Thank you for the review.

I kinda get what you mean. It is probably because I now know where this is heading but when I began to plan it. I didn't. Maybe this will help slightly... I don't know but you may enjoy this chapter a little more. Hopefully...

I really wanna love somebody
I really wanna dance the night away

Chapter 14

It has been a couple of months since Alvarr arrived in London and Morgana knew that Merlin was definitely keeping his distance, probably for both their sakes. He had seen him but there was nothing more than a hello passed between them. It didn't help her with the fact that she still hadn't apologised to him or that old feelings that she thought that she had repressed years ago had started to come through again.

She had seen a lot of Arthur and Gwen though, and Arthur had apologised to her for his behaviour that night, which she had accepted. She knew that she was just bringing misery to their lives, even if they continually told her that they were happy that she was back.

The only problem she had at the moment was if Alvarr and Merlin ran into each other again. It hadn't happened yet but part of her knew it was going to happen soon enough. It was why she was trying to resist the temptation to walk over to Merlin as he stood alone by one of the tables, sipping on the flute of champaign that was being handed out to everyone who was attending.

Morgana hadn't told Alvarr about the charity ball. She didn't want him there and she knew that he wouldn't want to go as soon as she mentioned that Uther was hosting it. She had just told him that she had been summoned to dinner at the Pendragon mansion. That at least stopped most of the questions.

She took the few steps and stood by his side, nudging his arm slightly. "Hi."

"Hi." He said as he turned towards her.

There was a moment when she felt the same way that she did when Arthur brought him to their lunch table for the first time. She had never been shy but Merlin just made her feel that way. She looked back toward the front.

"I thought you would be up there with Arthur and Uther." He said.

"Likewise."

"Oh, you obviously haven't heard. I am attending this event as Gaius' nephew rather than Arthur's friend. I know what you are going to ask. Uther has his moment as to what I can be to Arthur. Sometimes I am his PA, very rarely am I Arthur's friend. More regularly, it has been that I can't have any association with him. Although, new record this week with how quickly Uther has dismissed me from my job. Started again on Monday and by Friday I was being told to get out of the office and leave my key card at reception."

"Why?"

"Uther accused me of stealing from the company. Arthur is trying to clear my name."

"You must look forward to when Arthur will be the head of the company."

"At most I will have a constant job. Arthur will probably find me some other role. He doesn't like how after all this time I am still only his PA. I don't mind it. There are worse jobs out there."

"You can relax you know. Alvarr doesn't know about this and would never be invited to one of these events in a million years. Uther would have had to have met him beforehand. I am only here because Uther ordered me to be here. My plan is to spend the night with Gwen."

"I am not even allowed that luxury." He paused. "Uther might not like the thought of Arthur and Gwen together but Uther at least treats her with a little respect. I am probably not even allowed to talk to you."

"Are you really under Uther's thumb that much?"

"I get to spend the evening with Gaius in an environment that isn't the coffee shop. I am just grateful that I could still get in the door."

"But it might also be a good thing. You are a bachelor again. I am sure that there is a number of girls that would enjoy your attention tonight."

"Maybe."

She paused for a moment as she thought over her next question.

"I don't mind if you don't want to talk about it but why did you kiss Arthur that night we went out?"

"When Arthur became famous, we had to find ways to keep Arthur from doing anything stupid. Girls were always coming up to him and not leaving him alone. Gwen slapped one of them one night and we had to lie to the police that it was in self-defence when this girl called them on her. Anyway, Arthur would end up indulging them in a dance or a kiss just to get them to leave him alone. Until this one girl who started blackmailing him into starting a relationship with her or she would go to the papers telling them that Arthur raped her. I know bad. Uther sorted it out as always but there was always a plan to make sure that nothing like that happened again.

"The plan that Uther had come up with was that Percy was going to act like Arthur's bodyguard and sort of hand them over to Gwaine. I never asked Gwaine what he has done with these girls, I guess that he just gives them the night that they want and then they can at least say that they have slept with a friend of Arthur's. Just, there has always been another plan that Arthur, Gwen and myself came up with in the event that we went out not as a whole group. Basically, the plan was that I would pretend to be Arthur's boyfriend and before that night, we had never done it before. They never believe Gwen went she says that she is his girlfriend. We thought if they thought that he was gay, he might get left alone."

"Whose idea was that?" Morgana asked.

She watched as he turned away from her. "It was mine. I don't mind."

She leant forward a little bit before she could see what Merlin was staring at. She could admit that her brother looked handsome in his suit but she could see that there was a look in Merlin's eye that was more than that.

"Merlin… How much pain do you put yourself through? Freya and Arthur?"

"And you?"

"No, I put you through pain."

"I only started to toy with the idea that I was bisexual after you left. I haven't been with a guy though."

"Maybe this time might be the time."

He gave her a short laugh. "No. I just think I am more Pendragonsexual."

She didn't really stop him from walking off. She couldn't really see how she could.

There had been many things that Merlin knew that he shouldn't have done. He had many regrets in his life but he didn't know whether he should start to regret what was currently happening. He knew that the last thing that he should do was start an affair with Morgana but the way that she had pushed him up against the wall and kissed him brought back so many memories that he couldn't help but kiss her back. He brought his hands up to cup her face while her hands remained on his chest, balling up his shirt in her fists. There was a small moment of realisation when they and the way that Morgana placed her forehead against his let him know that he had to be the one to say it.

"We shouldn't."

"No. I shouldn't have left. Fuck Merlin, why do I always make a mess of things?"

"You don't make a mess of things."

"Really? You think that?" She paused for a moment. "I do have a room booked."

Merlin shook his head. "Morgana… I can't lose myself with you again. You have Alvarr. He beat me up just because he thinks that I still have feelings for you. Not that he isn't too far from the truth or anything. I can't allow you to get hurt."

"Merlin. There has always been only one person I have wanted since I first saw you walking on the other side of the road to the bus stop I was waiting at. And I let you go. I… I can't tell you how much I despise Alvarr. I… I call him my boyfriend but he is far from that. He is just someone that I pretend to be my boyfriend because I don't think I can escape him. Please Merlin, just for one night. Let me escape him."

Merlin found his strength leave him as she grabbed his hand and started to pull him away from the corridor. They remained to hold hands for their journey to the room but didn't kiss again until the door was closed behind them. Yet the excitement hadn't left Merlin and he let her take control as she pushed him up against the wall again. He could remember how she was when they were going out and the way that she was acting made him believe that Alvarr definitely wasn't treating her right. Morgana liked to have most of the control. There were only a few instances that Morgana liked not being the one with the most control. Merlin could only imagine that Alvarr had all the control.

He couldn't really stop himself from wrapping his arms around her hips and picking her up, moving them closer to the bed. He sat down on the bed and helped her with her dress as she lowered herself down to straddle his lap. They break to start taking off clothes. Merlin couldn't wait for her to take off his dinner jacket, that was thrown into a corner. It was only when she untied his bow-tie and pulled him closer with it was when he said something.

"You can have all the control."

He knew that she had been more honest with him about her relationship with Alvarr in the corridor and so he couldn't understand why she stopped what she was going. The look she gave him was one that he hadn't seen before and he found it difficult to read. He worried that he had taken her behaviour in the wrong way and that he had said the wrong thing.

She pulled him closer to her and kiss him slowly. The change in pace was one that he recognised. It was usually when he had said something that she wanted to hear or that he had said the right thing at that moment.

Morgana pulled back slightly but kept their lips almost touching.

"I am always in control."

He didn't believe her but he didn't really want to argue with her. He knew that he should run back to her. He knew that it was the last thing that he should be doing but he couldn't stop himself. She was all that he wanted and he was glad that he felt like she felt the same way.