bit. After a few hours though everyone left. I followed her into her room. When she yawned I said, "You're tired."

"Not really," she shook her head, "It's just...good to be home."

"It's good to have you back," I replied.

She stepped toward me, wrapping me in a hug. I wrapped my arms around her. I didn't want to let her go...ever. It felt...right. But she needs time so…

"You should get some sleep," I said, backing away, "But we'll see each other right?...Or...do you want me to stay away?"

"You're not gonna stay?" She asked, tilting her head at me.

Damn. She can't do that. That's not fair. I can't say no...not when she looks at me like that. I ran a hand through my hair.

"Weren't you uh-" I said, trying to think, logic you know but half chuckling in the process, "Saying something about being too dependent on me earlier?"

"Yeah but-", she giggled, "This is my first day back and I...I missed you, really missed you."

I know the feeling. God do I know the feeling. She felt exactly the way I did. Knew exactly what to say to make me-

"Besides," she said, leaning back on her bed, "Don't you have to protect me...from Drake?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

She making excuses for me to stay. She doesn't want me to go but doesn't want to be too dependent on me...this is not exactly working. But what the hell? I'm not about to say no.

"Good," she smiled, "So then uh- go run a perimeter or something and I'll change."

"I've seen you," I grinned, "in your underwear before."

Like I could ever forget that night. She looked so amazing...that skin. The thoughts of me kissing it-

"Maybe...I'm modest," she said, cheeks reddening.

"Or," I sighed, "Just no in need of a warm body this very second."

"Stop arguing," she laughed, throwing some socks at me.

I laughed and hopped out the window. That laugh. I've missed that laugh. I missed it all and now I didn't have to anymore. She's here...home. I ran for a few minutes. No scents, no leeches...just her. When I came back she sat on her bed in her pjs: tank top and yoga pants. It was like always, only this time...this time she knew everything because I've told her everything...well except one thing. I need to, need her to know this is it, for both of us. Tell her I imprinted on her and even though I know she wants to wait that maybe...maybe then the wait time would get shorter...I gulped, looking at her as I sat down.

"I have to uh….tell you something."

"Not tonight," she whispered, leaning against me and I leaned back against the pillows, "Just be here. Let's do what we used to...just enjoy each other's company."

Of course. She's had a long day. She probably didn't even expect have of this crap to happen. "One more thing," I smiled.

Her sparkling eyes met mine. "I didn't get a chance to tell you you look beautiful," I said, "That haircut suits you."

"Thanks," she replied, cheeks red again.

Her head made its way back to my chest. It stayed there. For the first time in a long time, everything finally felt like it was going right. God I hope it stays like this. I just want things to go right. I don't even know if they can for me. This girl though...she deserves it. Deserves everything. I'm gonna find a way to give her the stars...hell the moon too. Wow now I'm sounding corny. Guess her and I really are meant to be. She really is everything I need, I just want to be everything she does. And I'm going to try to be...until my last breath.