I need to not be staying up til like half one in the morning on one of the two days that I can...
Also, I am sorry for the use of the word faggot. I tried to write it differently but nothing felt right... I, personally, wouldn't use that word. Ever. I am sorry I have used it here.
'Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
Chapter 13
She knew that she was probably intruding on their home life, but Morgana felt great for spending most of the day at Arthur's flat. She enjoyed watching her brother and friend in their day to day life, pleased that not much had changed between them. Even if she felt like she was intruding.
The cute moment between Arthur and Gwen was destroyed by Gwaine almost falling through the door as he dragged Merlin through. She thought it was probably because he had to open the door at the same time. She could already guess what had happened even before Gwaine had dropped him onto the sofa. Gwen came over as soon as he dropped.
"I found him in some alleyway. Someone had got hold of his phone and somehow managed to get hold of me. I think I was the last person he had called or texted. Yours was the closest."
"I know. He was going to come here. I am calling an ambulance."
"No!" Merlin said, hissing. "It is only a few bruises and a potential cracked rib. Please stop prodding it, Gwen. There is nothing that the hospital can do about a broken rib."
"And not that if the ambulance is called, questions will be asked and it will potentially involve the police," Morgana said.
"It's not that."
"Don't be so stupid Merlin. I am not stupid. Alvarr did this."
"And this is what you mean by Alvarr is protective?" Arthur said.
"Look, I never expected anyone to get hurt. I didn't want anyone to get hurt. I couldn't have just upped and left Glasgow without telling him where I was going. He wanted to join me in London. I can't say that he can't because he would have just shown up unannounced. Don't put the blame on me, Arthur. I have already told you that I only called Merlin your best friend. I tried to imply that he had no connection to me other than being your friend because I didn't want him to get hurt."
"I will blame you. Alvarr has only been in our lives for what… Just a little over 24 hours and he has already beaten up my best mate. Maybe you should have come back if you were going to bring him and knew what he was like."
She knew that Arthur was angry. She was angry at Alvarr for what he had done. She had hoped that he would have lasted a little longer before he did something like this but that was obviously out of Alvarr's mental capacity.
"Well, I know when I am not welcomed." She muttered as she stood up.
There was this insane moment when she was stopped by Merlin grabbing her hand. The same feeling she had years ago when she first grabbed his hand after kissing returned and sent a spark through her body. If she hadn't already regretted running off a million times, she would have regretted it at that moment. Another moment of regret to add to the other moments. She squeezed his hand before slipping her hand out of his and collecting her things.
Morgana rested her head against the cool window as she looked out over London. There was a part of her that always knew that she never belonged in the city. She knew that she looked like one of those people that would thrive in city life but she found the countryside called for her. Her perfect place would be a cottage in the middle of nowhere, possibly raining, with a good book in her hand.
She sighed, knowing that Alvarr would soon wake up and find her not in their bed. Part of her couldn't stand being in the same bed as him sometimes and this was one of those times. He admitted to her straight away that he was the one that beat Merlin and then expected that she would have sex with him.
She had a couple of boyfriends before Merlin and there had been a couple since. But they had hadn't been Merlin. None of them were Merlin. None before and none since. The problem was that she had brought so much misery to his life and she knew that he had every right to be angry at her. She had basically destroyed his life.
"You had better not be thinking about that faggot."
"Don't use that word."
"But it is true. The papers were covered in pictures of him and Arthur."
"It still gives you no right to use that word to word. Just… You don't know the whole story. The papers don't know the whole story. I know that Merlin and Arthur are close and Merlin is one of the two people that Arthur would trust with his life."
"Really?"
Morgana found herself shaking her head. "You would never understand Alvarr. You are surrounded by yes men. Are any of your so-called friends actually your friends?"
He huffed and she knew that all she was getting from that question. She was right. Alvarr would never understand. He could never understand. She knew that he had never had or would ever have what they all had. She was the one to destroy that.
She was glad that her nightmares had returned. It may cause her to become an insomniac but it kept her away from Alvarr in the moments that she was annoyed at him. She considered messaging Merlin to ask if he was okay but she thought she had done enough damage for one night. She knew that in the coming weeks, things would blow over. Arthur wouldn't be mad at her and things would be how they were probably meant to be with her keeping her distance from Merlin and never telling him what she needed to tell him.
The secret words that she should have told him before Alvarr arrived. The words that she should have told him the day that she returned to London. Her apology, which was getting longer with each day that passed.